Night fell eventually and we'd already made a new campsite before the cold could come. I'd helped Mackenzie start a fire while also enduring her constant bickering about how terrible I was at getting a spark from two sticks. The only thing that had actually managed to get me to start the fire was picturing throwing her into the flames.

The conversation was even lighter that night than usual. We were all worn out and tired from an eventful day of walking and didn't seem to have the energy for it. I'd spent the past two hours lying in silence and looking up at the stars. For some reason, there was something really entrancing about the night sky tonight. There seemed to be more stars out than usual and I was finding comfort in looking at them.

"I'm going to get more firewood," Eric announced as he stood up off the ground.

I sat up in an instant. "I'll come with you," I spoke as I hopped up. I didn't exactly want to go on a walk for a bunch of tree bark but I really wanted a moment to speak with Eric alone. I wanted to speak about our situation more without any interruptions or remarks from Mackenzie.

He nodded in agreement, waiting for me to catch up with him before we walked off. I took one last glance behind me at Mackenzie who was too busy staring into the flames to notice our disappearance.

We walked cautiously through the forest. Without the sunlight to guide us, it would become a whole heap easier to trip on something. There were branches, fallen trees, and rocks scattered all over the ground. However, another daunting thought crossed my mind that I might step on a snake or something dangerous. A nervous feeling swirled in my stomach and I had the sudden urge to reach out and grab Eric's hand - yet I knew that wasn't appropriate so I withheld.

Minutes later, we came across another clearing where there were plenty of pieces of wood near an old tree. The moonlight seemed to be shining directly at the spot, thankfully giving us enough light. I stood back as I watched Eric inspect the wood before picking up a piece of the ground.

"Is it damp or anything?" I asked in order to end the awkward silence that we'd endured on the walk over here.

"How are you?" Eric asked abruptly.

His spontaneous question caught me off guard. I wanted to lie and respond 'fine' or 'good' in order to appear strong, but looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn't do that.

I sighed. "As good as a person can be in this kind of situation."

He nodded in understanding.

"Do you remember last year when I was complaining to you about how hard the Kennedy High case was?" I asked.

He grinned in memory. "Yeah, I remember. Why?"

"I want to go back in time and slap my seventeen-year-old self in the face."

He chuckled lightly. "I guess it sheds a new light on the situation."

"This is hard," I admitted honestly. "Sometimes I start to think we won't make it out of this."

"Hey," he stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're going to get through this," he said firmly.

I bit my lip. I wanted to believe him more than anything, but it was hard to during a time like this.

"This is so messed up," I complained. "This entire thing is just one huge mess."

He sighed, releasing a deep breath. "Yeah," he muttered quietly.

"We're supposed to be working a case in Russia but instead we're stuck on an island in the middle of God knows where without even the reassurance that someone's out there looking for us." I angrily spoke. "I feel like I'm in a fucking episode of Lost."

"I need you to believe me when I say that we're going to get through this Becca," Eric told me, his dark eyes piercing into mine. "There's an entire top agency out there looking for us and we know what we're doing. Even if this is challenging, at least we have each other."

I scoffed. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Give me the whole 'at least we have each other' crap. I don't even know what the hell is going on between the two of us and I'm literally minutes away from ripping Mackenzie's hair out of her own scalp."

He frowned. "What do you mean you don't know what's going on between us?" he asked, ignoring the violent threat I'd made against Mackenzie. "We've been working well together for months."

I gave him a look. "You know what I meant."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, but you know where I stand on that."

I clenched my jaw as his words sunk in. I wanted to cry. He was still rejecting me. It was months later and we were still having this conversation again.

"This isn't the time for that." he continued. "We need to work on ensuring our survival."

I knew he was right. I wanted to argue. I wanted to scream at him and tell him to... well I don't know. I had no idea what I wanted to tell him. He'd pretty much said it all. I just wanted to argue with every word of it. But how could I?

I stayed in silence as he continued to collect firewood. I silently gave myself a sarcastic thank you for now making things even more awkward and complicated between us. I should have just shut up and kept my thoughts to myself.

I looked up at the sky again, keeping my eyes on it as I listened to the sound of Eric picking up and stacking pieces of wood. I watched as some of the stars glimmered but my eyes were instantly drawn to the full moon. I'd never seen the moon look this big before. It was breathtaking. It brightened up the entire night sky and I could feel it's light shining down on my face.

"I noticed you've been staring at the sky a lot," Eric noted, bringing my attention back to him. "Can I ask why you do that?"

I knew he was probably just looking for a way to try and make things between us go back to normal and end the tension. But I sighed and decided to reply honestly. "I don't know. I guess I just find something comforting in it. The moon makes me feel safe - like it's watching over me or something."

"Really?" he responded, sounding surprised. "The moon kind of makes me anxious. It reminds me of darkness and all the bad things that can happen in it. Did you know that more murders occur during a full moon than any other night of the year?"

I let a small smile escape me as I kept my eyes up at the sky. "You ruined the moment Eric."

I heard a small laugh from his end and I suddenly felt a little calmer. "I'm sorry, I'll bring it back. The moon is beautiful."

"It is." I agreed. "No matter how many times I look at it, I'm always stunned by how beautiful it is."

"I know exactly what you mean." There was something low and meaningful in his voice that made me turn to him, but he was already looking at me. There was a moment of silence where we both said nothing.

"What you were saying earlier," he spoke carefully, choosing his words with caution. "About the whole confusion of our relationship. I wanted you to know that my feelings still haven't changed for you."

I felt like someone had thrown me in cold water, waking me up completely. I'd always hoped to hear those words from him but they'd still caught me off guard. I looked at him and saw the fire burning in his eyes.

But I knew how he felt about not breaking the RUA rules. He'd reminded me of that only a few minutes prior to this confession.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.

Then suddenly, he leaned in and I felt his lips press against mine.

For a moment, I was in too much shock to comprehend what was happening. Then I heard the sound of him dropping the firewood and felt the strength of his arms wrap around my waist. The same warm feeling that I'd felt the first time we kissed spread over me again, and I suddenly remembered how much I'd missed it.

His mouth pressed firmly against me, warm and soft. My stomach swirled with the good kind of nerves as my hands gripped his shoulders. The sensation took over me completely as I suddenly forgot about everything around me. I forgot we were in a forest, I forgot that we were on an unidentified island and I forgot the stupid agent rule. All I thought about was how good it felt being that close to him.

My heart beat so rapidly it almost hurt. I buried my hands in his soft hair and tried to pull him closer to me. I grew weak at his touch, enjoying every moment of it. His body was pressed firmly against mine and I never wanted it to leave. But moments later, he pulled away and I was left standing there, dazed.

"Becca," he whispered huskily through his deep breaths as his eyes stayed fixed on mine. It seemed the kiss had affected him just as much as it had me. "You're so beautiful. You make it so hard for me to stay away."

I feel a new sense of anger and disappointment fill me after my thoughts came back. "I hate this."

He sighed. "I know. So do I. It's so hard having to keep my distance from you, and to not think of you in that way. You have no idea how much I want you."

I tilted my head back in frustration, squeezing my eyes shut to try and stop them from watering. I truly fucking hated this. I felt his warm and tender hand against my cheek. I held it against me with both of my own hands, not wanting his touch to ever leave me.

This was confusing. It was the most confusing thing I'd ever experienced in my life. Yet somehow, it was the clearest. I knew how I felt about him. I knew it every single moment I was with him. I could feel it inside me, screaming.

But I also knew it couldn't happen. He'd said so himself. I'd managed to dig up an RUA handbook during the last few days of my Kennedy High case and I'd read it, still remembering it word for word to this day.

The Regal Undercover Agency strictly prohibits any two of its agents engaging in any relationship other than work-professional. Interactions of any of the sort deflect from our line of work and create complications. Any agents found partaking in such behavior face dismissal from their line of work and other serious consequences.

This rule applied to everyone. It applied to every agent in the RUA. It applied to Cassie and Turner, and it applied to Eric and I. And I hated it.

This job was so serious that the RUA didn't want us to form relationships on the chance that if we would face danger, we would protect loved ones instead of doing our actual job or saving the lives we were supposed to. It made sense in a way. If I was ever put in a serious fight situation and Eric was there, I would be worrying about him way more than anyone else I was supposed to protect.

But I hated it. I hated that for that single reason alone, I couldn't be with him. I couldn't be with someone that I wanted to. Because of a job. And it didn't help that Eric's job meant so much to him.

Turner had told me that if he ever lost his job for seeing Cassie, it would be worth it. But would Eric ever say the same to me? His job had been his life from the moment he'd joined it. He'd been with the RUA ever since he was seventeen and they'd become his family after he'd lost his own.

Of course, not really his family. The closest relationship he had with anyone there was with Captain. Our leader. The guy who had taken him in as his own son. He knew to keep his distance with other agents. It was sad to know that he probably hadn't had a normal or healthy relationship with anyone since he was a teenager. I was probably the closest to that for him. And that was a whole new level of sad and messed up.

I wanted to spend the rest of the night standing there with him. Actually, I wanted to do more than that. But I couldn't.

I eventually heard him sigh as I felt the warmth of his hand leave my cheek. "We should get back," he muttered. "Before Mackenzie gets worried."

It was then I was reminded yet again of our situation. I had to put Eric in the back of my mind as we got off this island. We would need to be addressed at a later point.

I rubbed my eyes before any tears could fall as I released a deep breath. "Okay." I agreed.

And like the last time we'd kissed, it ended with the 'we can't be together' speech and the two of us walked off into the night, without another word being exchanged.

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A/N:

An actual gif of me writing this chapter.

Please share your thoughts below. (Fun challenge: sum them up in three words)

Also holy shit I was listening to 'The Hardest Part' by Nina Nesbitt while writing this chapter and I swear to God I almost cried. Like this is the most accurate song to sum up their relationship right now. Go listen to it fam.

TWO UPDATES IN ONE NIGHT MOTHERFUCKER #hELLYEAH #GOODSHIT #IShouldBeWritingDissolutionInsteadButWhatever #VOtEFORTHISCHAPTER