Hi guys (:

I'm glad you all liked the first chapter! I'm very excited about this book because it's going to be a little different. 

I just wanted to say that when some parts are italicized  it means it's either a dream or memory!

I will update again soon, this week is finals for me so i might not get to it till after they are over.

Vote & comment what you think when you're done! I want to know what you all think (:

ENJOY(:

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K a y d e n c e

I sit on the brown bench outside our house with the hot sun beating down on my back as I watch my mom tend to the flowers in the garden. She was on her knees, her jeaned capris stained with dirt. Her gloved hands reach down to grab some seeds from the little bag as she sprinkles them into the hole she has dug into the ground. She lifts the back of her arm up against her forehead to wipe the sweat away, just as Danny's soccer ball comes landing on the little bag holding the seeds and making them scatter all across the dirt.

"Daniel," My mom scolds him, leaning back on her calves as she glances over her shoulder. Danny stops mid run as he tugs at the hem of his chocolate stained shirt, his face guilty and waiting to be yelled at. "I told you to play on the other side of the yard."

"Sorry." He kicks the ground with the toe of his sneakers, as my mom stands up from her spot and places her hands on her hips. She looks like she's going to scold him some more when a blue car pulls up to the curb in front of our house. She squints her eyes, and then looks to me and to Danny before she pats his little head and motions him towards me.

"Alright, no more soccer for tonight. Go sit with your sister." She nudges Danny, who follows her orders and moves to sit on the bench across from me. He picks a branch up off the floor with a sharp point to it and begins to carve a circle into the table next to the flower I tried to make, but it came out looking deformed. I watched Danny intently as he drew a face in the circle, and I scooted my Barbies to the end of the table, bending down to pick up another sharp branch and started to carve a new flower.

"Hey look, it's that lady." Daniel says, looking up and staring past me. I look over my shoulder to see my mom talking with a woman. She has short brown hair and is a lot shorter then my mother. She's been here twice in the past few months, and her eyes move to gaze at me past my mom's shoulder. I can't see her face that clearly because she's far, but I see my mom nod her head as she turns to walk towards me, the small lady following her.

"Kaydence, my friend wants to give you something." My mom grins at me, but she looks upset and sad. I look at her confused, before her friend slides around her to sit on the bench next to me. Her face is blurry but I think I see her smile at Danny, who grins back at her shyly before she turns her attention to me.

She rests a wrapped box on the table, cartoons of princesses on it as she slides it across the table then stops it in front of me. I stare at the box before turning my gaze to look at my mother, who has her arms crossed over her chest while her lips are pressed together. Her eyes flicker to her friend sitting next to me, and mine do as well to barely see the outline of her face.

She taps the top of the box and leans down to whisper to me "Happy Birthday, Kaydence."

My eyes pop open as my dream fades away from the back of my eyelids, sweat making my hair stick to the back of my neck. I've had the same dream for months now, and frankly I have no idea what it could mean. It's a memory from when I was little I'm sure of it, but I don't know the significance of it and as to why I keep having it. Though I don't really mind it when it is better than having dreams of my father-, or in this case my adoptive father.

"Hey," The deep voice says groggily next to me, the bed dipping as he leans up on his elbow. I turn over on my back, his face hovering over mine as I do. He pushes the hair that sticks to my face back, his sleepy eyes studying me.

"Did you have another bad dream?" Max asks. He moves his hand to lay it over mine, intertwining our fingers and calming my nerves a little. Just a little.

"No." I sigh, turning on my side again as I settle to fall back asleep. It's the middle of the night and I have research to do in the morning, I need my sleep. I sink my head further into the pillow, curling my knees up to my chest as Max brings his body closer to mine, the warmth of his chest hitting my back. I'm slightly tense at the action and scoot a few meters away to put some distance between us. I feel smothered and confused as to what Max and I are. It's been eleven months since I last saw Harry after I left him, and the only person I had to lean on was Max.

He's been here for me as a friend, lending me his shoulder whenever I needed it. He's aware of my past now, just like the rest of the world and thankfully he hasn't tried to dig for the details of it. Although we started off as friends, I'm afraid things are going in another direction. He has kissed me before, and I made the mistake of letting him. I let him, several times in hopes it would help me move on from Harry but eleven months later and Harry's still on my mind every second of the day, and is still the only person I want to hold me like this at night.

I gave that up though and lost that opportunity. Part of me regrets it for my own selfish reasons, but the other part knows that he is probably better off and happier without me. I know deep down what I did was right but there are times, like now, where I miss him. I've missed him so much, the way he laughs and smiles or snores lightly in his sleep. There have been countless times where I have wished he were here lying next to me, so I could listen to that snoring for comfort on sleepless nights.

Stop it. I squeeze my eyes and force myself back into Max, his arm coming around my waist to hug me. I try to get comfortable, but I can't. I can't fall asleep with him holding me this way. It feels wrong and in a way I feel like I am betraying Harry.  It's stupid really, that I think me being this close to Max would upset Harry if he knew. He probably hates you. I press my lips in a hard line and stay where I am, letting Max's arm tighten around me.

My eyes are shutting and I'm focusing on the wind blowing against my window to put me back to sleep when Max's hand moves from around my waist, and down to cup my hip. His hand is cold and my body stills when he slowly circles his thumb around the birthmark I have there, and I'm thrown back to the time when Harry and I were laying in bed, just a few days before I had left. He was doing the same exact thing.

"What's this?" Harry sits up on the bed, bending his head to study my hip. His thumb ran over the small mark slowly, while his eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on it.

"It's a birthmark." I pushed his hair back away from his face, his curls only flopping back down when I did.

He tilts his head, his eyes lighting up as a small smile starts to form on his lips, making the slightest crease in his cheek appear. "It sort of looks like a butterfly."

I laughed and sat up, looking down myself to study the outline of my mark. I faintly remembered seeing it somewhere, the same mark on someone else. "Yeah, I guess it kind of does."

"We both have butterflies permanently on our bodies." Harry's grin grew, crows feet appearing at the corner of his eyes as he pointed to the butterfly tattoo on his stomach with his free hand.

I rolled my eyes at him, swatting his hand away from my hip. "Whatever, I don't really like this birthmark though."

"Why? I like it." He said, pushing the thin material of my shirt back up as he looked down at my hip.

"I don't know, mine is just so awkward."

"But you are awkward."

I snorted. "Oh wow thank you, how sweet."

He smiled, as he brought his hand back down on my hip while his fingers brushed over my mark. "But I love that you're awkward because I love you which means I love this mark because it's part of you."

I felt my cheeks burn at the compliment. He managed to save himself and turn it into something so sweet. "Thanks."

Harry chuckled, and then leaned in to place a soft kiss on my lips as he pulled away just a centimeter, his fingers still brushing over my hip. "I love you so much."

"You say that now," I joked as I smiled at him, but his smile fell from his face and he grew serious right away.

"No, I'll say it now I'll say it tomorrow and I'll say it fifty years from now because it will never change."

I ran my finger over his lips, while his green eyes flickered down to study mine. "I wish you didn't have so much confidence in us."

He smiled one of those breathtaking smiles, the kind that always made my stomach turn and my heart beat a little faster. "And I wish you'd have more. Regardless what happens to us I'll always love you Kaydence, you're stuck with me love."

I swatted Max's hand away as I bolted upright in bed, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. My feet touched the ground and I immediately stood up, padding across the small room to walk out the door when Max sits up and watches me with wide eyes.

"Kay, what's wrong?" He asks, the blanket falling to his lap and exposing his bare chest.

"I just can't fall asleep, I'm going to go watch some television till I get tired."

"I'll come with you," He says, pushing the covers back as I quickly shake my head and scramble to come up with an excuse.

"No it's okay," I say quickly and he stops, one eyebrow raising as he waits patiently. "I just- I know you're tired and really I am okay."

"I'm not that tired Kaydence, I could go watch TV with you if you want."

Damn it. "No, It's alright. Please just go back to sleep."

He stares at me longer then needed, his lips pressed together as he slowly nods and pulls the blankets in place over him again. "Okay, just let me know if you need me."

I won't. "Will do." I say before opening the door without making it creak, closing it behind me as I tiptoe across the small living room. I walk into the kitchen, opening the cabinet to get my box of Oreo's out and open the fridge to take out the carton of milk. I pour myself a glass then set it back in the fridge before grabbing the Oreo's and walking into the living room again, sinking into the brown leather couch. I curl my feet underneath me as I turn the television on, hurriedly pushing the button to put the volume down when it blasts loudly through the apartment, threatening to wake everyone up.

I surf through the movie channels, waiting for something good to settle on before I'm grabbing an Oreo and dunking it into my milk. I'm so focused on the television while I stuff my face that I nearly scream when I see a shadow move in the small hallway that leads to our rooms, Nicole coming into view before any noise can leave my mouth.

"Christ, you scared me." I breathe, putting my hand to my chest in an attempt to slow my rapid heartbeat.

"Sorry." She yawns and shuffles her slipper-ed covered feet to the kitchen, pulling out her own box of Oreo's before walking back into the room to join me on the couch. She grasps the glass of milk in my hand and dunks her cookie into it, looking up at me and nodding her head to my closed bedroom door.

"Is Max still here?"

"Yeah," I sigh. He's always here, and as much as I love his company I'm starting to get the feeling he's getting too comfortable here.

"Did he make a move or something? Why are you up?" Nicole rests her feet on the coffee table, crossing her ankles.

"No, I just can't sleep."

"Thinking too much?" She raises her eyebrow and I nod. She knows me too well, and she nods her head in understanding before she leans over and takes the remote from me, changing the channel and settling on TMZ. Right when she sets the remote down Harry's name echoes throughout the room and my eyes snap up to stare at the screen. They're talking about him, about how it seems he is rekindling a romance with Kendall Jenner, and I swallow the vile in my throat that begins to come up.

I press my lips together as I turn my gaze away from the screen and look down at the box of Oreo's in my lap. I no longer have an appetite and I move to close the box, shoving them aside once I do. I don't know why I am so upset by the news, I had already known about their relationship when I had gone to the grocery store and saw their faces splattered across every magazine. At first I hadn't thought it was true, considering I had been accused of being with Max  when I wasn't, over a year ago. But then pictures of Harry holding her hand were released and all the doubts I had before went flying out the window. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt, but I'm glad he's happy.

"Do you miss him?" I hear Nicole suddenly ask beside me.

"I don't think I have the right to, but yes I do." I answer honestly.

"Why wouldn't you have the right to?" Nicole sits up on the couch, leaning her arm on the back of it as she lays her head on her hand, giving me her full attention.

I shrug. "I don't know, I'm the one who left. Why should I get to miss him?"

"You may have left but he didn't call. He could of called, he could of gone to find you but he didn't."

"So what exactly are you saying?" I ask carefully.

"I'm saying don't pin this all on yourself because okay, yes, you left. But it's just as much as his fault as it is yours. You have every right to miss him, because I'm sure he misses you too."

I laugh sarcastically and roll my eyes. "Right. He's with Kendall now, he does not miss me."

"You don't actually believe he's with her do you?" Nicole raises her voice slightly and I gesture for her to keep it down, pointing to the door Max is behind. She presses her lips together then mouths a 'sorry' before continuing in a whisper. "There is no way he's with her, or over you."

I throw my head back onto the couch, lifting my hand to rub my forehead. "It doesn't even matter if he is or isn't. It's too late to do anything, I left for a reason anyways."

"Kay, you were in a bad place then. You're not at that point anymore. You've come so far."

"I don't feel like I have." I confess.

Nicole's silent and the only sound in the room is the dim noise of the voices from the television while the light from the screen flickers across the walls. I let my head fall back and close my eyes, feeling slightly sleepy. "You have. I remember how I found you after you left Harry. You were a mess, and look at you now." Nicole says next to me.

I let my mind wander to that time, back to when Nicole had found me at my old childhood house. The day I left Harry I went straight to the house, rummaging through every last bit of the place until I found what I was looking for. I refused to believe I was adopted, not without some proof, which I had gotten. I found the adoption papers. They were in a drawer where all our picture frames had been sitting. I don't know how many times I had gone in those drawers to look for something in the past years and not once did I ever see those papers. But there they were, my adoptive mother's and father's signature at the bottom. I was adopted, and I couldn't have felt any worse. I had grabbed the frames sitting on the table and threw them, making them shatter against the floors and walls. I broke everything in that house, except for the bottles of alcohol that sat at the small bar that was my 'father's'. I drank, for the next four days all I had done was cry until there were no more tears left and drank every bit of feeling left in me.

The fourth day is when Nicole showed up. I still am not sure how she found me but she walked in the door, stepping over the shattered glass. Her eyes were wide and she slowly made her way to me, leaning down to take the last bottle from my hands. I was so drunk so it's all fuzzy really after that, all I remember was her talking me down from doing something I would have regretted. She never did tell me what that something was, to this day she won't tell me and I'm okay with that. She helped me get through everything, and we became friends quick. Nicole was also there for me, more then Max had been. She made me admit that I was using alcohol to get away from my problems, and then helped me make sure I quit drinking so much. I've stopped, but there are times when Nicole isn't home, that I go and drink. It's my own little secret, which I'm sure she is very aware of because Nicole knows everything. She was great really, a true friend is what they would call her.

"I guess I have changed." I finally reply after my trip down memory lane.

"You have, so who knows? Maybe it's not too late with Harry."

"It is," I look over at her and smile, but I can feel the tightness in it. "If I have changed, who's to say he hasn't either?"