Chapter 13 (Part 1)

Your bark bleeds a scent that is supposed to heal you. Maybe it is time you stopped feeding a caterpillar that's never going to change to a butterfly.

Nolan

25th April 2019, Thursday
7:30

The idea of talking to Kiara was delightful but it was only the idea because now I was anxious. It was like sitting at the beach and suddenly a wave I did not anticipate swept me away. I was in awe and unaware of the panic that had set into me. It was a lie to say my body was not tingling at the prospect of spending every morning with her. How many days did I spend simply thinking about this moment? I was intimidated yesterday and thoughts of stepping back crossed my mind a hundred times.

I bit my lip, wondering the probability of Kiara coming to me yesterday just because she had been upset about her suspension. She might not have meant anything except to clear her mind by a distraction.

I scowled. I was not any distraction.

The bell rang and everyone got up to form a line. I pushed through them and slipped out of the class when the teacher was not looking. Half of me wanted to see if Kiara would come, the rest half of me wanted to be left alone. Restroom was a clear no-go as that was where everyone hid from the scorching heat outside. Rather, I went ahead and decided to volunteer for the morning duty.

"Can I do it?" I said to the head boy.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do we have a volunteer?"

I shrugged. "If that's a 'no', then I'll leave." I peeked around him. "But there aren't many students on duty."

He scratched his head. "It is easier to take an oath and wear a sash. I have to pull them out myself."

'Because the one who helped you has been suspended because of petty issues.'

"Go ahead," he said. "Or wait. Go to the top floor and take a round until everyone has gone just in case someone tries to hide there."

I looked at him in surprise.

"Kiara does that. She's not here, so you do that. I'll manage it around here," he explained.

"Okay, thanks," I said. I was pretty happy walking around an empty corridor.

Upstairs, it was dead silent. The balcony of the auditorium was surprisingly open. I was tempted to go inside but refrained myself from doing anything stupid.

After two rounds and sending two students back, I was supposed to go to the assembly myself. I did not. Honestly, I never had any problem from standing there. I just couldn't do it today. Idly hanging around, I stared past the doors into the dark room, then at the Art Room.

When I had found out about Ashiamma, my first instinct had been to head to Kiara. She used to come to school with a placid expression, eerily silent about her friend. I heard from her classmates how she preferred not to talk about her, as if they were on bad terms. Watching the fight between Vicky and her, I could not help but go to her. I held nothing against Vicky but pushing others to ground did not make you prove your point. Plus, the guy scared me to death. That day, for the first time after Ashiamma's death, I had seen her vulnerable face. She was angry and my presence further humiliated her. I smiled at her awkward way of refusing my help.

Everyone had their ways of grieving. Staying quiet was hers. People were crazy to expect her to narrate tales of Ashiamma when they were going behind her back to cook stories.

I paused and shook my head. Kiara was nowhere close to call me a 'friend' and here I was defending her in my mind. Did this girl have any idea how much it hurt to try and muster up courage everyday but back out at the last moment? Did she even know how amazing she was, volunteering at the school, playing with kids while she tried to balance her glasses on her nose?

"Nolan." I looked up to see Kiara standing near the door of the elevator and stepped away from the wall.

"Hey," I said. Her hair was pulled back in a small ponytail and her uniform was wrinkled, something one would rarely see.

I tried to avoid asking her if she had been crying when it very much looked so from her tomato red face.

"I thought you'd be in the assembly," she mumbled, adjusting her hair.

"Volunteer," I said as if it would explain it all. Her nod told me it did explain.

She walked to the door and frowned. "Did you open it?"

I shook my head. "It was already open."

"Are you just going to stand there?" she said a moment later.

I grinned at her words and followed her inside, my hands a shaky mess. "I didn't expect you to come," I said.

She shrugged, adjusting her hair again. I laughed at her attempt to tuck them back in. It was the first time she had tied up.

"I knew this would happen," she said with a grunt.

"Why don't you leave them open?" I asked and watched her struggle with a smile tugged on my lips.

"Because it is too hot and they're pricking my neck," she paused.

"Get a trim, then." I knew she was not growing her hair but I had never seen them longer than chin-length.

She did not say anything, her hands still around her head.

"Kiara," I called her.

She gazed at me. "She was sick. I-I saw the note. She said she wanted to hurt herself."

So this was what it was all about.

"Roy called me and Vee. He showed it to us. I didn't know it had gone that far with Ash. She specifically said she was sorry. I don't understand anything, Nolan. What was she sorry for? What did I do? What did she do?"

I simply stood, confused about the whole situation. I was about to say that Ashiamma could be apologizing because she had suicidal thoughts and never told her but her disheveled state made me shut my mouth. I did not know Ashiamma but knew her. And I wanted her to be fine.

"Kiara, if she wanted to apologize, don't you think she would have liked you to forgive her? I think that is what you should do," I said and bit my tongue. That did not sound right to me.

"Forgive her for what?" she asked. Her eyes began to water. "What happened that she had no choice but to...?"

"Hey," I said and stepped closer to her. "You're turning into an overripe tomato."

She wiped her face and cracked a bit.

"Is that chocolate?" I pointed at her teeth.

Still rubbing her eyes, shook her head. "I didn't eat anything."

"It is white chocolate," I replied with a grin.

She pretended to roll her eyes but ended up grinning. My heart leapt and I took a step back, my throat dry.

After wiping her face, she looked up at me. "Are my eyes still swollen?"

I scrutinized her face. "A bit. They'll be fine soon."

"It was weird, you know," she said. "Ash openly addressed people. I wonder if Roy is going to question them."

"Did he question you because she mentioned you?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head. "He just wanted me to see it, both me and Vee. She mentioned Shay and Rishab. You do know the Shay fiasco, don't you?"

I shrugged. "I heard around but it seemed trivial."

"Ash talked about them both. Her words," she said with a shiver. "They were beautiful as if every single word was planned. Does that thought make me bad?"

I shook my head. "It makes you truthful."

"She talked about only the bad things. I don't like this feeling. She mentioned me and Vee with those people whom I loathe."

I said the only logical explanation I could deduce. "She considers you worthy of mentioning."

"I don't want to forget her."

"No one is asking you to."

"It hurts, Nolan. It hurts to even think she is no more. It hurts even more now to know she did it herself." I prayed she would not cry again but her voice said otherwise.

"It doesn't have to," I replied. "Think about it. People leave all the time. Do we forget them? With every moment of passing time, we spend a piece of ourselves but do we forget those moments? We don't. You don't have to be hurt. You choose to think about only that. I don't blame you for that. Give your heart some time, at least a month, Kiara. Everytime she comes to your mind, allow happiness to accompany her."

"She never leaves my mind."

"That's even better. It just means you're occupied by only happiness all the time," I replied. "But I must say I am jealous."

She gave me a glance and shook her head. "I can't decide if I want to smile at the last comment if I want to rewind the entire reply. I think I'll do both."

"Is that a compliment or a polite way of saying I should never deliver a speech with multiple subjects because I suck at it?"

She laughed.

"I'll take that as both," I mumbled, letting a shudder run through my fingers at the sound of her laughter. Jesus Christ, I could drown in that sound.

"Everything aside, you are pretty amazing at diverting a subject and lifting my mood."

"Thank you," I replied with a smile.

I was not a distraction. She was not just using me. I scolded myself. Even if she was using me just to take her mind off things, I would gladly help her as long as she was not crying.

"Do you know what you need?" I said. "Relaxation."

"I am relaxed," she replied.

I raised an eyebrow and she sighed.

"How long is the assembly?" Looking at my fallen expression, she said, "I'm not changing the subject, just asking."

She got up before I could answer and left the balcony. I followed her out, hoping there still was some time. Outside, she halted halfway to the window. I stared at the police officer who I saw last evening.

"Roy," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"Your badge," he replied, offering her the badge that read 'Samaritan'. "I found it at the entrance of the reception."

"It must've fallen," Kiara replied. "Thank you. You could've dropped it in the Lost and Found cabinet."

He gave a nonchalant wave. "The one full of dust?"

He turned to me. "Do I know you?"

"Nolan Adams," I said, putting forth my hand.

"Inspector Roy." He shook my hand. I wanted to say I already knew.

"I was thinking of looking around the school a bit. Also Kiara-"

"He knows," she replied.

Roy raised an eyebrow. "About th-"

"Yes," she replied.

"Is it a problem?" I asked hesitantly. "My father went to the police station yesterday along with his colleague to file some complaint. He overheard you." I was there with him.

Roy nodded. "Please refrain from telling this to others."

I shook my head. "None of us will say anything. Dad told me because he wasn't sure about it and knew about Ashiamma."

"We just need to keep this from the public and media. I don't want it to get dirty. Plus, there are a few things that don't settle."

Kiara frowned. "Settle? Like what?"

"Don't stress yourself, kiddo. It is my job to question everything. I'm just wondering if Shay and Rishab are the only people that caused drama. Were two events complicated enough to push her to the unimaginable? If yes, then it needs a thorough investigation but the probability seems pretty less."

"Are you questioning everyone related to her?" I asked, hoping I was not crossing my boundaries.

"Yes. Should we not?"

Kiara glanced at me and said, "Hardik. He is her boyfriend. Please don't mention that to Ash's family."

"He is?" Roy asked. "Ashiamma dated after breaking up with Rishab?"

Kiara nodded. I did not understand the silent conversation these two were having but I said nothing.

"You didn't mention him before," Roy said.

"It suddenly hit me," she replied.

I interrupted. "But isn't he out of state on some trip?"

Kiara nodded. "He should be back by today if he hasn't returned till now but as far as I remember, he should have been here today."

"When did he leave?"

"Before her..." She looked at me. "Birthday,"

Roy nodded and stepped into the elevator.

"Did you see what I was doing there?" Kiara asked.

I blinked and shook my head.

"I was trying to be positive. It was her birthday," she replied and blew out a breath.

I laughed. "You're weird."

"I need to relax. I'll be fine then."

"Kiara!" We turned to see the head boy heading towards us. I blanched and looked everywhere but at him.

"I am on suspension," Kiara replied. "In case you forgot."

"I haven't," he replied and turned to me. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the assembly?"

Before I could reply, Kiara folded her arms and said, "Well, aren't you supposed to do the same?"

He smiled sardonically. "I'd rather not bang my head on the wall. Coming to the point, Nidhi Ma'am needs you to announce for this volleyball competition. You knew about it and no one else did."

"Where's that junior who skipped Ash's name?" she asked.

"She lost the speech and hadn't bothered to learn it."

"You lost me."

The head boy sighed. "We hadn't bothered to throw you out. It is just a suspension."

I felt an unspoken 'yet' after 'out' hanging in the air.

"Fine," she replied. Baffled, I turned to her.

"Good, follow me."

I was about to say but she stopped me. "Just you wait and see."