Chapter 10

Some chapters can never be closed, for they lead to the beginning of a new one.

Kiara

24th April 2019, Wednesday
7:30

I stepped down from the van at the end. The smiles these junior fifth graders were sending to each other made me search the crowd for a known face, any known face as long as it distracted me today. Papa said Shay could go to her house soon. My fingers were crossed. I lowered my head and kept walking. Inside, the ramp was occupied by noise-makers. Three guys came running down followed by shouts of a teacher.

The stairs, it was then.

My gaze fell on the badminton players. Dandelion Presidency had a design better than the other schools with two playgrounds if one did not count the back area. The assembly hall, library and computer labs separated the building into two, both of which had open grounds at the centre surrounded by our classes. I breathed in the air and smiled at the teachers passing by.

"Thank you." Nolan was talking to one of the teachers. He held a piece of paper in his hand. I tore my gaze from his handsome face and proceeded to the staircase.

"Kiara." He grabbed my bag and pulled me back. That was faster than what I had thought.

"Hey," I said. "That was rude."

"Good Morning to you too," he said and thrusted the paper in his pocket. "You saw me but never stopped."

I shrugged. "You were talking."

He nodded and joined me. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I am done with the talk. She was giving me a student's leave," he explained. "How did yesterday go?"

I craned my neck and peeked out of the window. "Good."

He sighed. "Kiara, you're doing it again."

I stared at his frown and chose to play dumb. "Doing what?"

"Pushing. I've tried to talk to you so many times and you have simply pushed away. If you have a problem, you should simply say so. I won't bother you, then." His voice lacked any disappointment if he felt any because I surely did. I was disappointed that this just was not the time.

I mumbled a 'good morning' to my class teacher who passed us. He smiled at me before passing Nolan a glance. I nudged him and he followed my words.

"You should wish people," I said once we were alone again.

He gave me a flat look. "Greet, not wish. And I'm sure you must be greeting our coach as well."

So he remembered my hatred for the coach.

I snorted. "I'd rather eat my shoe."

He laughed but stopped abruptly. "Kiara, it's been two years. I - I think this needs to start somewhere."

I tried to not show the surprise on my face. Two years? "Of course it has to. It did. We talked yesterday, didn't we?" As forced as I sounded, I did not have a better response.

I still could not believe it. Two years? And I thought I was the one with a sick heart. We first talked one and half years back, that was a one time thing only. A pen had fallen and he had mumbled an apology before leaving.

"I think you are required," he said, gesturing behind me to the ground. The words rolled off his tongue as a mumble I could barely hear. "Assembly's about to start. I'll see you around."

"Who is running away now?" I called out.

Nolan climbed up the stairs while he replied, "I am letting you decide."

He had messaged me last night. I had pretended to not seen it. It was difficult to look at anything that reminded me of Ash. Nolan, of all the people, did. He reminded me of all times Ash would smirk and raise her eyebrows at me while I threatened to push her down the balcony. The feeling that he might had helped me the previous day just because he was sympathetic like the rest of the school added up to the remorse.

As his words replayed in my mind, I wondered if I was misinterpreting. Besides, I hardly knew him. We had shared the same examination hall once and on annual days, he would usually hang out in the Auditorium where I spent those days screaming like a banshee.

In these one and a half years, I had found who his friends were, what his personality was like, his skills, yet it failed to assure me today. Look at our Ash, for instance. Everyone had thought that they had known Ash but no one really knew her.

As I moved to my class, I saw Vee come out of his class. My mouth opened to call him but my shoulder throbbed at the very moment and I remembered the shove. I remembered his cold words, cold stare, smirk, his everything that made him Vicky. I bit my lip but continued to look his way, still hoping he'd look my way and smile. He did not. Rather, he was talking to Rishab. My jaw must have touched the ground.

Their faces looked rather impassive. Vee nodded at Rishab's words and smiled. I gaped at the scene. Vicky Singhania only smiled at dark humour, Ashiamma Apte, teachers and the chips I threw at him. But here he was talking to that guy who he had swore to kill. He nodded at him and his head turned. Our eyes met but he regarded me like he had been, stranger.

"Wow," I said when he approached me. "Were you seriously talking to Rishab?"

"Do you want me to call an optician? Maybe he can help you pick up a suitable frame for those weak eyes." he remarked and stood in front of me.

I scoffed. "Maybe call someone to bring back your memory. You were talking to Ash's ex boyfriend who dumped her for Shay."

Vee licked his lips and shook his head at me. "Get your facts straight. You should be concerned about your Samaritanship. If you do not know the rules, stop pointing out the rule breakers."

"Vicky," I spat. "I have got no time for your talks. Tell me straight. First, you go to Roy and bark about me and now you're playing 'friends' with Rishab. What is going on in that head of yours?"

"Believe me Miss Topper, you don't want to know. I told you yesterday and I'll say again. I have nothing to do with Roy."

I narrowed my eyes. "And who said this to him? You're the only person other than me whom she talked to."

"Are you sure?"

His tone took me by surprise.

"W-what do you mean?" I took a step closer. "Is there something I should know?"

"Look, I said nothing. I knew nothing about this. Ask Roy about it. At first I thought he was tricking us into something but it isn't so." His tone changed.

I pondered for a moment before speaking, "Rishab. Did he say that? But he would not, no. Why does he even know something like this in the fir-"

"Stop. Did I take his name? Stop assuming." He knew something. His hands were placed at his waist and his fingers constantly touched each other.

"You're hiding something from me. You're hiding so much. Tell me, Vee." Did he not hear desperation in my voice?

He took a deep breath. "There is nothing to tell. As far as Rishab is concerned, you and I both know Ashiamma was over him."

"What do you think?" I asked him what I have been meaning to. "Suicide or murder?"

The question took him off guard like it had taken me. His face twisted in disgust. "Both maybe. But I say, she's dead and it is useless. Did Roy set you up for this?"

I grabbed his wrist and stopped him from leaving. "Why are you so adamant about forgetting what happened?"

"Why are you so adamant about trying to come off as a fool? Do you realize you're talking to a drunk? Go, your place is in front of the stage." He pulled his wrist and gave me a patronising smile. "I forgot that you have been temporarily suspended. Sorry for your loss." He gave me a sympathetic look before smirking and walking away.

Suspended?

My hands clenched and I went to the staff room to check. The notice was there. I had been suspended as a Samaritan for a week. It was signed by Nidhi Ma'am. I snatched it off the board and threw it in the bin.

Nolan was standing near the washroom. I walked up to him. "Got time to talk?"

He sputtered out water before giving me a bewildered look. "Aren't you need-"

"I am needed nowhere. You did not answer my question."

"What about the assembly?" he asked.

"We're bunking."

He stared into his glass for a moment, then peered at me. A smile tugged at his lips but it did not match the red shade at the top of his nose.

7:55

"Are you sure about this?" Nolan asked.

I grinned at him. "I'm sure. Are you? You look scared." Or flushed. Could he get any cuter?

"Can you blame me? What if someone catches us?" He looked around the auditorium.

I shrugged. "Then we're caught. But no one will come here. Everyone is three floors down. The maids come to clean the stage but up here in the balcony, no one bothers coming."

I made myself comfortable in one of the chairs and pulled Nolan down. "What's with the dubious look? Do you not trust me?"

"We just met," he joked.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Says the guy who, not fifteen minutes ago, was telling me that he had known me since two years."

"I did not know you broke into the auditorium to hide." His look softened. "But I don't know much about you, do I?"

"Staring doesn't help much," I concluded.

He laughed and shook his head. "It applies to you too."

"I never said it did."

"I always thought you were friends with Vicky. Yesterday he pushed you down and today again he said something that triggered you." He looked at me.

Why were we talking about him? I did not want to. That was the end of it.

"We're not, at least not anymore." I shook my head. "I still don't believe that he did not tell Roy about Ash and me. As far as today goes, I got the news from him."

"Which news?"

"I'm suspended for the week."

He smiled. "And here I thought I have suddenly become your priority."

I pretended to think. "Maybe. Maybe not." I really was not sure.

We sat in silence until the need to clarify began to bother me. "Vee was talking to Rishab. I saw them and then he came to me."

"Is something wrong with talking to Rishab? I talk to him too."

I stared at his bewildered look. He had no idea about anything. "He is Ash's ex-boyfriend."

"Oh." He pinched the tip of his nose. Oblivious, he really was.

"Nobody knows why they broke up. Rishab did it and..."

"Don't explain it to me. It's not my place to know." He looked rather uncomfortable.

I nodded. "Do you know why Ash chose this floor for the Art Room?"

"Because it is here," he said. It sounded more like a question.

"There is one downstairs too." I stared at the door. "She chose it because it is secluded. There are no classes on this floor except for the labs and the Music and Dance Room. The chances of running into obnoxious people are fairly less. It gave her peace of mind."

"What gives you peace of mind?" He asked and placed his chin on his palm.

I scoffed. "I ask myself that question everyday. What about you?"

He shrugged. "Anything that does not involve me trying to explain to people why I'm in India when I am a British." He turned towards me. "You never asked me that."

"You never gave me the opportunity to talk," I replied.

He laughed. "I'm giving you now."

"You want me to ask you that?" I asked.

"It is weird explaining to those who won't bother to know me. It is even more meaningless not telling you." He gave me a lazy, soft smile.

Stop, Nolan Adams. My heart was already in a frenzy and we just began to talk.

"I have seen your father. He looks Indian. Does that mean you get your looks from your mother?" I mimicked his posture and analyzed his face.

"They're both Indo-British. I'm adopted."

I did not expect that of all the things.

"After some time, my father realized it didn't work for him there. My mother did not want to come back here with him. She also did not have time for me but she never said that out aloud. I made the decision on her part and came with my father here."

"Nolan Adams," I said. "I thought both your parents are-"

"We're Christians. That explains my surname."

I stretched in my chair. "Do you like Punjab?"

He grinned. "I love it. The communication is difficult but I'll get used to it."

"How is it that you've been here for two years and still have a problem communicating?"

He bit his upper lip and I wanted to push him away. Or pull closer. Whatever would stop giving me a heart attack after every second.

He said, "If you find the answer, explain it to me too."

I laughed.

"I swear I have no idea. That's why I chose not to be in any club and devote my time towards learning two languages."

I realized then I had never seen him participating in any club activities, or any activity for that reason. "Do you remember the first time we talked?" I asked.

"You mean chatted. Yes, on Facebook. That's the only social media account you never had. You have deleted that as well."

"I didn't see a purpose in using it. We stopped chatting too after a few months." I shrugged.

"Because I wanted to have a face to face talk."

And here I thought I had already scared him away. I snorted. "As if that was amazing."

We both burst into fits of laughter. Nolan tightened his arms around his knees and placed his head on his knee.

I smiled merrily and thought of Ash. "She pushed me so many times to talk to you. She would be dancing if she was watching this."

He grinned. "I think we should go and see if the assembly is over."

I nodded and we both got up.

"I fell here once," I said. "I was standing at the back and during the entire one hour assembly I enjoyed standing. When we were about to leave, I tripped and my ankle twisted. I was laughing because it was stupid but tears pricked my eyes because it hurt."

"When did that happen?" He asked, opening the door.

"I think in seventh standard."

"I missed it," he said. "That's sad."

I gave him a flat look. "Let's hope the scene is not recreated."

He grinned. "I beg to differ."

I shut the door back and peeked out of the window. There still seemed time.

"How was Shay?" Nolan asked.

"Fine. Why?"

"She seems more than fine."

I followed his gaze and gasped. Shay was standing at the entry of the school with her parents. She did not wear the uniform so I knew they were here to talk about her absence from school all these days.

"I don't think it is fine for her to walk," I said.

"Your father must have discharged her after a check up."

He had never mentioned she was healing this fast.

"Nolan, can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"According to you, was Ash murdered or..." I did not have to say it, he understood.

"Kiara, I think the only people capable of a reasonable answer are the people who knew her. You're confused, I can see it. Just think if there was something bothering her. I cannot say for sure. I only saw her with you. The last time I saw her, it was on her birthday."

"She was distancing herself and there was something...I don't know. Why were you at her birthday party?"

"Because that was the only party which I knew you would attend."

Despite our conversation, I smiled. I smiled because I simply could not stop.

"I had planned to talk to you there. You could not run away and I was sure I'd do it. But you left before I had a chance. I told myself I'd do it the next day."

"The next day was never the day." I had not attended the school for the days that followed.

"It is today." He smiled.

"I love your optimistic attitude."

He shrugged. "There are many moments to be sad but not as many to enjoy." He pointed down. "They're coming."

I looked down and saw the students were returning.

"Let's do it everyday," I said, already missing the warmth his smile created in my mind.

"What is my excuse?" He asked, his voice low, his face devoid of emotions but his voice having the same quivering excitement that mine had.

"You need to learn two languages."

24th April 2019, Wednesday
17:30

"Is that it?" the driver asked.

I nodded and fished out five notes of 10 rupees. "Thank you."

He took the note and stared at me. "Are you okay travelling by yourself?"

I blinked at him. "I trust you people. Besides, Uber is better than self-driving. Look at that, for example." I pointed at a boy getting on a bike which seemed double his size.

The driver shook his head. "Where are you going anyway?"

I pointed at Ash's house. "My friend's house. Have a good day and thank you once again."

He smiled and turned on the engine.

I messaged Mum that I had reached. After I had come home, she had told me Papa was still away at the hospital. Shay refused to pick up her phone. I checked online. She was gone. There were no social media accounts, no photographs, nothing. It was as if she had vanished from the planet. You wish.

Yes, yes I wished. I shook my head. This wasn't time. I just needed to know what apology Roy had been talking about. That was it. Shay's matter did not matter much. Besides, I knew I could handle that if something was to happen.

I took a deep breath and knocked on Ash's house gate. No one came. I pressed the bell again. Finally her mother came and gave me a weak smile.

"Auntie," I nodded. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Kiara. How are you? How's school?"

"Fine, both school and I."

"Come on, come inside." I followed her in. "Even Vicky came yesterday but I wasn't home. He met Sameer but they both left then. Is everything okay? He looked pale yesterday."

She offered me a glass of water and I gulped it down. Of course he would look pale. Drinking had such side effects.

"Why did he come?" I asked. "He stays really quiet at the school. I just find it absurd."

"He said he just wanted to visit. Then as I told you Sameer followed him to the gate. There was another guy with him."

"With Vicky?" She nodded. "Who?"

"I don't know his name. I saw him for the first time yesterday. He was quite tall and broad shoulders, taller than Vicky."

I wanted to snort at that. Vee was not that tall, so her description did not help much.

"Where is Sameer?" I asked.

"He went to the park."

I thanked her and was about to leave.

"Kiara?"

"Yes?"

She wiped her hands before smiling at me. "If your mother is free, she should come sometime."

I smiled back at her. "She'd love to."

My gaze went to Ash's room and I could see the desperation in the eyes of this woman, could hear it in the heaviness around our awkward conversation. There were these nights where I would hear Mum and Papa talk about Ash. Mum was sure that it had been a murder, that Ash of all the people, would never leave her parents in a situation like that. I doubted reality at those times.

Miss Apte waved me goodbye and I walked to the park. I had passed it on my way but was too occupied to notice Sameer there. My thoughts wandered to the other guy that accompanied Vee yesterday. There were not many people he was closed to but Ash was not the only one. The one name that rose in my mind was impossible because Vee's best friend was out of town, he had been since early April.

I stopped in my tracks at the sight of Sameer standing near a slide. His name slid back into my throat when another figure emerged.

"Rishab," I whispered. My throat turned to sandpaper and my skin burnt. I could not understand if it was because of the Sun or the guy I was watching.

They smiled at one another. I stopped breathing for a moment and felt the ground beneath me shake. Then, Rishab engulfed Sameer in a hug, lightly pressing his lips to his cheek. Miss Apte was mistaken. Vee had not brought any guy to their house, her own son had. Vee had just helped them to hide it. He knew.

My phone vibrated and I clicked on 'Accept'.

"Kiara." Nolan's voice greeted me.

I forgot everything when I heard his sweet voice heavy and tense. "Are you okay? You're breathing heavily. What is it?"

"They found a suicide note. Ashiamma, she–"

"Kiara?" Rishab stared at me. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello?" Nolan said.

"We'll talk later." I cut the call and turned to Ash's house. Did Miss Apte know? Of course she did. It was a stupid question.

"Kiara, please don't tell my family," Sameer begged.

"Do you know?" I asked.

His confused look told me he didn't.

I looked at him. "She wrote a suicide note."