"I remember when my heart broke. I remember when I gave up loving you. My heart couldn't take no more of you I was sad and lonely. I remember when I walked out. I remember when I screamed I hated you. But somehow deep inside still loving you. Sad and lonely." - Keyshia Cole

JESSICA

Montana, Darius, and I are in my hosital room. I'm laying down and they're sitting on the couch in the corner. We've been here for a couple of hours. The nurse came and took blood and got a urine sample from me so they can see what's wrong. I was right about the rash on my stomach, it was an allergic reaction. They said it will be gone in a day or two.

"Yo, what if you really are pregnant? Ant might shoot himself in his head for real. He in love with you, sis." Darius mumbles, earning a crazy look from Montana and I. "Not trying to start anything but Ant really is a good dude. He claims he loves Polly but there's no way. He treats her like she disgusts him. He tries to pretend like he cares but it's hard for him to do that, so I feel like there's a deeper reason for him going through with this wedding. I could be wrong, but I don't think so." he adds, reminding me of how he used to be.

"I'm with your brother and he's my baby, Darius. I'm done with Ant." I say. "You aren't over Ant and even Ant himself knows that. So does Montana, he just doesn't want to think about it or believe it." Darius says. I shake my head no.

"That's not true. I love your brother. Montana knows I'm all his. He treats me so much better." I say. "You're in love with the way he makes you feel, not him." Darius says. "Know the difference." he adds.

"So, you team Ant too?" Montana asks, breaking the silence. Darius looks at him. "No, I'm team nobody. I was just calling it like I see it. I have no team in this though, as long as Jessica's okay." he answers Montana.

"And everyone know you love Ant. You stalk his social media accounts and he stalks yours. And you don't dislike Polly for being a pornstar, you dislike her for a deeper reason. She has what you've always wanted and that's Ant. Realistically, you don't hate her, you're hating on her and you've had a problem with her the very day you were introduced to her for that reason." he says.

"Shut the fuck up, Darius because you're about to cause unnecessary problems in my relationship with Montana with these dumb ass assumptions and I don't want or need my man mad at me for that shit." I say.

Montana leans back in his seat, chuckling. "Maybe, I should just go and merk Polly." Montana randomly says, putting a smile on my face. The thought of him killing her makes me want to ride his dıck into the sunset right now.

"And then I should give Ant the most painful death known to man. Yeah, I'll be back. Call and tell me what's going on. I'm about to go ahead and kill that nigga, I don't need his ass causing me and you problems. You over him, right?" Montana asks, standing while putting a clip in his gun. My eyes widen. "Montana, quit. Don't do that." I say, jumping off the bed.

He stares at me, chuckling. "Sit yo ass down." he demands, then sits back on the couch. "You just failed the test." Darius mumbles. "What test? Are you serious? Why would I want him to kill the father of my children?" I ask him, getting mad as hell. "You still love him." Darius says. I shake my head at them.

The doctor walks in. "Hellooooo, Ms. Pretty. Well, let's get straight to it. You are not pregnant. You have the stomach virus that's been going around lately. It should be gone in a couple of more days." Dr. Thames says. "So, are you sure she ain't pregnant?" Montana asks. "Absolutely sure. It's a virus. No baby." he answers, smiling. "Anymore questions?" he asks, smiling. "Yeah, is it any way you could check and see if she's really taking birth control and plan b pills? Cause I hit that damn near everyday. Can you check her blood and see?" Montana asks.

"Are you serious? You can't be for real! I don't want a baby, Montana, damn! Quit trying to force that on me, if I wanted it, I know how to get it!" I snap on him. Dr. Thames awkwardly laughs. "Well, honestly I can't do anything the patient doesn't want." he answers Montana.

"Okay, thank you anyway. Yall ready to go?" Montana asks. I stand, then walk out ahead of him. "Seriously? You mad?" he asks, catching up with me. "I really am because that was embarrassing. I'm not trying to get pregnant right now. Maybe, later if we're together long enough, but not now, okay? Don't be mad." I say. "Alright, my bad, Jessica." he says. "Why do you want a child so bad, Montana? Like, what's your reason?" I ask him out of curiosity. "Don't worry about it if you ain't trying to have my seed." he mumbles, walking ahead of me.

I shake my head. "I know you know why your brother's so obsessed with this whole baby thing." I whisper to Darius. "My brother gets obsessed with things he loves and you're one of them. He's seriously a crazy person. I don't know why he wants a baby by you so bad, only time will tell." he says. I sigh then nod my head as we walk back to the car.

"I'm about to go hit the streets when I drop yall off. I still got unfinished business to handle." Montana says. I nod my head. "In other words, you're about to go impregnate someone just because I won't have your child?" I ask. He looks at me like I lost my mind. "In other words, hell naw." he sarcastically answers.

I roll my eyes. "Okay." I say. It gets dead silent. "Well, I'm going out too so Jessica, will you be okay alone or do you want me to stay?" Darius asks. "Naw, I'm visiting Ant's dad today anyway." I say. They nod their heads.

-

Both of them left to do their own thing, and I just pulled up to Antonio's house. Ant's dad always liked me a lot for some reason so I visit him every chance I get. "Shit." I mumble, rolling my eyes at Ant's cherry red Beamer that's parked directly behind his dad's black Range Rover.

I check my hair and makeup then get out the car. I changed into something nice before I came. I get out then walk to the front. The guards greet me. I smile and wave at them then ring the doorbell to his huge house. The maid opens the door. "Hey, Ms. Jessica." she greets me. I smile and wave at her. She's young, in her twenties, and she's a beautiful dark-skinned woman with a nice body. I wouldn't be surprised if she's fucking Ant's dad. He looks and acts young and he's the definition of sex appeal.

I walk in. "Where is Antonio?" I ask her. "Somewhere downstairs." she answers. I nod my head, then follow the loud talking and laughing straight down to his man cave.

Ant, Tez, and Vonte are all in here. "Antez!" I exclaim, hugging Tez tight. I haven't seen him in so long. He hugs me around my lower waist. "Wassup ma?" he asks in my ear, making me smile.

I pull away. "Hey, how you been?" I ask. "Chillin'. Wassup with you?" he asks, smiling from ear to ear. "Man, a lot. I missed you." I say. "I missed you more, baby girl." he says. "How come you never hit me up then?" I ask. "Because you blocked my number, remember?" he asks. I shake my head no. "I definitely didn't." I say. He chuckles.

I look at Vonte. Things are kinda awkward between us to this very day. He only wanted to be in the kids' lives. We don't even have much of a bond anymore. He nods his head at me. "Sup?" I ask. "Mane, give me a hug." he says, finally giving in. He pulls me in a big, long hug. I smile. "We good?" I ask. He nods his head yes.

"So... I suppose I'm not here, daughter in law." Antonio says, smiling. I laugh then give him a big hug. "Don't call this broad daughter in law, she with Montana and I don't want her ass. Don't give her that title." Ant says with an attitude. "Nigga, shut up." All the guys say at the same time, giving him looks of disgust.

I laugh. "Antonio, don't be like that. I brought stuff to make brownies with, your favorite. Where's the kids?" I ask, smiling. "They with Nathan." Ant dryly answers. I roll my eyes at him then redirect my attention to his dad. "So, do you want to make them or wait until another day when the kids are here?" I ask. "The kids." he answers.

I smile. "Ooh, somebody's getting old." I joke, then snatch out the single piece of gray hair in his head. He laughs. "Man, did you really pull my hair out, lil girl? Maybe, I wanted my piece of gray." he says. I jokingly blow the piece of hair off my finger, making him laugh.

"So, what were yall doing?" I ask them. "Looking at Ant's tux for the wedding." Tez answers, nodding his head to a money green, gold, and silver tuxedo with a big ass button with Polly's ass on it and a pair of neon green shoes sitting next to it.

I shake my head, staring at it. "Problem?" Ant asks, thumping me in my forehead. I push him. "Don't touch me, nigga!" I snap on him. "Or what? I don't appreciate you showing your ass earlier!" he snaps, walking up on me. "And? I don't appreciate your existence, now could you please get away from me?" I ask, pushing him.

The guys start laughing while they record us. "Yall laughing but I'm dead serious. Yall better get this nigga. Antonio, get your son before I pepper spray his ugly ass." I say. "I ain't in it, baby girl." his dad says, chuckling while smoking his Cuban cigar.

"You ain't gone do nothing." Ant says, glaring down at me. "Move!" I demand as he backs me up to the wall. "Yall cute." Vonte jokes. "Seriously, move. I'm taken." I say. "I'm engaged, don't nobody want her ugly ass." Ant says with an attitude, getting out of my face. "A gotdamn lie!" the guys exclaim in sync, then fall out laughing.

"Chill out. We done." Ant says. "Oh my God, pops, how will I live with myself if she pregnant by Montana? Jesus, I can't breathe. Boo hoo hoo." Antonio mocks Ant, chuckling. I smile a little. "Well, I wanted to tell everyone I am pregnant with Montana's child." I lie.

They get dead silent. Tez starts chuckling, catching on to the look I gave him. Ant glares at me then snatches me off the ground by my shirt. "You what?" he yells at me, touching my stomach. "Put me down!" I scream at him, slapping him. I hate how much bigger than me he is, he be tossing me around and shit.

He puts me down. "I'm not really pregnant but why do you even care?" I ask him. "Cause I don't want you to have no more kids by another nigga, like, what the fuck?" Ant snaps. "And you need to quit playing!" he adds.

I roll my eyes. "Get away from me." I demand. "Man, why you playing games, baby girl? You want my son." Antonio says. "Pops, stop being messy. Our love is dead and gone. I don't want her." Ant says. "Yeah, what he said. He's marrying Polly, man." I say. "That bothers you, don't it?" Tez asks, grinning. "Yall are messy." I say.

"Answer the question. Does it bother you?" Tez asks. "Obviously. I don't want my kids' step mom to be a nasty hoe." I say. "And I don't want my kids' so called step father to be a psychotic serial killer ass hit man, drug dealer so what's your point?" Ant asks. "But Ant, you're all those things minus the hit man part so who are you to judge my man?" I ask. "You can't stay with one nigga to save your life. You be on some straight hoe shit so who are you to judge my bitch?" he shoots back.

"You so disrespectful. This exactly why she's the only person who wants you. You called her your bitch." I say, shaking my head. "You're setting a bad example for our sons." I add. "And? My daughter is only six and seen you all on my brother, all on Montana, and all on me so what kind of example you think you setting? At least I try to hide my wrong doing from them, you just openly a hoe." he says. I draw back then punch him as hard as I can in his jaw, sending him flying into his dad.

Ant charges at me, only to get snatched back by his brother, cousin, and dad. "We don't hit women round here! Calm your ass down! And Jessica, act like you got some sense and keep your hands to yourself! Sit yall asses down, we having a talk!" his dad yells at us. Ant and I continue to glare at each other. "Now!" his dad yells louder. I roll my eyes then sit down on the love seat. Ant sits across from me on the couch next to his dad.

"We about to get to the bottom of all of this. Jessica, why do you hate him so much?" his dad asks. "I don't hate this nigga, I just dislike him and all the stupid things he does and I hate what he put me through but I don't hate him." I answer. "How do you feel?" Antonio asks. I sigh. "I don't feel anything." I answer.  He gives me the look. I sigh. "Alright. To be honest, when I chose Montana after I had our kids, I felt so guilty. I was in deep love with Ant. He was all I ever wanted from the time I met him when I was sixteen. He hurt me so bad, Antonio." I say, breaking down crying while I think about it.

"People talked so bad about me and still to this day do because I chose Montana but they don't understand how I felt. Ant was my first true love, I promise you he was. I was thinking long term with him since I was sixteen years old. I tried my best to be a good girlfriend over years. I visited him all the time while he was locked up. I made sure he was okay. He shitted on me and I still came back because my heart wouldn't let me leave him. The process just kept on repeating itself. He'd cheat and lie, I'd take him back, fuck him, and then boom... the same thing. I'm still to this day insecure as hell because of him. Ant would really tear me down. It's a lot that went on that people don't know about. Ant used to call me all types of bitches, hoes, ugly, slut, and some more. He'd say foul shit to tear me down. He'd tell me how he can do whatever he wanted to do cause he knew my dumb, hoe ass was gone be right back all on his dıck in the end. I held a grudge against him for a long ass time. And let's not forget how many times Darius had to pull him off me when he'd jump on me. We made Darius promise to not tell anyone but Ant would get drunk and talk crazy to me and jump on me trying to fight! Nobody knows all of that though! So, why the fuck am I wrong for being with Montana? Yeah, he fucked up but Ant's worse!" I scream. I've never vented about this bullshit. I just keep quiet.

"Ant treated me like shit! The bad outweighed the good and we both know that! I know he loved me though and I loved him but it is what it is. I remember all the shit he did to me. Antonio, you don't know how many times I cried over your son. So, I chose Montana over him because as much as I wanted to say yes to Ant's proposal, I knew that deep down, I would be going through pure hell with him. I did what I had to do by choosing Montana. And okay, I admit it. I'm very jealous of Polly. I do hate on her but only because I don't understand it. He was loyal to her, Antonio! When we finally started communicating after all those years, I promise you he was treating her like a damn queen. He wouldn't even come close to looking at another woman. I don't know what happened now, but he was still treating her like he valued her! It pisses me off because I still don't understand what she has that I didn't have? Why couldn't I be treated like that? I was good to you, Ant, so why did I get treated like a hoe on the streets and not her?" I scream.

Ant doesn't say anything. "Yall wanted me to say how I feel and I did! I love Montana regardless of how he messed up those two times! He makes me feel so special, man, I swear he does! But I'll always love you, Ant! I'll admit it and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, I love you so much! I love everything you are and what you stand for now despite your flaws! I really, truly do love you but this shit dead! We could never work and I'd rather stay where I don't have to be treated like shit. Okay, everybody knows I lie when I say I'm over you. I could never get over someone who was such a huge part of my life, but I'm good with my man." I admit.

"Damn." Tez mumbles, wrapping his arm around me while I cry. That's why I'm with Montana instead. "Son, your turn." Antonio quietly says. Ant pulls a blunt out his pocket. "I need to smoke." he mumbles, shaking his head. His dad snatches the blunt then throws it. "Talk. Tell this girl what you tell me, Vonte, and Tez. She poured her heart out to you, now it's your turn to do the same." Antonio says.

"I can't. I'm in too deep, I'm getting married, pops. I can't do it." Ant says, shaking his head. I stand up, then grab my purse. "I'll see yall later." I say, then walk to the door of his man cave. Somebody grabs my arm. I turn around and stare at Ant as he holds me by my arm.

"Sit back down." he mumbles, then walks back to the couch. I reluctantly walk back over to the love seat and sit. "Alright." he says, then takes a deep breath. "First, I want to apologize for doing you so wrong. I wasn't at a good place in my life and I really needed help but had too much pride to get it. I really did love you though, Jessica, and I hate myself for letting you slip away. I changed for the better over all those years and Polly was my woman, so I treated her like it. I didn't treat you right because like I said, I wasn't the man I am today back then. I was stupid and confused. I understand why you chose Montana and it's cool. I'll admit it too, I still love you. I think about you all day everyday and I wish it could be me and you planning a nice, beautiful wedding somewhere on an island and having a few more babies and that's real shit. I try not to take my hate and jealously  out on Polly but I always do because I wish she was you. I'll never love another woman the way I love you, Jessica. I know first loves don't always last forever. I understand that. So, I just wanted to tell you that no matter who I'm with or who you with, it's gone always be real on this side. You somebody I could never forget. All I do is wish I would've done right. Just like you jealous of who I'm with, I'm damn sure jealous of you and Montana. Just knowing another nigga get to touch you in a way I touched you for the first time or have a life with you bothers me but I know I can't do anything about it because it's the consequences of my selfish and dumb decisions I made in the past. I'm really sorry for all I ever put you through and I wish you good luck with Montana. He really is good to you and that's all I want." Ant says, turning red and playing with his fingers.

"Damn. This like the first time I ever heard him talk like that." Tez mumbles. "Be quiet, nephew." Antonio demands. "I wish you good luck with Polly and I forgive you for everything." I say. He nods his head. "Thank you." he says. I wipe the tears off of my face.

"Hug it out." his dad says, taking pictures. "Come on, dad, quit taking pictures of them in a deep moment. You so awkward." Vonte says. I stand up. Ant stands then walks over to me then pulls me in a close, tight hug. I bury my face in his chest, crying all over his shirt while he holds me close. I look up at his face. He's staring straight ahead with a couple of tears rolling down his face, still holding me tight.

I'm glad we had this conversation because I needed to get everything off my chest and so did we. We both needed closure and now we finally got it.

He pulls me closer and continues to hold me. He moves his hand down to my ass. I pull away. "Don't push it, nigga." I say. He laughs. "I wouldn't be me if I didn't get a little nasty." he jokes in Trey Songz's voice, making everybody laugh.

"Whatever. So... Montana and Darius are gone so I'm gonna stay over here and chill with yall." I say. "I'm going to sleep. I'm tired  now, yall depressed and drained me. Good night." Antonio says, then walks out. "Same here. Pops, let me get in yo bed." Vonte says, following behind him. "Fuck no. We two grown ass men, you got life messed up." I hear Antonio say, making me, Ant, and Tez laugh.

Tez whispers something in Ant's ear, hands him something on the low, then slaps hands with him. I wonder what all that was about cause Ant can't stop smiling and laughing. "Aight. I ain't gone be a cock blocker so imma just go raid uncle Antonio's kitchen." Tez says. "Ain't nobody getting no cock, boy, you can stay." I say. He ignores me, laughing while he walks out, closing the door behind him.

I look at Ant. "So, you wanna play a game?" he asks. "Sure." I say. He walks over to the large TV that's mounted into the wall then turns it on. He tosses me a Playstation controller then turns the game on. "We bout to chill like old times. I'll be right back." he says, making me smile. This should be fun.

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