My head. My thoughts. It's so fuzzy and hazy. When hesitantly take a small breath in, the cold air fills my lungs. I struggle to sit up, trying to piece the fuzzy bits of the world back together. The mother. Her baby. The mother's brown eyes filling with tears - that lonely gunshot ringing out... I will never, ever forget her face. Something swings into view, which I instantly recognise as a gun. And it looks like it's being pointed at me.

"Wait! Wait!" My mouth scrambles to keep up with my brain as it registers these could be my last seconds alive. I fumble in my pocket for the paper. "Here! You can't shoot me..." I know it sounds lame.

The person bends down, taking the paper with a small laugh. "Very nice to meet you... Miss Liestel - the commander's daughter, no less. How's your father?"

"Oh, yeah... dear old Dad." I mutter. Darn this stupid headache. "You didn't have to knock me out..."

"I daresay flinging yourself out into the open street at a guard in broad daylight isn't the best of ideas. The name's Ralf." I finally get a look at the person whose bending in front of me. He's wearing a dark green uniform. I recognise the clear swastika on his arms - and his army cap perched on his head. And I realize I can't see his face, because it's covered with a thick scarf. The only thing I can see are his eyes.

"Hi... Ralf." I pull myself up with my fingertips. "I know you must have a lot of questions as to why I'm out here but I can explain..."

"Oh, can you now?" Another voice chimes in. I can tell without looking that it bears a smile.

"Doctor?!" I sit up rather fast, looking at him. He has his black glasses on like the first time I met him, and then I realize that I'm right beside a roaring bonfire.

"Oh, just ignore my instructions completely." He muses. I can tell he's not really that mad. "Why do they never listen?"

"I'm sorry." I wince as the grogginess tries to clear. "I really am. But I had to..."

"I know. It's OK." He turns back to the bonfire. "Don't try walking for a while. You were lucky Ralf came along when he did. You might have been killed."

"He..." I grit my teeth. "You know you might have just said: Hey, I'm helping out the Doctor, want to come?"

Ralf sniggers. "No fun that way."

The Doctor laughs softly. "Ralf Schmit, meet my slightly unfortunate friend... Darcy Lester."

"Hello Darcy." Ralf smiles at me.

"And I trust Anna got back safely?" The Doctor asks, throwing another log on the fire.

"Oh, yeah she's in the TARDIS... sleeping."

He notices I'm avoiding his gaze and laughs. "Did you give her something? Darcy?"

"Uh.. huh..." I mumble. "Might have."

He smiles slightly. "Now, since you're here you might as well help. The Fandora are going to be attracted to the fire side. Meaning in a matter of a few minutes we're going to have a few hundred Nazis coming here. Then, show them this, that I've so kindly patched up for them." He points to a huge contraption standing above us.

"No freaking way." I breathe out. "It looks like a... oh... it is, eh? Is this the Fandor's space ship?"

"See I told you she was brilliant." The Doctor says to Ralf, who nods. "Yes that's exactly what it is. The Fandora are stranded here because when they crash landed the cables..." He sighs. "Uh... well... in your words, it's broken down. It needs a jump start. Now I can do that with the TARDIS. I'll give them a lift to the nearest galaxy so they can leave planet Earth alone. So when they're all here we can have a nice chat." He throws another wood on and looks out over the horizen. "Ah! Here they come!"

"If you like," Ralf hands me his flashlight. "Just shine this over them - make sure they're all Fandora. If we have any normal Nazis in here it won't be good."

"Thanks." I take his flashlight and begin the task of shining it on the approaching Fandora, revealing their true form.

"Hello, the Fandora. You're all here, that's very good. Now, my name is the Doctor. And I want to help you."

The Fandora mumble amonst themselves, cocking their guns in their hands.

"Look, just listen for a second - I know you're stranded here, but I can fix that. If you change back your forms and climb on your spaceship I can take you all back to your planet. A beautiful planet I might add. I can get you all back home, now what do you say to that?"

The Fandora slowly start changing back into their form. And even though the Doctor called them beautiful, I inch closer to Ralf, because they are hideous. "Not scared are we?" Ralf grins.

"No." I say gruffly. "Don't be ridiculous." I shriek as one growls and practically jump into Ralf, who starts laughing manically. "Shut up." I say quietly.

"Why would we trust you?" A hideous Fandora growls, saliva dripping from its jaws.

"Eurgh." I make a noise and turn around. Ralf starts laughing again, wrapping me in a hug. I'm startled for a second that I'm hugging a stranger. A... nazi."

"Who even are you?" I ask, wiggling out of his hug.

"I'm not who you think I am, Darcy." He says softly. "Here. I made you something." He slips me a note. "Don't open it until you're back in the TARDIS, OK?"

"OK now you're scaring me." I say with a smile. The Fandora are still all talking to one another.

"OH COME ON YOU... FANDORA THINGS!" I say, exasparated. "The nice Doctor has given you an offer. NOW TAKE IT!"

The massive leader Fandora marches up to me, sparying spit in my face. I meet his gaze unflinching. "The human dare speak to us like that?" It threatens.

"Uh yeah. Because I'm sick and tired of being in the middle of World War II, seeing innocent people getting murdered and I just want to get home, if you don't mind."

It continues to death stare me. I look at it without blinking. "You were taken from your homes, from your very... beautiful planet. And you landed here. So, being the..." I swallow hard. "Clever beings that you indeed are, you adapted. But you can't stay here. My race of people wouldn't let you. And our planet is too small for both of us. You need to go back to your home. Back to where you truly belong. Because in all of the thing I've seen so far, I have learnt one truly important thing: There is no place like home."

It stares at me for a few seconds. I realize all of the Fandora are staring at me, unmoving. I don't know if I should... take a bow or something. Quite suddenly, its warm hideous breath that was making me cringe vanishes as it suddenly crawls backwards. "The human is right. We will go back to our home planet. We do not belong here. We will accept."

"Brilliant!" The Doctor claps his hands together. "Everyone climb on board. I'll bring the TARDIS around and we'll tow you home." He starts striding back towards his time machine.

I run, stumbling a little, to keep up with him. "You could say thank you, you know."

He smiles. "Whatever for?"

"Oh I don't know..." I wipe the spit of my face. "Maybe... GETTING THE FANDORA ON THEIR BLASTED SHIP AGAIN?! And for putting up with... Fandora spit. Ew."

He turns around, admiring me with a laugh. "Thanks. I think you look adorable with Fandora spit running down your face. But you know I had it all under control. "

"Of course you did." I roll my eyes. "Obviously you had a plan B."

"Don't be ridiculous. I never plan anything. Things just happen." He swings around to open the door of the TARDIS. I run in to check on Anna, whose still sleeping peacefully.

In a few moments we materialize right next to the Fandora spaceship. The Doctor waves at the captain to make sure everyone's on board then links the two, whirring the TARDIS hard. "Come on, one last little favour for me." He flicks the computer screen. "That's it! YES YES YES!!"

I look out the window and in a few seconds we're whizzing through space and towards a dull little planet probably trillions of lightyears from Earth.

"There we go my little Fandoras." The Doctor says fondly. We watch their spaceship drop neatly down onto a tiny crater and the leader's face flashes up on the screen.

"Many thanks, Doctor, to you and your human. We are home now." It blinks off. I lean back against the TARDIS as we set to fly again. There's still Anna to think about.

"So where's Ralf?" I ask bluntly, remembering the Nazi who helped us.

The Doctor doesn't say anything for a moment, just shrugs. "No idea. I think we left him back on Earth. We're going to get Anna home back anyway."

"Wait." I say. "We can't just drop her back in the war."

"What do you mean?" He looks at me with wide eys.

"I know you said we can't interfer with events that have happened... But you said she died. When we drop her back she is going to walk out to her death. Without even knowing it! Can't we just save one person? Surely that's not going to alter the course of history?" I look at him pleadingly. "Please? For me?" I pout a little, turning my face sideways.

"Oh, stop it. That doesn't work on Time Lords." He says with a pathetic smile.

"No, but this does." I reach under his arm and yank the lever up. My hand quickly skims over the keys, hitting the dates in. 7th May 1945 and pull the lever again, two clicks down. The TARDIS whirrs and I crash into the Doctor as we go flying backwards.

"Very clever." He mutters as we untangle ourselves. "The end of World War II. How intruiging."

I hold my breath. "We'll just say she woke up and the war ended, deal?" I cross my fingers behind my back hard.

"Oh you impossible human." He smiles widely. "That's a deal."

************

"I can't believe it!" Anna's brown pigtails flap against her shoulders. "The end of the war?"

"I'm sorry about your parents." I say softly, giving her a hug. She returns it, with a wry smile.

"I have an Uncle and Aunt that live in west Berlin." We stop as a familiar man comes running up to us, still with his face mask on.

"Ralf!" I throw my arms around him then back off with a slight laugh. "That's all you get as an apology for us leaving you here."

"I'll take it." He grins. "Hello my dear." He takes Anna's hands gently. "Your parents?"

"They're dead." Anna says shakily.

"We can take you wherever you need to go. The war is over and we're finally free!" He winks at the Doctor, gives me a last nod and hurries off holding Anna's hand tightly in his.

"Good old Ralf." The Doctor says. "I've always liked the name Ralf."

"OK I've decided where I want to go now." I say with a huff. "Somewhere happy. And NOTHING. I mean NOTHING is going to interfere with it."

"I would love to go back and visit JK Rowling." I say with a huge laugh. "That would be epic! So, JK..." I swing myself into a seat and take the pose of a reporter. "Do you know who Harry is going to end up with in the end? Wil it be Ginny or... Hermoine? BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW! HAHA!"

"Well that would save a lot of grief now, wouldn't it?" The Doctor inputs a date into the computer. "Hey, look at this!" He exclaims with glee. I drag myself off the chair and lean over the console. There's a video on the computer. I perk up when I realize it's Anna talking with someone. She looks older, about 20, and she's talking with a reporter.

"Anna, tell us what happened with you and the Doctor." The reporter says.

"Well," Anna's eyes sparkle. "It was the most strange night of my life. I was running from the Nazis when I met 2 people. 2 people that changed my life forever. There was this man who called himself the Doctor, and his friend Darcy. And they saved my life. I don't know where they disappeared to, I can only know that they were sent from heaven above to rescue me." She looks directly into the camera with a smile. "If you're out there - anywhere - I'd just like to say thank you very, very much. And God bless you."

"Oh, little Anna... or big Anna." I stare at the screen. "She's uh... about 20 there..."

"Mhmm." The Doctor mutters.

"And... we literally left her... like a minute ago in 1945... this video must be a few years old."

"Yes...." He continues slowly.

"Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff?"

"Yep."

Then all of a sudden he gives a yell, jumps up beside me and yanks me down to the TARDIS door. Pulling it open, he points at the stars breathlessly. We're hovering just above Earth, up near the moon. "Watch closely." He grins widely. "Oh you'll love this bit. I hardly ever get to see it."

I watch the earth closely, and all of a sudden there's a flash of light that illuminates the Earth's surfacing. Staying there for less than 5 seconds, it disappears.

"OK that was both magical and mysterious. What was it?" I ask in awe.

"That, was the flash of what we call Time Light. It literally reversed time - then caught it back up again in a matter of a few seconds."

"Was that because... we saved Anna?"

"Exactly. We altered the course of the universe. Normally I wouldn't allow something like that to happen because it's so dangerous. Last regeneration my companion - Rose - she stopped her father from being killed. The universe was thrown out of allignment and we had to fix it up. But this time, obviously it's something so tiny... it's not going to open up any major rifts, I hope... Unless she's planning a massive war... We might have just time for 1 quick trip before I might have to repair something. I mean if she writes a book or something - that'll be the least of our problems." He smirks. 

He closes the door with a snap. "So, you ready to see JK? Gosh, she was my favourite author. I cried in the last part." He says wistfully.

"Oh, oh this is gold. You actually cried?" I say disbelievingly.

"Well... a bit. Well... maybe... Well... OK no, but I was so close to tears it wasn't even funny." He flips up a switch. "Just out of weird curiosity, can you tell me one thing? I know it's bad luck and all... but what did you wish for?"

I shrug with a smile. "It's stupid, really."

"Oh, I like stupid." He says convincingly.

"Fine." I smile. "I wished I could see my brother again. See? Stupid." He doesn't answer. I finger the letter that I haven't opened yet and turn it over. I rip the seal open, pulling out half a page of folded paper, slightly bent and creased but still very much readable.

Dear Darcy. By the time you read this, I will be far, far away. I never thought I'd see you again, but it was comforting to know you're in safe hands. You can trust the Doctor. He'll take care of you, I promise. I wish I could see you - I really do. I wish we could be together, like old times, but we can't. I can't tell you, just please, trust me. I love you so much, remember that. Maybe one day we can meet again. Alex xx

"ALEX?!" I yell suddenly, causing a jerk in the TARDIS as the Doctor looks up unexpectedly.

"Could you not yell like that please? It interfers with the..."

"To heck with that!" I race up to him. "CHANGE THE CONTROLS! YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THEM BACK! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!"

I try to get at the control pannel but the Doctor stops me, confusion on his face. "What is it? What's the matter?"

I shove the note at him, watching him as he reads it. His eyebrow raises as he hands it back. "A lot of power in that shooting star then, eh? I hate to tell you this, but we can't go back."

"WHAT?!" I shove the note in his face. "Can't you read? It's my brother! It's Alex!"

"No, no you don't understand." He pushes me out the way to push a button on the board that stops the TARDIS from rocking backwards and fourth. "You see when I went back there, I repaired a hole in the universe, stitching it back together in that time period. So now... we can't go back because that will tear it open again. And it's already been sealed shut."

"But... my brother..." I trail off, sinking back into the chair with a sigh. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"He's a special man, your brother." The Doctor says softly. "I can't help shaking the feeling that I know him before. And why does he always cover his face?"

"Because he didn't want me to know who he was." A tear escapes my eye. I brush it away hurriedly, then straighten up. "Well we can't go back, so let's go viist JK."

"I'm sorry about your brother." The Doctor says, staring at me. "We could possibly get a GPS lock on his ship when it towed us... but the coordinates are not definite, and I don't know if I could program them again. It might be a rocky journey because of all the rifts we'd have to cross - and quite possibly cause. After the TARDIS has flown elsewhere the information is saved, but it's not terribly easy to retrieve."

"I'm guessing that's Time Lord speak for... I'm sorry your brother is most likely dead... And I can't do anything about it, I'm... so sorry." I guess.

"That's about it." He hangs his head slightly.

"Oh don't worry about it." I sigh. "he'll turn up eventually. I know my brother, he'd never give up. Whatever it is he's doing."

"I'm sorry." The Doctor says genuinly. "If I could go back, I most definitely would. We could go to the day after the end of the war..."

"No, it's OK." I look at the note with a small smile. "I know him. He'll turn up unexpectedly. When he does... he's not getting way so easily."

The Doctor smiles, head down to concentrate on the controls. He fingers the levers before silently slipping his hand back to his pockets and turning around. We remain stationary. I look at him questioningly. 

"Did you really mean that?" He asks, eyes troubled.

"Mean... what?" I look up from the TARDIS' seat.

"About going home." He says carefully, pretending to be very interested in the control pannel.

"Oh, that was just for the Fandora." I say with a shrug. "But... I kind of do miss Earth, I mean... sort of normal life - not that I've ever had it... I mean... but..." I trail off. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He smiles bravely. "We better go. Can't keep JK waiting, eh?"

"Hang on." I grab his coat. "You're thinking about something, now tell me what it is or..." I sit on the floor cross legged. "I won't move."

He sits down in front of me and looks at me. For the first time, I do what Jack says and really look at his eyes. He's right. They are truly old, old eyes. It's like, when I see them I see everything he's been through - the wars, the hurt, the pain, the guilt and the grief. "I want to help you Doctor." I say softly.

He looks at me sadly, one eyebrow raised. "How can you do that?"

"It's your companions, isn't it? Each one of them. You never like to travel alone, but it's the only way. Because they can devote their entire lives to being with you - but you don't age - you are timelelss. You can't spend your life with them. And when they leave you... your heart breaks, doesn't it? It's like you'll never be the same again. And this Rose - she was so special to you. You  loved her - and Donna and Martha... but they all moved on. They all have their different lives, and you've moved on. Can you do something for me, Doctor?" 

He looks bewildered almost, as if he can't understand how I know so much. "Of course, Darcy... anything." 

"I want you to show me." I say "I'm no psychologist, but one of the best ways to deal with pain is to share it. And you haven't shared it at all, have you?"

"I can't do that, Darcy." His eyes fill with tears. 

"You promised me." I say softly. "I know you didn't want another companion so soon. I sort of just... barged in. I'm sorry."

"Oh, don't be like that." He objects. "You had nowhere to go."

"Please, show me. Just... show me what a Time Lord feels."

"Are you sure?" He looks at me seriously. "I've neve shared this before - not with anyone..." He stares at me, then down again. "I don't want to hurt you." He says softly.

I just nod, not trusting myself to speak. "Give me your hand." he says softly. He holds out his right hand. I take it hesitantly. With his left hand, he places it on my face, eyes looking into mine. "You ready?"

I nod again, already knowing this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

We both close our eyes, and suddenly I'm standing with my back to the wind on a lonely beach with the wind tearing at my hair. In front of me is a girl with shoulder length blond hair. I don't even  have to second guess myself. Rose. Her eyes are wide, her voice wavering. On the outside, she's composed. Inside, I know, she is tearing herself apart. 

"Can I..." She puts her hand up slowly.

"No touch." He says softly. "I'm still just an image."

"Can't you come through properly?" She asks, eyes wide. Starting to realize that this might be the last time she will ever see him again.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse." He says, looking at her sadly. 

..............................

"How long have you got?" She runs her hands through her hair, feeling so miserable she can hardly stand there.

"About... 2 minutes."

"I can't think of what to say." She says with a small, forced laugh.

He replies with a sad, sad smile.

"Am I ever going to see you again?!" Her voice is strained - desperate.

"You can't." He shakes his head slowly.

"But what are you going to do?" Tears spring to her eyes.

"Oh, I've got the TARDIS." He sighs. "Same old life - last of the Time Lords." He tries to smile but fails.

"On your own?" Her own voice breaks now, her breath shudders.

He can't speak. Because if he did, he knows he would break.

"I... I l...I love you." Her voice breaks, tears threatening to stream down her face. 

"Quite right, too." he says quietly. "And I suppose... if it's my last chance to say it..." He's holding back, trying desperately not to fall apart himself. "... Rose Tyler..." His image fades, leaving nothing behind, not even a trace. But inside the TARDIS, tears are streaming down his face, watching the only woman he ever loved get left behind. 

***

"Right then, off we go! There is a burst of star fire right now over the coast of Metaseamafolia. Oh the sky... is like water... OR back in time! We could... I don't know, Charles II? Henry VIII? Agatha Christie?! I'd LOVE to meet Agatha Christie I bet she's brilliant!" His highly excited voice dies down as he notices Martha's unchanged expression. 

His shoulders slump slightly as he looks at her folded hands. There's no words needed. He supresses a sigh of sheer hurt with a small nod of mutual understanding. "OK." He says quietly.

"I've spent all these years training to be a Doctor, now I've got all of these people to look after. They saw half their planet devestated and they need me. I can't leave them." She looks up at him.

"Of course not." He nods, swallowing hard - swallowing the guilt that's caused another one of his companions to leave.

His smile touches his eyes as he blinks a few times to clear the sadness away. "Thank you." He says genuinly, and gives her a hug, looking longingly into the distance at the walls of his beloved TARDIS.

"... Are you going to be alright?" She asks, eyes searching.

"Always, yeah." His facade springs up into place as he smiles at her, faking confident ease.

"Right then. Bye." She leans up to kiss his cheek, then turns around, without looking back and closes the door gently behind her.

He looks at the place where his friend used to stand, the place where her excited eyes had looked up at his on their first journey... and hangs his head. It raises as the door opens slowly. Martha comes back in slowly. A tiny drop of hope enters his heart.

"Cause, the thing is it's like my friend Vicky. She lived with this bloke - student house - 5 of them all packed in and this guy was named Sean. And she loved him. She did. She completely adored him. Spent all day talking about him."

"Is this... going anywhere?" he asks.

"Yes!" She insists. "Cause he never looked at her twice."

Something clicks inside his head. His smile droops slightly. "I mean he liked her. That was it." He drops his head, finally understanding what she's trying to say. 

"And she wasted years of her life pining after him, because when he was around she never looked at anyone else. And I said to her, I always said to her time and time again. I said: Get. Out." She looks at him meaningfully. 

He nods, unable to look at her eyes. "So this is me." She continues. "Getting out." She throws him her phone. "Keep it. Because if - when it rings, you'd better come. I'll see you again, mister." She flashes him a smile.

He half smiles, feeling the familiar sinking, lonely feeling setting in once again as she turns around, this time for good.

Leaning back on the TARDIS, another silent, heartbreaking sigh untangles itself from his very soul. 

*******

(Before reading this, if you have not read Space Race (4) Please do so now. If you remember what happened and have watched Doctor Who please continue)

The door to the apartment opens. Donna waltzes through with her phone in her hand. "I was asleep! On my bed in my clothes like a flipping kid! What'd you let me do that for?" She checks her phone again, looking up briefly as she sees a stranger sitting beside her mum and grandad. "Oh, don't mind me. Donna." She says briefly. 

"John Smith."  He reaches out his hand to her, longing for that sassy, friendly woman he'd grown used to.

She takes it lightly with a small smile and then looks down at her phone. "My phone's going crazy! 32 texts all at once! What did I miss?!" She walks out of the room muttering.

The Doctor lets himself out, walking past her in the hallway. Her eyes are lighting up as she chats to her friend on the phone, waving her hands animatedly. "Donna?" he asks softly, wanting one last look at one of the best, brightest companions he's ever had. "I was just going." He longs for that cheeky smile, that toss of her hair.

"Yeah, right. See you." She glances at him and turns back around laughing into her phone.

He smiles softly, walking slowly out the door. It's raining, matching his mood. He walks outside, letting the rain soak his hair, shoes and clothes, not even caring. Back in the TARDIS, he takes off his soaked jacket, letting it fall to the floor, not even caring anymore. His life is shattered, his spirit broken. And that was the day he vowed to himself no more. 

No more. No more companions. No more people in danger, no more people hurt. No more lives at risk. Just me and the TARDIS. No more people to break my heart."

******

I'm driven back to reality with such a jerk that I don't realize where I am at first. At least I don't even register where I am. All I know is that I'm' sobbing uncontrollably. No air is coming into my lungs. My throat is constricted. The only thing I can hear is the labored beating of my own heart as it tries desperately to get to the air it needs. 

"Oh Doctor." I whisper. I move myself so I'm sitting next to him. He stares off into the distance, tears streaming down his face from his eyes - eyes that have seen everything, and eyes that show the heartbreak he's experienced so many times. 

I lean my head on his shoulder, feel his arm wrap around me as we both cry together, sobbing like our hearts are breaking together as one. 

"I promise." I say in between my sobs. "I promise that I won't leave you. I know if you die you just regenerate - and I know that when I die I won't ever be around again. But as long as I live, you have my word. I won't leave you, not ever. I won't let you go through that again. I PROMISE." I say feircely. 

He leans down to kiss my forehead, tears dripping down his cheeks. "I know. Darcy, thank you. I never should have done that. You didn't have to share my pain."

"It's not your pain anymore. It's ours." I look at him, vision blurry with tears. "None of it was your fault. None of it."

We could sit there all day, on the floor of the humming TARDIS, hugging each other and sobbing over everything we've seen. But I know the Doctor, and he knows me. Nothing can keep us down for long.

"Well, that's that and this is this, and WE'RE LATE FOR JK'S PARTY!" He jumps up, pulling me with him, jumping to the TARDIS. "Look out London. The Time Lord and his companion are coming! Fast and furious!" He flips up the switch and we both yell out together in ecasty: "ALLONS-Y!"

 
_________________________________________________

A/N: After such a heavy chapter I want to take the time to say I am sorry. So, so sorry. I made you re-live those past sorrows, but it was something I had to do for the plot, and you'll understand why later. As always, please leave your feedback. I dearly love to hear your thoughts and would much appreciate helpful hints and suggestions. Now, wipe your tears, my dears. There will be none for a few chapters I promise. See that's the thing about Doctor Who. Watch Doctor Who, they said - it will be fun - they said. Three will be lots of sci-fi adventure, they said. Well they didn't exactly say I'd be CRYING after every episode did they? ;)

xx