I just found this song, Arcade by Duncan Laurence, and I immediately thought of this story and this specific chapter. The lyrics fit perfectly with Carina's headspace in this chapter. Also, it's a beautiful song.  

»»———— ☽ ༓ ☾ ———-««

Carina kept her eyes closed as James rested his forehead against hers, savoring the moment like one tries to clench onto a handful of sand in hopes that it stays. Somewhere behind them, a small gasp drew their attention. 

Carina spun around, as James looked over her shoulder. 

"Lily?"  

Down the corridor from them stood the redhead they both knew and loved. She seemed frozen in place, her mouth dropped in surprise. Yet, Carina didn't miss the shine of her teary eyes in the moonlight- even with the distance. 

Pulling herself together, Lily gruffly cleared her throat. "Sorry guys, don't mind me," she said in a squeaky voice, rushing away. 

Carina watched her friend leave with a sinking sensation. The impending knowledge settling like a suffocating cloak- like knowing all bubbles eventually pop, and water flows downstream to its final destination. She'd been swept away by the magic of the night, but she knew at that moment that Lily felt deeply for James. She hadn't been jealous or appeared angry. She'd been heartbroken. 

"Go after her," Carina told James softly, not meeting his eyes. 

James was still staring after Lily, completely befuddled. 

"You sure?" He asked her. 

Carina nodded wearily, biting down on her lip nervously. 

"I think you just got your answer about whether Lily truly cares or whether it was just the attention," she whispered.    

James glanced down at Carina before glancing down the corridor where Lily ran off, completely conflicted. "I'll just go check on her," James promised. "I'll be back."   

Carina nodded silently, watching as James went jogging down the corridor in search of his first love. Somehow she feared that was a promise he wouldn't be able to keep.     

  ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・☽ ༓ ☾・  ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶  ̶̶̶̶

"Lily!"  

Lily froze in her tracks, feeling a tremor move through her body at the sound of his voice. Merlin, she hadn't even realized how much she missed seeing his smirking face at breakfast as he declared to the entire school his feelings. 

She knew she'd never be able to outrun him, and doing so would only make her retreat more suspicious. She'd been so close to making it to Gryffindor Tower. Swiftly swiping at her tears, she turned just as he came jogging up to her.   

"James? Is something wrong?" She feigned innocence. 

"You tell me," he studied her shrewdly. "Why'd you rush out of there?" 

"I didn't mean to intrude on your moment with Carina," she blushed. "I just figured you'd want some privacy. 

His eyes softened on her in a heart-wrenchingly endearing way. "That doesn't explain the tears, Lily-petal," he said lightly as he brought up a finger to pick up one of the stray droplets on her face. 

She froze. "It's cold." 

"Lily," James sighed exasperated. "I've been honest with you every step of the way, I think I deserve a real answer. Or at least a better excuse."  

"I'm sorry," she winced, looking down at the floor as she felt the tears flooding her eyes again. 

"Lily," James drew up her face gently. "I just need the truth." 

"The truth?" She asked quietly. "The truth is I'm far too late." 

"For what?" James gulped in disbelief, hardly believing the emotion he was seeing from her- the emotion directed at him. 

"Too late in realizing my feelings? Too late in really seeing you? I don't even know anymore," she muttered, turning to walk away. 

His hand shot out immediately to catch her arm in an unbending grip. "How exactly do you feel?" He asked tensely, his heart practically beating out of his chest. 

"It doesn't matter," she insisted, trying to draw her arm away. "You're with Carina, and you two are great together." 

James looked conflicted for a moment before sighing deeply as he brushed his fingers through his hair. "Lily... look I've loved you for years. That doesn't just go away overnight." 

Her eyes widened in surprise. 

"I just need the truth," he asked again. "That's all I'm asking of you." 

She looked at him hopefully for a fleeting moment before she glanced away regretfully, all her logic and guilt kicking in. She could never do that to Carina- though the damage she'd already likely done was irreparable. Her lips pulled into a forced and sad smile as she shook her head. 

"It doesn't matter," she insisted quietly, pulling her arm away from James. 

She left him standing in the middle of the corridor, staring after her with his heart in his throat. 

  ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・☽ ༓ ☾・  ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶  ̶̶̶̶

Carina had waited out in the corridor for almost 20 minutes. 

Until she realized she felt slightly foolish waiting out there in the cold with only James's coat. She wandered back into the sparsely occupied ballroom filled with lazily swaying couples, not seeing James nor any of the marauders. Unsurprisingly, Lily was nowhere in sight as well. She glimpsed Alice and Frank in each other's arms, their eyes closed as they danced to the music, and she didn't want to interrupt their night. 

She figured something happened, and maybe James was caught up in telling the marauders, so she decided she'd go up to his room to return his jacket and make sure everything was okay. Yet as she ascended the steps to the tower, she couldn't help but feel the light happiness from before closing in on her until there was just an impending sense of dread. 

She made her way through the common room, climbing the steps all the way up to James's private room. But hushed whispers from the seventh year boys' dorm made her pause in her tracks. 

"I don't understand- she confessed or she didn't?" She heard Sirius ask in confusion. 

"She didn't technically," James sighed in exasperation. "But she might as well have! It was clear as day she finally returns my feelings." 

"So... that's a good thing, isn't it?" Remus asked. "You guys did it, this crazy plan actually worked. 

There was a moment of tense silence before she heard Sirius gasp dramatically. 

"Oh no, what did you do?" 

"Nothing!" James insisted. "It's just... Carina and I have gotten a lot closer these past few weeks." 

"And you love her?" Sirius asked knowingly, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

"NO!" James panicked. 

Ouch. It's not like she loved him like that either, but he makes it sound like it could never be a possibility. 

"I adore Carina," James admitted. "But it's only been a few weeks. I've loved Lily for years." 

"So what's the problem?" Remus asked calmly. "You said yourself just a week ago that if Lily confessed her feelings, you would end things right away to be with her." 

Carina glanced down at her feet, biting down on her lip. She knew as much, she did! She'd told Sirius the same thing earlier this very evening. So why did it hurt so much? 

"Well... we may have kissed tonight, for a brief moment..." 

"You and Lily?" Remus asked in surprise. 

"No." Sirius watched his mate knowingly. "Carina." 

"Are you saying you've changed your mind? Because that's totally fine," Remus told him. "Carina's great, and you two are good for each other." 

"I don't know," James mumbled defeatedly. "I was happy with Carina earlier tonight! It felt soothing and reassuring. I told her I wanted to protect her- which I do! But with Lily... it felt like my heart was about to beat out of my bloody chest! She's always been so passionate in everything- in her beliefs, in getting angry at me, and even in trying to contain her feelings. She's just..." He sighed deeply as his ramble came to a close. "Lily, you know?" 

Of course, James and Lily. They were... inevitable.

Carina sighed internally. James was infatuated with Lily in a way he just wasn't with her. Lily made his heart beat out of his chest as he did to Carina. But Carina just didn't have that effect on him. She knew better than to try and fight a battle where she was outmatched- after all, it was a losing battle to begin with. They were only ever fake dating. She'd rather bow out now and ensure she keep her friends than gambling everything on a possibility that was unlikely of coming to pass. He deserved better. So did she. 

Not to mention, she was petrified of losing this makeshift family. She wouldn't. And especially not over a boy. 

Mustering her Gryffindor bravery, she knocked on the door, halting the whispers coming from within the room. She pushed her way in, peeking her head through the door with a well-practiced smile. 

"Hi, I thought I might find you here!"

"Carina," James blanched, flying to his feet. "I'm so sorry, I was supposed to meet you back downstairs." 

"It's fine," she waved off easily. "I got caught up with Alice and Frank, and I'd figured you lot were together when I didn't see any of you in the ballroom. Anyway, I just wanted to return your jacket." She laid the garment over the back of a nearby chair, smoothing out the wrinkles absentmindedly. 

"Thanks..." James mumbled. 

"How'd things go with Lily?" Carina asked nonchalantly, a boost of positivity in her voice, even though she felt like her heart was being pricked over and over again. 

"I don't know," James hedged. "She didn't really say much..." 

"Really?" Carina feigned. "I thought you saw the tears before she ran off? I'm telling you, James, that girl definitely returns your feelings by now. I know her. Not to mention, she admitted it a week ago as I'd already told you."    

"Right..." James mumbled sheepishly. "You might be right about that." 

"So? When are you going to tell her the truth?" 

Remus and Sirius's heads snapped to her alertly. 

"The truth...?" 

"That it was all fake, silly. If you don't tell her now, she'll be really angry, and I'd prefer not to lose my best friend over this, thank you." Carina pointed out primly. 

"You want to tell her this was fake?" James asked dumbly. 

"Well it was, wasn't it?" Carina shrugged. 

James and Remus looked at a loss while Sirius watched her thoughtfully. 

"What about your kiss?" Sirius asked her bluntly. 

Carina and James froze. 

She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. "Honestly, I'd just left the Great Hall after a dance with Malfoy. I was a bit emotional at the moment."

When James and Sirius looked at her disbelievingly, she insisted, "Ask Remus, he's was the one who helped me get out of there!" 

"It's true," Remus acknowledged, though overhearing their conversation, he didn't know why it would have anything to do with Carina and James. 

"Honestly, James Potter, if you waste this favor without even getting the girl in the end, I'm going to be pissed at you!" Carina planted her hands on her hips. "This is the perfect time to come clean!" 

"Are you sure?" James asked cautiously, studying her in uncertainty. 

"Of course I'm sure, you dolt." She grinned. "Just make sure Lily doesn't get mad at me." 

James stared blankly before breaking into a dazzling grin. He rushed towards her, picking her off her feet and swinging her around in a whoop. "Oh thank you! I can't believe this plan actually worked! I thought it would take a miracle to get Lily to change her mind." 

Carina laughed, pulling back from him as smoothly as she could without being suspicious. "I'm sure she's had those feelings there all this time," she insisted. "She was probably too stubborn to admit them." 

She feigned exhaustion quickly after that, finding the easiest excuse to get out of there. She walked back to her room, head held high, and the heels of her shoes resonating in the empty wooden stairwell. Sneaking into her room, she closed the door quietly, resting her head against it with a sigh. 

All the beds seemed to be empty, to her luck. Carina climbed into her own bed, not bothering to do anything but slip off her shoes. She drew the curtains around her bed, sealing them closed with a charm and putting a silencing spell on them. When her head finally hit the pillow, she found that the tears she'd been expecting just didn't come. No great waterworks. 

Yet she lay there, despite knowing she just saved her future with her friends, feeling achingly empty and numb. 

  ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・☽ ༓ ☾・  ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶  ̶̶̶̶

When James left to go back to his own room, Remus and Sirius immediately turned to each other. 

"There's no way," they both said simultaneously. 

"Her conversation with Malfoy wouldn't have made her kiss James if she didn't mean it," Remus insisted. 

"She definitely feels something for him, she practically admitted as much when I danced with her," Sirius confirmed. 

"So? What about James? Do we tell him?" 

They both looked at each other with bated breaths before Sirius groaned. 

"No- I don't think that'll change anything. James has always been blinded when it comes to Lily. I think Carina knew exactly what she was doing with that whole scene here." Sirius admitted. "I'm not confident that knowing would change James' mind, and I don't want to put Carina through that."  

"I suppose you're right," Remus said sadly.

  ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・☽ ༓ ☾・  ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶  ̶̶̶̶

The next morning was one of those rare days when Carina slept in. Unfortunately, she didn't have the foresight to determine what a truly horrible decision that was. It was the Sunday after a school ball. When Carina finally slipped into the Great Hall at 10 am, the entire room was packed with everyone who'd also slept in but woken up for brunch. 

The abnormally buzzing conversations for the typically lazy mornings after a ball came to a stuttering halt as Carina walked in. 

She paused, looking around uneasily. 

The entire school watched in concern as she looked around, her eyes finally finding the source of their anticipation. Right next to the Gryffindor table, which was luckily by the wall this term, stood Hogwarts' most talked about not-couple. James and Lily appeared to be in a tense discussion, with James sporting a pleading and disheveled look while Lily hugged her body in caution. 

Carina wished she could turn around and walk right back out of the room. 

Alas it was too late. Everyone had already seen her, and leaving now would send the signal that she was hurt. She approached the Gryffindor table quietly, hoping by some miracle she could slip into a seat near the end of her table where her younger students that she tutored sat. To her dismay, Lily caught sight of her, her head swiveling to the approaching girl. 

"Carina!" She cried. "Tell me this isn't true!" 

She saw Alice staring between Lily and herself wearily. The marauders were also seated at the table, all of them looking unsurprised but Peter. She supposed no one had updated him on last night's happenings. 

Carina sighed, walking up to the pair slowly. "I'm sorry, Lily. I'm afraid I can't." 

"So you really fake dated James Potter to make me jealous?" She yelled in disbelief, her voice resonating through the hall. 

All remaining conversations halted as everyone's heads swiveled to the standing trio. Carina winced, feeling the prickle of everyone's eyes on her. Even the Slytherins, who liked to remain aloof and disinterested, were watching in surprise. The collective gasp through the crowd was palpable. 

Carina sighed. Great, now everyone really knew.   

"Lily," James pleaded in an uncommonly serious voice. "We didn't do it to hurt you. She was just helping me out after I begged her to."  

"You, shut it," she snapped at James. "How could you do this?" Lily searched Carina's eyes desperately. "I thought you were my best friend, but even you lied to me?" 

"I am your best friend," Carina bristled, feeling frustrated that she made it seem like she'd betrayed Lily. "And I did it to help you see what was right in front of you this entire time! I'm sorry we had to lie to you, but I'm not sorry we did it. It worked didn't it?" She watched her friend knowingly. 

Lily froze, glancing around at everyone's staring faces. 

"That's not the point," she mumbled quietly. 

"Of course it's the point!" Carina exclaimed, giving in to her frustration entirely. "I've known you for 7 years, Lily Evans, and you're even more stubborn than James! As determined as he was to get you to give him a chance, you were even more determined to write him off. We didn't even do anything beyond our normal interactions other than tell you we were together and hold hands!"      

"What about that kiss?" Lily pointed out. 

Carina groaned internally. The entire school was watching them avidly, in disbelief that this was happening. Even the professors stayed silent, not even bothering to disrupt the scene. 

"We saw you coming," Carina lied easily. "Look, that's not the point here. The point is that James has liked you for years, and he was scared we'd all graduate before you ever gave him a chance. You know he never stops talking about you? If anything, this whole mess finally made you realize who he really is and not the bumbling fool he turns into when he's trying to get your attention," Carina shrugged unapologetically, earning a few chuckles from the students as James protested indignantly. 

"We wouldn't have continued it for long if we hadn't seen that you were interested in him," Carina assured her. "We just needed you to be honest about your feelings." 

"Really?" Lily whispered, studying her friend cautiously. 

"Really." 

Lily turned to James sniffling a little as she looked up at him through her lashes. "You really like me that much?"  

James smiled at her in relief, the happiness in his eyes practically making him glow. "Yes, I always have."

Lily exhaled, a small sound of amusement and joy escaping her as she stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, tucking herself into his chest. James froze, as did the rest of the Great Hall. 

"Does that mean you forgive me? You'll finally give us a go?" 

Lily pulled back, looking up at him with a teasing shrug. "I guess I should, given the lengths you went through to make it happen." 

"You guess?" James cried indignantly with a bark of laugher. He hauled her off the floor, her chest flush with hers as she squealed in surprise. "You crazy witch," he declared affectionately before finally sealing his lips over hers.   

There was a moment of silence before the entire hall erupted in whistles and cheers. 

"You finally got the girl, Potter," a seventh year Ravenclaw teased from their table, barking in laughter. 

"They're so adorable," whispered a Hufflepuff next to Carina. 

"I always knew he wouldn't have gotten over her so easily," her friend whispered back. 

The cheers and whispers became a buzz in Carina's ears. She found her mouth pulling into a practiced grin, feeling the muscles in her face as if she no longer had control of them. With everyone's focus on the new couple, Carina took the chance to retreat. She even made sure to wave hello and smile at some of her friends as she walked out of the room, playing up her part. 

Her feet led her out to the lake, her mind no longer cognizant of her surroundings. Luckily with everyone still inside, the grounds were essentially deserted. She plopped down by the lake, staring out at the lake as she felt the blood rushing in her ears. It was finally over. Done. It still felt surreal. She could only focus on her breaths, drawing in one after another steadily as she tried to calm her thundering heart.    

"Hi," a soft voice interrupted her as a petite form came to sit beside her. 

"Alice," Carina said in surprise. "What are you doing out here?" 

"Comforting a friend." She looked out over the lake as Carina stared at her in surprise. 

"I'm not sure I know what you mean," Carina insisted with a forced chuckle. 

"You can drop the act," Alice told her knowingly as she turned to look at her friend. "I know you'll never admit it, and you don't have to. But you also don't need to keep putting up those smiles around me. They must get tiring." 

Carina opened her mouth, only to close it. She did so several times over. 

"How did you know?" She finally asked. 

"I know you, Carina," the witch rolled her eyes. Carina might seem like an open book, but her masks came so naturally to her that even her closest friends might miss them if they didn't look closely enough. But she knew- because no one could've faked those moments she'd witnessed with James and Carina. Those moments where he'd brush aside her hair, or those lingering gazes when one didn't think the other was looking- precious moments meant only for themselves. "Lily might not see it because she's too close to the situation- perhaps she doesn't want to see it. You make it rather easy to believe." 

"You won't say anything?" Carina insisted.  

"Of course not," she assured. "You all made your choices- James most of all. It's not my place to interfere. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to keep up your mask all the time." 

Carina opened and closed her mouth a few more times, beginning to resemble a fish until Alice finally did her the favor of pushing it closed with a finger under her chin. 

"I love you," Carina told her gratefully, bumping her on the shoulder. 

"Yeah yeah," Alice bumped her back.          

  ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶«̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ・☽ ༓ ☾・  ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶ ̶̶̶ ̶»̶ ̶̶̶ ̶ ̶  ̶̶̶̶

*throws out the chapter like a grenade and ducks for cover expecting all the outrage in the comments/reviews*

Don't worry though, this story is just getting started. We're in for a hell of a ride, so strap in for the long haul. 

Yours Truly, 
adharyn