Chapter 35

I'm a coward, not a drunkard. And I want you back next to me with everyone else, including her. Maybe, this time, we'd all be friends like we never got a chance to be.

Vee

11th May 2019, Saturday
8:00

I had told her that I did not care, that I just wanted her back. Did she not hear? I had asked her if she was alright and she had lied straight at my face. I still did not care. She just had to wake up and I'd forget it all. And I couldn't even say that about Ashiamma. I pinched my wrist and flinched at the sudden reaction of my nerve cells. This was not fair. None of this was.

No one bothered saying me anything. I was only told she had gone far. I didn't understand if they meant far from her house, or gone. My knuckles pressed on the surface of the metallic stool and I dropped my head, telling myself to breathe. Breathe because only then I would be able to see her. Yes, she'd be here soon smiling like an idiot. The beads in my pocket told me so.

Was she right there in front of my house when I called her? I hoped not. It was all my fault. If I had looked out for a moment, a single small moment, I could have pulled her from this madness.

"She jumped."

I did not believe that. I didn't. I had to hear it from her to believe it. Yet, when those words were spoken to her mother, when she had collapsed on the floor and I could not bear to look inside the house that smelled of her, I had seen her mother shake her head with disappointment. She had sat there on the floor, wailing until it had died down and she had whispered those words which everyone missed.

"I should have known."

She should've known. Known what? I saw Shay. I knew her, unlike Ashiamma. I knew she'd never do this. Did I miss a sign? Did she tell me when I was not listening? The scream that built in me found its way out through my fingertips that pulled my hair.

"So, I heard you got your hair done," Shay asked. She laughed at my alarmed eyes. "Ash told me you got some treatment done. Damn, Vicky, I didn't know you knew all this stuff."

"I haven't done anything. It's just a homemade thing Mummy gave the other day because my hair 'has the potential of being the master type'," I said like it was the most normal thing. Ash had told me it wasn't.

Shay's eyes sparkled. "Well, mothers do that. And it's showing off the effect." At least someone thought it was normal.

I let the layers pass through my hand and asked almost spontaneously, "They look good?"

She laughed and touched them. "Amazing."

She had given away nothing, not at the warehouse, not in the school, not when I went to her house, the doe eyes had just stared at me, that quiet mouth which opened only to pass a remark when we worked or those hands that moved animatedly when she said anything. I simply could not comprehend. How? All I remembered was her quiet laugh and wrinkled forehead while she painted. All I remembered was the dragon and the playful smile she had when she took her necklace from me. I remembered her unlike these people here wailing. Her mother cried silently in a corner while her father stood at the door of her room with a grim look, hands thrusted in his pockets.

"Vicky," Mahi Uncle said.

I looked up and asked, "How is she?"

He shook his head. "They're trying. I can't really go and pry much. I checked her previous wounds."

That was something I could never get out of my head. Her leg was bleeding. I saw the paramedics bring her in, so many bandages soaked in her blood. I saw her face, the serene, satisfied look she had held, as if she decided that jumping like a moron would bring her peace.

"Should I call your parents?" he asked.

I blinked at him and looked away.

"If you want, I can call Kia-"

"No," I said. "I'd rather not drag her here." At least one of us needed to enjoy the Saturday off or spend it thinking Ashiamma died a month ago, not staying among lunatic cries. Plus, she hated whites of a hospital.

He sat down in front of me and I momentarily looked up. "How much did they tell you?"

"She jumped." My throat pained as I said that, the slimy taste in my mouth making me want to choke myself on my finger.

"He saw her," he said, "Nolan Adams. I believe he's Kiara's friend."

"You've met him?" I asked, not trying to think that he saw her jump.

"Kiara fell from the stairs one day. He brought her here."

Right. The day before she marched to Shay and snatched Ashiamma's painting. I knew from her gait something was up. "Was she hurt bad?"

He shook his head. "Clumsiness."

I half smiled. I'd rather see Shay and Junior fight than this. Junior. I'd rather have her than think about the past and Ashiamma. Look what you did, Ash. Look what you left for us; killed the animal and left the flies to feed on it. On us.

"How did he take it?" I asked, addressing the elephant in the room.

"I don't know. The police is saying he saw her jump down. He was with her upstairs, along with his driver, Max I think."

Upstairs. Three storeys. That girl climbed three storeys, stayed there for a night, maybe even more, her leg bled while we talked, while she had still been answering me.

"I have to go," he said. "There's another patient."

"Can I stay here?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "Of course you can." Before he went, he gave one last look and pointed at the water cooler.

After a minute, the door opened again. I did not bother looking up, my head resting on my arm as I stared at my shoes. Please be fine.

"Vicky?" I turned to the nurse. "Dr. Singh sent me to check your blood pressure and temperature."

I sighed. Now I knew where Kiara got her tendency of doing stubborn, sudden actions. The nurse did not wait for my answer and brought the sphygmomanometer next to me and I clenched my fist.

"I don't ask you to help me with Business Studies," I said with a frown.

She folded my sleeve further up the elbow. "I never told you to not ask me."

I raised an eyebrow. "So you'll help me then?"

She grinned. "I can try."

I rolled my eyes. "Our classes began, like, five days ago. Why are you mea- Ow! That hurts."

"That is why I'm doing this. I just want to see how it works. Plus, this way I'll get both Ash's and my homework done."

I grunted. She patted me on the head and made funny faces as if I was a kid.

"You're a nice person to experiment on." She ruffled my hair. "Good, obedient child. You'll get a chocolate."

I glanced at the reading and was glad for the constant blood pressure that didn't change because of my increasing heartbeat.

"You okay?"

I nodded.

"You look pale." She frowned. "No, you're turning pink."

"Are you fine?"

I nodded at the nurse. "Anything abnormal?"

She shook her head. "Do you need anything to eat? Drink water or else you'll quickly dehydrate in this heat."

I nodded again.

"Can you manage yourself?"

I nodded again.

She wrapped up everything again, picked up the sphygmomanometer and turned to go.

I spoke then, "Did her parents say anything?"

She shook her head. The door opened.

"Nolan?" I stared at him, confused. To the equally baffled nurse, I said, "He's with me."

Once she left, he walked in. I thought that he was probably doing some dark magic thing by rubbing his neck because the air around us thickened. No awkward silence, just a weird, unrealistic meeting. As far as my memory served, he had pounced on me the last time. Before that, he had told me about Hardik and Mehak. We just had not been introduced well, no personal grudges. His mouth opened.

"Don't ask me how I'm doing," I said before he could say those words. He shut his mouth.

"Can I sit?" he asked after a moment.

"You saw her fall. You were there with her, closest to her." Now, as I stared at him, I felt anger boil in me. It rose to my throat, burnt my lungs. It was like that sickening unhealthy wish that one knew was bad but helped to divert from the moment of truth that needed to be denied.

"She was away from the edge," he said, quietly with his hands back, like an obedient child.

"Here's your promised chocolate, obedient child." That grin. God, I'd do anything to see that grin.

"I reached for her. I almost had her. The fabric, it brushed with my fingertips. I..."

He was standing too close to me. I did not even try to stop myself from jumping. The stool rattled, almost fell and my hands reached for his collar, for his hands that could have stopped this. He stumbled back, his face a mixture of surprise, acceptance and guilt.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You're sorry?" I pushed him against the wall. "You're sorry for not even trying?"

He said nothing, accepting my anger. It further angered me. I grabbed his face. "What are you sorry for?" In his eyes, I could see her. She stood there with a broken face before she jumped.

"You should've been there instead of me," he finally said.

I should have. I deserved to see her pain, to let my own engulf me.

"She talked about you."

My grip loosened and I stepped back, only slightly but it was enough for him to breathe. His hands shuffled through his pocket. I saw her necklace.

"She gave me this, threw it at me to catch."

I took it with shaking hands, unable to wrap this around my head. "What did she say?"

He looked hesitant. "Please don't talk about this to her when she wakes up."

His upfront optimism seemed forced through his when. He had wanted to say if, I knew.

"She called you a good guy. When I reached her, she said Kiara did not deserve me. Kiara, Ash and she did not deserve you. She said that you'd hate them." His eyes met me. "I don't understand what they did." He meant Kiara.

"And this?" I stared at the necklace.

"She said she wa-, I mean, is sorry. I told her to tell you yourself. I thought she'd listen and step back."

I stepped back. "She never listens, never."

"I told you to work on the board," I said and stared at the empty notice board.

"I know." Shay nodded but continued painting.

"You brought food for them again."

"I know."

"Shay, are you even listening?"

She nodded, which meant she wasn't.

"She was sorry?" I asked again.

He straightened and nodded. "Does Kiara know?"

I shook my head. "Keep it that way."

"She hates hospitals," he said.

I stared at his shirt. "She even hates white." He looked surprised. I gestured around. "She didn't always. Since Ash's death."

"I'm sorry about Shay." His gaze handed on the wristband I found earlier today.

"It's not your fault. At least you tried to save her. I talked with her last night and was oblivious." I played with the beads. "She loves making these."

"Kiara was calling me today before all this happened," he said. "The paintings, they were w-"

"Kiara brought them. Ashiamma left them somewhere else. She brought them to Shay." I was sure Kiara must have told him that.

His eyes widened. He looked away.

"Nolan?"

"I should go now," he said. He stopped halfway. "By the way, the police might have a lead on Ashiamma."

18:30

I groaned when the glass in my hand was snatched away. It moved in front of my eyes and I tried to grab it.

"Nope." Hardik's eyes met mine through the glass.

I fell back in my seat and looked around the restaurant. There were very few people. I tried to grab the glass again. "It's just a cold drink."

He took a sniff and smiled at the waiter passing by. "How much did he pay for this?"

The waiter glanced at both of us within a puzzled face. I waved at him to go away and pointed at the bottle of Pepsi.

Hardik laughed. "Of course, you never drink Pepsi unless it has..." He picked it up and took a gulp. "...this."

I frowned at him but the bottle was snatched out of his hand before I could even pick my up. Mehak handed the bottle to me and slid next to Hardik.

"Leave drinking to him," she said to Hardik.

I raised an eyebrow. "Ouch?" They both stared at me with expectant eyes. "What?"

"Pour your sorrow out," Hardik said.

"Is that why you're here?" I asked but directed the question at Mehak. Last time we crossed paths, she wanted to murder me and feed my blood to her dogs, possibly. "You hate me."

She shook her head. "I'm not your biggest fan."

"But she's here because she wanted to come," Hardik chirped in.

"I did." She nodded. "By the beginning of this year, I wasn't even Ash's biggest fan. She still was my friend and it still hurts to not hear her bickers."

"And get covered in paints," Hardik added.

"And pose in her selfies with those weird filters," Mehak said.

"And hear her complain about Vicky and his Junior's adventures." Hardik grinned at me.

"Adventures?"

"You know, throwing chips, complaining about teachers, just the usual over dramatic talks."

Mehak stared at me. "Do you not miss her?"

"Kiara?" I asked, drinking.

"Ash. Don't you miss something about her?"

I did. I missed her straight face while she joked, her orders around the Art Room, her eardrum tearing screams when she won, her wish to improve more. But I also remembered her glares to Shay across the ground, her idea of trash Shay's house with her paintings, her poker face when Rishab used to pass us, her descend to madness, how she would try to know everyone only to leave them because that was not what she wanted, or how when she had their attention, she would stick to someone who did not care enough for her.

"I miss being friends with Shay," I said, "not choosing sides. I miss that. I imagine a day when we all - Shay, Kiara, both of you - we'd sit together and have the laughter of our life. We'll just be friends, no boyfriend, no cheater, no liar, no nothing; just a few kids planning their life while promising to stick together."

That day, I knew, would never come. Could it have if Ash was alive? I'd rather not venture into a what if world whose fate was already sealed.

"Do you remember when Ash and I tried to trespass in your house?" Mehak said.

I snorted. "That was hardly trespassing, especially on your part."

They both exchanged glances and she shrugged. My eyes widened. "Wait, don't tell me you two have since been into each other."

"Way before that," Mehak admitted.

Hardik stared at her with a surprised face mirroring mine. We both said, "What?"

"But Ash had already called dibs on him," she defended.

"I would have never even thought of that stupid idea if I knew," I said.

Hardik shrugged. "We never knew this would happen." I eyed him suspiciously. "I only got interested in her after I started dating Ash."

When I had found out, I had only asked if it was true. They had nodded.

"You could've broken up," I said and looked at Mehak. She wanted him to break up. "Didn't it make you uncomfortable, Mehak?" I asked despite knowing the answer.

"She was a nice person," she said in a clipped tone. "But Shay's nicer."

Hardik raised his eyebrow at me. "How are you? How is she?"

"The doctor said her body isn't fighting. It's like she gave up." I had begged Mahi Uncle to check himself. He talked with the doctors and shook his head. "She's doing bad."

"Bad as in, no progress or worsened condition?" Mehak asked.

"Worse," I said. Her body should have responded till now. It hadn't.

"And you straight away came here." Hardik glanced at the wristband. "Who found her? Her parents?"

"Nolan."

They stared at me with wide eyes.

"She told him to tell me she was sorry." I scratched my head. "I don't know what went wrong. We were fine. The whole washroom thing with Kiara, it was Shay. I told her I don't care. I just wanted us to be back. Now, I'm thinking maybe she never wanted that. Maybe that's why she's sorry."

"Or maybe she thinks the things she has done doesn't make her worthy of your friendship," Mehak said.

"I'm no saint, Mehak. I'm hardly innocent. She knows about you two. I told her when she thought I did not know because she saw you. Nolan also saw you both."

"Kiara?" Hardik asked. Mehak sighed.

I shook my head.

"I won't be surprised if Ash's ghost murders me in my dreams because she knew too," Hardik said.

Mehak leaned on the table. When my eye caught hers, she looked away, hiding her face in her hair. I opened my mouth to tell them about the lead on Ash but shut it again. I did not know what it was. How could I tell them?

"We decided to not go into that," Mehak said.

Hardik glanced at her when she said that. I raised an eyebrow but he shook his head, mouthing 'later'.

A smile replaced his frown and he said, "When Shay wakes up, we're having that get together you imagined. I'm sure Ash's picture will speak for her absence. We won't let our memories dry. Plus, if it's still not enough, there's always space for more people. I've seen Kiara hang out with Nolan. You might want to look out for your little sister."

Mehak smiled and I stared at my Pepsi. I hoped that she was happy, hanging out with someone different from this drama; that was, if they both chose to ignore that he saw Shay jump and was becoming a part of this chaos.