I wasn't sure what followed in the seconds that followed the words. One minute I was standing beside Mateo and watching everyone start clapping and cheering excitedly, the next I was an inconsolable mess on the beach. I struggled to catch my breath through my hyperventilation and sobbing. I had no doubt that Mateo or Bren would follow, but they must have thought better than to chase after right away.

"Mads." Mateo's voice was so quiet it was almost inaudible over the waves and my crying. As he lowered himself on to the sand beside me, he was cautious enough not to touch me yet, and even more careful with his words. "Hey, deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale."

He walked me through the panic attack for a good five minutes, waiting until I was able to exhale a full, albeit shaky, breath, to touch his cold fingertips to my forearm.

"I'm sorry."

Caught off guard, my head whipped in his direction, and he cringed at the sight of me.

"Sorry?" I croaked. "For what?"

"For making you stay." he averted his gaze to the water. "You shouldn't have had to hear that."

I wiped at my damp cheeks with the back of my hand. "I. . . it's stupid. That it still affects me this much."

"It's not stupid." Mateo moved closer so his hand was resting on my knee. "Madison, you never faced them after what happened. You never faced it. You weren't ever able to move on and past it because you refused to acknowledge what happen."

"I hate her." I said through my teeth, sniffled, then added, "I hate him. I don't know who I hate more at this point."

His eyes shut slowly, his thick, long lashes fanning his cheeks. "It's normal, Mads. To feel all of it. The rage. The envy and jealous. The hurt. What isn't normal is you internalizing it all. You keeping it in. Refusing to tell your parents what happened. Why are you still protecting them from your parents disapproval after what they did to you?"

"It's not about them, Mateo." I explained softly. "I thought. . . I thought if I didn't tell, then maybe I'd forget it happened. But I can't. I never will. Tell my parents now won't do anything but cause a bigger mess. Two wrongs don't make a right and Mom doesn't need more crap to deal with right now."

There was a long bout of silence as we listened to the serene sounds of the beach surrounding us. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Mateo started speaking again.

"My ex, Diana, she was pregnant when we broke up." his voice caught in his throat and it took him a cough and a few minutes to recuperate and continue. "I was scared. Hell, I was terrified, Madison. I knew nothing about kids. I'd only met Zoey a few times and hadn't spent any time alone with her. I caught texts and vides being shared between her and one of my coworkers, someone I considered a friend, when she was six months pregnant. You want to guess where the story goes from there?"

I just stared, fresh tears surfacing as I touched my palm to the top of his hand. "I'm sorry, Mateo."

"Months of preparation. Hundreds spent. The kid wasn't mine." he shook his head. "I made sure when he was born. Got a DNA test. I told her if I ever saw her face again I'd write up a restraining order. But it didn't matter. She'd gotten what she wanted. Money, security, and knowing that she completely broke me. I refuse to love after that shit. There was a reason why I made sure to be gone before morning came in high school and college."

I sighed and stared at our hands. "I'd say you can't completely swear off love, but I'd be a huge hypocrite. I refuse to give my heart to anyone again. Friend or man. I don't trust a soul outside of Bren."

"I know it seems like this is rock bottom. Literal hell. Having to watch the man you loved and your sister having the life you dreamed you'd one day have with him. But, Mads, you were right with what you told her this morning. She will loose him the same way she got him. People like that don't change. Cheaters stay cheaters. But now she will have a child she'll have to care for alone, with nobody, because karma got her."

I shifted and pulled my legs against my chest. "I don't wish that on her. Even after all she did, I can't wish the worst. I hate them. But there's still a part of me that loves them too."

"They don't deserve that kindness."

I nodded and watched in silence as he pushed up from the sand and moved toward the water. He crumbled with a hiss of pain and I jumped to my feet, jogging to join him. "Mateo? Are you okay? Was it a jellyfish?"

Before I could reach him, he turned and splashed me with a handful of water. I gasped, staggering back a few feet, then stomped over to the water and returned the action. "You're an ass! I thought you were hurt!"

He laughed and splashed me again, but the next time I was able to get him, he caught my arm and pulled me into him so I was flush against his wet chest. My eyes traveled from the amusement that lit his eyes to my hands against the sheer white shirt, every inch of his toned chest and abdomen visible through the wet shirt. The air shifted as I tilted my head back and stared up at him. Even though that amusement was still clear as day in his eyes, there was something else there too. His index finger caught my chin and tilted it further up so our eyes were locked. The same finger brushed a strand of my damp hair from my cheek and he leaned forward, and I could swear he was about to kiss me, but he stopped inches from my mouth, his own parted and ready to speak, when my brother's voice filled the night.

"Sorry to interrupt, but they wanna lock up and want you guys in back inside."

*

To say sharing a room, let alone a bed, with Mateo after what'd happened on the beach was a bad idea was an understatement. Fortunately, he'd gone back to his aloof self, acting as though it hadn't happened. Unfortunately, I was a chronic over thinker and every time I glanced his way, I almost asked what that was, but decided against it last second and distracted myself.

Distracting myself became harder when his body was only inches from me in bed. Despite being under a different blanket, I could feel the heat of his body. Being severely anemic and having a sister who hated the heat, the AC was blasting and I was freezing, which made my body even more hyperaware of his proximity.

"Are you okay?" Mateo asked, tearing his eyes from the book in his right hand and looking to me. "I can feel you shaking from over here."

"Cold." I pointed toward the vent. "I'm fine."

He sighed and moved the book into his left so the space beside him was open. "Come here."

"Nope. Definitely not doing that."

He shot me a look. "Madison."

"Mateo." I responded just as sternly. "I am not cuddling with you."

"Cuddling." He snickered. "I'm just offering you extra warmth, but suit yourself, Mads."

I did just that for another ten minutes until being directly under the vent finally overpowered my desire to keep my distance. I nonchalantly scooted over and sat there for a minute, Mateo watching me with a smirk. "Are you just going to sleep sitting up?"

"I don't trust you."

"Mhm."

"What if you like. . . grab my butt in the middle of the night?"

He considered my words for a moment before he stated, "I won't touch you without your consent, Mads."

I eyed him for a minute before sliding down and leaning back into the throw pillow. I started to read the page from his thriller novel and found myself caught up in it a few minutes later. At some point I'd moved from my pillow to his chest and only realized this when he reached over me to flip the page with his right arm before resting it across my torso.

"Your old high school teammates would never let you live being a nerd down, you know." I pointed out, trying to ease my anxiety and awkwardness.

Mateo glanced my way. "I make six figures a year, Mads. I have my own place. I couldn't give less of a shit about what any of them think, thanks."

"Well, okay then."

"You shouldn't care either." He stated quietly. "About what everyone thinks. People can have their own opinions and perspective, but nobody will ever known a damn think unless they're in your shoes."

I slowly laid my head down against his chest and shut my eyes. "That's easier said than done."

"I know." he answered. "It took me years to accept it. I know I may seem like I have my shit together, but in reality I've constantly at wore with my own anxiety."

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Clearly confused, he shut his book and set it on the nightstand. "For what?"

"Being such a bitch to you our whole life." I breathed. "You only deserved it about half the time."

He smiled. "I'd say I probably deserved it most of the time. I was a little dick in middle and high school."

"You said it, not me."

His chest vibrated beneath me as he laughed. He turned the lamp off a few seconds later, and I felt his fingers starting to rake through my hair after a few minutes.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was comfortable in his arms. It felt normal. It felt right. And I was scared of how much I was dreading the minute I got back on that plane back home.