drowning.

drowning in emotion.

as if it suddenly all returned in a moment

of panic

a moment of existential crisis.

drowning.

no longer in the sea of Midori

but the sea of my own depression

surrounded by darkness.

drowning.

drowning myself.

because i couldn’t survive without her.

i held my breath as i lay in the bathwater

listening to my heart beat

in the silence the water provided.

when i came up for air

i heard a knock on the door.

“Sora-chan, the food is ready.”

Otousan.

you’re still here.

the thought echoed around my head

making itself known.

“i made your favourite.”

you’re still here.

you’re still here

with me.

i rinsed away tears

and glanced at the door.

you’re still here.

thank you for being here.

i noticed for the first time

that papa was a steadfast

someone who could keep going

keep moving

no matter what.

and for the first time i appreciated it.

“thank you, Otousan.”

and i meant it more than he could know.