i found words spilling out of my mouth

and strangely enough

it was the first time i'd spoken them.

"my mother...

she suffered from depression.

i knew that

but i never understood.

when i was fifteen

she killed herself.

i was the one who found her body

in the bath.

i've hardly had a good night's sleep since."

i hadn't noticed my clenched fists

until Midori pulled them apart with her fingers.

she looked at me as if to say,

"what can i say?"

i looked down at our hands

and wished that we were somewhere else

in different circumstances

so that maybe i could appreciate it in a different way.

i glanced back at my painting

into my mother's eyes.

i still didn't understand.

and i didn't think i ever would.

but my father did-

he always had

always carried her pain with his own.

i wished i had done the same

then maybe the burden wouldn't have been so heavy

on her shoulders.

it was then that i felt myself crying for the first time in months.