Friend #2: *holds up paper, which has a story about me marrying Friend #1's crush*

Me: nO

Friend #1: please don't be mad at me but

if you did that I would kill you

we're still friends though right

Me: yes

Friend 2: *paper now says that I break up with purple guy, friend 1 marries Purple guy, and I marry her crush*

Me: *turns to friend 1*

Me: tbh if that happened I'd kill you

Friend 1: yeah but is it okay if I like him

Me: yeah

Friend 1: and maybe date him for like a day

Friend 1: or maybe a week, but then still break up with him and let you marry him

Me: yes that'd be fine

Friend 2: *holds up paper again*

*le five minutes later*

Friend 1: *hugging me really tight*

Friend 1: IM SORRY BUT WHHYYYY WHY MUST THIS WORLD BE SO CRUELLLLL

Me: YEAH (FRIEND 2's NAME) WHY, WHY MUST YOU BETRAY US IN THIS WAY

Me: WHY MUST YOU TRY TO TURN US AGAINST EACH OTHER