"Lights will guide you home, & ignite your bones.
And I will try,
To fix you."

* * * * * * * * * * *

H a r r y

I knew this would happen.

I fucking knew she would do this to Kaydence, that she would hurt her in some way. I figured she was hiding something, I could just feel it. But this, this was beyond what I had been expecting. This was a grenade, one that came out of nowhere and I wish I had been more prepared for it, to have known it was going to be something this damaging. I could have done something maybe, I could have calmed Kaydence down possibly, she was a complete wreck in the kitchen and it was heartbreaking to see. I had no fucking clue what to do, I had been caught off guard and just as shocked as she was by the revelation that for one, her mom had been her aunt. And two, James was her fucking dad. That right there, blew my mind. Emma was unbelievable, and I've also come to the conclusion that for the first time, I think I actually had someone I hated. I wanted to cuss her ass out as I watched her now, on the floor crying as James yelled at her. Thank god too, it was about time someone put her in her place. She needed a god damn wake up call, maybe now she'll quit all the lying. I was glad she was getting her ass handed to her, but my heart halted in my chest when Kaydence suddenly stepped away from me, and it was then that I felt it. The panic, the worry that had been consuming me these past few days that Kaydence would do something to hurt herself when she abruptly snatched her arm away from me when I tried to pull her back. She shoved me, and my eyes widened as I watched her run out of the kitchen. My mouth moved on its own accord as I called out for her to stop, and I faintly heard James calling her too.

I was lost, and knew I should go after her but the yelling and screaming wouldn't stop. My feet wouldn't move and I couldn't hear myself think over it, to figure out how to stop her, how to bring her back to me because I felt her slipping away the farther she ran. My heart rose to my throat and I ran my fingers threw my hair as I glanced back at Nicole, seeing she was just as taken aback about everything as I was. I felt my body shake, anger mixing with my worry when James continued to scream at Emma and Emma continued to cry and defend herself. I spun around on my heel then, my mind connecting with my body again.

"Shut up!" I shouted loudly and James stopped abruptly, his eyes wide as he stared back at me.

"Both of you shut up! Kaydence just ran out, and you two are both fucking idiots!" For a split second I thought about how talking to Kaydence's father like this might be a bad idea if I want to marry her one day, but right now I didn't fucking care. Kaydence took off. "I can't hear myself think over your screaming! You can go back to yelling as soon as I figure out what to do. I should have ran after her, but you two are just," I shake my head and take a deep breath, blinking several times. "I need to find her." My voice shakes and James slowly nods, moving away from Emma who was still crying but silently.

"Let's go find her."

I look back at the others to see them holding a sullen look, but Liam nods at me in encouragement and Nicole squeezes my arm before I run towards the front door that I had heard close just minutes ago. She couldn't have gone far, but I'm still worried. No, scared, that she might do something before I find her. I hear James footsteps following behind me, and don't stop to wait for him as I run out into the long street, looking both ways and wondering which way she could have gone. Think Harry. If you were Kaydence, where would you want to go?

"Which way could she have gone?" James asks and I glance back down both ways, my hands shaking when I'm torn with which way to go. If I choose the wrong way I could waste time and be too late. I close my eyes and anxiously rub my eyes, thinking hard about what she would do. She likes being alone when she's sad, she isolates herself when she's in pain. Where can she go around here that she would literally be all alone? Where would she think no one would find her?

The meadow.

My eyes flew open and I hastily took off down the way we had been walking every time we had taken the horses out this past week. I knew she was there, my gut told me she was and it is the only place I think she would go around here. She had to be, but I swear if I ended up being wrong I didn't know what I would do. My pace quickened the more I thought about her and James didn't say anything, only tried to keep up with me as I turned down the narrow path that leads to the horses. I was sweating, and losing my breath a lot quicker then I normally would have but I was beginning to panic and it was getting harder to breathe.

"Are you alright, Harry?" James asks, sounding a little breathless himself. "Hey, slow down, you're tiring yourself."

"No, I'm fine. I have to find her." I choke out and my feet quicken when I see the horses. I won't have to keep running for long anyways, that is if James lets me take one of the horses. Even if he said no, I was taking one anyways. I needed to get to her, fast.

Once we reached the ring I quickly looked back at James, who was breathing hard and had stopped running when I did. He looked at me, then looked around the ring as if expecting to find Kaydence here. "You think she is here?"

"No, the meadow. I need to borrow a horse though."

"Okay," he nodded and opened the ring. "You can take Lightning, I'll take Thunder."

"No," I said quickly, making him turn around and raise an eyebrow at me. "I need to go alone..." I say hesitantly and he waits for me to elaborate. I sigh, and tap my foot impatiently, not really caring about the information I tell him when I just needed to get to Kaydence. "She's just not in the right state. I know how she gets and I need to be by myself when I find her." I swallow and tug at my roots.

He stares at me for a moment before slowly nodding. "Okay...okay, fine. I need to try and speak to Emma before I speak to Kaydence, anyways." He nods to himself in reassurance and immediately turns to run to the stables. Not even a minute later he's running back with a saddle. He doesn't stop moving until the saddle is fully settled and in place on lightning. He stands up straight and I take a step forward, pulling myself on top of the saddle and sitting in place. James hands me the reins and when I reach for them, he pulls back and gives me a serious look, worry creasing his forehead.

"Bring my daughter back, Harry." He takes a deep breath and I see his eyes water just the slightest but he quickly blinks it away. He hands me the reins and doesn't say anything else, only opens the gate for me and nods his head in encouragement. I do what he had taught us earlier this week when we were riding, signaling Lightning to run. I gripped the reins tightly and prepared myself before she took off in the direction I wanted her to go. I tried to calm myself down the whole way there, she was okay. Nothing has happened to her, she didn't hurt herself. I had to believe that, to believe she wouldn't stoop that low again. But the little voice in my head made me doubt it, made me worry more and made my breathing come out uneven. Calm down Harry, fuck the last thing I need is for my asthma to act up right now. Relax. I breathed in and out of my nose as Lightning ran through the woods, and I recognized where we were now, knowing we were getting close. I bit my lip and my grip tightened on the reins in anxiousness. Please be there, Kaydence. And please dear god, let her be okay.

Once I saw the edge of the woods coming, and the beginning of the clearing I signaled for Lightning to slow down. She slowed the moment we reached the end and my heart lurched in my chest when I saw her, sitting a few feet further down the meadow. She wasn't moving, but she was there. I felt a sliver of relief that she appeared to be okay, but my worry didn't settle. Her back was to me and I needed to see her face before I could completely calm down.

I moved lightning to the side of the meadow and signaled for her to stop, and swung my leg off as I jumped down from her. My feet thudded against the ground when I landed and I knew Kaydence had to have heard me but she gave no indication that she had. I move towards her then, watching her back carefully before I stepped around her to see her face. My stomach dropped and vile rose at the back of my throat when I saw her red swollen eyes gazing straight ahead at the view. Her face was stained with dried tears, while new ones kept silently running down them. Small fly away hairs stuck to the side of her face and her nose was red and tender from crying so much and my heart broke when her now purple bottom lip quivered.

"Baby," I sighed in relief to be in front of her again but sunk down to my knees in front of her. I reached for her then, needing to comfort her but she shied away from me. I paused, and looked at her, letting my eyes travel over her body now. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, where she had her wrist hidden there. She hugged it to herself but her face was unreadable as she blankly stared at the water further down.

"Kaydence," I sighed and reached for her hand. "Let me see your wrist."

She didn't respond and I slowly grabbed her arm to pull away from her chest. She wouldn't let me though, and didn't look at me as she held it to her. I didn't want to hurt her but I swear to god if it came to it, I would forcefully pull her arm away.

"Kaydence, I will make you show me if you don't do it yourself. Let me see your wrist." I say sternly and this time when I pull her arm, she doesn't fight me. I glance up at her face to see the silent tears still streaming down her face but her eyes still won't meet mine. I look down at her wrist then, to see there were bright red lines and it was tender, but there were no cuts. It looks like she had tried desperately to hurt herself but she couldn't.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion and when I look up at her this time, she's staring at me.

"I didn't have a blade." She says slowly. "I tried to use my nails, but I couldn't..." Her shoulders shake and her eyes match my confused ones. "I couldn't hurt myself. I couldn't get myself to do it, I wasn't strong enough to." Her voice thickens with tears and she sounds so lost, but my mouth parts and happiness takes over my worry as I lean forward and hug her. She can't hurt herself anymore, she was getting past it.

"That's good, Kaydence." I try to assure her but she shakes her head.

"No, I don't get it. Why can't I do it? I need to get rid of the pain, but I can't. What happening to me, Harry?" She sobs and I move to caress her cheek, wiping the tears away and smiling softly at her.

"I think, you're starting to love yourself." I say softly and her eyes are wide as she shakes her head.

"But I don't?" She sounds so bewildered and I move to kiss her forehead, cupping her face with both hands as I rested my head against hers.

"Kaydence, do you know how many times you fought me every time I had insulted you when I got back? Or how about how you stood up to Emma, how you've seem to be comfortable in your own body. You're not hiding anymore, you haven't been for awhile. You just hadn't realized it yet, but you do love yourself." I tell her and her eyes water more, her chest rising and falling as she takes a deep breath.

"But it hurts. I came here to get rid of it, but...I cant. How do I make it stop, if I can't?" She asks, panicking and I keep caressing her cheek, feeling her calm down slightly.

"You don't. You deal, you feel it, and then eventually you move on. You learn from what hurts you baby, that's just life."

"I just want to be happy." She cries and I move to open her legs, slipping between them and dragging her onto my lap. She leans on my chest and clutches my shirt in her small hands, resting her head on my shoulder.

"But weren't you? Before what happened, were you happy?"

"Yes." She whispers and I lean my weight on one arm while letting the other push her hair to her back.

"And when you think about what made you happy before, does it still make you happy now?"

She's quiet for a moment, lost in her thoughts until I feel her head move up and down as she nods. "Yeah, most of it does."

"See? There's always something to be happy about, Kaydence. I know you're hurt, and broken right now but there's a part of you in there still happy. Find it, find what makes you happy." I kiss the top of her head and let a long sigh of relief out that she's okay. She didn't hurt herself.

"You. Nicole. Char. Aiden. Logan. Livy. Louis. Niall. Liam. Zayn...and," she shakes and quietly cries. "James. My dad." She cries more and I hug her to me, rubbing her back to try and comfort her.

"That's more people then most get."

"But I hate Emma." She cries angrily and I nod slowly, I don't like her much myself but as much as I hate to say it, I understood why she did what she did. She was young, and from what was said earlier James was in no position to be a father.

"You're just really mad right now, but you don't hate her."

"Yes, yes I do." She argues and I smile slightly at her stubbornness.

"No, you don't. Want to know why?"

"Why?" She mutters and I let my hand push the hair away from her forehead, looking down to meet her teary eyes.

"Because, she's your mother. And even though you don't want to admit it, I know you were beginning to love her. And no matter how much you want to stop loving someone, it isn't a light switch. You can't just turn it off."  I tell her, watching how her eyes close and she frowns.

"I'm so mad at her Harry." Her voice is shaking and I keep rubbing her back, to show her that I'm here. "I can't believe he's my dad, I seriously believed her when she said she had spent one night with him and now...I don't know what to do." She cries into my shoulder, moving to wrap her arms around my waist.

"I don't know, either." I mutter, being honest about the situation. I wish I knew what to tell her when it came to James, but this was something only she could figure out. "You need to talk to him, and her, though."

"I don't want to talk to her." She whines and I bite my lip to keep from smiling at how cute it sort of sounds.

"I know, but that's what needs to happen babe." I run my fingers through her hair and kiss the top of her head again. "I'm so proud of you, you know."

"Why? I might of torn James and Emma apart and Charlotte-,"

"Not because of that. I'm proud of you for not hurting yourself again."

She frowns and looks up at me through her wet eyelashes. "I couldn't even if I had wanted to." She mutters and I give her a small smile. She still didn't get it.

"See that's the thing, you keep thinking you wanted to hurt yourself but your heart," I placed my hand over her chest, resting it right above where her heart should be. "Won't let you. Your heart knows what you want more then this," I lightly tapped her forehead, and smiled. "Does."

She bites her lip, lost in her thoughts. I gaze down at her to see her eyes flashing with several emotions all at once and another tear slips from the corner of her eye when she nods to herself.

"You're right." She sighs as if she had been holding her breath this whole time we've been talking. "Deep down I don't want to hurt myself again."

"So, then what do you really want?"

"You," She says immediately and my heart picks up speed. "And a family. I want to get to know my family. To know my dad." She whispers and a strangled breath leaves her lips. "I want to forgive Emma, I want to move on with my life. I want to get better. To be better." She says out loud and she cries again, but it's with relief that she's finally realizing and admitting what she wants out of life.

I hug her tighter and kiss her head repeatedly when she leans away, only to grab my neck and place a prolonging kiss on my lips. She wraps her arms around my neck and tucks her head into the crook of it as she continues to cry. I keep rubbing her back as she does and try to quietly calm her down but her body is shaking.

"You can have all that, Kay. Just calm down, and we can make it happen." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"You said I had to deal." She whispers and I feel her tears wetting my shoulder. "Is crying, a way I can deal?"

I sigh, feeling my chest stretch with relief that she was listening. That she was letting go of her old ways and looking to better ones to cope. "Yes, crying is normal. Its best to let it out, so cry as much as you want until you feel better."

"Will you stay?" She whimpers, clinging to me and I wrap my arms around her waist, bringing her as close to me as she can get.

"Yes, I'll be here. Cry as much as you want, and then when you start to feel better we can go back. Either way, I'll be here." I promise her, feeling her lips kiss the side of my neck before she buries her head into my shoulder and let's all her pain out. She lets go, of her past, of who she once was, of her pain and the hurt she was feeling. And for once I wasn't scared, or worried about her. I knew she would be okay, that she would take care of herself because now, Kaydence had something she didn't have then. She had friends, a family, people who showed they cared about her, love. She had goals. Dreams. She knew what she wanted, and after she was done dealing with her pain, she was going to go after it. I admired her strength, her will to fight this internal battle she's had for years, and begin to feel myself falling for her even more then I already was. To think that was actually possible, but my swelling heart was all the proof I needed.

* * * * * * * * *

I loved this chapter. <333

Sorry if there's typos!! I'm in the library again lol

What do you guys think?? Be active!! Come out of hiding like Kaydence, ghost readers. I want to know everyone's thoughts so please comment. (:

Hope you liked it<3