Chapter 33

I could vividly see the grey hair moving as he spoke and I hated it all. I hoped he would not hear my panting, my camouflage and my hands.

Nolan

11th May 2019, Saturday
6:45

He was waiting downstairs. I looked at Mum's picture. Dad would leave me alone if he thought I was still asleep. I hoped he would. His footsteps grew closer, his hand probably holding a phone while his girlfriend talked on the other side.

"What did you do, Mum?" I said to her smiling face. "What did you do?"

"Nolan," she called.

I stood behind Miss Smith, hiding my face when the woman called my name again. She was so tall. Miss Smith slipped aside and I was left alone. When I looked back at her, she beckoned me to go. But I did not want to.

"Hi," the woman said again.

I rubbed my ear and took a step towards her, my gaze fixated at the floor. She bent down and I felt her grab my chin.

"Hi," I said.

"You're beautiful," she said. "Look at his eyes."

I blinked at the man standing behind her. He smiled at me.

"Do you know who they are?" Miss Smith asked.

I turned back to the woman. I was not sure, maybe she was Mum. I had never seen her.

"Nolan?" Dad called.

The door knob twisted and I jumped up from the bed, placing Mum's picture between the sheets.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Just tired. I'm feeling a little nauseous."

He frowned and mumbled something into the phone. Walking up to me, he touched my forehead. "You seem to have temperature."

I shrugged.

"Breakfast?"

"I'll be downstairs in fifteen minutes."

He gave me an unsure look but nodded. His phone rang again and I gestured at the lit screen. Once, he turned on his heels, I shuffled through the sheets, my gaze still on his retreating figure. My fingers caught the photograph and I walked to my closet to keep it back there.

A glossy paper caught my eye. I picked up Ashiamma's picture and looked around for those paintings. My heart began to race when I found nothing. The photographs fell out of my hand. I shoved my clothes aside and searched for a familiar black bordered canvas. It was right here. I remembered. I hadn't opened the closet since I placed them until this morning. The hair on the back of my neck rose. My heart thudded faster and my cheeks grew warmer. They had to be here.

My phone rang. I declined the call when I read Kiara's name. What would I say to her? I picked up Ashiamma's picture, put it in my pocket and walked downstairs. Dad lowered his phone, raising an eyebrow at my rushed movements.

"Where's Max?" I asked.

"He went to check the house. They stopped the work, something about rain." His phone rang again.

I walked out of the house despite Dad's silent protest. He had bought another land a month back and wanted to construct another house. It was not that far. Three streets away. If I walked, I'd reach there in fifteen minutes.

Max would know if someone came home in my absence. I made a mistake of keeping my distance from the closet, that all this while, seemed poisoned by Kiara's alleged madness that somehow I had come to terms with. But I hadn't come to terms with those paintings or Ashiamma's picture that Kiara left behind. For an entire week, I told myself we were fine. We might be but I didn't feel fine. Sudden pouncing on Vee was just the icing that added to my feverish state. I had seen Kiara, talked to her a few times, maybe just three days. Half of the time I did not know what I was up to. School was okay, home wasn't.

Somehow, meeting Dad's girlfriend kind of sidetracked. I was grateful, especially since Mum's sudden frequent calls to us. He had asked me if I wanted to pick up. I had clicked on Reject before answering him. The paintings had kept on adding to my remorse, with Shay standing there and scrutinizing the fake ones. I had asked Kiara who changed them. She had said the obvious.

My steps halted as Max came in sight. That wasn't the reason for my break. If there was, supposedly, a third party, what were the chances they knew about me having the paintings? Shay couldn't have gotten away with them. It just did not seem plausible.

"Nolan? What are you doing here?" Max asked.

"Did someone come to the house in the past week?" I asked.

He paused and shook his head. "Kiara, maybe. But she was with you, wasn't she?"

She was. She had been right beside me as I showed her the paintings. She insisted they stayed with me. There were more, much more that had been taken away. I shut my eyes. Either someone was obsessed with Ash's paintings or Kiara was messing with me.

No, I told myself. It could never be her. I did not want to blame her of anything, of this in particular. Had I not blamed her for enough? Those eyes held more tears than she allowed to shed. That was the scariest part, a broken doll telling herself she wasn't broken. She was beginning to remind me so much of her, her stubbornness and forlorn look. I knew doom came when we invited it in. We invited it in, in a state of solid emotions.

"We had to stop in the rain." I was pulled out of my thoughts by Max's annoyed voice and the landlord's equally stressed tone.

Max narrowed his eyes. "The rain stopped two days ago. You could have continued working."

While they both bickered, the pond caught my eye. "What is that?"

"The rain's aftermath," the landlord answered. "That's not even it. You should check out the empty ground five houses away. It is a pool."

Max snorted out and I raised an eyebrow at me. "Calm down."

"Yeah. Tell that to your father," he muttered. "Let's just see that pool while I let these people cool off."

I gestured at him to lead the way.

"Do you know his phone's been ringing since morning?" he said.

I nodded. "Noticed."

He glanced at me. "It's your mother."

My jaw ticked but I said nothing, looking straight ahead. It was truly a disaster. The brown water must be a breeding ground. Despite being quite early, the heat roasted my neck. I pulled my collar and frowned at the kids jumping inside the water, the brownish water, most probably disease ridden.

"Is it safe?" Max asked.

I shrugged.

"OUT! OUT!" An old man came screaming. "Get out of there."

The kids giggled. "The madman's back. The madman's back."

Someone called Max's name and he walked back to the property. I stood there, watching the scene. The man said something to the kids who laughed, their language getting absurd after every minute. His face grew red and he threw his stick at them. They shrieked.

"You'll be cursed," he said. "You'll all be cursed. She'll hunt you down."

The laughter died down soon and they began to step out, keeping their distance from the man. He waited until they all were out and then walked to a corner and sat down.

"They don't understand. I saw her." He pulled out a cigarette and took a puff.

I saw the smoke rose. I felt it right under my nostrils as it tickled past my hair follicles and I coughed. I heard her crackle and the lighter light it up for her. The flame danced in front of my eyes. Then, through the hazy, thick air, I was sure I saw something in the water. I walked ahead.

"Nolan," Max called.

I said over my shoulder, "There's something here."

Maybe it was the smoke from a metre away, maybe the choking reminder tickling my lungs or maybe the face I saw but my eyes widened and I stopped at the edge, wanting to move forward.

"Ah, finally, someone sees it," the man said. He dropped his cigarette and gave me a crooked smile. "I saw it happen last night. I saw it in my dreams. She stood up there."

I followed his finger that pointed up. My eyes widened.

"Nolan?" Max said.

"Go and ask Shay what she did."

"Ash always went on, look Kiara, how good Shay is, isn't she pretty?"

I ran to the building. The cigarette crunched beneath my feet. The man recited something and his eyes shut. The building, half built, was scary enough to enter with scarce light. Max called my name but I ran to the stairs. The flight would be long, three storeys long. I had seen Shay's reflection in the water. I remembered her staring down at the water. It was her. I knew it. My fingers grew numb and my legs wobbled. The stairs were small and broad. One step wrong and I could die. I didn't stop.

"Shay did it." I could feel Ashiamma's picture in my pocket.

When I reached the third floor, my steps began to halt. Shay turned around. It was real. She was real.

"You took all that trouble for me," she said.

My lungs burnt, my chest rose and I bent down. When my gaze fell down, I snapped my head up. "What are you doing?"

She turned back to me. "I thought it would rain last night. It didn't."

How did she even manage to get up here? The monstrous stairs... I looked at her leg. It was covered in red.

"You-you're bleeding," I managed to say.

"I've been bleeding since thirteen months." She smiled at me. "You know, you seem like a nice guy. A little too nice for Kiara. You remind me of Vicky. Too nice for the three of us, Ash, Kiara and Sheereen."

"Shay-"

"He'll hate me."

"You should call him an-"

"He'll hate both of them."

I took a step towards her.

"He'll hate himself for hating us."

She took a step towards me and I sighed in relief. "Please give this to him."

I caught the wristband she threw. "You can give it yourse-"

"Nolan!" Max stared at me. "What are you doing there?"

Shay muttered, "Tell him I am sorry." A single tear fell. She turned.

"NO!"

The rest, I wanted to tell myself, was a bad dream. My hand reached out for her. My fingers brushed against her fabric, the dirty nightshirt was an indication that she slept the night here. I almost felt happy when it touched my flesh. She was in my grasp, almost.

Then, she was gone.

Max grabbed my arm to stop me. I tried to pull. He pulled me further away from the edge.

"Let go of me, Max."

He didn't. The splash rang in my ears. I stopped fighting him. It echoed through the building.

"Leave, Max. It's still not too late."

"I know, kiddo. I know. Step back. We can handle this, then."

I nodded. He let me go. I walked cautiously to the edge but after I stood where she did just a moment back, I did not look down. I could not. She may be dead. And I let it happen.

"Call the police, I'll call an ambulance," I said and stepped back.

Vicky. Someone needed to tell him. I did not want to be that someone.

7:20

The police and the ambulance arrival proved the goosebumps on my skin were just as much real as her limp body being carried from the pond. Her hair stuck to her like a child clinging to his mother. She wasn't dead, they said. I was pushed aside by a paramedic, or was it Max? I did not know. The same Sun that burnt me up a few minutes back failed to calm the shivers running through my body, as if it was me in that water. I looked up at the building where we had been a few minutes ago.

Few minutes ago. And it all happened so fast before I could even turn the hour glass.

They placed her in a stretcher and the police began to mark the area. The yellow ribbon tied around seemed like a joke. Her words seemed like a joke. The smile she had while she pushed herself...that I hoped was a joke. It held regret and sinister shade at the same time.

I rubbed my arms, trying to settle my emotions. The picture in my pocket began to grow heavy. Then, I realized what date it was today.

"Max, what date is it today?" I doubted he heard my voice. I did not hear it, still the hoarseness spread till my toes.

"11th," he said. When his eyes widened, I knew he had come to the dreaded conclusion.

I ducked behind one of the police cars, away from all the people, the locals who did not pay attention to a girl entering their colony last night. The keeper of the building was called. There had been no workers there for three days. Everyone blamed it on the rain. I shut my eyes and tried not to think of anything. I liked closed spaces. They made sure I was alone when I wanted to be. The car did a good job of keeping me out of everyone's sight. The trees on the edge of the road were equally helpful in shielding the unwanted light.

"Nolan." Max approached me.

I kept my head low, eyes on the squirrel gnawing at a nut.

"He'll have to come with us," said a police officer.

Max stopped and raised his hand at him. I nodded at both of them. "I'll come." The officer opened the door of his car and gestured at me.

Max placed his hand on the top of the car. "He's still a minor."

"He's coming," I said to the officer, tapping Max on the shoulder. He shrugged and asked us to get in.

Through the lowered window, I saw the doors of the ambulance shut and turned my head around.

"She's fine," Max said.

I would not vouch for that, not when she did not want to be fine. People were supposed to beg to live, not die. Maybe it was her silence that echoed through me, or the kids who disbanded further at the sight of a girl floating. Maybe, it was Max's voice that interrupted. I still believed I almost had her away from the edge, in my grasp. I knew Vicky's name would work. But Max followed me up, he took my name and broke her bubble. Then, she knew, no Vicky, no Ashiamma. Just the water. Up until now, I only believed that humans loathed the sense of oblivion, stepped away and fought against it. They fought until their last breath. What was Shay really fighting for? Last breath or the first sense of death?

7:50

"Here?" I asked. Did they just bring us this far only to get closer to everyone else? I looked to my left. After the straight road, the fourth right would take me to Kiara's house. I looked over my shoulder. Third right would take me to the school.

Max placed a hand on my back and ushered me in. I was careful, too careful for their liking. It was shown the way they left their work at my glance. If I was not wrong, the officer - Roy - was supposed to be here. The officer who brought us here murmured something at the desk. Another one stepped out of those doors and shook hands with Max. I kept my guard, away from everyone, yet here.

When we were inside, I might have flinched unconsciously because the blinder was drawn. Three of the men stared at me. I stared at the glass placed in front of me and picked up the lid and as if knowing that, a fly buzzed around my ear. It perched at the edge of the rim and I wondered if it was going to fall in.

"Are you ready-"

"Yes," I said. "Has the family been informed?"

The officer nodded. "Her friend was there too, unfortunately."

I didn't ask him who. I knew the answer. It had to be Vicky. Half of me was relieved that he found himself. I didn't have to tell him. The other half of me knew I'd have to face him.

"This will be difficult," the officer started. "Try to answer in as much detail as possible. We'll start with something easy, though - introduction. I'm Officer Kamal Singh. Can you please state your full name and address?"

"Nolan Adams. I live at 54-"

"55," Max interrupted. He completed the address and stared at me. "Are you okay? You don't have to-"

I waved away his words. I wanted to get done with this.

"Now, Nolan, can you tell me what you saw there in the morning?"

"I saw Sheereen's reflection." My nostrils felt the smoke hit them again. The vapours rose and I shut my eyes before they could reach me. "I wasn't sure if it was her. I didn't even know it was her. When I looked up, taken aback, only then did I see her face."

"Was she looking down at you?"

I shook my head.

"What is your relationship with Sheereen? If any?"

"Nothing, actually. We study in the same school. I've known her friends and -"

"Do you have any mutual friends?"

I met his eyes. "No." Kiara was not her friend, a blind could see that. At this moment, I couldn't even tell if Ashiamma was.

"Dandelion Presidency," he mumbled and shook his head. "Was Ashiamma related to her?"

I nodded. "They used to be friends."

"How do you know that?"

"Everyone in the school knows it."

He turned to Max. "Why were you both there this early?"

"We live close by. We had gone to our land that's under construction. The workers complained about the rain and told us that the open ditch was a pond now."

A ditch. Would she have jumped, if there was no water?

"What was she doing there?" I asked. "She lives somewhere around here. Why was she that far from her house for a night?"

"A night?"

I nodded. "Her clothes gave it away. She even said something like that, I think. Her leg was bleeding."

He appraised me with slightly narrow eyes, the corners crinkled and his fingers continued to play with a pen. My gaze fell to it and he stopped. "Did you notice anything about her when you saw her in the school?"

I shook my head. I used to see her everyday in the past week, alone, staring at Ashiamma's fake paintings. They still were hers, she had said once. It wasn't said to me but to herself. I had seen how she leaned against them and cried, murmuring things, how sometimes I used to hear her say Kiara's name, how her lips never sent her the poison they usually did when both of them talked. I had seen her look past the window. Something about the way she had looked down said she was at peace. It would evaporate the moment she turned back to Ashiamma's paintings. Yesterday, I remembered how she had snarled at Ashiamma's paintings.

"You're a lucky bitch," she had said.

I never paid the paintings much attention, I couldn't.

"Anything else?"

"She said she was sorry. That was the last thing she said, tell him I am sorry. Him means Vicky."

As I said that, I couldn't help but compare this to Ashiamma. Ashiamma was sorry, Kiara had said. My stomach twisted and I grabbed the chair. Shay might have known. She might have known why Kiara needed to hear Ashiamma's apology.

"You seem like a nice guy. A little too nice for Kiara."

"I think that'll be enough," the officer said. "He's blanching."

I got up and brushed past the doors. Dad stood outside. He engulfed me in a hug as soon as hot air hit me in the face.

"My boy, my poor boy," he said into my hair.

How was I the poor one? How could I be?

His phone's vibrations reverberated through my chest. I pushed him back calmly and nodded at his pocket. He gave me an apologetic glance but didn't pick up. So I did. I was afraid to see Mum's name but when I saw a colleague's name, I sighed. I didn't know if it was disappointment or relief.

"I think my wallet fell back in the building," Max said, appearing behind me. "I'll go back in and ask if I'm allowed to go in there."

He did not have to. Officer Singh himself stood at the door, looking ready to go somewhere. "You can," he said. "I forgot to tell you but we found a paper at the site. Any chances she mentioned it to you?"

I shook my head. "She just gave me her wristband to give it to Vicky. Is it some kind of note?" Even the idea of one made me sick.

"It's blank but crumbled."

I peeked inside the station. "Is officer Roy here?"

He gave me a lopsided smile. "He believes we have a lead on Ashiamma."

Talk about the rule of chaos.

8:15

I looked up at the staircase I had climbed an hour ago. "Stay here," Max said.

I had no wish of climbing back up. Despite that, I insisted on coming with him. An officer accompanied Max in search of his wallet and I looked around the place. Why this place of all the places? Why here, Shay? There had to be a reason for this. I did not believe that people jumped into fire simply because they were crazy.

I turned around and a crisp white paper caught my eye. It lay far from me, far from the accident scene. I wrapped my arms around myself and picked up the paper.

I'm sorry if my friendship ever hurt you, Kiara but I was just a shadow. All I wanted was a chance that both of you stole from me. All I wanted was a friend but I let him go too because Ash needed him. She needed a sane true friend by her side. I wish I could tell him but I can't ruin the image of a dead girl who I once swore to love.