A/N: Contains alcoholism

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   Everything was quiet for the rest of the night.
   No one talked during the movie.
   Bong Ki held Hana's hand, and Hoseok noticed.

   He watched from the corner of his eye as she brushed her fingers against his hand.
   A lump formed in his throat.
   Then Bong Ki had held her hand, which looked so small and comfortable in his.
   It looked so right.

   And Hoseok hated the sight.

   Heat rose in him with an intensity that he'd only felt a few times in his life. He wanted that hand to be his holding hers.
   He wanted her body turned towards him as they watched the movie.
   He wanted her to clutch his hoodie when she was frightened.
   He wanted her to look at him the way he was looking at her.
   The way that he couldn't stop looking at her.

   Hoseok had traveled all over the world.
   He had seen a lot of things.

   He knew what love looked like.
   And he also knew that was what he felt for Hana.

   He also knew that he couldn't tell her.

   How could she feel the same way? He was such a mess right now, and even when he had himself together he wasn't exactly perfect boyfriend material. He knew that his trips away were taxing to Hana and their friendship, he could guess how much harder it would be to hold a romantic relationship with the life he led. He didn't think it would be fair to ask that of her.
   She had Bong Ki now, who really seemed like a great guy.
   She could have a normal life with him.

  Hoseok couldn't give her that.
  He knew that.

   How could he be there to help her with her problems if he couldn't even deal with his own? How could he give her love and support when he couldn't even accept her own?

  Maybe those worries were the reason why he didn't speak much to her after her anxiety attack in the theater.

   The whole time they'd known each other, the whole time he'd known about her anxiety, he had tried to fix things for her.
   Distracting her from the problem, assuring her that there was nothing wrong, and trying to protect her from the world.
   She wasn't a burden, and he had promised to never treat her that way.

   If he could make her laugh, he could make it better.

   But it had been so long since he had actually laughed.
   It had been so long since he had made her laugh.

  Lately, he had only brought her pain, and she didn't deserve that.

   It had taken years for him to learn he couldn't fix Hana, and he couldn't fix her problems. So what could he do for her? What was the point of him being in her life if he couldn't fix things for her?

There wasn't a reason to stay if he couldn't make her happy and protect her.

   He poured himself a drink and quickly drained the glass.
   He started to pour another.

   He didn't deserve her.
   Not anymore.
   So he would let her go.

  He tipped the bottle back, emptying it in moments.

A/N:  I'm gonna do an update spree because I want to

I love you all and I hope you're eating well and getting proper sleep and I also hope you're just rlly happy 💜

(Edited July 2019)

*Novi*