Chapter 5

You're not a follower, you're a rogue in making.

Kiara

23th April 2019, Tuesday
14:30

A smile could mess up one's head badly and leave behind a tangled mess of earth-shakening breaths and exaggerated thoughts. I needed a break but a glance at his animating hands changed my mind. I was supposed to grieve and feel exhausted after spitting out Shay to Roy.

"I don't know much," Nolan said. "But he was rude. That was so rude."

I shrugged, looking at Vee's car that drove off in the distance. "Thank you. But I should get going."

"Are you crying?" he asked and brushed the tip of his nose.

My eyebrows rose. "No." I wiped the area underneath my eyes.

He shrugged. "You're flushed."

Did glistening eyes count for tears? Or could he see the dried remains from fifteen minutes back?

"I'm fine. I should go home. Thank you," I said and tucked at my skirt.

The sunlight hit his face and highlighted those curls that just made things more difficult. I noticed a small scar near his ear, the one he had mentioned once to his friend while I had been clearly eavesdropping.

"Kiara."

I blinked and shook my head. "Sorry, I lost the track of what you were saying." When I lifted my eyes, I hated how the anger inside me was vanishing.

"I asked if you came by yourself, because the buses are gone," he said.

I shrugged. "I'll walk." Over his shoulder, I could see his car and the driver inside.

"Isn't it too hot for that?" He followed my gaze. "Can I drop you home?"

My head snapped up and I tried to form a reply. My mouth opened and I inhaled, realizing I didn't really have many options as an answer.

"No, it's fine. I don't want to burden you." That was the most diplomatic reply I could think of.

"Oh," he said with a tinge of disappointment. I was taken aback and wondered if he was disappointed or if it was another eccentric thought of mine.

I looked at my shoes and shut my eyes. One and a half years, and all I could do was stutter. Well, there went my confidence. I sighed and did the only thing I could do at the moment.

"I'm sorry," I stated truthfully, lifting my gaze. "I'm just– It's–"

"Excruciating, it's fine," he said with a smile.

I smiled back. "Thank you, by the way. Back in the ground, you helped the kid."

He shrugged and pointed at the school gates. "I should probably go."

I nodded as he walked to his car. What was wrong with me? What, in the name of God, was I doing? A crow flew over my head and I turned to the school building, the closed windows of Ash's class a brutal brutal reminder. All my fault. All of it.

My fingers clenched and called his name. "Nolan." He turned. "Is your offer still up?"

"Sure," he said and I jogged up to him. "Are you sure you're fine? You're pale and flushed at the same time. How's that even possible?"

I shook my head. He had no idea what all was possible, no idea that sometimes contrasting emotions mixed up awfully. Contrasting people mixed up awfully. We'll get to it. I promise, we'll do it soon, I told myself.

"Kiara." He opened the door of his SUV.

When I got in, my fingers unconsciously traced the seats and a smile made its way on my face, a small reminder of Ash's suggestive eyebrows and thrusts in his direction.

"It's just an SUV." The driver said, turning.

"It's not." I protested. "It is that SUV which I saw everyday."

My hand flew to my mouth and the driver laughed. I cursed but settled comfortably in the backseat next to Nolan.

"Saw?" he murmured.

Saw. Past tense. I breathed out loudly.

"Max, we'll be stopping at Kiara's house first," he said, filling my address in GPS.

I was glad that he didn't say anything else. At the same time, it did sting. "You didn't even ask me my address." I frowned.

"It is on your ID card," he said with his finger wrapping around the ribbon of my ID card.

I shrieked when I realized he was checking out my photograph there. "No, it is bad." Better than the real me.

"Do you realize the same photograph is printed in the yearly school magazine whose copy is in every office of the school?" he said. "I have seen it so many times and it is pretty good."

I gagged at his comment. "Pretty good? My hair looks horrible. They cropped it. I look like an owl without my glasses."

"You're growing your hair," he said, touching the tips.

I was not. I shifted in my seat.

"Didn't get a chance to cut?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Could you please drop me off at the hospital?"

"Sure." Doubt clouded his eyes. He turned to me, raised a finger but then, settled back.

"Do you know Shay?" I asked. This was my way of answering his silent question.

He nodded.

"I visit her sometimes."

"I didn't know she was your friend," he said.

I scoffed. "She's not. But she was Ash's friend. Plus, things aren't good right now."

Things had never been good. Who was I lying to?

"You left so suddenly," he murmured, tracing patterns on the seat. "Kiara, I know we just started talking but are you alright? In the morning too, I saw you. You looked– " He stopped, as if searching for the right word.

"Crazy?"

"No." He looked at me. "Disturbed, angry. Sad."

I snorted and leaned back. "Is this your way of saying 'crazy'?"

"You're cute."

I let out a surprised yelp. "Then, is that your way of saying 'cute'?"

He chuckled. "You're good at diverting topics but I'm better at being stubborn."

I was not diverting. He really took me by surprise. But I told him anyway. "The police came to meet me. Vee apparently said something about Ash to them."

"Did he say something helpful?"

"I don't know."

"I assume, he mentioned you too. Did he say something hurtful?"

I frowned. He would never do that. "No, he said that Ash was sorry or something. I didn't understand. When I asked him, well, you know how that went." I bit my lip and tried to figure out Vee's behaviour. "I'm not even sure if he said it in the first place but I saw him in the morning talking to the same officer and I just presumed. Who else could say anything?"

"You're stressing yourself," Nolan said. "Don't. I'm sure you must have told the officers what you know."

"I don't know. I'm just..."

"I read your interview in the magazine," he said. "Your words made you look so passionate about yourself. You want to help your father, right? You're just one year away from your dream."

"Actually, one and a half. One year seems very less to prepare."

"Then, do not divert your attention. I know it is not my place to say this and I also know you lost your friend but you don't have to drown yourself too."

His words pricked my skin. My heart sank further. At least I still had a heart. I peered at Nolan.

"We're here," he said. I gave him a confused look. He pointed outside the window and leaned forward to open my door.

"Thank you," I said. He resumed his position back as his shoulder brushed lightly against my thighs.

"You say that a lot," he said with a smile.

"You smile a lot," I pointed out.

He tilted his head. "Your fault. You make me laugh."

I grinned at him and got out. Not many people could say that.

"Hey, is it allowed for visitors to come?"

I sucked on my lips. "No," I said with guilt.

He raised an eyebrow. I explained naturally, "My mother did say in the morning that she wanted Papa to join us for lunch."

"Nice excuse." And his smile was back. I returned it with a forced one that made my lips feel dry.

"Can I get your number just in case you need something?" he blurted.

My eyes narrowed and I hummed in approval. "Nice excuse."

He rolled his eyes but gave me his phone."Oh, and Kiara?"

I looked at him expectantly.

"That was one fine piece of art. You should have worn it." He pointed at my uniform and his, one white and other blue.

14:40

Getting in the hospital was not difficult at all but staying in was. I tried not to stop anywhere or even look at those pale walls. Papa was on break and my chances of getting caught were slim. My work would be done in a minute. I had nothing to worry about except the setting itself and the strange glimpses it gave me of Ash. She was smiling one moment and the next I saw her in ashes.

I was not sure if the police was monitoring Shay's health. It was an accident and she was recovering just fine but I hoped Roy would not be watching her closely now. My hands wrapped themselves around the door of Shay's room.

"Kiara?"

My eyes widened and I stepped back. Shit. Shit. What was he doing here? "Papa."

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Another doctor stood next to him. They exchanged some words and the doctor left. I stood in a corner, keeping my distance from them both. Then, I saw why they were here.

"You okay?" Papa asked.

I nodded. "Y-yes." I cleared my throat. "Hi, Shay."

She was awake. Shay was fully awake and stared at me with wide eyes. Papa gestured for me to follow him outside. I was about to protest but a glare from him shut me up.

"You didn't answer my question," he said, closing the door. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home?"

"Mum wanted you to join us," I said.

"And she sent you, knowing how you react? I told her that I can't come. Shay just woke up an hour ago. It is quite surprising but good. Your mother didn't tell you?"

I shook my head. "I came directly from school."

"Your school bus dropped you here?" He raised an eyebrow.

I gave him a sheepish smile.

"You missed it, didn't you?"

"You know you can't blame me." I played with the cuff of my shirt.

"I'll have to talk to the school. This happens so frequently. Go home now." I frowned. "Or do you want me to send you with someone?"

"I'll walk." I shook my head. "But can I meet– "

"No."

"Why not?"

"She just woke up, Kiara."

"Just?" I had my doubts.

He gave me a flat look but I did not take his no. "Fine. But only if Shay wants."

I nodded eagerly. "Where are her parents, anyway?"

"They're paying the bills."

My frown deepened. "Are you discharging her?"

He turned his face to me. "Do you want to see her or not?"

"Yes, of course. I won't ask anymore."

"Shay, is it fine for Kiara to visit you?" Papa asked her.

From behind him, I could finally see her properly. She was still pale with a bandage at the corner of her forehead. Other than that, she looked fine. My gaze travelled down her body. Her leg was wrapped in numerous bandages. Yes, she was fine, better than Ash.

She nodded and Papa stepped aside.

"Hey," I said.

She gave me a weak smile.

I turned around to see Papa lingering in the room. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Umm...you had everyone worried. It was like, you were there one day and the next you were here."

She opened her mouth but did not say anything. I gave her shoulder a light squeeze.

"Don't stress yourself. You'll only get hurt."

He left when a nurse came to call him. Good.

"Listen Shay, I don't want you to get hurt. You were Ash's friend, irrespective of everything. Just remember what I said to you in the washroom that day. Save your energy, you'll need it." I pushed back her hair. "You're a nice girl."

"I just did what I was told."

"We can never do what we're told. Our mind interferes and we're simply following other people's commands on our conditions. That, in turn, causes problems." I raised an eyebrow. "Why did you do it?"