"Forgiveness is the final form of love." - Reinhold Niebuhr

JESSICA

"Mommy, can we see daddy?" Majesty asks, poking my thigh as I cook dinner. I stop, then glance at him. The kids haven't asked about him the whole year we've been living in Memphis. The twins are seven now, I'm twenty seven,  and Reign is six. I never changed my number and Ant hasn't even tried to call and see about them.

The only people who called and checked on my babies over the year is KeKe, Nathan, Ms. Regina, and even Polly's hoe ass had the nerve to call and ask if they were okay and if they needed anything claiming she cared about them. That was bullshit in my opinion.

"You wanna see your daddy?" I ask. He nods his head. "I miss him a little and I miss my brothers. Why can't we see Jessie and KeKe? I like talking to them on the phone but I want to see them." he pouts, crying.

I turn the stove off, then extend my arms. He walks closer. I pick him up then kiss his cheek. "Baby, don't cry. You gone make mommy cry." I mumble, holding back tears as I carry him into the living room. I never left to hurt my kids. I was just so tired of everything in California and Miami to where I couldn't take it. Part of why I didn't change my number was so Ant could still have a relationship with the kids. I threatened him and all, but I was just mad. It shocked me when he didn't try to reach out.

"Reign, Majesty, come here!" I yell throughout my five bedroom house. It's just me and my kids living here. I watch as they race down the stairs. "Huh?" Noble asks. "Yall miss daddy?" I ask. Both of them look at each other. "A little. I miss how he did my hair and stuff." Reign mumbles, looking down. "Uh... I kinda forgot I had a daddy. I want some pizza." Noble answers, shrugging his shoulders.

I sigh. I haven't been stressed and upset since I got here. I want my kids happy no matter  what, but I feel like it's about to be drama with Ant if I call and I don't want or need that. "Okay, go play. I'll talk to yall in a second." I mumble. I watch as they run out, then pull my phone out my sweat pants pocket. I go through my contacts, then click on Ant's name in my phone which is Pussy punk bitch with a fist next to it.

I roll my eyes, then hang up. He blocked my number. I get up and grab the house phone, then dial his phone number. It rings a few times. "Hello?" A woman answers. "Um... can I speak to Ant?" I ask. I don't care about who she is to him, I don't care about him. I just want to make my babies happy. "He isn't home. Who's this?" she asks. "I know that mothafucka is there, tell him it's his baby momma that should've got an abortion." I sarcastically answer.

I know that was uncalled for but I know the type of games Ant likes to play.  He never would let anyone but me and the kids touch his phone, so I know damn well he handed that phone off cause he knew it was me.

"Excuse me?" she asks. "Put him on the phone." I demand. "He does not want to talk to you and he doesn't need the stress. I'm not trying to be rude, but he's going through some shit and he don't need nobody bitching at him." she says. "Who the hell are you?" I ask. "I'm his sister." she answers. "His sister is dead. Try again." I say. "I'm not Anyah, I'm his other sister Summer. I'm only seventeen, we have the same dad. So, no, I'm not a woman who wants him or something. I'm just looking out for my brother. He doesn't want to speak to you right now." she says.

"Please, give him the phone." I say, trying hard to stay calm. Everything about Ant pisses me off. She sighs. "Give it." I hear him say in the background. It gets quiet. "What?" he dryly asks. "So... you forgot you have kids?" I ask. "Nope." he answers. "So, it's been a year and you haven't even tried to be here for them." I say. "You claim Montana a better father, then let the nigga raise em. I'm not good enough for you, I'm not good enough for my kids, shit, I ain't good enough for nobody. I ain't shit, Jessica. I really ain't shit. So, if another nigga can do a better job at putting a smile on my kids faces than me, so be it. I only want em happy." he dryly says.

"Ant... come on, they asked about you. Fuck you, I could care less about you and your personal life but my kids love and need you. I didn't even move away for you to not be in their lives, I moved to be happy and get away from the drama and stress because I couldn't take it and I felt like I had nothing left. I didn't even change my phone number when I got here just so you could still be in their lives. Can we both be two mature adults and ignore our issues so the kids can have two parents in their lives and be happy?" I ask. He doesn't say anything.

"What happened to Montana?" he finally asks. "He comes around a lot to get their  hair cut, take them places, and buy them stuff but he's only my friend." I answer. "You still fuckin' him?" he dryly asks. "What does that have to do with my kids?" I ask. "Answer it." he says. I sigh. "It's really none of your business but I had sex with him when I first got here. I haven't had sex with him or anyone else in a year. Now that you got your answer, are you gonna be in your kids' lives or not?" I ask, annoyed.

"I'm in New Orleans chillin' with my dad and sister. This where I been staying for the past month. Send me your address, imma drive down there to Memphis. Don't tell the kids, it's a surprise. And when I get there, don't start no shit with me. Ignore my presence for all I care, I just want to see my kids." he says. "Fine." I say, then hang up the phone in his face.

I send him the address to my house then lock my phone. New Orleans is about five to six hours away from Memphis if you drive. I get up then start cleaning up. I walk into the kitchen, then fix my kids' plates so they can eat. It's ten in the morning right now, so I'll take a nap and around four Ant should be here.

-

I'm in the bathroom straightening my hair. I got dressed and did my make up and I got the kids ready too. Ant should be here any minute. I took a long nap with the kids. They have no idea their dad is coming to see them.

I sit the flat irons down, then comb my hair. I put my diamond stud earrings in my ears. I look down at my hand then sigh. I don't even know why I still wear his sister's ring he gave me when I was sixteen.

The doorbell rings. I walk out the bathroom, then run down the stairs. I look out the peephole, then open the door for Ant. He's buffer than he was last time I saw him, he cut his hair down a little, and he has a couple of new tattoos on his arms. He also looks stressed, like he doesn't care about shit anymore.

"You gone let me see my kids or you just gone stare at me?" he dryly asks. I roll my eyes then let him in. I close and lock the door behind him.

He goes and sits on the couch. I watch in annoyance as he puts his feet on my coffee table. I go kick his legs off. "Get some home training, don't put your feet on my table." I snap, then roll my eyes.

"Noble, Majesty, Reign, come here! It's a surprise!" I yell throughout  the house. All three of them run in here. Reign and Majesty start screaming, then jump on Ant, hugging him.  "This isn't the surprise I had in mind. Mommy, can I go back to my room and watch TV?" Noble bluntly asks.

"Damn, it's like that?" Ant asks him as he holds Majesty and Reign in his arms like they're still  little babies. "Yep." Noble answers.

"So, you ain't gone talk to me?" Ant asks. "Where were you this whole time? Why you never talk to us?" Noble asks, folding his arms across his chest. I look down at my fingers. My baby swears he's the man of the house and he has no problem with speaking his mind even though he's so young.

Ant sighs. "I made some mistakes and said some things I never should've said. We all fuck up sometimes. I'm gonna be honest with yall, daddy didn't feel good enough to be in yall's lives and I'm sorry. I'm here now and I'm not going nowhere and I love yall." Ant apologizes to them, blinking out a couple of tears.

My eyes tear up a little as Majesty and Reign hug him telling him it's okay. I look at Noble as he continues to stand there with his arms folded across his chest and attitude all over his face. He starts moving around a little, then runs and jumps in Ant's arms, hugging him around his neck. "I love you too, daddy." Noble mumbles, crying hard as shit on Ant's shoulder.

I cover my mouth with my hand, lightly crying as they have their moment. The kids finally pull away. "Are you living in Memphis too?" Reign asks. "Naw... I don't know, baby girl." he answers. "Can we go somewhere? It's not that much fun stuff in Memphis but we can go Incredible  Pizza." Majesty says, smiling wide.

"Whatever yall want. But first let me talk to yall momma. Go upstairs right quick." Ant demands. They do as told. He looks at me. "What?" I ask. "Uh... thank you." he says. "For what?" I ask. "Callin' me and letting me see em." he says. I shrug my shoulders. "You're the father, what do you expect?" I ask. He sighs. "Look... I never should've said I wished you got an abortion. That was fucked up. I didn't mean it, I was just mad as fuck."he says. "Just because you were mad doesn't justify what you did and said. First of all, I didn't start with you in the first place." I say. "I know. Honestly, I only snapped cause I was mad at you for hopping straight back to Montana after you basically played with my emotions and all my anger and frustration from that came out in that moment and I'm sorry." he says.

"Really, that's some weak ass shit. You sat there and snapped on me for no apparent reason. This is so idiotic to me. It was a year ago, I could care less. I love myself more than I ever have now. I love myself and I love all three of my babies and that's all I need. So, I forgive you for all your shit. It means nothing to me." I say.

He nods his head. "So... Montana your nigga?" he asks, glancing at the picture of Montana, the kids, and I on Christmas last year that's sitting on the fire place. "Nope. I don't have, want, or need a man. I told you I love myself. Finding myself was one of the best things I could've ever done. I'm happy, Ant. I'm really happy." I say, smiling.

"Well, I'm happy for you. That's good." he says, putting his hands in his pockets. "So, did you two ever get married?" I ask. "Not yet. The wedding is a couple of months away though." he answers. I nod my head then smile. Him being engaged to her doesn't even hurt me anymore. I don't feel jealous or sad at all.

"Congratulations. I wish you two the best." I say in all honesty. "Thank you." he says. I stare at him for a second as he awkwardly looks around. "Do you even love her or are you settling?" I ask. He sighs. "I'm confused right now. I care about her... but I don't really know if I should marry her. Everything has been stressin' me out." he answers.

"Well... you got a couple of months to figure it out. Good luck." I say. He laughs a little. "I know you got a nigga somewhere down here." he says. I shake my head no. "No, I don't.  Of course, plenty of guys have tried to talk to me since I've been here. Doctors, nurses, lawyers, drug dealers, and even a couple of pastors. But I turned them all down. I want to just chill until love finds me. I think I'll know when it's real." I say.

He nods his head. "Aight." he says. "How is Darius?" I ask. I think about him all the time. He hurt my feelings so bad, but I still love him as my baby  brother. He's  nineteen now and I hate how I haven't seen or heard from him since that day but he crosses my mind every single day.

"He good, I guess. He dealin' with depression though. He always ask about you. He be cryin' to Ms. Regina about how he never should've said whatever he said to you. He misses you like crazy." he answers. I smile a little. It's good to know he still loves me.

"Tell him I forgive him for what he said and whenever he's ready to reach out, feel free to call me and I'll answer and welcome him back into my life with open arms. We all make mistakes." I say.

"What he say that was so bad?" he asks. "Nothing. It was a mistake." I answer. I don't need Ant trying to kill Darius over what he said.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Well... I'm finna take my kids out. You coming?" he asks. I shrug my shoulders. "I will for them." I answer. He nods his head. "I'll go get em." he mumbles, then walks out. I sigh, thanking God that went well. I'm glad we handled it the mature way.

DARIUS

"D, come here!" Montana yells throughout his house. I live with my brother because I feel guilty as hell every time I step foot in Ant's house. I feel like everything's my fault. Jessica never would've left if I didn't say what I said. I didn't even mean what I said, I was just mad and started running my mouth.

I don't know why I even bothered with Yanda. That hoe was setting me up but I was too in love to see it. I take a deep breath, then walk to the kitchen where he is. "Huh?" I ask. "Today is the day I end it all." he simply says. I nod my head, not really caring. He's been torturing Yanda for a whole year and today he's killing her. "And I'm gonna leave her body on her father's porch. They want war, that's what  they got." he says.

I nod my head. I'm not sad about it at all. I got with Yanda when I was fifteen. I was into books, she wasn't. I thought she was kind of cute, so I said hey. I wasn't ever shy or anything, I just stayed to myself other than when I was with Liah. Most girls would be attracted to me, then when they got to know me they hated me. They thought I was a nerd, so I never had a girlfriend. The only female friend I had at the time was Liah because she was smart as shit just like I was. So, Yanda was the first girl people considered cool that gave me a chance. Everyone knew who I was because my brother's Montana and Ant is like a brother and everybody knows who they are, but I still wasn't one of the cool kids. I made her name known, and she helped me become more social and laid back. I fell in love with her fun personality. It was something I wasn't used to. Eventually, she became my girl and we lasted three years until I started cheating all the time. Yanda's pussy was the first pussy I've ever seen in person and the first pussy I ever ate. She was my first kiss, shit she was even my first hug too. She was my first everything. She was my first love. Even though she turned into a snake on me, it doesn't change the fact we were each other's first loves. I could never deny that.

"You good?" Montana asks. I nod my head yes. "You just spaced out on me. You sure you okay?" he asks. "Yes, I'm fine. I have to go to class so, I'll see you later." I mumble, then walk out. I took a scholarship to UCLA. I could've easily got into Harvard or any school for that matter but I didn't want to. I wanted to go somewhere laid back where I'm treated normal.

I haven't talked to Liah in forever. Last I heard was she's at Yale on a scholarship. That's good for her. Her mom bumped into me at the grocery store a couple of months ago and told me.

I walk out the front door, then unlock my white Audi. I unlock my phone then stare at Jessica's number. I take a deep breath, then call. I've wanted to reach out so many times but I was scared.

She answers. "I still love you, Darius and I forgive you. You'll always be my baby brother." she says before I can say anything. I smile. Ant must have talked to her. "Love you too. I'll call you later." I say, then hang up,  trying not to get emotional. I still feel guilty and what she said meant a lot to me. I can't believe she still cares.

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