Chapter 30

The motorcycle is too loud, too bright for my comfort. Yet, it's the only thing I'll ride.

Ash

11th April 2019, Thursday
21:45

The door opened and I felt a warm breath fanning my face. He unbuckled my seatbelt and tapped my forehead.

"Move, thickhead," I said and pushed Sameer away.

He groaned and rubbed his back that must have hit the door. "Carry those yourself, then."

I turned back and saw the backseat covered with gifts, so many of them and I could care less. There was one specific box that caught my eye. I picked it up and looked at Sameer. He threw a glance over his shoulder before walking inside the house, the keys of the car resting on the bonnet. I stepped out and picked up the keys. Settling back inside, I tore the cover and stared at the box. Print handwriting, beautifully spreading on the lid wished me happy birthday. I peered inside the box. A note was folded neatly next to a keychain.

Couldn't think of something else. This isn't huge but I hope you like it. :)

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop the sob that seemed so loud that the entire colony could have woken up. The smile at the end added to the remorse in my heart. I picked up my phone from the dashboard, looking at the keychain in awe. But my hands stopped. They stopped when my eyes took in Kiara's contact number. No, I reminded myself. You promised. You swore. I shut the phone quickly and closed the box again.

What was I doing? The cold, congested feeling kept on growing. I could feel it sticking in my mouth, not out but not quite in, hanging in between. I swallowed once, twice until the lump went down. It slipped and stuck in my chest. Fits of cough escaped my mouth. Breathing heavily, I leaned back, the gift still resting in my lap. I knew I had to let go, I could not. The keychain had a 5 carved on it. I saw that smile when I shut my eyes and my heart skipped a beat. An awful friend, so so awful.

Tonight wasn't a birthday night. It was a curse. I had held my biggest party ever and it worked just as I had hoped. It gave me the push I had been waiting for. I had stood in a corner and seen their faces, their sick dance moves, their hungry mouths attacking food. I had seen Kiara smile at me as she stood with Mehak. I had stood there, wondering what she would look like tomorrow and the day after. I had blown my candles and looked up to see Vicky never came, Shay was missing, the chair next to Sameer was absent, his phone next to his ear. He was most probably talking to Rishab. Most importantly, I had seen them happy.

I stood a chance but I did not want any chance. Enough of selfish acts. Vicky was right. I was rotting myself all this time. Screw you, Ego. I just wanted peace through forgiveness even if it hurt my mind. I was no good artist, just a mindless painter who could copy the ideas well. The only idea that was mine was this. I looked at the keychain. This, 5, was truly my thing. Our thing. I always thought maybe 5 seconds were short but now I was thankful they were short. Very short. Still they stretched.

I stared at the outside world, the dark blanket hanging from the sky, the motorcycle that went off a few houses away. I straightened when it's headlight flicked on and off. The key was right in my hand. My eyes widened in horror and I leapt for the driver's side door to lock the car. The door clicked and a hand touched my shoulder. I froze, my fingers inches away from the lock. If only I was faster. With my eyes shut, I settled back into my seat.

"Am I ugly to even look at now?"

My eyes snapped over. "Shay," I breathed in relief.

I did not particularly want to see her but anything over that. I stared into darkness when the headlights of the motorcycle came on again. I flinched but stepped out of the car, locking it behind.

Shay's gaze fell to the box in my hand, possibly searching for the name tag which I had removed and placed in my pocket.

"You look good," she said, finally meeting my eyes.

I looked down at the white dress and shrugged. I did look good. A shudder ran through my body when I imagined those words being said throughout the evening. Those eyes telling me I looked beautiful were truly magnificent. I pressed the box into my chest and shook my head.

"Must've enjoyed," Shay said, "you and Kiara."

I gave her a bright smile and shrugged. "There were a lot of people. There was dancing and games and everything."

She scoffed. "Games. What are you? Kids?"

I had actually turned eighteen, officially an adult. I always thought it would be a great day when you turn eighteen but it was just another day, just another good day to end this all.

"You never look beyond yourself," Shay said.

I gave her a flat look. I had better things to do than argue with her. "I'm not wasting my breath on you." Especially when they had been scarce these days.

Something fell. Shay laughed as the small box in her hand dropped. "I was crazy enough to come here and wish you. My mother keeps on saying I should give us another shot. But you're the same, stinky person."

Of course I was a stinky, selfish person. I was the same. Why could I not change myself for once? I invited Vicky, he turned it down. Kiara was oblivious and Rishab considered me crazy. Mehak, her face masked a different emotion tonight. She had been with Kiara and not me. Kiara had been with her and not me. I still had to be a selfish person. But atleast I came to terms with being one, with the fact that if I could be myself happily, I had to be a bitch.

"You know what," I said, "your mother is wrong. You cannot give chance to me or to 'us' when I'm the one who cut it off. You have no right, no means, no power."

As I spat the words at her shocked face, a smirk rested in my lips. Did she seriously think I'd listen to her crap? Her broken face brought me relief. Finally I got to say my mind without worrying about apologies and friendships.

"You've lost all respect," she said.

I laughed. Is that all she had to say?

"What did I even do? What was my mistake?"

My nostrils flared. I took a step towards her. "What did you do? Post nonsense about me online is a good example to start from. Rewind things from there. You tried to enter into a competition when I said 'no'. You tried to talk the teacher into letting you enter behind my back. You practised for months, hiding stuff from me. That, dear Shay, is what you did."

"Anyone could enter in the competition."

Not when you were my friend. "You were going to lose before it even started. They would've rejected you anyway. Did you seriously think practising for a few months will get you in? I've been doing it for years."

"And still you can't explain what you're drawing except It looks good to me. Vicky gave you ideas, you took them without understanding what they even meant." I walked past her to my house. "If I was so awful, why did you need to withdraw your painting and submit mine with your signature?"

I halted at the ramp. Few steps more and I could leave her alone. But the rage coursing through me had left her alone for a little too long.

"You threw our idea and took mine, copied mine and submitted. Vicky told you to do it yourself if you wanted to win. How many promises have you broken?"

I remembered her beautiful painting, the woman that hid behind the black stole with messy long hair, bruised face and a smile, heart-warming, happy smile. I could have fallen in love with the painting. Could have.

"How many promises will you break?" she continued her useless ramble.

I thought about those terrifying eyes she drew. Beautiful. "More than you could count," I said.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I heard the rumble of the motorcycle. My gaze snapped to the darkened end of the street. Was there a motorcycle that I could not see? Was it back?

"Maybe, we'll just use your fingers to count that love to dig into others' flesh."

The headlights turned on and I slipped, the box flying out of my hand. My head hit the stones lying on the stairs next to the ramp. CRUNCH. Shay stepped on the keychain.

"I'm sure you would have loved her gift," she said.

I tilted my head to look at the motorcycle but Shay pressed her shoe into my forehead. Dry mud fell off it. I refused to scream when a piece entered my eye.

"You deserve to rot," she said.

My vision began to blur. I knew that somewhere in my pocket I had my medicines. Or were they in the car? I coughed. Sameer. Where was he? Was he not going to come and check on me? My meds. I needed them. I'd be fine, then.

I reached into my pocket. My fingers met cold flesh. Shay hovered over me, grinning like a maniac. I tried to push her off me, push her scent off me. She got to the medicines before I could. My meds. I mourned as I saw her dangle them in front of me.

"What are these? Hide-my-psychopath-self pills?"

I grinned. "They help me to put up with bullshit like you."

She threw the small bottle and it handed next to me. I tried to grab it but she was pinning me down, her hands in my hair. When I raised my head, she pulled my hair with force and I could feel the water pooling behind me. Water which just happened to be red. My breaths became shallow. I raised my head and she pulled my hair again. More water.

"Please," I said.

"You're still speaking fine," she said.

I would not be for long. I kept fighting, she kept pushing. The cycle went on until I could no longer fight.