I had no desire to drag myself out of bed the morning of my birthday, but Adam's persistent chirping of my name like a broken alarm clock finally stirred enough irritation in me that I managed to sit up and chuck my pillow in his direction.

He grinned, holding out a forrest green saucer with a small cupcake on it. "Happy Birthday, Emily."

"It's my birthday." I stated, taking the plate from him and setting it on top of Jesse's royal blue comforter. "But definitely not happy. Thank you, though, I appreciate the enthusiasm."

He sighed, resting his hands on his knees, eyes wandering my face. "I know this all must be hard, Emily, especially with that report, but try and smile a little. I know for a fact that Jesse wouldn't want you here wallowing in depression on your birthday."

"Thanks for the cupcake, Adam." I reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "But I just want to be alone right now, if that's okay."

He smiled weakly and stood, "Sure. But make sure you're ready to go out around four."

"Go where?" I whispered.

"Well, if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"

As I watched him step outside the rom and close the door until it was only open a crack behind him, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. He was trying his best to cheer me up, and I'd still just pushed him away.

My parents had finally managed to get a hold of me last night. My dad had been extremely concerned with the fact that I was living with three men, and had even suggested I come back home. Surprisingly, the idea didn't even appeal to me the same way it had three weeks ago. In fact, I wanted to be anywhere but home. I couldn't continue to force myself into a state of denial if I had to stare into the shell of my mother every day.

We hadn't seen Logan much either. He'd dropped by earlier yesterday morning to grab a few things out of the room but hadn't said anything to anyone. He'd hesitated when he ran into me in the hallway, staring at me as if he did want to say something, then dipped out of the condo as fast as humanly possible. I'd been too tired to even consider chasing after him, and at this point it probably wouldn't do much. Our kiss had been a mistake, an impulsive act on my part do to my emotions being a jumbled mess.

"I remember you used to say you would tie up any guy that was interested in me and interrogate him to make sure he was good enough for me." I said aloud, hugging my brother's blanket against my chest. "I know it was a joke, but I'd always felt there was a little bit of truthfulness in it. Would love to see what you would have done if that guy had been your precious Logan."

*

Not knowing where we were going or what to expect, I threw on the black v neck that Lea had always insisted I wear because it gave me just the right amount of cleavage, and a pair of jeans. Doing my makeup was a chore, and about halfway through I almost just threw everything in the sink and washed it off. Realizing that would only be letting my emotions win, I picked up my brush and finished.

Collin and Adam were at the kitchen table in the middle of a really intense conversation about the upcoming football season and who was going to make it to the Superbowl when I walked in. Adam smiled upon seeing me fully dressed up with my makeup on, but Collin was the one who spoke, a grin stretching across his face.

"She's alive!" He exclaimed, making a gesture with his hands. "And she looks sexy."

I scratched at my arm, laughing quietly. "Thanks."

"Let's get going." Adam grabbed his keys from the hook beside the door, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack in the far corner of the room facing the TV.

"It's cold?" I frowned, "Isn't it the middle of summer? Should I go get a jacket?"

Collin shook his head, waving his Letterman in front of me before draping it over his forearm. "Nah, he's just being cautious. You can always use my jacket if you do get cold."

"Cool it with the sly flirtatious comments, Collin." Adam said without looking at his friend. "She doesn't need that right now."

We stepped out of the condo and headed for the elevator in silence, though Collin looked as if he wanted to mock what his roommate had said behind his back. I took the advantage of being in a closed space with the two men to try and guess where we were going by their own attire. Couldn't be anywhere too fancy as both of them were in short sleeve shirts, though Collin's black v neck was probably a size too small and hugged every inch of his body a little too tight. He wore a pair of jeans, looking a little worn around the knees and a pair of black Air Forces. Adam, on the other hand, was wearing a lighter shirt and pants that looked somewhere in between dress pants and jeans, but I wasn't going to crouch down and try and make out which they were.

"So you seem content with just standing there and checking us out, wanna tell us why?" Collin joked, but his eyes held a genuine curiosity.

"I'm not checking you out." I mumbled, then fell back against the wall of the elevator. "I'm trying to figure out where we're going based on how you're dressed, but I still have absolutely no idea."

Both men chuckled but didn't answer. They actually didn't even open their mouths until we were in Adam's Jeep and out of the parking garage.

"Come on, it's my birthday, why can't I know where we're going?" I poked my head between their seats. "Adam, please tell me."

Adam didn't budged but kept the smug smile on his face. Collin smirked, looking from me to his roommate, then back to me again. "You are not pouting like a five year old."

"I'm not." I said, falling back against my seat. "But I'd seriously appreciate knowing what I'm about to get myself into."

Collin reached back and rested a hand on my knee. "Baby girl, you're gonna be fine. Just let it all go. Just for tonight."

I'd never heard such a difficult task in my life.

*

Turns out allowing two twenty-one year old men plan your birthday wasn't one of my brightest ideas. Somehow, I still wasn't shocked to find us outside a club, both boys looking hyped as hell to get out and join in on the fun. Me? I had a headache just looking at the place.

"I'm not twenty-one." I pointed out¸ hoping it'd be a good enough excuse.

"You only have to be twenty-one to get alcohol." Adam responded, turning in the driver's seat and meeting my fearful expression with a grin. "Which we will get for you if you want."

Collin nodded then hopped out of the car, Adam soon followed. I hoped maybe they'd be so caught up in their own thoughts about getting shitfaced that they'd leave me in the car. Of course I had no such luck and Collin offered his hand after throwing my door open. I thought about swatting it away, but realized they were doing this all out of care. Maybe in their heads they thought me getting drunk and partying was a good escape for a little while. And considering I'd never done it, I wouldn't know if their assumption was right or not.

Once inside, I fought the urge to plug my nose. The smell of sweat and alcohol burnt my nose and smoke nearly blinded me. Adam ordered himself and Collin a few shots, showed his ID, then headed back over to us with them. When he caught me staring, he held the drink out to me with a wink.

"I won't tell if you won't."

Disregarding every logical contradiction and counter that my head thought up, I took the shot glass and downed every last drop.

**

"Emily, come on." The gruff voice was followed by me suddenly being swept off my feet and the world beginning to spin around me. "You guys are idiots. Why the hell would you get her drunk?"

I couldn't remember much after Collin and I had taken a few more shots. Adam had only had a beer, claiming he had to drive us home. Sometime during Collin and I dancing, Adam had dragged me away and sat me down. The next thing I knew I was here, being carried by who I was assuming was Logan, but hadn't been able to make out the voice or face.

"I didn't think she'd get this messed up." Adam responded.

"She's never had a taste of alcohol in her life, man." Logan snapped. "How much did she drink?"

I heard Adam cough, or maybe it was a laugh? "Like four?"

"Four what? Beers?"

"Shots."

I heard Logan make a sound somewhere between a growl and a sigh. "You should head back and find Collin before he does something stupid. I've got her handled."

"You sure, man? I could—"

"Yes, Adam. Go, man. You know how he gets when he's drunk."

I heard footsteps retreat before the sound of a door closing finally stirred me enough that I was semi-coherent. I lifted my head from Logan's chest, staring up at him.

"I actually don't mind this." I patted his chest. "I feel like a princess."

A laugh escaped him. "I'm sure you did, Em."

"Why weren't you there tonight, Logan?"

"I thought it'd be best if I steered clear." He shrugged. "But apparently those two dumbasses thought the answer to your problems was to get you drunk."

I giggled. "But they were right. I don't feel anything. None of its there, I'm numb."

"Oh, Em," he smiled. "I promise you'll feel it tomorrow."

Before I could ask what he was doing, he hit the light in the bathroom, nearly blinding me. I threw my hands over my eyes, feeling him set me down on top of the toilet.

"Put your arms over your head, Em." He breathed, his lips inches from my ear. I pried my hands from my eyes, but the moment I did, he started spinning. He must have seen something in my expression change because he reached for the trash bin a few feet away and threw it in front of me before I could throw up all over him. Once he was sure I was done, he grabbed a rag from beside the sink and wiped my face.

"Why is everything spinning?" I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut. "Logan, make it stop."

He was laughing again. A low, raspy laugh that was incredibly sexy.

"Arms over your head, Em." He repeated. I didn't realize what he was doing until he started to unbutton my jeans. But I couldn't find the energy to tell him to stop, and I was terrified if I opened my eyes again I'd vomit. I heard the water start beside me and slowly pried them open, only to be faced with his blue eyes gazing deep into mine. He handed over my tooth brush and mouthwash, rubbing my shoulder.

"Jesse always did this when I'd been too hungover to think straight or going through withdrawals. It helps a little with the inevitable pain that you'll have tomorrow." I brushed my teeth slowly, gagging a few times before trying the mouthwash. The peppermint was enough to wash out the acidic taste that had lingered in my mouth. I looked slowly from Logan to the bath tub.

"I. . . I don't know how I feel about you seeing me naked." I said. "Kinda turns me on a little, kinda makes me wanna run."

He started shaking his head and laughing again as he reached around to unclasp my bra. He kept his eyes on me, not my body as he discarded every article of clothing until I was naked in front of him. He brushed his hand under my cheek before picking me up once more and setting me in the bath tub. The moment the warm water hit my skin I could feel the giddiness, the buzz in my head, starting to fade.

Logan took the spot I'd just occupied and stared at the ground between his feet. "This is definitely not how I thought I'd be spending my Friday night."

"Sorry." I blurted. "We could have sex if you want to."

He looked toward me, blue eyes glistening in amusement. "As tempting as that is, I think you'll have enough regrets and remorse tomorrow."

"You don't like me?" I sounded like a small child.

"I love you, Emily." He said softly. "I've always cared for you, but actually getting to know you has been both a curse and a blessing. I spent so much time trying to run away from drugs and my addictions, just to have you thrust into my life."

I stared blankly. "How am I being compared to a drug right now? What the hell do you mean, Logan?"

"I mean that you were Jesse's little sister, the annoying little brat that would constantly bug the hell out of us and follow us everywhere as kids." His voice was strained. "But now. . . now you're this beautiful woman, inside and out. I felt something the moment I saw you when you showed up a few weeks ago. I shouldn't want my best friend's little sister, especially now that he's just. . . gone, but God Emily, everything in me craves you. I crave your touch, your sympathetic looks, your laugh, even your annoying as nagging. And when you kissed me the other day, it brought on a whole different feeling. I realized I don't just want you, Emily, because you aren't just an object, or even just some girl from campus. I need you, Em."

*

Once Logan had recollected himself, he'd helped me back out of the tub and into one of his shirts and a pair of my shorts. He laid me down on his bed, grabbing a blanket from the closet a few feet away. I knew he was about to head out into the living room, or possibly leave in general.

"Stay." I breathed, catching his hand. "Please don't leave again, Logan. It's my birthday."

He sighed, poking his head out the door just as I heard Collin and Adam come in, Collin laughing. I heard a door slam, then Adam's voice outside the door.

"How is she?" Adam asked.

"Drunk, exhausted, unprepared." Logan sounded as if he were trying to hold back laughter. "She already threw up and I tried Jesse's shower remedy on her. Hopefully it's not too bad tomorrow morning."

Adam was quiet for a while, then spoke so softly I could barely hear him. "I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have to, Logan, but please don't hurt her. She's so damn lost and she can't deal with heartbreak right now."

"I know." Logan replied.

"I see how you look at her, and I know she reminds you of Jesse, man. She reminds me of him too. But you need to learn to separate your love for him and your love for her. You can't keep disappearing, she needs you."

"She needs Jesse and he isn't here, Adam. If she needs anyone in this place, it's you. You're the closest she thing she has to her brother right now." Logan said. "Collin's trying to weasel her way into bed with her, and I. . . I don't even know anymore. I feel she'd be better off without me here."

It was Adam's words that left a silence hanging in the room minutes after he'd walked away.

"She wouldn't be, and don't you dare try and sit here and convince yourself she would be. If you hurt her, Logan, in any way, shape, or form, I will kill you myself. Are we clear?"

"Yeah." Logan's voice was barely audible. "We're clear."

I heard the door shut a few seconds after Adam's footsteps retreated down the hall. Logan crawled into the bed beside me, running a hand through my hair as I rested my head against his chest. It wasn't until I felt his hand start trembling that I looked up to find tears rolling off his lashes and falling on to his cheeks. It didn't take long for him to force the tears back and kiss the top of my head, hand finding mine.

"You probably won't remember this tomorrow," he said. "but Happy Birthday, Emily."