Gordon, getting an F in a geography test: why won't god just kill me?

Confused smother hen Scott: ...

Confused smother hen Scott: you wanna talk about something squid?

——

Gordon, Getting hit by one of hoods bad guy: your mum hit me harder than that!

Vaguely embarrassed Virgil: ...... GORDON

——

Gordon, falling and being impaled: well this is a cause for minor concern...

Confused and worried space case (John): ....bitch...u good?

——

Gordon, being hit by a falling rock in a cave rescue: what the fuck, Richard!

Internet fluent Kayo who knows exactly what's happening: now is not the fucking time Gordon

——

Gordon, getting roundhouse kicked in the face by someone staging a fake rescue: aw fuck, I can't believe you done this!

Georgia and Alan, well educated meme lords: *aplauding*

*****

Gordon and Georgia *over comms*: drunk piloting!

Alan : please message me when you get back

*later*

Gordon and Georgia: LAND HO BITCH

*****

Gordon: Why don't We ever get to pilot 2? Is it because you're the guy? The big macho man?

Georgia: yeah what's up with that are we just not worthy of this opportunity?

Virgil: No. It's coz I didn't think your little feet would reach the pedals

*****

Virgil: I relate to Belle because she has the same colouring as me, she's imaginative, and she loves people for their souls.

Gordon: I relate to tinkerbell because if she's not the centre of attention she dies

Georgia: honestly same

*****

Scott: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

John: I'd say even infinitesimally.

Gordon: And I'd say teenily-weenily, I get it, we're all good at words.

*****

Alan: What do people in their twenties do except go to the grocery store?

John: Sometimes we lie in bed, paralyzed by the knowledge that life is neither meaningful nor enjoyable.

Kayo : And then we go get snacks!

(Tumblr)

*****

Scott: We're going out in public, I expect you to be on your best behavior.

Gordon: Yeah Virgil

Kayo: and Alan,

Kayo and Gordon: are you two listening?

Scott: I only meant you two so basically just don't set anything on fire, get arrested, kill anyone or get killed, promise?

Kayo and Gordon, fingers crossed behind their backs: promise

Virgil: u do realise they had their fingers crossed right

[smoke alarm in the distance, police yelling and chasing Kayo and Gordon, Gordon and Kayo attempting to zip line down a banner]

Alan: if anyone asks we are in no way related to those 2 we disown them starting now

[Everyone nods in agreement]

*****

Scott: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Scott: [aggressively throws water bottle at Gordon]

Gordon: oUCH!

Georgia: ha

Scott: [aggressively throws water bottle at Georgia]

Georgia: hey oUCH!

Gordon: ha

Virgil: He's trying to yell mental health and well-being into us.

Scott: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Alan, crying: It's working

*****

Gordon: [does one push up]

Gordon: I could kill a god I'm so fucking strong

*****

Gordon: I wasn't hurt that badly! The doctor said all the bleeding was internal!

Gordon: That's where bloods supposed to be!

(Brooklyn 99)

*****

Alan [texting Gordon]: Did you just hang up on me because I said 'on fleek'?

Gordon[responding]: Yes. Zero tolerance policy.

*****

The Hood: He's really making me nervous now 

Gordon: *Waving mallet around* Good! Give me a reason to use it I dare you!