"It's the road that leads to nowhere, but all I want to do is go there."

* * * * * * * * *

After finally calming my rapid heart rate down I had managed to force my feet out of the bathroom and into the living room where Harry had rejoined Nicole, Liam, and Niall. Harry was leaning against the coffee table with both his knees drawn up this chest, his elbows resting on them while his hands were loosely clasped together. A smirk had grown on his face when he saw me walk in, a playful glint in his eyes when he noticed my red cheeks. I forced myself to look away from him and sunk onto one of the chairs near the island of the kitchen, listening to Liam asking Nicole more questions about the show she was watching. Niall was barely paying attention and I caught the way he instead, was gazing at Nicole with admiration, making me smile. As if he felt me staring he looked away from her and his eyes grew wide, his white cheeks turning a light shade of pink when he noticed he had been caught. I sent him a wink and he rolled his eyes, throwing himself back onto the sofa bed where he was no longer in my view. The next hour had passed quickly with us talking (Nicole doing the most of it) and Louis pulling out a play station he had brought with him out of his luggage. The boys took turns playing FIFA, Nicole and I finding joy in watching them argue and getting worked up over the game. Harry was playing Niall, and when he had lost he tossed the controller to the floor and shoved it away with his foot, muttering how he didn't want to play anymore. Louis happily took the controller.

Zayn seemed to be in his own world on his phone and for some reason I was afraid to talk to him, so I chose to sit quietly in my chair and let him be. Not long after Louis had started playing Niall, there was a knock at the door and Harry stood from his spot on the floor, sauntering over to open it. When he had, James was standing there in a pair of washed out blue jeans and a plain grey t-shirt, a grin stretching across his face when Harry opened the door further for him to step in.

"You kids having fun in here?" He asks, planting his hands on his hips as he looks over to the TV to see the video game the boys have on.

"Yeah! Just restin' up a bit." Niall shouts over the loud game, James chuckling at the way Niall's eyes are focused intently on the screen.

"Okay, well I came over to let you all know you're welcome to come in the house now. You don't need to stay cooped up back here."

"Thank you, we'll probably come over there in a minute." I say kindly to him, grinning at him when he nods his head and gives me a thumbs up. Harry says something to him and they begin talking when James gestures to the house and Harry is suddenly turning around to follow him out the door. I watch him out of curiosity and he glances at me over his shoulder, pointing to James before stepping out.

"He's a packers fan as well and he wants to show me something." He says shyly, and I can't help but beam at him. He was so cute.

I nod and wave him off when he gives me a small smile and turns to walk out the door, closing it behind him. I glance over at Nicole just as she turns to look at me, nodding my head to the house and silently asking her if she wants to come with me. She nods and stands from the bed and I follow her down the hallway into the other bedroom. It's smaller then the one Harry and I are using but it's still a pretty good size. I sink onto the end of the bed and Nicole closes the door, moving to her luggage to take a fresh pair of clothes out. I realize I haven't had the opportunity to have girl talk with her and smile when I remember the way Niall had been staring at her.

"So, what's going on with you and Niall?" I ask her, wiggling my eyebrows when she glances at me with a smirk on her face.

"What's going on with you and Harry?" She asks me pointedly and I roll my eyes at her, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Nope, you tell me first."

She sighs and pulls her pajama shirt over her head, tugging the new one on before answering me. "Well he kissed me the other night at the hotel."

"Yes, I remember you saying that when I was having my panic attack." I wince at the memory and nod once. "Continue, I want details."

She laughs and takes her pants off and grabbing a pair of jeans. "Well we went to his room he was going to be sleeping in to just hang out. We were just talking and I don't know, the conversation shifted to how Harry had been teasing us and he kissed me."

"How was it?"

"Amazing." She groaned and I laugh when she tosses herself on the bed next to me. "He's a really good kisser, like he knows what he's doing."

"Did he just kiss you that one time?" I ask, noticing how I'm being such a girl when I lay down next to her and grin in excitement.

"Well we made out after that." She giggles and my mouth drops open in shock. "Then we just fell asleep in his bed and the next morning he kissed me again. And then last night we made out. Again." She laughs and I squeal in excitement for her. Nicole deserves to be happy and I think Niall might be that person who can make her feel that way.

"Do you think whatever is happening might lead to anything?" I ask and her smile falters, her expression growing thoughtful.

"Maybe? I mean I think I'm starting to like him but...I don't know if this is just like, hooking up to him or not." Her tone is sad but she shrugs and sighs. "I don't know, I guess we'll see what happens."

"Well I'm happy for you." I nudge her arm and she smiles again, her eyes glinting with mischief when she turns them on me.

"So what about you, huh? What is happening with Harry?"

"Um..." I blush at the memory of what he did to me last night and Nicole gasps, sitting up in the bed so quick and startling me when she squeals.

"No you didn't!" She says accusingly and my eyes widen when she bounces on the bed with excitement. "Did you two have sex?!" She shouts so loud I'm positive not only did the boys in the living room hear, but maybe even Harry from the house.

"Sh!" I hiss and sit up, grabbing her wrist and tugging her back down. "Shut up, oh my god." I yell in a whisper, feeling my ears heating up in embarrassment when I think about how I'm going to have to face the boys out there. "We didn't have sex, Jesus, calm down." I sigh in exasperation and shake my head at her.

"Well, what the fuck? Why not?" I almost laugh at how disappointed she sounds but only give her a pointed look.

"I don't know." I shrug and release her wrist, crossing my arms back over my chest. It's not that I didn't want to have sex with Harry, I mean he was amazing at it back when we were together and I have no doubt he still is, or maybe even better for that matter. But Harry had made it clear we were going to take whatever was happening with us, slow. Last night had technically not been slow but hell, I was not going to complain.

"Well then what happened? Something happened, you were blushing the moment I asked." She points her finger at me accusingly, cocking her eyebrow at me and daring me to lie to her.

"We didn't have sex but...we did something else." I cover my face with my hands and Nicole gasps again, grabbing my wrists and pulling them away from my face.

"Oh my god, tell me! Wait no," She shakes her head and holds her hands out in front of her. "Never mind, don't. I don't want to hear what he did or what you did to him it's too weird. Like I want to know because you're my best friend but then I remembered he's my best friend too and I don't want to know the details, ew. No thanks." She laughs and I join her, nodding my head in agreement.

"He probably feels the same with you and Niall." I say knowingly and she laughs.

"True."

We continue talking about the boys and about Emma, then about Charlotte and James before I decide to go to my room to change my own clothes into something more comfortable. I exchange the skirt and sweater I'm wearing for a black v-neck and dark skinny jeans, deciding to wear my converse with it as well when I remember we will be going horse back riding later. I meet Nicole in the hallway and for a moment my cheeks start warming up when we step into the living room, and I fear they might say something about what Nicole had shouted. Luckily, they don't say anything and pause the game, turning off the TV and following us outside and to the backdoor of the house.

It's already open when we reach it, and I reluctantly step inside to hear laughing. I follow the sound and am lead to the living room, where I see Harry sitting on the floor with Livy. His legs are spread flatly on the floor and she's standing in between them, a rubber ball the size of her head in her small hands. Harry's holding his own hands out to her and she uses all her strength to toss it to him, giggling when it hits him in the face and he dramatically falls back on the floor. I feel a smile tugging at my lips when he sits up again, shaking his head and picking up the ball to lightly toss it to her. She misses it, and runs to go get it when it rolls across the room. Harry's smiling so wide and doesn't even notice we're standing here until Nicole says 'aw', making him glance over his shoulder at us.

"Oh hey," He chuckles and Livy runs back to him, stealing his attention for a brief second when he catches the ball she throws at him. "What took you all so long?"

"We were...talking." Nicole smirks when she glances at me and Harry's eyes narrow just the slightest when he looks between the two of us. Nicole nudges my arm and I roll my eyes at her, looking around the room to see Harry is the only one in here.

"Where is everyone else?" I ask and Harry watches Livy run after the ball again.

"James had a phone call so he stepped out for a second. Charlotte is upstairs, the two monsters went to go pick out a movie they were telling me about, and I don't know where Emma is." His eyes dart to meet mine at the mention of Emma and I press my lips together. Was she really going to hide the whole time I was here?

I shove all negative thoughts about Emma away before they can even surface and step further into the room, moving to sit on the couch closest to Harry. He's more then five feet away from me but I do catch the way he shifts to scoot closer, making me smile in satisfaction. He leans back on his hands while he nudges the ball on the floor to Livy, who has completely forgotten about it and has turned her attention to his tattoo on his forearm. He's still wearing the black shirt he wore to church but has rolled up the sleeves and unbuttoned the front to only two buttons. Why bother buttoning it at all, Harry?

I force my eyes away from his tan smooth chest to Livy instead, taking in how awestruck she is by Harry's tattoos. She keeps pointing at some of them, asking what they are and each time Harry answers she points to another one. Harry looks amused by her and for a brief moment I find myself daydreaming about Harry having children of his own someday, playing like this with them. It's obvious how much he loves kids and I have no doubt in my mind he is going to be an amazing father one day, and the idea of it makes me grin. I'd love to see him carrying a mini version of himself, but my smile falters when I'm struck with the thought of him having children with someone who isn't me. I don't know what will happen with Harry and I, whether we'll even be together that far into the future and the possibility of him being with another woman and having children with her brings a sharp pain to my heart. I never thought about having children of my own, it never had crossed my mind especially when I figured I'd stay alone for the rest of my life since I was so afraid to go near a man after what happened with my father. But now, when I've been with Harry and have had the pleasure to fall in love with him, to see how well he is with children, I realize I want it. I want to have a family of my own, to have someone I love so much, we end up making a small version of both of us put together out of love. I want to have a husband someday, to sit home on Sunday afternoons and watch him play with our children. But most of all, I want that person to be Harry.

A strong surge of emotion flows through me at my discovery, making my skin feel warm and my stomach to turn. I want that, so bad with him, but do I deserve it? No. I don't deserve that with Harry, he deserves someone so much better than me, and if in ten years from now he's married and has his own children, I would have to be okay with that. I settle with the possibility of that being the case, but it isn't with out extreme effort, and tell myself to enjoy him while I still can. He might not be mine to keep, but as of right now I'm going to take what I can get.

As if feeling my thoughts are about him, Harry tilts his head to the side to look at me. His green eyes seem brighter than usual and I force a smile on my face when he grins at me. It wavers, and I curse myself when his eyes flicker across my face, studying it. I know he can tell something is off and I almost jump up and run away when he suddenly stands from the floor, leaving Livy to play with her ball again as he strides over to me. I tense when he sinks down on the couch next to me, the heat of his body radiating into mine when he leans into me. He brings his mouth right next to my ear and grabs the side of my face with his hand, turning it that way I'm forced to look at him.

"What's wrong?" He whispers so only I can hear and I look at the wall behind him, afraid to look him in the eye, knowing he'll be able to read me if I do.

"Nothing, why?"

"You're lying, I can tell something is off. Tell me what it is." His fingers brush over my cheek and goosebumps rise in their wake, making the internal battle I'm having about telling him what I was thinking about that much harder.

"It's nothing Harry, don't worry."

He grunts and leans back, making me think he really was going to drop the subject when he stands up abruptly, taking my hand in his and tugging me up with him. I stare at him wide eyed and he has a determined look on his face before glancing back at the others that have sat themselves on the couch, except for Louis who has moved to play with Livy.

"If James and the boys come back tell them I went to go change my shirt real quick. Kaydence is coming with me." He states and before I can even open my mouth to protest he's pulling me by the hand and dragging me to the back door. I have to jog to keep up with his long strides and for a moment I'm reminded of last night, how I was dragging him across the lawn to get to the guest house as quick as possible. Then, it was because of our hormones, but now I know it's because he's going to try and haul the truth out of me.

He opens the unlocked front door of the guest house, not pausing once as he takes us down the hallway and to the bedroom. He quickly pulls me in and slams the door closed, finally releasing me and crossing his arms over his chest and standing boldly.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Seriously, you dragged me over here for nothing there's no-,"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Kaydence," He interrupts me and my eyes widen when he looks at me with anger. "I can read you. Something is bothering you. Now tell me what the fuck it is, so I can fix it."

I stare at him in shock, my mouth pressed in a firm line while my eyes stay widened. I was usually so well at hiding my emotions, but was it so bad that I had displayed it all over my face instead of masking it? Or was he just getting better at seeing through me?

He watches me, his eyes softening before he takes a step towards me and places his palm over my cheek. His cold ring makes me flinch and a small smile quirks at the corner of his mouth, then falls back to a frown. "Please, tell me."

"I was just thinking about the future." I confess with out thinking that I blink in surprise, slightly annoyed with myself for giving in to him and telling him the truth. You're weak, Kaydence.

"What about it?" His green eyes search mine and the intensity behind them makes me look to the floor in nervousness with what I was about to tell him.

"I was thinking about you and how you're going to be married one day with children." I shrug and dart my eyes everywhere else but him, unable to meet his hard gaze I can feel on the side of my face. Why was I telling him this? He didn't need to know, but for some reason I couldn't hold back the truth from him.

"Okay," He says after a beat of silence. "What about that?"

I chew on my bottom lip to withhold any more of my thoughts but then he brings his thumb over my lip between my teeth, soothing it and forcing me to release it. "I don't know. I thought about how you're going to be a great dad one day, and then realized you'd probably have kids with someone else and it just made me...sad."

He's quiet and his thumb has paused over my chin, making my heart thump faster in anxiety. Maybe I was too truthful this time and this is all probably just freaking him out. He's twenty one for God's sake, I doubted he even thought that far into the future.

"Sad." He repeats and my eyebrows pull together at the way he sounds almost happy. He takes another step closer to me and my body freezes when he brings both hands up to cup my face, his thumbs brushing over my cheeks and smoothing out the worry lines. I'm still not looking at him but by the way his breath hits the side of my face and his hair tickles my neck, I know he's much closer then he had been before. "Why does that make you sad, Kaydence?"

The way his voice lowers and his words drawl out slowly, like he already knows the reason but he just wants me to say it, makes me look him in the eyes. He's gaping at me with such depth that I feel the little strength I had to keep my thoughts withheld, crumbling. I can't tell him that I want to be the one he ends up having children with, there was no way I was admitting that straight out, so the only way I can go around his question, is asking him one of my own.

"Does the thought of me having children someday with another man, make you sad?" I ask quietly and his eyes bore into mine, the color darkening and his throat bobbing when he swallows. His hands tighten on my cheeks and his chest rises and falls as he takes a deep breath.

"Yes, it does." He confesses and I try my best to keep my feet planted to the floor and my smile suppressed.

"Then the same reason it makes you sad, is why it makes me sad."

He brings his lip between his teeth and takes another deep breath, his eyes studying me and then nodding slowly. It seems we've both just confessed our feelings with out actually confessing them, leaving a silent understanding between the two of us. I gulp the lump that has formed at the back of my throat and his hands loosen around my cheek as he moves his forefinger over the crease in my forehead.

"Let's not think about the future Kaydence. Neither one of us knows what's going to happen." He says quietly and I nod.

"I know, It just...made me sad."

"Don't let it," He unconsciously leans in and places a kiss at the tip of my nose that I feel all the way to my toes. "Focus on now. I'm here, and so are you. That's all that matters right now." He rubs his thumb along my cheek one more time and then drops his hands to his side, stepping back and walking to his luggage to take a white t-shirt out. He slowly unbuttons his shirt, letting it fall off his shoulders and pulling the white shirt over his head. I can tell by the way he keeps his eyes on the floor and by his slow movements, what I had told him had made him sad as well. He's thinking about it just as much as I am, realizing that we probably won't even end up together years from now. It's sad, and I know he doesn't want me thinking about it but it's just me being realistic. I pointed out the reality of things and deep down I know he knows it's the truth.

He looks up from the floor and turns his attention to the wall, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through his long hair. He stands there for a minute, quietly thinking it over before he finally meets my gaze. His eyes are equally as sad as mine and he gives me a small smile as he walks over to me and pulls me into his chest. My shoulder is in his chest and my head tilts to the side to rest underneath his neck. His breath fans over the top of my head and we stand there silently taking comfort in each other's touch, relishing in it while we can.

"I don't know what to say, other than, we'll both end up where we belong someday. Wherever that is. Until then, let's just enjoy this. Okay?"

I nod my head, my hair brushing against his neck when I do. "Okay."

He kisses the top of my head, letting his lips linger there before rubbing my shoulder with his hand and dropping it to his side, a small smile forming on my lips when I feel him kiss my head again. "Let's go back, yeah?"

I sigh and take a step away from him, grabbing the hand he holds out to me and intertwining my fingers with his, reviling in the warmth that runs through me when his fingers close over mine. Enjoy it while you can, Kay. "Okay, let's go."

* * * * * * * * * *

Wonder if anyone caught any hints in this chapter... (:<

Keep voting! I'm almost to 1k (: Hope you liked it, I might update again tonight or tomorrow <3

(And yes I made that small manip at the top on my phone, hence why it kind of sucks but i still like it cause Haydence<3 )