◤ chapter twenty: ❛ alderson expectations ❜ ◢

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TONI WASN'T BORED. She was with Sabrina, the girl accepting her long-awaited apology and apologizing herself for overstepping her boundaries before. It was better than before, because apparently Julius forced her to go to therapy to deal with the trauma she faced after D.C. and it was really helping her. She wasn't forcing that out of her mind, she was moving passed it and healing from it, which let Toni sigh in relief.

          Sabrina was alright, and their friendship was alright, and everything was fine between them again, as it should always be. Harry was right about that; she did feel better after talking to Sabrina, as was Atlas. When she was at war with her friends, she felt like she was at war with herself, but when they were alright there was a peace inside her. Everything was looking up again, and so the rollercoaster was heading up again.

          And it wasn't like Sabrina with her. Harry was there, along with Liz and Cindy – Betty and Flash somewhere else. Honestly, she didn't know where they ran off too, and she didn't exactly care to find out either. It wasn't like it mattered to her, so she let it go. Cindy looked at Liz with hero worship prevalent in her eyes, shining and taking every word Liz said as law.

          It was, frankly, very annoying.

          And Liz was there, close with Harry but closer with Sabrina. Toni knew that she was close with her friend, they were salt and pepper, but this was borderline something else – something more than friends. Sabrina hadn't said anything to her, so while she noticed it, she kept it to herself.

          When Sabrina was ready to talk to her, she would, and Toni wouldn't force her to talk before then. That's what good friends did, and she didn't think she was a terrible one. Not the best, yeah, she had her faults but she wasn't a shitty friend. She tried her best and hopefully that was good enough to constitute her being a good friend in the eyes of Sabrina and Atlas.

          But Harry was there, too. And it was annoying and infuriating that his hair was messed up and his eyes looked tired but he still looked so effortlessly handsome. She hated it, and hated the way she was reacting to him being there in front of her, but she couldn't help that her stomach was doing flips inside her because he laughed and seemed so carefree.

          "Hey, Cindy, did Aaron ever ask you to Homecoming?" Liz asked, looking at her star struck friend.

          Cindy always looked like that when Liz talked to her, like she couldn't believe her idol was giving her the time of day. Toni rolled her eyes, though she stayed silent, but that wasn't enough as Sabrina noticed and elbowed her. Toni was sure to jab her back. It was only fair, after all.

          "No," Cindy sighed, looking utterly disappointed that a random boy didn't ask her to Homecoming. It wasn't like her life was ending or anything, "I thought he would but he asked Mona Ryder instead."

          Toni's eyes sparkled. Mona was nice, and she deserved a nice date, and Aaron was nice enough. It wouldn't last, or at least she didn't think it would last, but that's fine. Mona would at least have a good time, and Aaron always supplied some good weed which was probably why Mona went after him in the first place.

          "Good for her," Toni spoke up, because Mona wasn't exactly her friend but they also weren't not friends either. Atlas was both their friend, and they hung out, and Toni never had a bad time with Mona. She was cool, had a sharp tongue, and could make Toni cackle even on her worst days.

          Cindy shot her a look. "You're just saying that 'cause you don't like me," she snapped and Toni was surprised that Cindy would let her anger get to her like that, especially with Liz around to see.

          "No, I'm saying that because Mona's a friend of mine and everyone knows Aaron can show a girl a good time," Toni corrected her, if not with a lot of attitude in her voice.

          Cindy looked even more disheartened after hearing that, like she was expecting Aaron to give her a great time, but Toni chuckled internally because yeah, she knew what it sounded like wording it like that, but really she was just talking about getting high on some good shit. She wasn't sure how the boy faired in bed, though she was sure Atlas would tell her because he probably knew himself.

          She could ask later and make another comment to Cindy afterwards.

          "You still don't have a date either, right?" Liz turned the focus of the conversation onto Toni. She didn't mind, because she did kind of ask for it earlier, so it was only fair.

          Toni shrugged. "Yeah, I don't, but I don't need one either," she said.

          "Oh?" Harry spoke up, raising an eyebrow and sending her an infuriating smirk. "You don't want a prince charming to ask you to Homecoming?"

          She didn't know if he was just joking, or flirting, or both. Either way, she didn't like it. (Except she did, she liked it a lot.)

          "I don't need a prince charming ever. They're overrated. And who would even ask me? You? Yeah, I don't think so," she rolled her eyes, because there was no way Harry would ever ask her, and she wasn't sure if she would say yes either way.

          A month ago, she would've laughed in his face. She would've never thought twice before rejecting him, probably would joked about it forever because why would he ever think she wanted to go anywhere with him? That was her enemy, her nemesis, and nothing else.

          Now, everything was different. They were sort of friends and sort of close, and she talked to him sometimes and he gave her advice, and she felt like she could tell him her deepest and darkest secrets and he would keep them forever. Now, she looked at him and she wanted to blush, and she wanted to kiss him just to see how his lips tasted against her, and she wanted to dance with him and see if he had any good moves to teach her.

          Now, she wanted to go to Homecoming with her. She wanted him, and it infuriated her. Not as much as before, but it was still there. Equally annoying, equally unwanted, but not as hated.

          Yet, she didn't think she could say yes to him. Everyone already knew she hated it, and it was hard enough pushing past her pride to actually be friends with him, but she didn't think she could do anything else. At least not right now. It would be too much, be too embarrassing, and she just couldn't do it even if she wanted it – at least, a part of her did.

          Sabrina, though, sent her a coy look because she knew the truth as well. Her and Sabrina and no one else. She would probably tell Atlas next, and Finn probably figured it out for himself too, but only Sabrina knew the confirmation that she did have feelings for him.

          She wanted to gut Sabrina for the look because she didn't want to like Harry, and she didn't want to crave kissing and being with him so much. It was totally unfair.

          "You never know. Maybe I will now, just to see how you'll reject me," Harry laughed at himself, and Toni blinked in surprise. That was not the response she expected, but he never gave her the response she expected.

          She expected some defense on his part, saying that he wasn't so bad and trying to convince her that he could be a prince charming if she let him. But instead, he said that he would ask her to Homecoming – he wanted her to reject him!

          That was so not fair, now she would have to tell him yes just so he would be shocked and she would have the upper hand! Sometimes she really did hate Harry Osborn with everything inside her.

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          Apple's Eye Diner not only had the best apple pie she's ever tasted, but the only family member she was alright with. She didn't have a problem with Davina either, but technically they weren't blood related so she didn't get to be lumped in with the Aldersons. Davina didn't deserve that, no one did – not even Cindy.

          But Finn was there, with the bags under his eyes and the stupid look on his face he always had when she showed up. She didn't go often, more this year than any before, so he always looked so surprised when she showed up. It made her uncomfortable, like why did he have to put her in the spotlight and make it a big deal that she went to see him?

          It wasn't a big deal. At all.

          She sat down at the counter, like she always did, and ignored the look on his face when he saw her. "Strawberry milkshake," she told him, not bothering to add the please like she would for anyone else because this was Finn and she's known him her whole life and didn't feel right adding that. He never added it when talking to her. None of the Aldersons did.

          They were taught false respect for people as a means of using them, but they never actually had respect for anyone. It was all a façade, a great illusion that pulled people in until it was too late and the Aldersons had consumed them, but it was never real. Toni didn't respect anyone. Except maybe Davina, she was respectable.

          "You never did have taste," Finn shook his head, disappointed. It was probably fake, but it annoyed her nonetheless.

          "Says the guy who's totally crushing on a fucking nerd," she snapped at him. It was mostly playful, because everything between them usually was, and she didn't exactly hate him anymore. He was better than anyone else in their family, though he wasn't old enough to do anything wrong yet. She supposed that she was in the same boat as him.

          They were taught the same ideals, went down the same path of disregarding those ideals in order of losing themselves in booze and drugs, and when they were old enough they would probably become the people they hated. Toni would be Antoinette Alderson like her mother always wanted, and she would probably find a man with a lot of power and money and lock him down, and that would be the end of her life. The whole story right there.

          She hated thinking about it, but that was probably the sad truth unfortunately.

          "Says the girl who won't admit she has a crush on a guy," Finn shot back at her, an edge of a smile coating his features as if he enjoyed their banter.

          Toni glared at him, though didn't verbally say anything, because he was wrong about that. Like ha! you're wrong I have admitted that I have a crush on him so loser! didn't exactly sound good. So she kept it to herself because that was easier.

          "One terrible milkshake coming up, anything else?" Finn asked.

          "Pie."

          He nodded, writing it down before sticking her order onto the revolving carousel with the others. Then, he turned back to her. "Any reason you're here?"

          "Don't you have other tables to wait on?" Toni asked him instead.

          "They know not to expect great service," Finn shrugged, "You didn't answer my question."

          "I wanted some pie."

          "Wrong," Finn shook his head, "You've always loved the pie here since we were kids, but you've always avoided it because Davina worked here and now I do. So really, why are you here?"

          Toni shrugged, because it felt embarrassing to admit the real reason she was there. She played with her fingers for a bit, biting the inside of her lip, before sucking in a breath and looking back at Finn. "Why is it so easy for you to have a crush?"

          "What?" Finn blinked, clearly not understanding her and clearly surprised that she would ask such a thing.

          She huffed at him. "You have a crush on Peter, and it's easy. You've never fought it, but how? I don't understand that."

          "...So you're admitting that you like Harry?" Finn asked, still confused.

          "Yes," she rolled her eyes, "And I hate it."

          "Why? Harry's not the worst choice. He's hot, I've seen the magazine covers, clearly you're friends are cool with him," Finn said.

          "Because...Because he's exactly what my parents want," she admitted, looking it him with a bit of fear in her eyes, because she hated that she was falling for the exact guy Eden's been pushing on her since she was a child. This wasn't what she planned, this wasn't what she wanted, and yet it's where she was. "He's rich, he's interested, and he has power. He's...perfect."

          "Which makes him the opposite of perfect," Finn concluded, a look of sympathy in his eyes. He understood in a way that no one else did. Sabrina and Atlas didn't have her family, they didn't understand the pressures and expectations. They didn't understand how Eden raised her like a doll, told her exactly how to find the perfect man, how to draw him in and trap him into staying forever.

          What a way to end the childhood fantasy of your parents being soulmates, really, because then it was even clearer to her that Eden and Jimmy Alderson weren't soulmates; they were stuck together. Eden clearly pleased by the loveless marriage and Jimmy just staying for whatever reason.

          She nodded. "He's infuriating, and I hate that I like him, and I hate that he's the type of guy my mom wants me to bring him. I know she'll love him immediately when she meets him, and then she'll push me to him forever. I don't want that."

          "Well, I guess I don't have your problem. That's not Peter, especially because he has a crush on someone and he's obviously not me," Finn shook his head when he realized he was getting off track, "Anyway, what I mean to say is that, well, fuck 'em. You don't like him because of those things, you like him because he's Harry. Don't, well, not be with him because of who he is."

          She nodded, and she supposed that's the best advice she was ever going to get from Finn. He wasn't good with his feelings, he bottled them up, exactly like her. Just another Alderson way that was instilled in them since children.

          "Thanks," she tried to give him a smile, though it probably wasn't very convincing, but he still nodded but didn't say you're welcome or anything. She would've punched him if he did.

          He got her milkshake, and her pie soon after, and she felt better about everything. Maybe it wasn't so bad to like Harry after all.