Chapter 42

"Let's get out of here."

Where? This physical room or this state of mind I'm stuck into? We all are cramped in a hall big enough to fit us all but not our words.

Vee

27th February 2019, Tuesday
17:00

A chill ran through my body as the cold wind blew. I rubbed my hands and pressed the bell again. My mind had frozen and I was suddenly thankful that there was only one exam left. Then, finally I'd be free. It was surprising that March was giving me the chills of January but I decided to bear with it. Finally, Ashiamma's mother stepped out wearing a cardigan that I supposed, hardly did any job.

"Hello, Vicky. Come in, come in. You'd freeze outside." I followed her inside. "It is a weird weather today. I think it might rain but who knows? Would you have some tea?"

"Ah, no thank you," I said and looked around the living room. "Where's Ashiamma? Is she home?"

"Yes, in her room. She hasn't left since the afternoon."

I frowned. When we had met in the school, she had not really stopped for me. It did not surprise me, considering it had been going on since two months. Ever since New Year's Eve, she was distant. I told her it was okay when it wasn't because that was what she wanted to hear.

"Her exam didn't go well."

I looked at her mother and nodded, then stared at the room. "Can I go and check on her?"

She nodded.

I climbed the stairs, the chills still making my vision hazy. The door was shut but not locked and I was surprised that she was never checked upon by anyone. But then again, a girl who planned to score ninety eight percent should be left alone when she had tears falling down her face because she might have to stick up with eighty nine percent. As an average, or below average student - according to some people - I never understood these girls' obsession with marks.

"Vicky."

I had stopped the last time my name was taken, which was an hour back. Everything had stopped at the moment, my happiness that I cleared Business Studies, Hardik's quiet mumble and I had found myself looking away from Ashiamma's disappearing figure to look at Shay.

"Is she okay?" she had asked with concern circling her eyes and then our eyes met. I had wanted to ask 'Are you fine?' but I was no one. Or maybe an additional gift that was not required anymore because she was throwing Ashiamma away.

Now, I stood inside her room in shock and she said my name with the same softness, except Shay was strong and loud. Ashiamma sounded feeble and weak.

And a pile of lies.

"Ashiamma." I stepped aside as she walked to me on wobbly legs and went for the door. She quickly shut it and I took in the condition of her room. It was a mess if you looked past the well made bed and neatly placed shoes. It was a mess because her bed could never be made, never. She hated that and kicked her shoes in different directions because the room did not look lovely enough.

I heard a thud and saw her fall face first on the floor. Too shocked, I simply stood while she lost her balance. It was only when she whimpered, I bent down. "Are you okay?"

Her red eyes met mine and tears began to flow down her cheeks. "Help me, Vicky. At least you help me."

"I will, Ash. What happened? What..." I looked around the room. "What is this?"

"I'll fail Computer Science. If not fail, I'll score less than sixty." Out of eighty.

"Ash, get up." I tried to pull her up and she held my arm to slowly get up, as if it was her first time learning to walk but it was no problem. I'd help her learn that again too. "Go slow."

Once she was safe in my grip, I led her to the edge of her bed but she shook her head. "It is an awful place. It reminds me of them."

Them. She stared over my shoulder. The same bottle. "Have you been taking those?"

Her lower lip quivered. "I lied. I'm cheating all of you but I can't help it. I'm cheating Hardik as well. I–"

"You're still stuck on Rishab," I said. No one could see it but friends saw what no one else did. I saw the way she flinched when Rishab was around and tried to be nice to Hardik. I also saw something was off with Hardik. And all the blame was mine. I pushed him there.

"She's nice," he had said this morning, "a good girl." Just like Rose, nice but you keep your distance.

"I can't live without them, now," she said, "Everyone wants me to stop. What about me? What do I want? I just want someone - anyone - to talk to you."

"We're here," I mumbled.

"You did not say that last week. Besides, where's Kiara? Doing some project, I'm sure."

I frowned at the bitterness in her tone. "It is partially your fault, Ashiamma. You had an exam after a day and you were lying in her bathroom and her mother found you, intoxicated."

"I was not intoxicated," she said, "I went to talk."

I sighed. "She talks about you everyday."

"So, she talks to you and not me."

"You need to be available for that," I snapped. "You cut off Mehak, Hardik and me. She talked to no one for a while in January. Both of you don't, every year. Everyone is busy studying and giving exams thrice before the finals. Tell me, Ashiamma, did you go to her and ask about talking? Don't expect her to come to you all the time because we all knew how that went down for a while. She almost left the Annuals to spend time with you."

"Every friend is supposed to do that," she muttered.

"Will you leave any of your competitions for anyone?" I asked.

Her head snapped up. "Get out."

My face fell in confusion. "What?"

"You too think like Rishab. You guys know nothing." She shoved me. "You'll know soon. All of you will. I never stole anything."

"I never said anything ab-"

"Out."

I gritted my teeth. "Ash."

She shoved me out. "I don't need you. I don't need any one of you. You know what? I'm not even sorry. All of you just leave me alone."

13th May 2019, Monday
18:40

Of course, you stole a lot, Ashiamma. You stole an entire year, someone's dream and efforts. I stared at the magazine. For what? This stupid trophy and title. I could not believe her. Or anyone else. And that just made me feel worse. In what position did I leave her?

"Shit." I shut Shay's notebook and picked up a tissue to wipe the blood seeping out of the cut. The hurried movements led to Shay's notebook falling down and a page fell out of it. I placed the tissue back and picked up the page along with the notebook. Turning it around, I found myself staring at the same drawing Shay had posted a year ago, only this time, it was actually Ashiamma's, crumbled, distorted and ruined. Because that's who you are, scribbled at the bottom instead of her signature.

It slipped out of my hand and back on the floor and I fell into my chair, unable to comprehend anything.

"It was a drug overdose." I knew what was happening and I could have avoided it.

"They're my meds, Vicky."

"No, they're not. Either those or me."

A tear slid down my cheek.

"Vicky..."

"Pick, Ashiamma."

"Can you not forgive me?"

My shoulders shook and I hid my face into my hands. "I'm sorry, Ash. I'm so sorry."

She had been right in front of me, smiling on her birthday in the morning and I had curtly wished her, slipping a new brush kit into her bag when she was not looking.

'Thanks but I may never use it,' she had texted later.

I had thought, 'Predictable.' She had stopped drawing when she was upset. I was so wrong. She never stopped. She ruined her paintings. Nothing could have stopped her, except for her own fears. I wanted to tell her it was just an exam, we were just people, making mistakes and learning. This was just a phase and I was still there by her side, except I wasn't. I was not even close. She didn''t like big parties yet she threw one. And somewhere in there, all her criminals stood.

"It doesn't matter," I heard her say.

For the first time, she looked a little better. Her mouth was clean, her sandals still white and nothing in her hair, her dress, white. She looked like a princess. She looked like Ashiamma Apte.

"I like them a lot," she said and stared at the kit in her hands. "Any idea where I can use it?"

Only a strained voice left my throat. It never reached her.

"I'm thinking about the three of us, just us three. I don't hate Shay but I realized she never meant what you two mean to me. No one meant that. I heard she's sick." She raised her eyes.

I nodded. "Very sick." My voice sounded strange to me and I tried to swallow. My eyes were blurry and a tear slid down my cheek.

"They don't fall."

I looked down and watched a teardrop fall but it moved too slowly, so slowly that I almost thought it was still.

"You drink a lot."

"I try not to."

"You'll become like me."

I stared at her.

"And you'll wear white and end up in your bathroom. I ate too much sugar that night. There were so many gifts, yours was the best. I love it now, back then the keychain seemed a better option."

"Vee."

I whipped my head in Junior's direction. "Kiara?"

Ashiamma was gone. It was just the both of us, covered in blood that wasn't ours. My heartbeat fastened. Blood, but not ours.

6th March 2019, Wednesday
16:30

I locked the Art Room and went to deposit the keys. Ashiamma's absence was reminded to me by these little things I had to do here and there. She  refused to work, wanting a break. I asked the teacher to agree. But she hadn't stopped. I saw her doodling the other day when I passed her class on way to my own. She refused to acknowledge me over the stupid fight we had. I would not even call that a fight.

I looked outside and could barely make a thing. Grunting, I turned to enter the reception. Empty. I frowned. How was any of this fair? Not only did I have to come today to school despite my session over a few days back but also there was no one at the reception. Was everyone busy with The Schools Meet?

"Vicky."

I turned to my left. "Nidhi Ma'am, I just wanted to give these keys."

"Keep them on the table," she said with a wary look.

I noticed she was still on phone with someone. I gave her a nod and turned to leave this forsaken place and not return for at least twenty five days. We deserved this much needed break.

Outside, Raj was nowhere in sight. The fog made it even more difficult to look at everything. Shivering, I decided to walk. Maybe, we would meet on the way and by then, my body would have warned a bit. I stared at the gate and waited for the gatekeeper. On the table, a register laid. I searched for my name and signed, ready to leave. Then, I remembered I had forgotten my ID card upstairs. Cursing my luck, I turned around on my heels, hurriedly rushing to the stairs and then above to my class. The opened doors of the Resource Room stopped me. I took a step back and looked inside.

Nidhi Ma'am stood hovering over the computer, muttering to herself. Something rustled. I tilted my head to get a better look inside through the small glass.

"I won't tell anyone."

I froze.

"I know, Kiara. You're my good student, of course you would not. But I can't let you go like that." She held a white cloth covered in red.

"You hit a man," she said.

"I didn't. I simply told him to shut his mouth and he tried to attack me."

What was Junior even doing here? She was supposed to be in the auditorium. Nidhi Ma'am's head lifted and I ducked before she could see me. My hands felt sticky and suddenly I wasn't shivering anymore. Junior was inside, holding a bloody cloth while her teacher hovered over the computer that was strictly prohibited. I cursed under my breath. When I heard approaching steps, I slid into the ever open Chemistry Lab. Just as I found myself a safe spot, Nidhi Ma'am sauntered out, locked the door and walked away. When I was sure she was gone, I slipped out of room and opened the door of the Resource Room. My fingers trembled and soon I came face to face with Junior.

"Vee." She gasped. "What are you doing here?"

I locked the door and rushed to her but stopped a feet away, wary of the blood on her hands.

"That's not mine, I swear," she said.

"What is going on, Kiara?"

"The Meet...it...she killed him!"

I frowned. "The Meet was over fifteen minutes ago. You're supposed to be at your home right now. You're covered in someone's blood."

"It's hers. She-" She took a deep breath. "The guard, he saw her and..." Another heavy breath. "He saw everything and I... I think it came on footage. It's a mess. I don't know what exactly happened. I just went to her, and he was about to hit her. She hit him, she was hurt and...This is not my fault."

I offered her my hand. "Let's get out of here."