| Ian Morgan |

I tried not to let it bother me.

The sudden screeches of wheels on the road outside my house , it aggravated my anxiety. Chelissa said to think positive and I told her ,"I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available."

She laughed.

Only she could laugh on that.

Taking in a deep swig of the cigarette, I tried to calm down my nerves that were threatening to take over my rational side. It's hard to act normal when all your brain wants is to burn you alive.

Sitting on a chair, I had leaned back , and let the sun rays get to me. The heat of it distracting me for a moment. .I felt drained. Mentally Tired. So deadbeat tired that I never wanted to get up. There was this hole in my heart that couldn't seem to shut up. Chelissa said, it gets better with time.

Wrong!

You just get numb.

Atleast I feel better than last year. That was progress for me.

Is that why you hate my eyes?

I sighed as I sat up and looked at the lush greenery of the lawn. Shaking the cigarette slightly, I watched the ashes disappear in the grass, melting away with the dew drops.

That girl, that blue eyed girl. .she was bothering me for some reason. The way I was opening up to her , I had never done it with Chelissa.

Hailey—shit!

I had never even said her name out loud.

Hailey , Hailey. .

I didn't know crap about her and yet I was ready to open up to her whenever she was around. She didn't need to ask when I was ready to tell.

"Enjoying eh?"

The amused voice didn't make me stir or look up.

He occupied the chair in front of me, cross legged. Glancing at Liam, I smirked seeing him smiling , really smiling. My brother was an older version of how I looked.

Right now, he looked elegant and. . .

"Your smile might fool mother, not me." I said in a dry voice.

His eyebrows knotted up.

Like he didn't know what I was on about.

"I'm not trying to fool anyone here. Just spending time with my git of a brother." He shrugged, failing at pulling my leg.

I let out a heavy breath.

Shutting my eyes, I slackened up.

"I know it ,Li. Quit it."

"Dafuk do you know?" I heard him say impatiently.

I smirked. "I know you—,"

"There you're!"

A crisp voice slashed the air and this time I had to sit up because . .

"Mother."

Liam didn't fail to notice the resentment in my voice. He glowered at me to cut it out.

Like hell I would.

Wearing her God awful suit, she pranced towards us , her face beaming in delight. But the second she saw me sitting by her beloved son,  the smile turned into a frown. For her I was the troubled child, the black sheep, the spot on Morgan's name. Mother tried to set me up with countless psychiatrists but what she didn't know was ; you can't fix something broken. You can't make the brain forget what it's been through.

As she walked towards us, I fought the urge to hurl a nasty thing her way. Maybe what I was doing was wrong and. .

I was hurting and she never acknowledged that. She kept on being the tough CEO , the glass between us got thicker and thicker and now the both of us couldn't get to the other side.

"That's my cue to leave." I muttered , Liam tried to stop me by glaring at me but really, I couldn't do this right now. My anxiety was flaring up which meant , a slight push and I would get to cut myself.

I definitely didn't want to go down that hole again.

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"That's disgusting."

"What? Feeding them?"

"No. Naming them."

She laughed at the disgust in my voice. Chelissa had two rats , street rats, that often came visiting her for treats and she did fed them.

"This one is Fat and this one is Louie." She said as I watched them nibble away the crackers, their whiskers stirring.

Fat kept snatching food from Louie who would squeal in protest and Chelissa scolded him , to my surprise Fat actually listened and backed off.

"Sorry for crashing in." I said without any remorse. I wasn't sorry.

She rolled her eyes, "Oh please! I know you have nowhere to go so shut it."

We were in her tiny kitchen , all she had was an oven , a gas cylinder she cooked on and a fridge she grudgingly accepted from me. I forced her to have it . She rarely had food because it would turn bad with no fridge to keep it safe.

I had somehow squeezed a chair in for myself , the rats had gone off and she was cooking dinner for us.

"Did he come by again?" I asked and her hand stopped stirring the veggies in the pan.

She looked at me over her shoulder. "No. I didn't open the door."

"Good."

She turned back at the veggies.

And she said it so casually , so simply , I turned silent for a moment.

"Ian? Did you cut again?"

All I could think was, how the hell did she know? I was wearing a full sleeves hoodie. Unintentionally, I covered my left wrist with my hand as if it wasn't already covered.

I opened my mouth.

"Save it. I know you did. I could smell blood on you."

Right!

How could I forget? She was accustomed to the pungent smell of blood, she was like shark.

"What do you want me to say?" I said in a low voice.

"Nothing. Just that, it—it will be okay. I turned out fine didn't I? So will you." She said now opening up the cabinet overhead.

"I know. Things. .shit gets to me sometimes. I'll get through this." My voice was strong.

She took out a tub of something from the cabinet.

"Date someone. Oh! That blue eyed gorgeous would do. She likes you , you know. Give it a try."

I smiled a little.

"Yeah, I guess."

"And remember nothing lasts forever alright? Nothing in life is forever you know. Pain, hurt , love. . everything. Forever is a lie."

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