“Sora-chan...”

both Midori and i stared

speechless

at what i had done.

and then the tears came

i shook my head

as the image of my mother blurred from water

just like it disentegrated before my eyes

all those years ago

when my father burnt her photos.

no no no no no no no no no no no no

all the time i’d spent recreating a memory

was turned to nothing

by the ruined paper in front of me.

“it didn’t look like her,” i muttered to myself

“it didn’t look like her it didn’t look like her she never smiled she was never smiling the painting was a lie a dirty dirty lie because she never smiled she never smiled at me why did she never smile?”

i covered my face with my hands

begging the pain to leave

begging my mother to leave

why was she still in my memory?

why wouldn’t she leave?

just go already

just go

just-

long arms around me

as i rocked back and forth

pulling me close.

i smelt her scent of lemongrass

fresh but comforting;

don’t leave me.