Awash in the early morning yellow light which dappled across my apartment from the windows I returned home from a mission. The warm golden effulgence too much in my weary eyes that had been awake for twenty-four hours straight, blinding me. 

I had become a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, surprisingly, even though I had no real training to be one. Though Nick Fury saw potential in me, and heard about my previous life as a member of the Howling Commandos from Steve, so he allowed it. 

It was a simple mission. Get in, get out, beat up a few guards, hijack an enemy fighter aircraft, and escape, but I found myself lacking the spirit to carry out orders. I didn't know any of the other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents besides Nat, and Clint, and it's not back in the war days. I'm not on Steve's team anymore. It's different, and not as enjoyable as the group I remember being apart of. 

"Good work, Agent Rebecca. I have trust issues, you know, but I do trust Steve's judgement. That, and you can't argue with the facts." I heard Nick pipe up from the earpiece popped into my ear. 

"Thanks, but I am a bit out of practice. Also, I appreciate you allowing me to take a look at his file." I said, staring down, almost apprehensively at the folder in my hands with the S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia stamped on the front. The painful details of Bucky's life printed inside. 

"I haven't even shown the Cap that file yet, so don't lose it." Nick warned. 

"Why did you give it to me first then?" I questioned, turning on the TV, the local News broadcasting softly in the background. 

"Well, let's just say that I think family comes before friendship, and you're his family. Also, we here call agents by their last names. You think you could let me do that?" 

I listened to his words, my heart thumping at the word "family". 

"I'm sorry, Fury, but I'm just going to stick to being "Agent Rebecca"." I replied, and I could hear him sigh through the speakers. 

"You're not as transparent as you may think. People who are in museums usually aren't. You don't want to forget him, right? But, you're also avoiding him." 

"No, I'm not," I retorted. "I don't want to avoid him, I don't want to stop loving him. I want nothing more than to get him out of the hell he's in, but he's lost his memory-" 

Nick cut me off. 

"Okay, I didn't mean to hit a nerve. I can't really imagine what you, and Steve must be going through. I'm just saying, the past is unavoidable." 

"I know." I answered. I knew that all too well since all I am is the past. 

We said our goodbyes, and I peeled out of my S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform, the anchorman's words explaining all the disasters that were going on in the world. Be it from weather, or bullets, he said them all, and I thought about how in no timeline in history was there ever peace. 

Popping a pod into the Keurig machine I listened to the soft whirring noise of the water heating up, and to the low rumble of coffee draining out in a stream of liquid into the mug. 

Taking hold of the cup I poured in a drizzle of cream, and sat down on my loveseat, the file staring at me, practically haunting me. Eating me from the inside out, from the bones to the flesh to the skin. 

Picking up the folder I opened it up, a photograph of him in his Sergeant's Military uniform, and a recent picture of him in Cryo-Freeze pinned to the inside, and I began to read. 

"James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes. Born, March 10th 1917, American. Sergeant in the Military apart of the 107th Infantry Regiment, and the Howling Commandos, now apart of the Soviet Union. Wife, Rebecca Barnes, childhood bestfriend, Steve Rogers. Presumably dead in 1945 after falling into the Alps from a HYDRA train. Barnes then was captured by HYDRA, and they experimented on him with Arnim Zola replacing his missing arm with a new cybernetic one," 

"Barnes underwent many mind control methods in order for HYDRA to keep him under their thumb, overtime losing all memory of his former life. Becoming nothing more then an emotionless weapon. Requiring vast training from HYDRA, Barnes became a ruthless fighter, and skilled killer. Being dubbed "The Winter Soldier" since he was the first subject to the program created by Zola," 

"The Winter Soldier would remain frozen for long periods of time until HYDRA saw it fit to unfreeze him for missions. Over the past 50+ years the Winter Soldier has been responsible for numerous assassinations, killing various sorts of targets from political figures to scientists." 

I stopped reading then, throwing the file to the floor, watching as the papers spilled out. 

Running a hand through my hair, tugging at the ends I jaggedly exhaled, my breath shaking, the threat of falling apart entirely at risk until I heard a knock on my door. 

Resistantly, I got up to answer it, my blonde haired friend greeting me in the hallway, mimicking my serious, detached state to a T. 

I knew full well that I had been dodging him, and isolating myself from talking to him as well, but I couldn't condemn myself for my insolent actions now. 

I fell into Steve's arms like one who is so filled with sorrow does, when they feel like their whole body is going numb, yet is so indescribably consumed with pain at the same time, that's how I felt. My grip feeble, but Steve supported me, and held onto me tightly like he a life jacket to my sinking form. 

In silence we sat together, me paying attention to the News that I had muted, Steve's attention to Bucky's file. His face so coiled, and rattled with visible grief that you could feel it radiating off him like the heat of the sun on pavement. 

Once he finished I noticed that he was about to rip the pieces of paper apart, but I placed my hand on top of his. 

"Fury will be mad if anything happens to that folder." 

The Captain instead just slammed it down onto my coffee table so roughly that I could of sworn I heard a crack in the wooden surface. 

I held his hand, trying to calm him down, yet feeling just as lost as he. 

"It's actually worse, Steve, the fact that he's alive, and not dead in the snow seventy years ago," I admitted, hating myself for it, but allowing my innermost thoughts to pour out. "It's way worse because he's still a living, breathing person, the amazing Sergeant Barnes that he used to be, but he doesn't remember it. He's nothing more then a puppet for HYDRA, their killing machine, a brainwashed shell, but he's still the same too... Those same eyes, and everything, and he's still my James." 

I let my head fall onto Steve's shoulder, his warmth not even enough to thaw the chill that I was feeling. 

"I know, Becky. He's my bestfriend, like family to me. I grew up with him, and he was there for me when no one else was." Steve illustrated, his mind circling with beautiful paintings of the past, all of the memories he can no longer experience. 

"All this time he's been suffering while I've been asleep in ice. He's been awake, living through hell." I commented, my gaze hazy, absently fixated on the thread of steam that was ascending from my coffee mug. 

"It's not your fault." I heard Steve say, his comfort lacking not because of him, but because of me. 

"I know, but when you love someone you blame yourself for everything that's wrong in their life even if you had no control over it." I revealed right before there was a sudden break in the earpiece I was still wearing, and I began to hear Nick Fury again. 

"I know you're most likely reading that file I gave you, but I'm gonna need you back working right now, Agent." 

"What is it?" I asked, hoisting myself up, and fetching my S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform again from the floor. 

"You know Alexander Pierce? Well, his spotless cover has been compromised. We found out that he's nothing more then a mole, a really powerful, dangerous mole with lots of connections. Not only a top member of S.H.I.E.L.D., but he's also a loyal leader of HYDRA." Nick explained. 

I listened, heading into the bathroom to change again with a worried Avenger following close behind me like a puppy. 

"We need something, something of his. Preferably the data from his computer, that's where you come in. Head to his office, and hack into his computer. Steal any information you can. Be quick, be stealthy, and know that we'll have many other agents patrolling around the streets disguised as regular bystanders." 

"You know you men should start trusting a woman's intuition." I commented, making Nick confused, but I just agreed, and tuned off the earpiece. 

"You owe me like ten bucks." I said to Steve before shutting the bathroom door for some privacy. 

"What? Why do I owe you money, and where are you going?" Steve inquired from the other side. 

"My uneasiness with Alexander Pierce, you remember right? Before my husband attacked us I said he was bad news, but no. You didn't trust my natural intuition." 

"He's an enemy?" The blonde questioned, and I slid back into the black body-con uniform before zipping up my boots. 

"Yes, he's an enemy. A big one. Significant leader of HYDRA to be exact. I'm going to go breach into his network." 

"It's not that I didn't believe you, Becky..." Steve trailed off, and I reopened the bathroom door, slipping ammo cartridges into my handguns before reuniting the weapons with the holsters around my thighs. 

"Okay, I owe you ten bucks, I'm sorry. Do you need help?" He asked while I headed into the foyer. 

"No, I'm fine. Besides, Captain America is a bit flashy." I teased before leaving. 

I went to Alexander's office building located in the heart of downtown where every skyscraper seemed to be a carbon copy of the other. 

Using my grapple hook I landed on the rooftop, and used a laser to trim a hole into the concrete to get into the ventilation system. 

Crawling through the air ducts until I got to the floor I desired with a digital layout of the building. 

Once I was at the targeted area I jumped down straight into his office after double checking that no one was inside. 

Landing on my feet I went over to his computer, and typed in a string of passwords, gaining access almost immediately. 

Jamming a hard-drive into the computers side I stole all the beneficial data, and material that I could, the device sucking up all the knowledge that I was discovering. 

Though then I heard someone sliding a key through the doorknob, and I listened to the sound of the retinal scan being done. 

Instantly, I pulled the hard-drive out of the computer, and catapulted the desk against the door, flinging it across the room, all items on its surface knocking to the floor. 

Running over towards the wall of windows that reached the ceiling I glanced down, for once everything looking small compared to me, all of New York beneath me. 

"Someone's coming. Can you catch this, Hill?" I asked, turning back on the earpiece. 

"Sure, how are you going to send it?" 

"Through the sky." I answered, breaking one of the windowpanes with my fist, the glass shards descending down into the streets. 

I chucked the device out, watching as it plummeted down the stories, and stories of the high-rise building I was in, one of the agents below catching it with ease. 

"Got it, Agent. Get out of there." Maria advised. 

"I will." I declared just as the doors were slammed open, the desk skidding across the wood floorboards. 

Alexander himself stepped in, his stride self-assured, and bold. 

I pulled out my gun, aiming it directly at him, but he just sipped on his Starbucks, immune to threats apparently. 

"Did you get what you came for?" Pierce probed, and I remained silent, my gun poised, ready. 

"Three options. If you become compromised, what do you do?" He debated. "Option one: You surrender. Option two: You fight. Option three: You take someone else down with you. Which would you choose?" 

He was seemingly nonchalant, like we were talking over brunch. Like fear was an emotion that was never bestowed upon him. As if being held at gunpoint was second nature to him, as relaxing as a day on the beach. 

To amuse him, I answered.

 "Fight." 

"Good answer, very heroic. Fighting for what you believe in," He said, almost mockingly. "You're too innocent, hmm? To get your hands a little messy." 

"I'm not innocent," I retaliated, my words cold. "But, I'm also not cruel enough to drag someone who is actually innocent down with me if I were to be in that situation." 

His sneer was evident, his deep murky blue eyes entertained by my answer. 

"I can see why the Winter Soldier is so taken with you." He said just before something was shot at the jugular vein in my neck. 

The needle like blow poisoned with an anesthetic drug, making me collapse to the floor in a coma like sleep.