I was staring at the empty bed beside mine, listening to music on my phone. If she were here, I'm pretty sure this bed beside me would still be empty, but, my bed on the other hand would be cramped. I bet that she'd be curled up next to me, talking to her boyfriend, Avery, with her usual high-pitched voice.

I even remember how she invites me to her dates with Avery and how I turn down her offer even before she can finish her sentence. There are two reasons why I don't want to. The very first one is the most obvious reason: it's weird to come along with your twin sister's date. Who knows what kind of ideas might come inside of weird people's minds who'll see us?

The second reason is that Avery and I used to be childhood friends. We were so close my mom thought I had a crush on him but the only reason I became friends with him was that he was the only guy around the neighborhood and I didn't want to be friends with the girls in our neighborhood.

However, Chelsea loved being friends with girls and hated being friends with guys. One time, Avery and I were catching beetles when Chelsea spotted us and told mom about it. Mom didn't make a big fuss about it but Chelsea did. When I tried to introduce Avery to her, she left without even saying hello. That's how much Chelsea hated guys.

The second reason is not solely because we were childhood friends but mostly because when the first year of middle school came, Avery confessed that he has a crush on me. I didn't bother taking it seriously and decided to just laugh it off. But, then, the following year, Avery transferred schools.

We heard from mom that his mom said that Avery begged her and his father to let him transfer to another school. I didn't realize that the reason for him transferring was because I "rejected" him the year before, not until we met again in high school.

When he saw me that day with Chelsea, I'm pretty sure he can still determine who is who since Chelsea and I have so much difference when it comes to style. Ever since we were little, I wanted my hair cut short while Chelsea wanted hers long. That never changed when we grew up and I had a feeling that Avery never forgot about that.

Even so, it was Chelsea he approached, not me. I remember how flabbergasted I was at that time. I didn't know what to tell him. He went straight to Chelsea and not me. He went straight to the girl he barely knew and pretended like the girl he spent his childhood with wasn't there.

Sophomore year came and they officially became a couple. All those times they were together, I never got to talk to Avery. I intended not to talk to him for some reason I have no idea of and I'm pretty sure he was ignoring me and my whole existence. I don't know why; I just feel like there was this huge wall between us even though we've been friends ever since we were little.

Although, that wall came crumbling down when Chelsea died. That day at her funeral, Avery came running towards me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and bawled so much I couldn't handle it. He seemed as if he were the sister and I was just the guy that dated her.

"How can you even not cry?" I remember him ask me in between his sobs.

I tried to pull away from him but his arms won't let go. He just continued crying, his tears soaking my black shirt.

"A-Avery, let go," I told him but he didn't. I shoved him away from me stronger than I anticipated that he ended up falling on the ground.

"I'm s-sorry," I apologized and left without even bothering to help him.

Ever since Chelsea's funeral, I never went outside the house. I never talked to anyone else but my parents during dinner. My social life decreased drastically. I mean, it's not like it was that high and honestly, the only reason my social life started improving in middle school was because of Chelsea.

If it weren't for Chelsea, I probably ended up being that lonely middle school girl you see reading books in the corner. It's not like I didn't want to be someone like that, after all, I'm more comfortable being alone and all that but when I experienced all those fun stuff with Chelsea, I can't help but be so grateful to her. For being such a happy girl and for making me happy as well, for never leaving my side whenever I needed her and even whenever I didn't, and most of all, for being my twin sister.

I never thought she'd leave me even if she promised that she won't. I never thought that she'd break her promise even if she assured me that she won't. I never thought that she'd be gone even if she swore that she will forever be my twin sister.

If only that time I knew how to swim. If only I asked dad to teach me how to swim when I was little. If only I acted right away. If only I was strong like her. If only I was intelligent like her. If only I knew what to do right away just like how she always does. If only I were her, then it wouldn't end up like this.

I was supposed to be the one who drowned. I was supposed to be the one lying inside that coffin. I was supposed to be the one taken away from my family because I'm just a no one. If I were the one who left this world, I'm sure that no one would even notice or bother. I'm pretty sure that my parents won't suffer as much.

Chelsea, why did it have to be you? Why didn't the world choose me instead? Why you? Why you, who were always cheerful and smiling? Why you, who were always there to light up every room you get in? Why not me? Why not me, who was always gloomy and frowning? Why not me, who was always encouraging people to just give up?

Do you want to know my wish, Chelsea? My wish is that we switched places. My wish is for you to live and for me to die. This world doesn't need me, Chelsea. I don't need the world either. It's a win-win situation. So, just please come back, won't you?