A/N:  Just a disclaimer, but this chapter contains subject matter that deals with anxiety and anxiety attacks. Feel free to skip over this chapter if you would rather.

******
It always felt like she was being suffocated during an anxiety attack. It was as if the air outside of her lungs was pushing to get in and the air inside of was slowly gripping her airways, constricting tighter and tighter, trying to get out.

  Either way, Hana was choked.

  Maybe most people could stop the constriction, the suffocation by just centering themselves at the moment, by just realizing that they were in fact in control of their breathing.

   Hana couldn't though.

  Her conscious-self seemed to be put into a metaphysical corner where she couldn't do anything for herself.

  Her body went into lockdown; she couldn't hear, her vision tunneled, and speaking, well, that was out of the question.

  Confusion and panic took control in these moments.

  These moments were unpredictably long, and she couldn't pull herself out of them easily;  it took a lot of willpower and time too.

   No one else could stop them for her.

  Except for Hoseok.

  As she sat in the movie theater fighting for breath and control, trying to find the metaphorical shore as she drowned, he threw her a life preserver.

   He grabbed her hand and squeezed it to get her attention, it was soft and warm. His grip was firm but gentle.

   "Hey, just breathe Hana." He began to do the breathing exercise he had taught her years ago. "Breathe in," pause. "Breathe out."

  His voice was low and quiet, it naturally drew Hana's full focus to it. The rhythmic and regular breaths she tried to match soon calmed her. His presence calmed her.

Like it always did.

  He took his hand off of Hana's, and then the reality and gravity of the situation hit her.

  She'd just had a panic attack on a date with Bong Ki, in a public movie theater.

  Silently she scolded herself for the embarrassment she must've caused the two men sitting on either side of her.

  Why couldn't she just go to the movies without freaking out?

  What the heck was wrong with her?

  She pulled both of her hands into her lap, wishing she could curl up into an unseen ball of nothingness.

  Desperately, she hoped Bong Ki and Hoseok couldn't see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

  "I'm sorry." Hana's voice was barely a whisper. She wasn't sure if she had actually spoken aloud or not until Hoseok shook his head in response; in her peripheral vision, she could see Bong Ki's confusion.

  "There's no need to be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong." Hoseok's voice was a whisper too, soft and full of comfort, but there was also an edge of defiance in it as if he was challenging someone to contradict him. "Everything is okay, I'm here with you okay." He gently touched her shoulder. Quickly she looked up at him and he smiled softly.

  She nodded her head and looked forward, not finding the optimism within herself at the moment.

  Letting her eyelids slip down, she tried to gain composure.

   Thinking in terms of reality, assuring herself of her place in the here and now, could sometimes help her refocus.

  It was a Saturday night.

  She was at the movies with Hoseok.

  The two of them were watching the movie she'd been wanting to see for weeks.

  He was right beside her.

  And he didn't care what people thought of him.

  Or of him being with her.

  They were friends and they were going to enjoy their evening.

  Feeling someone shift uncomfortably beside her, she opened her eyes and glanced to her side.

  Bong Ki was looking at her with a worried expression.

  Instantly, Hana felt bad once again. For a moment she'd forgotten that he was here.

  Actually, she'd forgotten that this was actually a date the two of them were on.

  Hana had just spent the last few minutes completely absorbed with Hoseok, who wasn't supposed to be here.

  Trying to redeem herself, she smiled brightly and reassuringly at Bong Ki. She brushed his hand and squeezed it quickly. He looked at her with one more fleeting look of worry and confusion.

  Then he smiled at and turned Hana's palm over, enveloping her hand in his.

  Which made her slightly uncomfortable, because the two of them were only on their first full date, and holding his hand felt strange to her for some reason. She wasn't one to exhibit physical affection so quickly.

  Thankfully, he didn't hold her hand for too long.

  Once the movie started, the men beside Hana glued their eyes to the screen and steadily shoved popcorn into their mouths, only giving her the occasional glance here and there.

  However, she couldn't focus on the movie.

  Her thoughts kept drawing her away, occupying the whole space of her mind.

******

Hana had always been an anxious and excitable child. Maybe it was due to her shy nature or her parents often being away from her because of their work. Maybe it was purely chemical and biological. Whatever the cause, Hana had always been this way, and things had only intensified as she'd grown older.

  Hana was remembering all of the times Jung Hoseok had done this for her.

  All of the times he had saved her and pulled her out of herself.

  Namely, the first time.

  The very first time she had met Jung Hoseok.

  It was the first day at her new school, her first day of junior high.

  She stood outside of the front doors stock still.

  Frozen with fear and nervousness. Her hands had clutched the hem of the new uniform skirt, her knuckles turning white gradually. As the other students streamed in through the doors, Hana migrated over to the brick wall to stay out of their way.

  She hoped to disappear into it because she could now feel the other students' judgments.

  Soon the courtyard was almost completely empty.

  She wanted to go through the front doors, but she couldn't get her legs to move. Her breaths were ragged and uneven, and she could feel tears building in her eyes.

  Someone tapped her shoulder, drawing her from her thoughts.

  "Hey, are you new here? If we don't hurry we'll be late." The young boy smiled brightly at Hana. He had shaggy hair and aside, heart-shaped smile.

  She still couldn't speak, but she nodded.

  "I'm Jung Hoseok. Come on, let's go."  With that, he had taken Hana gently by the arm and guided her to class.

  And he had stuck by her side ever since.

  Later on, Hana would realize the magnitude of his actions and kindness that day.

  But at that time she had just been glad that Hoseok had helped her break through the fears and panic.

  She was thankful for his friendship from that day forward.

He'd been a good friend, supporting and encouraging her whenever she needed it. She had tried to be the same for him, but maybe she had failed. Maybe that was why they were in this place.

******

  When the movie ended, the three of them quietly walked to the car.

  Hoseok stayed extra close to Hana and she knew it was due to his worry. He simply wanted to make sure she was okay.

  Bong Ki walked beside her as well, and she could tell that he was still confused.

  Everyone was quiet as their shoes hit the pavement.

  Everyone was quiet as Bong Ki drove her home.

  Hana couldn't help but think that the quiet was her fault.

A/N:

Please eat well and take care of yourselves!

(Edited July 2019)

*Novi*