A/N:  This chapter contains instances of trauma effects due to sexual harassment and abuse that may be upsetting. If you would rather, feel free to skip over these parts.

******

   One other person knew Hana's key code, besides her landlord of course.
   That person was her sister.

   Well, she wasn't technically Hana's sister, but the two of them had grown up together and were close like sisters.

   The reason Hana had given her the code was so that she could take care of her plants and mail whenever she went on trips.

   However, Hana regretted giving her the code as she now stood over her bed, commanding her to get up.

******
   Jin Myung had grown tired of getting Hana's voicemail.
   It wasn't common for Hana to not answer her phone when her family and closest friends called.
   It wasn't normal for her to call in sick for work.
   Jin Myung had known something was off right away.
   When Hoseok had called her, concerned, she knew that she need to go over. He had mentioned that the two of them had argued, though he hadn't said about what. He told her that Hana's parents couldn't get her to pick up the phone and they had revealed she hadn't shown up to work.

   Everyone was worried.

   As she had walked into her apartment after unlocking the door, the gloom of the rooms only added to her apprehension. She felt a sense of relief though when she found her friend asleep in her bed. Some of her fears were put to rest, but not all of them.
   Jin Myung sighed, the only thing to do was to confront Hana about the remaining fears.

******

   Jin Myung didn't take Hana's muffled refusals as a cue to stop.
   Instead, she pulled her up by the arm and yanked the grey comforter off of the bed and onto the floor.
   "HEY!" Frustrated, Hana tried to take the blanket back, but to no avail.

   "Hey yourself!" Jin Myung gave Hana a look of stubborn disappointment as she gripped the blanket tightly. "You have to get up." Her look softened into one of concern after a moment. "We were all worried about you. I was worried about you Hana."

   Hana flopped back down and rolled over.

   "Well you shouldn't be, I'm fine. I'm just sick." The pillows muffled Hana's words slightly, but not enough to render her inaudible. Jin Myung rolled her eyes and pulled her long black hair into a ponytail. She knew her work was cut out for her.

   "Is that why you haven't you left the house since Tuesday?" Hana could sense Jin Myungs growing impatience, but she continued to push it. "And if you're so sick, why didn't you call me or, or Hoseok to help take care of you?" 
    Jin Myung sighed when Hana provided no answer.

   After another moment's silence, she plopped down onto the bed, her back facing away from Hana. "Hana, what is wrong?" When Hana remained silent, Jin Myung laid back. Now her head was resting on Hana's arm. "Hey." Hana clenched her eyes shut, knowing that Jin Myung could get to the root of what was going on. Hana didn't want her to.

   After a few more minutes of silence, Jin Myung stood back up.
   "Well, I'm going to go and make breakfast." Hana thought she'd walked out of the room, so she sat up. In a moment she returned to the doorway though, startling Hana. "Go take a shower. It'll help." With a small smile and a nod, she walked away.
   Hana nodded even though she could no longer see her. It was only a shower after all.

******

   Once Hana had showered and changed into a fresh pair of pajamas, she walked out to the kitchen.
   Jin Myung was standing at the stove, finishing up breakfast.
  She gave a small smile as Hana came in and poured herself a cup of coffee, which she thanked her for brewing.

   As Hana stood by the counter, sipping the hot drink, she thought about how much time had passed since she had been able to see Jin Myung.

    She had been abroad and even communicating through text was challenging because of the time difference. So the two of them hadn't really been able to converse deeply in a while, and it had been months since they'd hung out. Hana had truly missed Jin Myung.

   However, Hana wished their first meeting after so long could have been under different conditions.

   Within ten minutes Jin Myung had breakfast plated and the two of them were sitting on the couch preparing to eat.

   Hana couldn't help but be reminded of the time a few weeks ago when Hoseok had sat with his hangover soup. That seemed like such a long time ago. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes, and she tried to quickly wipe them away.

   "Hana, what is wrong? And don't say nothing, because you are noticeably upset." Her voice was gentle, but at the same time, it was commanding.

   "I- I don't know how to explain it all." Hana began to sob uncontrollably, finally letting the emotion she'd been burying for days surface. She couldn't hide them from her closest friend.

   "Just start with the first thought that comes to mind." Jin Myung always knew how to get her to talk.

   Hoseok could calm Hana. Jin Myung could get her to talk.

   "Jinnie, I'm so worried about Hoseok. He is constantly getting drunk." The tears continued to fall in rapid succession, it was as if a faucet had been turned on and she couldn't turn it off. "And I can't help him. He doesn't want my help." Hana sniffled and began to calm. "I tried to talk to him on Wednesday, but he told me to leave." A shiver went through her body at the memories of that day.

   "What?" Hana hadn't expected the edge in Jin Myung's voice. Hoseok hadn't Jin Myung this over the phone. It caught her off guard. However, Hana's surprise didn't staunch her words, which continued to flow out.

   "And there was a drunk man on the bus, and he was, assaulting me." Her head dropped down, unable to finish her train of thought, but she didn't need to. While Hana hadn't told Hoseok about her uncle, she had told Jin Myung.

   "And he reminded you of your uncle." Her voice was gentle once more and Hana was wrapped up in a tight hug. "That's why you've stayed home and refused to answer the phone." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

   And a true one at that.
   It was something Hana hadn't admitted to yet.

   "I'm so sorry Hana." She squeezed Hana tighter as both women's tears continued to fall silently.

   "When will it stop, Jinnie? When will I be able to forget that night?"
  
   These past few days hadn't been about Hoseok. And Hana knew that now.

   Yes, she was worried about her best friend.

   But that day had triggered deeper hurts.

   Hurts she thought had disappeared.

   "I don't know, my friend. I don't know." Hana could hear Jin Myung crying softly now, her small sniffles whispering through the quiet. 

   For a while the two of them just sat, hugging one another tightly. Hana thought about the time that had passed since she was fifteen years old, and how fresh the pain could still feel with the smallest of things acting as triggers.
   It was so hard to push it away, but she had been doing it for years.

   And that made her so angry.

   Because she just wanted to be okay.

   She didn't want to live as a victim of sexual assault.

   She didn't want to live with the after effects.

   The anxiety attacks. The paranoia.

   "I hate this. Being a victim even after all of this time." Hana pulled herself out of her friend's embrace and wrapped her arms across her chest.

   "You're not a victim, Hana. You're a survivor." Jin Myung's words were spoken with a force and authority Hana had never heard from her before. Her eyes looked straight into Hana's with intensity and raw honesty.

   Hana had never thought of it that way.

"You don't have to live that way, Hana. Yes, you will probably deal with certain things for your whole life. But if you live thinking you are a victim, you will never be strong enough to help yourself heal," she paused. "Or to help others heal, and that's what you've wanted to do for so long ."

   Hana believed her words, and they gave her new strength and new hope. Jin Myung was right. Hana had wanted to help people for as long as she could remember. That's why she was working at a law office.

    It had been so long though since she had actually helped anyone though. All she did at her job was field calls and schedule appointments.
   Maybe that was partly why she had wanted to help Hoseok so desperately, apart from him being her friend.

   Hana needed to feel some sense of purpose.

   But she knew that she couldn't get that from Hoseok. Or from Jin Myung. Or from dwelling in her past.

   Hana took a deep breath. She knew that it was time to let go of the past.

******
A/N:  at the end of the book, I'm going to write a reflection chapter where I'll take a little bit more about Hana's past and why I chose to write it, and also about Hoseok's alcoholism. I just wanted to mention I'm not trying to make light of these situations, it's just that I know the pains they bring and I wanted to spread the message of healing and wholeness. If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I'll try to answer them in the reflection
Please eat well and take care of yourselves 💜

(Edited July 2019)

*Novi*