The Life I Used To Want
I stared at him. "Pardon?"
"I can't believe this," he said happily, tears appearing in the corners of his eyes as he stepped closer to me. I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I stayed where I was. He reached out and held my arms gently, looking deeply into my eyes. "How are you so beautiful?" He brushed a curl behind my ear and the warmth of his hand made me shiver. "It's unfair how gorgeous you look in that dress."
"Uh - Uh -"
"Oh, Mira, you're shaking!" Brian grabbed my hands, which were in fact trembling. "Are you alright? Do you feel sick?"
He massaged my hands, which I'll admit were nice because his hands were so much bigger then mine. I mostly just felt uncomfortable, though, and tried to weasel away from him.
"I know you're nervous," he said carefully, cupping my face and drawing my gaze to his. "Everyone one is on their wedding day. Even I am." He kissed my hand so softly I nearly squeaked. "But there is nothing to worry about, my love. Everything will go just as it should. I promise."
His face neared mine and his eyes closed, and I panicked, pushing him away. He opened his eyes, shocked.
"Y-you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding!" I stuttered out, averting my eyes. He then chuckled, grabbing my hands and kissing my palms.
"As you wish, love," he replied, going to the door. He pulled the handle behind him and threw me one last smile over his shoulder, making me freeze as he closed the door behind him.
His eyes were completely empty. There was no feeling behind them whatsoever. I felt panic build up in my chest and rushed towards the door, lifting the skirts of my dress as I did so. I grabbed the handle and threw the door open -
But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. The space before me was black, somehow lit up by some unseen light. The ground was covered in water, and when I slid my toes in I realised it was only an inch deep. I stepped in, running into the blank space before me.
"Hello?" I called, running desperately. "Is anybody there?" My voice echoed as if I were in a great space, making me slow to a stop. "Hello, is anybody out there!"
Nothing but my own echoing voice replied. I turned around to make my way back to the white room, but the door was gone. I heard creaking hinges off to my right and looked to see an open doorway cut out of the blackness, revealing what looked like a stormy metal deck. I went towards it slowly, looking around inside of it carefully before stepping through. I was hit immediately by cold rain, and I hugged my arms around my chest as I stepped farther out. My dress quickly became soaked and started to weigh heavy on my limbs, but I ignored it and continued forward. The metal was flooded and ended not far before me. The air smelled salty and the breeze came from in front of me me, cold and powerful. I shivered, continuing forward, until I saw the end of the deck before me.
I stood on a platform overlooking the raging sea, watching as the waves crashed against each other below me. I stumbled back, nearly falling, and turned to hurry back to the door, but someone was blocking me. Darth Vader stood before me, his lightsaber ignited and glowing red, evaporating the rain drops that found themselves too close to it. I stopped, staring with wide eyes, and he started walking towards me. I grabbed my skirts to run but I had nowhere to go. He stepped closer and closer until finally he raised his arm to swing.
But then the world slipped out from beneath my feet and I had to fight to catch the edge of the platform before I went with it. The platform morphed into a metal catwalk and suddenly it was bright outside, I was still sopping wet but the air around me was completely dry. A hooded figure glared down at me, eyes blazing orange as his own lightsaber neared my hands. My hands slipped and I screamed, plummeting all of three feet into a rocky grassland. I fell hard and landed on my back, scrambling back up and trying desperately to understand what was happening.
You will burn.
I turned, but no one was there. The voice, like metal against metal, was in my head, just as it always had been for five years.
If you stay with your friends, they will betray you.
The landscape around me morphed into an Elven castle. I recognized it as Rivendell, but it was completely empty.
"Lord Elrond?" I called, gathering my skirts and rushing towards his room. "Lord Elrond! Please hear me, please speak to me!"
"Run, Jenakin," I heard him wheeze. "Run -"
I burst through the door but was met with a waterfall in the middle of the forest. I could hear the screams of the Nazgûl getting closer to me, but I couldn't tell where they were coming from. I turned around to find myself in a Hobbit hole, and the sounds of screaming and slaughter were happening right outside the home. I rushed to the door and threw it open, but all I found was a staircase covered in toys. I could see a shadow of myself falling, spraining my ankle and knocking myself unconscious.
I stepped back and found wet asphalt under my heel, and when I turned I saw a road. It was dark and raining, and there was a single car heading towards me. Thunder rumbled distantly as the car got closer. I held up an arm, hoping they would see me and stop, but the car didn't seem to notice me. I shouted, and as soon as I did a lightning strike hit a tree and sent it straight down onto the car.
I ran to it, falling against it as I pulled at the door to try and help whoever was inside. I looked up and hit the glass with my palm, but then I froze when I saw who was inside.
"Mom?" I whispered. She was just barely alive, breathing slowly as she turned her eyes toward me. Her neck was broken and her head was gushing blood, but I'd still know her face anywhere. I felt my eyes fill with tears. "Mom!" I yelled, hitting the glass. "Mom!"
She mouthed something to me, something I couldn't see because my breath was fogging up the window. Her eyes rolled back into her head and closed, and I cried harder, falling to my knees.
Then I was on soft dirt. I looked up, still sniffling, and caught sight of a swing. There were small children all around me, running and screaming and laughing. One little girl sat alone, no more than eight or nine years old, drawing shapes in the dirt with a twig.
A boy approached her, cheeks red despite the temperate conditions and scratching his neck. "Uh, hi," he said shyly.
The girl looked up at him. She had straight brown hair and blue eyes, and she had to blink a glaze out of them before she too blushed, though just a little. "Hello."
"Can I... hang with you? I don't really know anybody here and you look kind of lonely."
"I'm not lonely," she said automatically. Then she looked out at the others on the playground. "The others think I'm weird 'cause I'm so quiet. I just don't like being loud, that's all."
"What're you drawing?" he asked, crouching down close to her. I looked, too.
"Just some pictures I imagine sometimes," she replied, continuing to draw.
They're Elven characters, I realized with a jolt. The girl was writing in Elvish, and I could actually read it.
It was my name. Jenakin. She was spelling my name, in Elvish.
"I'm Brian," the boy said, watching her draw. "What's your name?"
I could tell by the way he followed the lines that he could read them, too. "Mira," the little girl answered. "Mira Jenkins."
I heard a voice echoing in my head. You will burn, it said, and I grasped my head as I fell to my knees in pain. Just as the rest. Join us, Jenakin. Become one of us. Live above the rest, above all who doubted and scorned you, above all who treated you as less than you are. Leave them behind and rule over them all.
A hand touched my shoulder gently. I looked up at Brian, dressed in his wedding tuxedo once more and smiling down at me, and he lifted me gently to my feet. We were once again in the black space of nothing, and I was dry again, my curled hair brushing my shoulders as I curled into Brian's chest, crying.
"I don't know what to do," I said quietly, sniffling and clutching his clothes. "I'm stuck. I can't leave them behind, but if I don't I'll only endanger them."
"I know, Mir," he said softly, his hand in my hair and his lips on my forehead. "I know."
"What do I do?" I asked, looking up into his empty eyes. "I know you're not really him. You may even be one of the bad guys. But I need to know: what do I do?"
"Live," Brian replied, moving his hand to my cheek. "Live, Mir. That's all you have to do."
I backed away from the fake Brian and he faded away, but he was still smiling. I squeezed my skirts, unsure of what else I could do, and looked out at the void before me.
"Well?" The voice echoed, but it definitely wasn't in my head anymore. "Will you join us? Or will you watch your precious loved ones die?"
"I'll save them," I replied, squeezing my skirts even harder. "I'll save them all. And I'll save you, too."
The emptiness slowly faded to black and I realized that I was laying down in a bed. My eyes opened slowly, meeting a dark room with a bedside lamp turned on not too far away from me. I turned my head to look at it and caught sight of the clock beneath it.
And right next to it was a cellphone.
I grabbed it, sitting up and dialing one of the five numbers I had saved in my phone. I put it up to my ear and waited, listening to the dial tone. On the last ring a groggy voice picked up.
"Hello? What's wrong, Mira?"
"Anya," I said. "It's time. He's here."
I could hear her bed squeak as she sat up. "Who with?"
"I'm not sure yet. You'd better get over here fast. And hey...."
"Yeah?"
I paused for a moment, unsure of whether or not I could say it.
"Bring them with you."
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