**I know the last chapter was a mean cliffhanger, so please take this double update as my gift and my apology lmao**

Roxie's POV

"I think she's starting to wake up," was the first thing I heard as I finally cracked one eye open. The brightness of the lights above me assaulted my retinas, making me quickly shut the eye once more as it started to water.

"Roxie, are you okay?" I heard the same voice call. It was feminine, so I knew it wasn't Milo. I grunted before making a second attempt to open my eyes once again. After blinking rapidly for a few seconds, the blurriness subsided and I was able to make out my surroundings. I was still in Milo's bedroom, but now I was lying in the middle of his bed.

My god, this mattress is comfortable. I should ask him what brand it is.

"Roxie?" The voice called again, more impatient this time. I snapped my head up and came face-to-face with Ivy. I smiled sheepishly and stopped petting the bed beneath me.

"Sorry," I winced, clearing the phlegm from my throat. "I passed out?" I asked. She nodded, a look of concern overtaking her features.

"Milo told me..." she said, her voice growing softer before trailing off. I nodded as my eyes grew misty.

"I'm such an idiot," I whispered before covering my face with my hands, not wanting her to see me cry at my own stupidity.

"Hey, hey, hey," she murmured quietly while pulling my hands away so I was forced to look at her. "You're not an idiot. Well, maybe just a little bit, but if you were the only person to ever accidentally get pregnant, the world population would probably be cut in half. Shit happens, Rox," she spoke logically while brushing a lock of my hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear. I sniffled and wiped at the moisture under my eyes, nodding.

"I just can't do this again, Ivy," I hiccuped, squeezing my eyes shut as a spike of pain tore through my heart. "And I'm tired of being a shitty fucking friend."

"How in the world are you a shitty friend?!" she demanded, her voice rising with her annoyance at my statement.

"I'm tired of all my friends' lives taking a back seat because of me. I'm tired of all of you having to cater to me and what's going on in my life. That's not how friendships should be. They're supposed to be a two-way street and right now I feel like the biggest bitch."

"Sorry, but who left at three a.m. to go pick Catarina up and bring her somewhere safe when her abusive ex called and was making death threats to the point where she was too scared to drive?" Ivy asked.

"I did," I sighed, knowing exactly where she was going with this. She and Khloe really are cut from the same cloth.

"Mhmm. And who held my hair while I puked and then spooned me all night on my cramped bathroom floor to make sure I didn't roll onto my back and choke on my own vomit when I got so drunk I couldn't even hold my head up?" she continued.

"I did."

"And who sent a very pretty check to Havana's family last month when they weren't sure they'd be able to cover their utility and mortgage bills because her dad's cancer had come back and he needed chemo?"

"Okay, Ivy, I get what you're saying," I replied.

"No, you don't, because you would rather go without to help someone else. Your selfless heart is what we all love about you, but please let us take care of you. Being there for one another no matter what is what best friends do, Roxie. Just because you're going through a longer rough patch than some of us doesn't mean you aren't still a good friend. If there's ever a time I feel you're being a needy bitch, I'll tell you. Deal?" she teased with a playful wink. I let out a soft laugh before nodding.

"Now what the hell do you mean you can't do this again?" Milo asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway of his bedroom. I sighed deeply before grabbing the pillow that'd been under my head and cradling it to my chest like a shield.

"This isn't the first time this has happened," I whispered, so softly I wasn't sure either of them would hear me. However, by the looks on their faces, they did. I paused before continuing, unsure if I wanted to share this piece of myself with another person after carrying it around by myself for so long.

I just can't bear this burden alone anymore.

"Roxie?" Milo murmured, urging me on.

"I was pregnant," I hiccuped out as an onslaught of fresh tears ran down the side of my cheek to drop onto the pillow. "I-I was pregnant. I went to the doctor two months after I moved away from home because I was having bouts of sickness and was always exhausted. I thought I was just sick b-but I was three m-months along when I found out. I was so young and scared, but I was trying t-to get my things in order, and I was just so stressed out. I didn't have enough money to eat all the time. I was t-too thin and everything was building up. I was too scared to ask for help, afraid of w-what Sandra would do if she found out. A month later I woke up to the worst cramps of my life and my thighs were covered in blood from the waist down," I wept, unable to breathe I was crying so hard.

I hadn't told another soul about this until this very moment. I'd carried the burden of the secret on my shoulders every single day. Wondering how different things might've been if I would've just come back home and told Jedrek. It was all my fault. My pride and fear refused to let me get the help I needed and ultimately my child suffered because of it. I hated myself so much every day. I was disgusted with myself. I was a failure.

I still am a failure.

"It's all my fault," I cried, unable to look either Ivy or Milo in the eyes.

"No, it's not," Milo growled. I finally looked up and saw tears running down Ivy's own face as a look of anguish crossed Milo's. He came over to the bed and took a seat next to Ivy. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this. You were doing the best you could in the situation you'd been forced into. You cannot keep blaming yourself for this, Roxie."

"Yes, it is," I sobbed, "if I hadn't let my pride and fear get in the way, I could've gone home and told Jedrek the truth. My baby might've lived. I was its mother and it was my job to protect it and make sure no harm came to it, but I couldn't even do that right!"

Ivy reached forward and pulled me into a tight hug, never once letting go even as I thrashed and yelled between my sobs.

"I can't let it happen again. I can't," I cried, my words muffled by Ivy's clothing on her shoulder.

"It's not going to. You're not the same girl and you're nowhere near the same situation. You have so many people around you that will support you and this baby. He or she is going to have so many aunties, it's not even funny," she stated soundly. The last thought pulled my lips into a smile. "However, what are you going to do about culinary school?" I ran my fingers through my hair and down my face at the thought.

"I...I'm not sure. That's still a dream of mine, but being a mother has always been the one thing I've wanted more than anything in life. After what happened last time, I don't want to put myself in a situation where excess stress could be an issue. I wouldn't mind putting school off until later, but I need some form of income. I have plenty of money banked up in my savings now, but I don't want to rely on just that. I don't know what I'm going to do," I mumbled, feeling a wall of exhaustion hit me, fogging over my brain and making it nearly impossible to conjure up a single rational thought.

"As I said before, we'll figure it out. However, I'm starving and Milo said he could eat. I was thinking about ordering pizza. Are you hungry?" she asked. Seconds later, my stomach released an embarrassingly loud rumble.

"Well that answers that question," she laughed. "You look tired. Why don't you just take a little cat nap until the food gets here?" she suggested. I nodded.

"Oh, Ivy!" I called just as she was about to leave the room.

"Did Xander actually end up at our place with her after I left?" I asked, dying to know the answer. A devious look overtook her face as her lips pulled into a mischievous smirk.

"I drove by on my way here to pick her up, but his car was parked at a meter out front. She also didn't answer her phone so...I put two and two together," she said before clicking her tongue. I just laughed and did a ridiculous happy dance. I wasn't sure how, but the second my head hit the pillow and I heard the door click shut, I was out cold.

**

"So, have you thought of names yet?" Ivy asked after slipping two slices of pizza onto a paper plate and handing it to me.

"Ivy!" Milo hissed with a 'what the fuck dude?' look on his face.

"What? You said positive topics. That's positive!" she replied defensively. Milo just shook his head while grumbling under his breath.

"Milo, it's fine. I appreciate you trying to protect my feelings, but I'm okay now despite my earlier breakdown. As for your question Ivy, I've only known for about two hours now and I've been asleep for almost all of it, so no, not really," I commented with a small smile.

"Well, I'd like to make a suggestion. Ivy is a fantastic name." I threw my head back and laughed, thankful for the comic relief.

"You're not wrong," I stated with a smile, "but if it's a girl, I think I'll name her Adelaide. Call her Addie for short," I pondered, trying to get a grip on my quivering lip.

"That's really pretty, but why that name? It seems like you have been thinking about this," Ivy pointed out.

"It was my mother's name," I explained, my voice breathy and filled with emotion. "When I got older, she told me about the family curse; there hasn't been a single baby boy born since my great great great great great great-"

"We get it," Ivy cut me off with a giggle. "But that's beautiful, Rox. Adelaide is an amazing name," she murmured before resting her hand atop of mine. "We should probably get you an appointment set up with your OBGYN to confirm the pregnancy and get you on prenatals."

"You know a lot about being pregnant for someone without a kid," I remarked giving Ivy a sideways look.

"Oh no, I've never been. Back home where I grew up, everyone around me was pregnant at or before sixteen. I think it was something in the water. Or maybe an allergy to condoms," she joked to which Milo and I snorted.

"You're right, though. I doubt the office is open at-" I checked the clock on the wall, "-10:30 at night. I'll have to call in the morning. I also need to check around and see if I can find a place that'll pay somewhat decent and has normal hours. But, as of right now, my only concern is how fast I can get this pizza into my stomach," I giggled.

"I second that notion," Milo murmured before shoving half of his slice into his mouth.

The rest of the night was quiet, something I was thankful for. Ivy and I decided to just spend the night in Milo's guest bedroom, deciding we were both too tired to survive the drive to our places. I laid awake listening to the soft sound of Ivy's snores while staring petulantly at my phone - which had yet to ring for the night. When my eyelids finally grew too heavy to hold open, I let them close as a feeling of deep sadness surrounded my heart.

That was until the subtle vibration of my phone jolted me awake at two in the morning. I grabbed the device and cradled it to my chest, a cheeky smile pulling at my lips as my eyes begged to shut once more. The voicemail notification buzzed, but I waited until I heard a few more quiet sounds of sleep come from Ivy to confirm that she was still asleep before I opened it.

"Roxie girl," came Jedrek's raspy voice, "I'm so sorry it's late. Ezekiel's men know how to celebrate, that's for sure," he said, followed by a deep chuckle. "I know you're probably asleep by now, but I couldn't let myself sleep before I said goodnight. I hope you had a good day. I was thinking about you extra today. I went by that little macaron shop that you always loved and got some of those cookies and cream ones that you were so obsessed with. Don't get your hopes up, though, I still think they taste awful." There was a brief pause and I laughed at the last statement. "Well, I should get to bed. I have a big day of work ahead of me tomorrow. I love and miss you more each day, Roxie girl. Be good."

I set the phone back down on the nightstand before letting my hand wander under the covers and to the small region just below my navel.

"If your daddy knew about you, he would be so excited," I rasped out, my voice turning thick with emotion. "He always wanted a big family. 'Big enough to necessitate two minivans' he would say," I laughed. "I used to tell him how crazy he was and not to get his hopes up - I was not pushing that many kids out of my body. No way," I snickered once again. I allowed my eyes to shut again, the memory putting a smile on my face as I let my body be lulled back to sleep.