And I don't think that I can stop it, here it comes

I do my best to try to block it, redrum

I've been sipping on like, vodka, head's numb

I'm blacking out, you better watch it, it's bedlam

~ Eminem, I Will

1

" Come on now, pick it up" said a calm and sweet voice, " Sweetheart you will make new friends in there, if you only go and try, and I am sure people will wonder about you, thinking that how nice and cool boy you are" said the voice,

It was his mother's voice, it had been 15 years since Ryan heard of it for the first time, Sweet as honey, calm as a monk, she always made him safe and he would find comfort when he would hug her, her voice had been his confidence in the times of depression and failures, she had scolded him, she would also give him beating, if things went horribly wrong, but all in the she would go and sit next to him, tears would come out and then she hugged him, as a small boy and as a teenager, he never understood that level of love and that level of caring she had, he only realised it after she was gone,

" Gone", he murmured,

She had been diagnosed with severe brain tumour and on one fine day, she had passed away,

" I wasn't even there for her, she needed me but..... I was not there, she might have screamed for me, told about me, told someone that, she needed him, needed her son in her arms....so that they would hug, and hug forever, her soul would have been calm and quite when she had gone...but I wasn't there...."he said,

his voice now echoed inside his head, he tried to move but he couldn't get up, memories floated by in his mind,

" Get up you thin stick, You look like your mom starved you since your birth", said another voice, this voice still gave him chills, it was the fearful voice of ' worlds biggest bully' ( according to Ryan), Jack Miller, he could see him, standing.

" What happened, to weak to get up, huh?" said jack, He tried to get up but no, 'god give me strength' he thought, but god was apparently busy with some other kid, more smart looking than him. His buttocks hurt, He could again remember, Jack had given him a terribly bone crunching push and he had tumbled through other people and smacked himself on one of the lockers and then down he went, his Spectacles had been saved, apart from the crack in one of the lens, but otherwise, okay.

" Get up you bag of bones, I've got business with you" he said,

Ryan got up, though still one of his eye was blurred and from other he could only see the cracked lens of the specs, he removed them, now he was blind as a bat,

"W-W-W-W--" he started, but no words could come out, he used to stutter during stressful situations, his mother had told him that,

" Its just because you are a peaceful child", but she would take him for speech therapy sessions every Saturdays, until his 9th grade,

" What happened punk, you lost your vocals in just one push?" jack laughed, he had his own gang of sorts, Jack Miller, Anthony Kirkland and William franklin, J.A.W, the had named their gang, Anthony was smiling at him and William was cracking his knuckles,

" Qu'est-ce que ... D-Do ... tu .... veux?" said Ryan, Jack who was laughing at him suddenly stopped,

" Huh?, What was that bones?", he asked, Anthony whispered something in Jacks ears,

" You play tricks on me?....You think you have that guts, huh?, speak up Bones... now what, you mouth got glued?...huh?" he asked, pushing him and cornering him to the lockers, it was usual drama, they would pick on him anytime, once they had locked him in the bathroom and had filled the garbage bag with water and poured it all on him, but this was nothing compared to what had they done to Jeffrey bowers, it was horrible, he could still remember him howling in pain when Jack had placed a Board pin on the floor and Jeffrey had walked on it and stumbled across the stairs and fallen right on him knees, fracturing it. They had also locked Ryan in Jacks gross-smelling gym locker for almost whole night, just because, he hadn't passed the football to Jack, while playing.

But this was different, this time he had done something he would remember for his life, while having there final exams for 5th std, Jack was made to sit with Ryan, it wasn't his choice, the teacher madam Malkin had made him sit on the front bench, but unfortunately that's where Ryan sat, although tall, he had to try and give the quickest answer to every question of the teacher, but his greediness had now costed him a price, a very heavy price, while attending the examination, Jack had asked Ryan to show his answers, Ryan had his mind, tumbling, trembling, he tried to look for his options, first if he tried to show his paper and madam Malkin spotted him, it would mean straight talking to the parents, second if he didn't show his paper he was gone, it was like standing in between a cliff and a tiger. But somehow he gathered up his courage and tried to play a trick, god only knows from where did he get that courage but he tried to show his paper to Jack, who greedily started scribbling on his paper, the next part he could remember vaguely, as Jack had got lost in his copying, Ryan had slowly raised his hand so that madam Malkin might see it, he slowly tilted his hand towards jack, as thought, madam Malkin saw it and,

" Mister Miller!!!, I saw you copying from Holster, sit on the teachers table and write, and don't leave the school, I want to call and meet your parents!!" she had said, angrily, but it had got worse, teachers table was right in front of Ryan, Jack had got up and sat on the table, eyeing Ryan, with outmost anger, for Ryan hell had broken loose.

Now as he was leaving they had him cornered, he had to get out of it, but how, then it struck to him, finding his voice he said,

"votre cerveau est à moitié rempli de ce qui sort de vos fesses ..", and again Jack was taken aback, wondering what had he said he looked back to other two of his ape-like friends, waiting dearly for this moment, he pushed Jacks hand out of his way and ran out of the school, then his memory shifted, hastily, it was black, then white, oh what was happening, and then he heard a voice a voice he would not forget even if he was inches away from death, " You look like a Grasshopper....grasshopper....gr......ass.....ho..pper.per...per" and sound kept on fading and a white light struck his eyeball making him move into reality, where he was, why he was here, what is this place, all of the alarming question went off in his mind and the answers ricocheting there way to escape the logical mind, he tried to get up and walk but his head was out of focus. He rubbed his hairs, sweat was draining him, it is so hot, so god damn hot, he thought, he tried to hold on to the bed he was sleeping but it moved and Ryan went on the ground, but he could he it in slow motion, falling.....his face...forming a shocked facial....wait?...how could he see his own face?..... but before he could think of it the wheel of the bed struck him in the eyeball, sending him jolting down in pain, he placed his palm on it and blood was on his hand, it had begun to run down from his eye to his cheeks, and to his nose and then to mouth, " Oh god, Oh god" he said, it still hurted like hell but, he again felt weak, his muscles were not responding to him anymore and he fell down on the ground, unconscious, again, " Tch,Tch, fell down did you, Poor boy?" he had heard a voice, was it in his head, was it real?, was it good was it evil?, he couldn't tell, he just couldn't speak, he....just....couldn't...... think.

2

Ryan felt a small pin, like that of a needle piercing his right arm, it went inside and inside and inside, like it wanted to flow in his veins, swimming and pinching and breaking down every vein and capillaries in his body, he felt that, the needle had reached his chest, tearing down the little bronchioles, and he felt a strong sensation to beat his chest, making him hurt more, he wanted in out, he want to struggle it our of his body, no it was a foreign object, his body should not take it, he could feel that the needle had reached his throat, and had blocked the wind pipe, he couldn't breathe, the needle began to pierce itself into his throat, Ryan could feel it, he could taste the blood, coming out into his mouth, and then SNAP and BANG, BOOOMMM!!!, he heard the noise, it would have tore his eardrum into teathers, he woke up with a start, his whole body had somehow taken control, Energy, he could feel the energy, making him want to dance, making him run, wanting him to use his body for some straineous activity, He could feel the blood pumping, his hear had given him one hell of a jot, and now it was beating like drums, LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB!!, he began to laugh, cry for freedom, he was alive, he could feel the that air, that strong air gushing past his hairs making him feel cool, he wanted to fly. He had completely forgotten what was he doing in this place and suddenly hands came from behind and held both of his arms and tied a knot with some rope, " Let me go, You don't hold me, let me go!!" Ryan screamed, and WHAM!!, one hit on his head by the hand and he felt all his energy calming down, he was made to sit on a chair and then he saw a stout man with dis-arranged teeth, almost making him look like a Pennywise, from Stephen king's IT, but he was no clown or Bob Gray, he placed his hand on his right elbow and suddenly the world made sense to him, " Yeah, now it feels good right?" said the man, " My name is Karen" he said, Ryan looked at him for confirmation, " Karen?" he asked, " Yes, does that make you feel...uncomfortable?" he asked, Ryan looked at the man again, there was a faint eyelash around his eyebrow, his eyebrows were trimmed, haircut was almost boyish, faint rose lipstick could be seen oh his lips, Ryan nodded his head, " Karen, it is then" he said, " Yes, so...you have a pretty much of the idea, good," said Karen, Ryan noticed that he wore, a necklace and his nails wee manicured and painted in blood red, ' but what did this guy want?' he thought, " Lets have a small talk shall we?" said karen , as he was bent over the table kept at the end, " Here, apply some antiseptic, it will help" he said, and he moved towards Ryan, it gave him a weird feeling, He felt the cotton ball rub his eyebrow, " You are very lucky mister that it didn't take of you eye" he said, and kept on applying the antiseptic girlish-ly. " Now have a seat we need to talk" said Karen, although Ryan couldn't see properly but he was vet sure that Karen had blushed a little as he moved from his view, ' oh no' he thought, but this this person knew something, yes, ' lab-coat, he wears a lab- coat, meaning a scientist, he could tell me' he thought and he sat down on the chair again, Karen moved towards him almost like a girl, moving his hips and placing his legs parallel to each other, and adjusting his hairs with his left hand, he looked at him and the started their conversation. " So, what is your name?" asked Karen, " Ryan John Holster" he said, Karen was looking into his eyes, a piercing look as if trying to break into his mind, His eyes weren't moving nor would they blink, this made Ryan a little bit uncomfortable, " What would be your most happiest memory?" suddenly Karen asked, " I-I-.. why should I tell you?" said Ryan, Karen moved towards him, placing his hand on Ryan's arm, a soft touch, " Because it is important" he said, " I a-always, liked going to park with my mother" said Ryan with a slight hesitation, " Ah, yes the park" exclaimed Karen, " Everybody loves the park, watching the swings go up and down, up and down and up and down, you must be privileged to swing and slide in the park" he said, " Didn't you go to a park?" asked Ryan, Karen looked at him, and then slowly and very slowly he began moving towards Ryan while saying, " No, I never got that privilege, I always use to look at those bright and colourful swings, children sitting on them, laughing and giggling and swing like a pendulum of a clock, they never noticed me, somebody would always push me behind them and take the swing, all evening I would just stand there like a watchman, waiting for my turn, which never came", Karen was still advancing towards Ryan, but Ryan didn't notice, memories and emotions were flooding around him, his eye were blank, Karen continued, " Oh, how desperately I wanted to swing to slide, but people always used to shove me push me, for many years it went like that, I never understood why did people hate me, what was wrong inside me that no one friends with me", Ryan also started thinking like that, 'he thought of why did Jack and his friends hate him?, what was wrong with him?', Ryan was beginning to believe in this guy or girl, he was developing trust with him, he didn't resist when Karen took his hand and pinched it, he was going through his past, so much emotions filled inside him his present was numb, he was almost feeling drowsy, his eye didn't hurt nor did his body, Karen went on, " There was one friend but, she was with me she understood me, we always used to laugh, I used to make her laugh all the time, I was eager to meet her everyday because I wanted to see her and her happy smiling face, I used to tease her a lot but she never really got angry with me, we were together almost a whole year, until I was desperate to confess to her, I wanted her, I wanted her trust, I wanted her love, her confidence, so one summer I wrote to her, I told her that I loved her, deeply than any other person, I couldn't tell you the feeling of that time, it was euphoric, my eye watered and my heart thumped, my cheeks went rosy red, going to the nearest post box and with a last look of confidence I dropped that letter", Ryan had the same feeling, ' That girl, it's been 15 years, I haven't met her, she supported me, I remember, I used to complete her work, make her diagrams, I was ready to do anything for her, but she loved that guy, that ugly filth, she loved him, I wanted her the whole year, but... she.....loved...him', a face of a boy with black curly, uncombed hair, with dark skin, braces on his teeth and aviator-type glasses on his eye had appeared, ' Matthew, yes, he was matthew, whom she loved', Ryan struggled and strained his brain to remember the face of the that girl, but it didn't appear, as if blocked from his memory.

TAP!! TAP!!, Karen had placed his hand on Ryan's right arm, a sudden urge of hugging to Karen came inside Ryan, But Karen was crying, puzzled Ryan asked, " What happened?", " Oh no, Nothing it's nothing you need to worry" said Karen wiping his tears, his eyes were red and black eye liner colour smudged his face, " Tell me I have been down the same road" said Ryan, with some pitiful look in his eye, " Well, the-the girl said no, she said no because I was different, she said no to me, because, I apply eye liner and wear dresses like a woman and still have boyish haircut and a moustache and a beard, she declined me because I wore high heels and applied make and lipstick as is she didn't do any of that" said Karen, Ryan felt a kind of sympathy to him, " But that's the least of it" said Karen, " Go on then" said Ryan, he was on the verge of trusting this person, " Sh-sh-he recently married the president a-an-a-nd I have heard he beats her, harasses her" said Karen, tear were flowing from his eye like fountain, " It's okay, you wanted to talk about it to somebody, you can't just bottle everything up, okay" said Ryan, he had placed his hand on Karen's shoulders, " I-I- I know its silly but I need to help her, I need to save her, and you know what" said Karen, this it was anger in his face, " I want to kill that president", The last statement gave a little shock to Ryan, " Don't think like that, everything will be fine, what if those are just rumours, rumours spread to disrespect our president?" said Ryan, Karen smiled at him but it wasn't a warmth smile it was smile of mistrust, " You don't trust me, I know most people don't trust the people from our gender" she said with some disappointment, Ryan was confused, a part of him wanted to do good to her but a larger part wanted to tell her that, what she was saying is as good as being anti-national, " I don't know if...I-I-I can H-help you" said Ryan worriedly, Karen bowed his head down, His long hair falling down as if to comfort him, Ryan felt guilty, as voice in his head spoke, ' This is injustice, don't you see... you are letting go, because you are scared, You are always scared Ryan, scared because you think too much, that's why you lost her, that's why she lost interest in you, because you where scared, this is a chance, Ryan. A chance to prove you aren't scared, a chance in which you have to show your confidence', Ryan was thinking, thinking hard about his choice, ' What will I get if I help her?, This is a suicide mission, even if I am proven right, there would hundreds of thousands supporters for President and if I am right, they will KILL me...', Karen moved silently without anymore interaction, Ryan stood there, his head aching, he was stiff as a stick, his eyes were numb, but then a strong urge began into him, flowing into his mind like adrenaline, his thought diverted and aligned into only one motive, he looked at Karen, only one thing on his mind, with determined eyes he looked at him, flexing his muscles, trying to look sharp like a solider in a regiment, Karen looked at him, and the words came out of Ryan's mouth, the words were......

3

The words were, " I will help you, you deserve justice", Karen lost his balance, he was astounded, perplexed and shocked, he went down on his knees and with a sympathy-like smile. His eye were filled with tears, tears of joy and happiness, he got up and hugged Ryan, " Thank you, Thank you so much" he said. Ryan hugged him back, ' He deserves justice', no other thoughts were running on his mind, it was as if he was controlled, made to work, like a dummy, a puppet, but the problem although simple but it was, ' Who was controlling?, Body?, Mind? or someone else?, Karen removed himself and he looked happy, then suddenly, the world around Ryan went round and round, he was beginning to feel numb, sleep had reached his eyes, with such a force that he had hardly noticed that other people had come to him, he couldn't move his muscles, " Ryan, Ryan please you have to help me Ryan, remember to help me" said a distant voice of Karen.

' You look like a grasshopper...' the voice echoed inside, Ryan woke up, but lay in his bed, he went of his eye, it was numb and a bandage was applied, " So, it was real, real as it is now" he said, he tried to remember the room, the building, ' I don't even know where I was, how did I get in my house?', his head was spinning like a tornado, questions were swimming and whirling in his mind, then suddenly his left hand touched his right elbow, " Karen, yes, That guy, Karen, I remember him, I remember now" he spoke to himself, he began to recollect the conversation he had, but he couldn't remember where he was or why he was there, and how did he get out, things were like tangled string, out of which one string was clear, Karen was a Transgender, He asked for Ryan's help and Ryan accepted it. But then after that, before that, nothing was clear. It was as if his brain had deleted that part.

Getting up he shook his head, his huge bunch of silky hairs touched his mouth, He went for his phone, He saw 5 missed calls from Amy, " Why did she call?" he said, but his brain was too tired to call back and have a cute conversation with Amy, he closed his phone put it at his bed table and went to sleep.

4

Now, if I don't tell you this, then Amy would probably kill me. She had a usual evening, coming home, having a hot bath, wearing a comfy robe and then turn on the television for her favourite show, She had good bubble bath today, she had switched on her T.V and went inside her kitchen to cook something up for dinner, Hot Dogs and sausages, that would do, she said to herself. She opened the can of sausages, and her phone rang. She went for the phone, which on the tea table in the hall, " Hello" she said, there was a distorted voice, shallow breathing, moaning of some kind, struggling, " Hello, who is this?" asked Amy, this time she heard a voice, "MMmm..mmmmm." said the voice, Then another voice came over, " wasn't even there for her, she needed me but..... I was not there" said the voice, " Ryan?, Ryan is that you?" she said, " Wasn't even there... ( static ).she nee....( static )...I was not there" went to the voice, " Ryan? what are you talking, Ryan?, Ryan?" said Amy, then she heard a sound, a sound like a needle falling on the ground. Now Amy had studied and researched enough to know that needle-like sounds only came either at tailors or at a medical facility, " Medical facility" she said her herself, "Oh god, Oh god" said the frightened voice of Ryan, " RYAN!!? what happened?, RYAN!! ANSWER ME!!" she screamed, but there was no reply, and then the line went dead.

confused Amy licked her lips, she immediately wanted to call the police, but when she looked at the phone number she changed her mind, the number was named, " Unknown" and after hanging up the phone, a messages bleeped, " Don't call the police or he dies" it said, Horrified Amy sat down on her sofa, The T.V blared, " ....Reports have arrived from forensics that, traces of blood were found on the floor at the house from Morgan Fischer who was believed to have committed suicide but forensics confirm that this blood sample is different, samples are still being verified, moving on the next story", Amy had heard the news, and she had an idea , going inside she opened up her laptop, connected her phone to it and opened NARUS , an old US surveillance technology used to trace phone calls and monitor and track devices, easily detectible nowadays but efficient, Amy had ( ahem) acquired it from her father who worked in U.S intelligence unit years ago. She began the tracing of the phone calls, impatiently waiting, the phone had been wired through various VPNs which routed through China, Germany, Britain etc, then finally it beeped and the trace was complete, the location shown was a Forever Hospital, getting the location it was near Sutter's fort state historic park, jotting down the location she began dressing up and after few minutes, wearing a red top and blue jeans, she rushed down out her house, got inside her car, a Mustang ( She was rich, or rather her parent were rich enough to afford it for her), getting the gears she drove down to East of Sacramento.

It was quite a drive, but from what she could gather, Ryan had been abducted and he was in trouble, ' oh why, why did they call me?' she thought, but the deed was done and she had to act, after she reached the Sutter's park, she parked her car near the park, got out and began to search, it was dark, no street lights were available, winds gushed around her cheeks, making her hair tumble, she heard a creaking sound, she looked about and saw that the swing was moving back and forth slowly, she went near the end of the park and saw the Hospital, all light were out, it looked like the hospital was closed for today. Daring she moved towards it, but it was closed, she couldn't jump over the walls, she backed off and went towards her car, she was dialing for police as a black car rushed by her, she paid little attention to it, probably one late nigh shift, she thought and called Ryan first, but his phone was at his house, she called him four more times but no one answered then finally she decided to for the police.

" Hello, yes, I am Amy, no, Amanda Cooper, I-I-I need to report a crime, it abduction yes, Ryan holster, I g-got his phone call, and they threatened to kill him if I called you, b-but I had nothing else to do than call you" she said as police enquired her, " Thank you, thank you, yes I'll come to the police tomorrow, thank you" saying this she hung up her phone, she got into the car and began praying, "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." completing the prayer, she began driving back to her house.

Had she noticed that, the black car had come from the hospital she would have known that, inside it Ryan Holster, whom she reported missing to the police was inside that black car which she had completely ignored.

Now, 4 hours later, Ryan tossed himself to the right of his bed, sleeping peacefully, but little did he know how much went by him, completely unknown that tomorrow the forensics would identify him and fill the whole Sacramento posters with his face.

This is where leave you, I hope enjoyed reading it, next chapter will be published soon but untill then stay safe, stay happy....Good bye!