"Oh I will carry you over, fire and water, for your love."

* 6 Years Later * 

K a y d e n c e

I sat at my brown desk, fingers hovering over the white keys of my apple laptop. I stared at the screen blankly, watching the caret blink at me, almost in a taunting way. I've sat here for the past hour and not one word had been typed out. I almost wanted to slam my laptop shut but knowing I had to at least write something down today, kept me from doing just that. It had been over a week since I last posted on the blog, and the readers were anxious. The girls wanted advice and I oddly found it difficult to give it to them, unable to find the right words to comfort them. My fingers itched to type, anything for that matter but I couldn't. There was a block, and a vague ache in the back of my head. I knew I had worked myself too hard this week, but this didn't feel right. Why couldn't I write? I never had a problem. You're sick, just wait till tomorrow. Oh but Janis, my oh so annoying editor would kick my ass if I put this off for another day. I had to do it now.

The pounding against the door stalled me for another moment and I limply let my hands fall to the side of the desk, sighing and swiveling around in my chair to unlock the bedroom door. I never locked it, but I knew if I didn't I would get interrupted. I cursed whoever was on the other side of the door, unlocking it and swinging the door open with a scowl on my face. I told him I didn't want to be bothered, and I expected to see him standing there with an annoying smile plastered over his face and his arms crossed, but empty air met me. I blinked then dropped my gaze down to the floor, my annoyance immediately vanishing when I was met with a pair of green eyes. Not the same ones I was expecting, but ones that meant just as much to me.

"Mommy," Daniel tugged on the end of his stained blue t-shirt, smiling up at me with a chocolate filled mouth. I laughed, squatting to his level and wiping the frosting off his dimple on his cute little cheeks.

"Danny, how did you get so dirty?" I asked him, arching my eyebrow. He ducked his chin into his neck and gave me a closed lip grin. He looked so much like his dad when he did that.

"Daddy and me made cookies." He reached for my hand with his frosting covered fingers, tugging me up to follow him. "Come try one mommy!"

"Danny, I need to write." I tried to tell him, but God, he was only five and he already knew how to use those green eyes. He was good.

"Mom..." He whined, pulling my hand and I reluctantly let him pull me along with him. He led me down the long hallway, running ahead of me but his legs were so small that I just had to take wide steps to keep up with him. He giggled in front of me, his curls bouncing on his head as he glanced back at me to make sure I was following him. I laughed with him until we reached the kitchen, where he let go of my hand to run up to his dad. He tugged on his grey t-shirt, and Harry turned around to look down at him with an equally chocolate filled mouth.

"Oh my god." I burst into laughter when I saw they had matching frosting covered faces, making Harry look from Danny up to me with amused green eyes. He grinned at me and sent me a wink, dropping the cookie in his hand onto the platter and bending down to pick up his son. Danny smeared the frosting on Harry's cheeks across his lips, making Harry groan and Danny to laugh.

"You look like Santa." Danny whispered as he used the frosting to draw a mustache and beard on Harry. I bit my lip to suppress my giggles, but Harry heard me. He looked at me over Danny's shoulder, narrowing his eyes at me and taking long strides till he was standing in front of me. Even after all these years I will never get over how much he towers over me.

"Danny, don't you think mommy should look like Santa too?" He arched his eyebrow at me and I tried to back away, but ended up bumping into the wall behind me. Danny giggled and I sent him a glare, just as Harry stepped up and crushed his frosted covered lips over mine. I squealed, and shoved him away to receive a loud laugh from him and his spawn.

"Hey!" I shouted, using the back of my hand to wipe the frosting off my mouth. "I had already done my makeup for tonight, now I'm going to have to redo it!" I pointed my finger at Harry, glaring at him but he only shrugged and sent me a smirk. Danny held his hands over his mouth to keep from laughing, but he was always horrible at being sneaky. Just like Harry.

"Keep it up mister, and I'll call Santa and tell him to not bring you presents." I warned Danny, and his eyes widened.

"He already left the North Pole, you can't." He whispered, but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than me.

"Oh yes I can. Santa and Mommy are really good friends. I will call him right now." I reached into my pocket to pretend to get my phone out, trying to keep my face as serious as possible when Danny gasped and ran to me. He threw his arms around my legs and buried his face into my thigh. I was only barely aware that he still had frosting on his face but I didn't care. He looked adorable.

"No! I'm sorry Mommy, it wasn't funny. Daddy's mean. Don't call Santa, please don't." He begged and I bit my lip to refrain from laughing, while Harry shook his head in amusement. He stuck his tongue out at me as I rolled my eyes at him and bent down to pick the little monster up. He wrapped his arms around my neck but kept his face at a distance.

"I won't call Santa, but you better run to the bathroom and clean your face before your uncles and grandparents get here. We have a long night, and you need to be in bed before Santa comes tonight." I told him and he nodded, kicking his legs and indicating for me to let him down. I laughed and quickly kissed his cheek before letting him down, watching him run as fast as his little legs would let him until he disappeared into the hallway. I stared after him for a moment longer, feeling a little sad when I realized just how big he was getting. It still felt like it had been just yesterday when Harry and I found out I was pregnant with him. The years have been passing quickly and It seemed unreal that he would be starting kindergarten next fall. They really did grow up so fast. I sighed, and shook my head with a small smile on my face and turned to see Harry cleaning his face off with a paper towel. He was leaning back against the counter with a smirk plastered on his face, and his eyes filled with amusement.

"That's so messed up to torture him like that." He said and I walked over to him, taking the towel from his hands and wiping the frosting off of him myself.

"How am I torturing him?"

"Telling him you'll call Santa." He said, gripping my hips and abruptly pulling me to his broad chest, bending down till his lips were right at my ear. "You and I both know, Santa isn't your friend."

I swatted the towel at him and he leaned back, a wide smile on his face. I moved to his side, reaching around him to pick up one of the Christmas decorated cookies him and Danny made. I took a bite and moaned, welcoming the milk chocolate flavor and nodding in approval. Harry grinned in triumph and walked to the oven, opening it and looking inside.

"The turkey looks ready," He put on a pair of mittens and took the big platter out of the oven, placing it on the stove and chucking the mittens off once he did. "Looks good right?"

I walked over to him, nodding when I saw it looked golden. "Yep." I was just about to smile when the smell of the turkey filled my nostrils, and instead of it smelling delicious, I wanted to vomit. My nose scrunched in distaste and I stepped back, covering my mouth with my hand. God, that smelled awful.

"Kaydence?" Harry looked to me with worry, reaching for my arm. "What's wrong? Did it not come out good?" He glanced at the turkey, then at me and I shook my head. It looked good, I could tell It was ready. But the smell...

"No, it looks great."

"Then what's wrong?" He asked and I shook my head once. He reached for the knife and fork, cutting a piece of the turkey to take a bite. I watched him, waiting to see his disgusted reaction to the taste of it but he only nodded in approval, holding the other piece he still had on the fork out to me. "Tastes fine. Try it."

I hesitated, but not wanting him to worry, reluctantly took a bite. Once the taste hit my buds, vile rose at the back of my throat but I held it back and smiled a tight closed lip smile at Harry and gave him a thumbs up. He smiled at me and right when he turned around, I spun on my heel and quickly headed for the bathroom. I was going to be sick.

"Where are you going?"

"Gotta pee!" I quickly shouted and sprinted down the hallway, running into our bathroom connected to our room and slamming the door behind me. I threw myself down on my knees in front of the toilet and buried my face into the bowl. The turkey, along with what I had ate earlier emptied out into the toilet. I held my hair back with one of my hands, my eyes watering as I puked my guts out. Once I finally finished, I sat back on my heels, leaning my head against the wall and taking deep breaths. Part of me wondered if it was the turkey, but I had a strong suspicion that it wasn't. The mere smell of it made me sick to stomach...

I reached into my pocket, taking my phone out and opened my period app. I scrolled through my calendar and looked back to see when the last time I had my period was, my mouth gaping open when I realized I had missed it for three months already. How could I have not noticed? Maybe because you were too busy worrying about your blog, about the upcoming book you were going to write, your son, and maintaining your marriage with your husband. My hand shook, and I stared blankly down at my phone in fear. I can't be pregnant. Maybe It was just stress. That had to be it.

Oh but no. If I did the math, I knew three months ago there had been a night where Harry and I hadn't used protection. And my period hadn't came since before that time...Oh fuck. I blinked at my phone, feeling slightly panicked, not sure If I should go out and tell Harry or wait. This was a sensitive topic with us...well me. It was sensitive with me, and I knew right then I couldn't tell him yet. Not till I knew for sure. I needed to take a test, and I needed to call my best friend. I needed to call Nicole.

Not thinking about it twice I closed out of the app and quickly pressed her contact and brought the phone to my ear, my hand still shaking as I moved to the corner of the bathroom and ducked my head to make sure Harry wouldn't hear me. I listened to it ring three times, silently begging her to answer when the phone clicked. "Hello?"

"Nicole," I breathed in relief. The phone sounded muffled and I heard plates clattering in the background.

"Hey! We're going to start heading over there soon, did you call to remind me about the potato salad cause-"

"Nicole, I'm not calling about the salad." I said in a hurry and she quickly quieted down, the silence on the phone stretching until I heard a door open and close.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She asked in a whisper and I sighed, covering my mouth and turning my head to whisper into the phone.

"I'm late." I paused and closed my eyes. "Like really, really late."

"Late." Nicole repeated, then gasped. "Oh my god, you're pregnant?!" She screamed and I shushed her through the phone, hoping to god Niall hadn't heard her. If he had I knew he'd call Harry in an instant.

"No!" I whispered shouted. "Well I don't know. I haven't taken a test..."

"Kaydence! Why would you not take one?! Hurry up and do it, this is great news!"

"Nicole..." I whined, and that seemed to get her attention. She should know why I was terrified.

"Isn't this what you guys wanted? Didn't you both want another baby?" She paused and her voice lowered. "Does Harry not want another baby after all?"

"No, no. He does." I start, biting my lip and thinking about how bad he's wanted another. It was all he talked about these days. "He wants another one trust me, it's just ever since..." I stop and blink back the tears that are threatening to escape when the memory resurfaces. Don't think about it.

"You're scared. You think what happened last time is going to happen again." Nicole said what I had been feeling out loud and I nodded, forgetting for a moment that she couldn't see me.

"Yes." I let out a whimper and bury my head into my knees. "I don't want to go through that again and what if it happens, again?"

"Kaydence it won't." Nicole said and she was silent for a moment before she sighed. "Listen, I'm going to go buy you a test and we'll talk about it when I get there. I'll tell Niall I'm going to help you clean up or something, he's busy watching football with Tristan anyways, he won't notice." She muttered and I managed to laugh through my tears, picturing Niall holding a two year old Tristan on his lap whilst yelling at the TV.

"Okay." I sigh and wait for Nicole to hang up before placing my phone on the floor next to me, letting my mind wander to the possibility of being pregnant. It's not that I didn't want another baby, I did, just as bad as Harry wanted another, I was just scared. I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with our second child two years ago, how happy and excited Harry was. We decorated the nursery yellow, because we both decided that we wanted the gender to be a surprise. It was an exciting time and Danny was just as excited to be an older brother. I remember how I was rushed to the hospital and spent nine hours in labour, how Harry smiled in happiness when they told us it was a boy when the baby was finally out, but I didn't, because I felt it in my gut. I knew something wasn't right when I didn't hear the cry that was supposed to come when they pulled him out, and the silence that followed from the doctors when they spanked his bottom the way they're supposed to if there isn't a cry. I remember how Harry kept asking what was wrong, how his smile fell when he asked why he wasn't crying. The doctors wouldn't answer us, they took him to the end of the room where they gathered around and performed CPR on him. Harry was yelling, I had never seen him so mad before but he would not stop shouting at the doctors to tell us what was wrong. I stayed calm through the whole thing, even after they turned to us and told us that our baby was a stillborn. They called it intrapartum death, meaning he died during labour. I had lost all sense of hearing after that, and I barely remember anything they had said afterwards. I was in shock, frozen in my hospital bed while Harry collapsed and cried into my chest. The only thing that stood out to me was the words 'placental insufficiently' and Harry. Harry stood out clearly. I watched him break right before my eyes and I watched him when he asked to hold him, hugging our son and crying into the blanket they had wrapped him in. I felt useless, and disgusted with my body and myself when he had asked if I wanted to hold him and I declined. I think I'll always regret that, not holding him before they took him away.

It was hard after that. Harry and I both mourned in our own ways, yet I suppressed mine. I worried about Harry and spent my time trying to comfort him, to help him through his grief that I hadn't taken the time to get through my own. I couldn't, not when he was falling apart and not when Danny kept asking questions. What do you say to a three year old when he's stuttering over his own words and asking why his baby brother isn't home?

That's when Harry took over, and I had never been more thankful. His question had brought on the tears I had kept at bay, and I could do nothing but run to our room and cry. I spent hours in there sobbing and Harry joined me soon after, wrapping himself around me like a blanket. We cried together for the loss of our son, doing nothing else but hold each other. That was what we needed at the time, the comfort of each other's embrace. He slowly put me back together, and I slowly fixed him. Day by day he started to smile again, I caught him laughing with Danny and I briefly thought he was faking it to satisfy him but that's when I saw it. It had been real, and the glint in his eye was coming back.

Now, two years later he has been insisting on us trying again. He wants another baby and so do I, but I was scared. Deep down I blamed myself for what happened, I blamed my body for failing him and being the reason he died. I knew it wasn't really my fault but I needed to put the blame somewhere and it seemed easier to place it on myself. This was the reason that has made me hesitate every time Harry asked me to let us try again. He didn't know about the fear I had that it would happen to us again, and now that I could be pregnant again has me nervous. And terrified. So fucking terrified.

"Kaydence?"

I jumped at the sound of my name and the knock on the bathroom door that followed it, straightening against the wall. My heart sped up in my chest and my eyes darted to the knob, a sigh of relief leaving my mouth when I saw that I had locked it. Thank God.

"Yeah?" I tried to keep my voice steady and stayed motionless as I awaited his response.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep!" I said too quickly. "I'm just going to the bathroom. Nicole is stopping by early, so if she comes to the door let her in."

There was a long silence before he called out an 'okay' and his footsteps descended from the door. I stood up from the floor and flushed the toilet, walking to the sink and brushing my teeth three times. After I was done I leaned back on the counter, staring at myself in the mirror and running my fingers through my hair that stopped at my chest. My eyes were red and bloodshot, the makeup I had put on completely smeared and destroyed. I looked the same, but I didn't feel the same. I knew what the test would say and the fluttering in my stomach only convinced me more that there was another little Harry in there, or a little me. I slowly lifted the loose tank top I wore, folding it above my stomach and turning to the side to look at it in the mirror. My stomach didn't look that much bigger, if anything it looked a little pudgy, but If I were pregnant it would be too early to be showing. I splayed my fingers over my belly, silently praying that there would be a little human in there. Because if there was, maybe, just maybe this would turn out for the better.

.................

"Gammy!" I laughed as Danny slid off the chair he was sitting on to run to Anne, who had entered the kitchen with Gemma, Robin, Des, and Harry following behind her. She smiled widely at him, dropping to her knees and holding her arms open for him to run into. He hugged her tightly and I stood from my own chair to go hug Gemma, and then Des and Robin. Harry pried Danny off his mom and Anne swatted Harry away, picking up Danny and kissing him all over his face.

"Look how big you've gotten!" She said into his shoulder, closing her eyes and squeezing him. The last time they saw him was on his fourth birthday, sure we had skyped with them when we could but I knew Danny was just as anxious to see his grandma. He always saw my mom, Emma pretty often ever since she, James, the boys, and Livy moved down here four years ago, shortly after Harry and I got married.

"Hey, Anne." I moved to hug her, wrapping her in a hug with Danny in between us. She kissed my cheek and smiled at me, tilting her head slightly as she gazed at me.

"You look different," She noted, her eyes flickering over my face while my cheeks grew hot. She couldn't possibly tell, could she? "Ah, you grew your hair back out." She winked at me and I laughed in relief, nodding in confirmation.

"Mum, do you want anything to drink?" Harry walked into the kitchen while Anne followed him with Danny perched on her hip. He was getting too big to be held like that, but I suppose it didn't matter to her. She hadn't seen him in a long time and she wanted to be close to him. I turned to Gemma and her and I walked out to the large living room, sitting by the Christmas tree and talking about her fiance. He couldn't make the flight out here due to having work in two days, so he was spending the holiday back home in London with his family. We chatted some more until Nicole walked into the room, running to give Gemma a hug then going to open the front door for Niall. She reached for Tristan immediately, scolding Niall about the way he was holding him but he only rolled his eyes and kissed her cheek. Niall came to hug us then went in the kitchen to find Harry and the rest of the family, while Nicole came to sit with us and placing Tristan on her lap. He had Niall's blue eyes but Nicole's dark hair and skin complexion, that if anything it made his eyes pop. I always told Nicole he was going to be one hell of a lady killer when he grew up.

It wasn't long till everyone else began to arrive, Emma and James soon followed after with Logan, Aiden, and Livy. I held my arms open for Logan to come hug me and he chuckled, rolling his eyes and bending down to hug me. He was nineteen now and towering over me, to the point where I wondered who was the older one here.

"You need to stop growing." I squeezed him and he laughed, lightly punching my arm and making me flinch.

"No can do," He grinned at me and glanced around the room. "Where's my nephew?"

"In the kitchen with Anne." He nodded and walked off to the kitchen, where I heard Danny shout in excitement. Emma hugged me and gave me a quick kiss while Aiden fist pumped me as he passed and Livy ran to sit on me, wrapping her arms around my neck, her long legs dangling off my lap. She wasn't going to be short like Char and I, she was definitely going to be the tall sister in the family. James leaned over to kiss my forehead, asking how the writing was coming along but by the way Livy anxiously kicked her legs I knew she wanted to tell me something.

"Guess what." She whispered to me the minute James stopped talking and I wiggled my eyebrows at her, leaning in till her mouth was near my ear. She turned her back to James who was hovering near by and cupped her hand around her mouth so he wouldn't hear her. "That guy I like, kissed me." She whispered and I gasped, making her slap her hand over my mouth before I could say anything. She had told me a few weeks ago she had a crush on this boy in her sixth grade class, but I was not expecting this.

Once I managed to relax she let her hand fall back into her lap, when I grinned at her and poked her side. "Well how was it?"

"Short." She stated but smiled at me. "It was more of a peck but it was nice." I silently squealed for her and she made me promise not to tell Harry, telling me that if he found out he'd probably go beat him up. He acted like the protective older brother when it came to her and Char, and Livy pointed out to me that she already had James constantly on her back ever since Char and Louis got together. After Nicole's birthday dinner, her and Louis began to spend a lot of time together especially once we both moved back here for good. At first it was pure platonic, but it wasn't long until they started to build a relationship. Harry wasn't too happy about it, he constantly told me that he feared Louis was going to mess with her and he kept a close eye on them every time we went out on double dates. I can't even begin to explain the shit that went down when Char had told James Louis' was her boyfriend. He lost it, and told her he was way too old for her but Char had told him countless times that it didn't matter what he thought, she was still going to be seeing him. Their relationship was strained for awhile, until Harry went and talked to James. He loved Harry, and trusted his opinion so when he put in a good word for Louis, James began to accept him and Char being together. It took awhile, but he slowly took a liking to Louis, to the point where they could laugh with each other and the tension was gone. They were pretty close now, and It relieved both Harry and I when James gave Louis' his blessing to ask Char to marry him. Which he was going to do, tomorrow morning.

I stayed seated talking with Livy for awhile until she ran over to Nicole to play with Tristan. Harry walked out holding two cups of wine, holding one out to me and I tried my best to nonchalantly decline. His eyebrows furrowed at my response and he stared at me for a moment before shrugging and putting the glass on the table in front of me. The doorbell rang again and he walked to the front door to answer it, holding his arms open for Liam to step into them. They hugged for a long time and his girlfriend Alex followed in behind him, stopping to hug Harry before running to hug me. I was cautious around her when I first met her, but after sometime I've come to realize she was very nice and sweet.

She went to go say hi to Nicole and Harry kept the door open when Louis and Char walked in hand in hand, Harry bending down to kiss my sister's cheek and doing a 'bro' hug with Louis. Char walked over to me and gave me a long hug, considering we don't see each other often now that she lived with Louis. They were attached at the hip, if I ever spent time with her one on one, usually Louis was there too.

"Happy birthday!" I yelled obnoxiously to Louis, running to him to give him a hug and he rolled his eyes at me when everyone in the room shouted Happy birthday to him too. Char laughed and threw her arm around my shoulder.

"Where's the monster?" She asked and I pointed to Danny at the corner of the room, where he was sitting with Logan and Aiden. Char called his name and he looked up, his eyes narrowing as he lifted his chin and turned away from her.

"He is not serious, is he really still mad at me because I told him his jokes aren't funny?" She asked in surprise and I laughed, nodding and briefly glancing at Harry.

"He's a lot like his dad." I pointed out and she groaned, shaking her head and laughing.

"I pray for him then." She walked over to him and squatted down, forcing him to look at her when she bent over to kiss his flushed cheeks repeatedly. He tried to suppress his smile, but ended up giggling when she kissed his tickling neck and he lied back on the floor in laughter. I smiled as I watched them, glancing across the room at Harry who was currently talking with Gemma, Emma, Anne, and James. He was holding his glass of wine and I watched as he slapped his hand over his thigh and threw his head back when he laughed, his hair touching his shoulders. I loved that he grew it out again, it was still curly like it had been when I first met him and even though he's gotten older he was still just as handsome as he had been back then. Tell him, my subconscious begged me. I promised myself I would tell him, but later, once everyone was gone.

I caught Nicole's eye from across the room and she arched her eyebrow at me, looking between Harry and I. I only gave her a swift nod, indicating that I would tell him. I didn't just promise myself that I'd tell him but I promised her too earlier when we were in the bathroom and I was on the floor having a meltdown when I got the results. I would tell him. I would.

I heard Louis yell 'oi oi!' from across the room and I looked to the front door to see Zayn walk in with a petite blonde following close behind. I don't know who she was, but I reluctantly stood from where I sat to go hug him, introducing myself to the blonde who's name was apparently Natalie. Louis strides over and fist bumps Zayn, then the two of them walk off together to go talk. Ever since Harry had slowly brought him back into the group at Nicole's birthday dinner, he had taken the time to reach out to Zayn. They began to talk more and more until they eventually started to hangout again. Louis still hadn't spoken to him but once Harry brought Zayn to a 'lad' outing, Louis began to warm up to him again. Now, it was like nothing had ever happened. They were still the five best friends, and I loved hearing about their 'lads holiday' the five of them went on. From the amount of stories I've heard, they had a blast.

I mingled with our friends and family, walking around the room and taking pictures in front of the Christmas tree. Harry had worn a silk white button up while I wore a white dress with red and dark blue patterns on it, and Danny wore a white collared shirt with a red knitted sweatshirt that matched us. Anne and Emma both ushered us to the Christmas tree, demanding us to go stand in front of it and take our Christmas picture like we have for the past several years. We walked in front of the tree and Harry moved Danny to stand in the middle of us, both of us wrapping him in a hug and smiling at the camera. He was being a little brat, not wanting to smile and I briefly turned him to face me and promised him I'd buy him whatever he wanted if he would just take the picture. He smiled.

Harry and I took our typical couple picture where we kissed under the mistletoe and I laughed when I heard Nicole tell Niall he was lame because he wouldn't take a cute picture like that with her. Harry intertwined his fingers with mine loosely as we walked to the kitchen for dinner, smiling down at me that I almost told him right then and there. Not yet, Kaydence.

Once we entered the kitchen everyone took their places around the large table, Harry taking the head of it while I sat at the side next to him. The turkey was already on the table and he handed the large knife to James, who was sitting in the middle of the table. He cut the turkey, and when he offered me a peace I leaned away and shook my head. I held my breath as the turkey was passed around the table, keeping my focus on my potato salad on my plate instead. It had been working for the most part, but the moment Harry grabbed another piece of turkey I got a large whiff of it and the nausea came back. I swallowed my potatoes and placed my fork down, taking a large gulp of my water and trying my best to swallow the vomit that wanted to come up. But it was like the scent of the turkey was stuck in my nose, and before I knew it I quickly stood up and hastily walked to the bathroom. I was aware that Harry's eyes were on my back and I didn't even bother to stop when I heard him excuse himself from the table. Once I was out of sight from everyone I sprinted down the hallway and into our bedroom, running in the bathroom and swinging the door closed behind me but I didn't lock it. I needed to get to the toilet and the moment I reached it, I threw everything I just ate up.

I heard the bathroom door open but I didn't care, my body was convulsing above the toilet and I gripped my hair at the back of my neck until I felt a pair of warm hands take it from me. I dropped my hands down to the floor to steady me, coughing when the last of the vomit came out. I whimpered and hung my head, spitting a few times into the toilet before flushing it. I knew Harry was behind me but I didn't look at him as I stood up and went to the sink, turning on the faucet and brushing my teeth. I kept my gazed locked on the water, until eventually I had to rinse my mouth and turned the water off when I was finished. Slowly, I raised my head to meet Harry's curious but worried eyes in the mirror. He placed his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them and forcing me to turn around and look him in the eye.

"What's wrong?" He asked, putting his forefinger under my chin to lift my gaze to his. "Are you sick?"

"I'm..." I paused, feeling sick again all of a sudden but it wasn't because of the kid in my stomach.

"What?" His eyes darted between mine and I sighed, placing my hand over Harry's wrist and moving to intertwine our fingers together.

"I'm not sick, Harry."

"You're not? But you just threw up, did you eat something bad maybe? It could be food poi-,"

"Harry it's not that either." I squeezed his hand and his eyebrows furrowed together. How did he not figure it out yet? Men, I swear.

"But you-,"

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out before he could say anything else, my cheeks warming as I stated wide eyed at him. His mouth was gaping open and his face was expressionless as he stared at me like he hadn't heard what I said. I thought maybe he hadn't, until he slowly blinked at me and released a strangled breath.

"What did you say?"

"I'm...pregnant." I said a little breathlessly, dropping his hand and leaning against the sink behind me. "I'm pregnant."

He stared at me for a moment longer until he shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. Okay, this was not the reaction I was looking for. "When did you find out?"

"Today, that's why Nicole came by early. She brought me a test." I muttered and he looked down at the floor in thought, his tongue poking out to lick his bottom lip. He gazed at the tile floor and lifted his hands, combing his fingers through his curly hair. He tore his eyes away from the floor and looked up at the ceiling, letting out a long breath.

"The turkey, that's why you looked at it like it was shit," he whispered to himself and then looked back down at me with glossy eyes. "You're really pregnant?"

I nodded and bit my lip, anticipating his reaction when after a long moment of silence a smile began to grow on his mouth and his glossy eyes now watered. He reached for me, cupping my cheeks with his palms and leaning his forehead against mine.

"We're having another baby?" He asked more happily and I nodded. He laughed and when I didn't laugh with him, he pulled back slightly to look at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Why don't you seem happy? This is what we've wanted."

I don't say anything, but I don't have to when a tear slips from my eye with out permission and Harry is quick to catch it with his index finger. He frowns, and I don't have to say anything else for him to pull me into his arms. I shake in his embrace and he shushes me, rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head.

"I'm scared it will happen again." I confess and he nods into my shoulder, kissing the skin there.

"I know baby, I know that's why you've been hesitating to try again."

"You noticed?" I ask in surprise and he lets out a small laugh, brushing his nose against my shoulder.

"Of course I have. I know you, love. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself." He pulls away from me, letting his arms hang loosely around my waist as he looks down at me with watery green eyes. He wipes the few tears that have fallen from my eyes away then moves to tuck my hair behind my ear, and looking me in the eye. "You don't need to be afraid. What happened, was rare. You heard what the doctor said, it's not likely to happen again."

"But it could, it was my body that failed him." I tell him and he shakes his head, frowning at my words and lightly running his thumb over my bottom lip.

"Do you want to know what I told Danny when he asked why his little brother wasn't home with us?"

"What did you tell him?"

He leaned down and kissed the side of my head and moved his mouth until it was right next to my ear. "I told him that his little brother was born an angel, and angels didn't belong in this world. They were too special, so God came and took him home."

My heart grew about ten sizes at his words and my lip quivered as I turned my head to meet Harry's eyes. "You told him that?"

"Yes." He nodded and kissed the tip of my nose. "And now I'm telling you. I know it's hard to let go, but just think of it like that Kay. He's in a better place." He paused and smiled at me. "He's with Elizabeth, and Daniel. They're taking care of him, I know they are."

"You think so?" I whisper and he nods. I never thought of it like that, I just sort of always thought about how I lost him and how much it hurt. I never looked at it that way, and now that Harry said it, it brought a weight off my shoulders. I wonder if this was how he got through it, at first when we found out Harry was the one who was broken. But then, as he started to get better it was me who started to sink. He helped me up, but I've never completely healed from it the way Harry has. Maybe this was his secret, the way he was able to move on from it. I can understand now how it could have worked. The thought of our little baby being with Daniel and Elizabeth brought me a sense of peace.

Harry leaned down and lightly kisses my lips before sinking down on his knees, lifting my dress up until it was bunched under my chest. His hands rested on my hips and he pressed his lips to my stomach, kissing it and leaning his head into it before letting my dress fall again. He then wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head into my stomach, sighing and looking up at me with his chin pressed into me.

"We can do this. Nothing is going to happen to this baby. I have faith."

I nod in agreement, feeling relief at his words. I was still a little afraid, but the more Harry spoke convinced me that everything would be okay. We were having a baby, and I should be happy about this. And I was, I was happy. This was our second chance and the more I thought about that the more the smile that started to creep on to my face grew. Harry smiled back at me and kept his gaze locked with mine as he kissed my stomach again, but over my dress.

"I hope it's a girl." He whispered and I laughed, imagining a baby girl with pink dresses and ballet slippers. I imagined Harry doing her hair for her before she went to school and I imagined that she'd also have his green eyes just like Danny did. And I silently hoped too, that we'd have a girl.

"Me too." I whispered and Harry smiled, standing up and kissing my forehead. I folded my arms around his neck and hugged him, inhaling his familiar vanilla mint scent that always comforted me.

"I love you okay? It's going to be alright, Kaydence." He reassured me again, pulling away to grab my face in his palms while his eyes darted between mine. "Whatever happens we'll get through it. We've always managed to get through the dark in the past, so we can do anything. Me and you. Always."

"Okay." I agreed, nodding and letting out a long sigh before he crushed his soft lips to mine. I kissed him, feeling my fears drift away from his plump pink lips and I briefly wondered as we stood there in our bathroom, kissing, what I would have done if I hadn't gone to his concert that night to drop Madison off. If he hadn't rammed into me that day after his concert, and if I hadn't gotten kicked out of school. I would not be where I was now with out him, because every decision I have made has been based off the influence of Harry. He made me learn how to trust again, and for the first time I was able to tell someone else other than my family and Madison my secret. He taught me how to love, how to be a friend to someone. He taught me all about forgiveness, by forgiving me when I hadn't deserved it and was there when I needed someone when I found my family. He loved me enough to respect that I wanted to stay with my family, but also loved me so much that he waited for me for three years until I came back to him. He encouraged me to write, to create this blog where I talked to girls who had gone through what I had endured as a child. He pushed me to be better, even as I grew up he never stopped loving me. He gave up his career for this family, to be the father and the husband he is today. To think he loved us that much, that he would give up something he loves doing to be with us has made me feel honored to be his wife. He wasn't afraid of being vulnerable in front of me, I've seen him weak but I've also seen him at his strongest. He holds me together when I'm falling apart and I can't for the life of me, tell you how grateful I am for him. I was lost when we first met, but now, I know exactly who I am. I'm strong, and even though I still struggle sometimes Harry is always there to remind me that I can do it, that we both can. If someone had told me nine years ago that I'd get over my past and get married to Harry Styles, I would have laughed in their faces at them. But here I am. And life has never been easy, but we're both still so young. We've still got a long life ahead of ourselves with more obstacles to come, with our son and another baby on the way, but if I've learned anything during these past few years, it's that you fight. If things are tough, and you feel like ending it you just have to keep pushing. There's always a light at the end of every tunnel and when you feel like giving up on yourself, you have to remember that. Find a reason to keep going, something or someone to keep you motivated. Nine years ago I didn't have a reason, but now I did. It was how I've survived and still am surviving, because Harry, Danny, this unborn baby, my family, were mine. They were my reason to battle my way through the dark. We had our good days, and we had our really shitty days, but that's okay. Because without darkness, I would never know light. 

And now, now, I did.

The End. 

* * * * * * * * *

I can't believe it's over!!! 

Just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who has stuck by and read the first and second book, even all the ghost readers THANK YOU SO MUCH. I loved writing Kay's and Harry's story so much, and it did have a message in it that I hope everyone understood. If you didn't, basically the message is: Don't give up on yourself, ever. <3

I hope I didn't disappoint with this chapter, I took so long because I wanted to make sure I got everything in and that I ended it right. Plus I wanted to hold off on having it end. Lol I thought about doing 'extra' chapters, like fillers of what happened in the past few years. Like the day Kay found out she was pregnant, they're wedding, etc. I don't think I will do it but we'll see!

If you guys liked my stories, I will be finishing LBD which will only be 10 more chapters at most and will also be continuing my new other other harry fic 'HOSTAGE' its in my works already, and the first 2 chapters are up so add it if you're interested. 

Thank you guys so much again. To all the people who voted, and didn't. THANK YOU. 

Let me know what you thought, and if anyone has any questions, leave them here. All the love<33333