Gordon: You can win any argument by saying "shut up nerd" whenever the other person speaks.

John: Actually, you can't.

Gordon: Shut up nerd.

*****

Gordon: Are lobsters mermaid-scorpions?

John:

John: Gordon, it's four in the fucking morning

*****

Gordon: Yeah skincare is paramount for me.

Scott: Paramount to what?

Gordon: I don't know. I just learned that word.

*****

Gordon: Stop it! Do you want me to never talk to you again?!

Georgia: ...

Gordon: ...What?

Georgia: Hang on, I'm considering.

*****

Alan: I wrote my last will and testament, because I live my life in constant danger!

Gordon: I wrote my last will and testament coz I'm a dumbass who's gonna kill or maim himself in an extremely stupid way

John: I wrote my last will and testament because life is fleeting and you never know when you or a loved one will die.

Gordon: Ugh, you're kind of a bummer. Anyone ever tell you that?

John: Yeah.

Alan:

*****

Virgil: ....

Gordon: ....

Virgil: I know you don't want to talk about it.

Gordon: I don't want to talk about it.

Virgil: But I think we should talk about it.

Gordon: I don't think we should talk about it.

*****

*When Gordon and Georgia get captured*

Alan: I have a plan.

Scott: You've got a plan?

Alan: Yes.

Scott: First of all, you're copying me from when I said I had a plan.

Alan: No, I'm not! People say that all the time, it's not that unique of a thing to say.

Scott: Secondly, I don't even believe you have a plan.

Alan: I have... part of a plan!

John: What percentage of a plan do you have?

Alan: I dunno. Twelve percent.

Kayo: "Twelve percent"? *breaks into raucous laughter*

Alan: That's a fake laugh.

Kayo: IT'S REAL!

Alan: Totally fake!

Kayo: That is the most real, authentic, hysterical laugh of my entire life, because that is not a plan!

John: It's barely a concept.

Alan: You're taking his side?

Virgil: It's better than eleven percent.

Scott: What the heck does that have to do with anything?

Alan: Thank you, Virgil.

*****

Virgil: I told you to call me when you guys got home last night

Kayo: Shitty memory who this

Gordon: mmm yeah I got nothing. George?

Georgia: Nope, Alan?

Alan: I was an innocent and sober bystander stuck with 2 drunk 16 year olds who suddenly became really dumb and had no common sense or regard to their personal safety, and a drunk 19 year old who tried to initiate fights with furniture. I was the 16 year old on the side lines I ain't goin down with you on this...

Kayo, Gordon and Georgia:........ hehehe 

Virgil: Alan you leave, the rest of you-

Kayo, Gordon and Georgia: *runs*

Virgil: GOD FUCKING DA- ALAN EVACUATE THE PREMISIS, EVERYONE KEEP KAYO AND THE TWINS AWAY FROM ALAN THIS IS A CODE RE- COLOUR WORSE THAN RED, WE COULD HAVE AN ASSASINATION ABOUT TO OCCUR

Alan: *unholy screeching*

*****

Gordon: Fuck, I want to die,

Scott: Hey, language!

Gordon: Heckity heck, I crave death.

Scott: better : )

*****

Georgia: I'm pretty sure I'm going to Hell because of our twinship.

Gordon: Last one there wins!

*****

Scott: Is it bad?

Gordon, bleeding profusely from a knife stab to his stomach: As opposed to good?