The three of us ensured that Logan was out of the worst of his withdraws before we all gathered in the living room to finally brace ourselves for the video my brother had left us.

After finally managing to hunt down an HDMI, Adam plugged everything in and pressed play on the small video camera. He walked around the couch so he was standing behind me, leaning into it. I thought about asking him to sit down, but considering there was hardly any room left on the couch, I understood why he'd taken his stance behind me. Logan was on my left, one arm against the arm rest, the other resting on my leg beside him. Collin, on my right, was leaning forward, his elbows pressed into his knees. Nobody said anything, but I could feel that we were all feeling the anxiety of finally hearing my brother's reasons for doing what he did.

"Is this thing on?" Blonde hair appeared in front of the camera, and that was all it took for a sick feeling to furl in the deepest pits of my stomach. As soon as he came to the obvious conclusion that it was recording, he threw himself down against the gray, concrete wall behind him. He looked just as he had when he left, his blond cut short, green eyes big and bloodshot, face scraped. It was his voice, his body language, that paved way for what we knew was the outcome of the video.

"So, if you're sitting and watching this, Chip was able to get it to you guys." His voice was strained and extremely hoarse, as if he'd been screaming for hours. "I want to start this off by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Emily, for doing this, but more importantly, for thrusting you into the big bad world in quite possibly the weirdest way possible."

Collin glanced over at me at the mention of my name, likely to make sure I was okay. I nodded and both of us turned back to the screen.

"But I will save you for last, Em, as you probably won't make it through the rest other wise." He let out a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. "Adam. Man, Adam, there's so much I want to say, bro, but I'll keep it short and sweet."

Adam slipped forward, his hand falling for a second. When all three of us looked back at him in worry, he shook his head, muttering under his breath he was fine and averted his eyes back to my brother on the flat screen.

"You were definitely not someone I ever thought I'd associate with. You were, in the nicest way possible, a absolute control freak. Everything had to be your way, how you wanted it, but I had grown up with a female version of you, so it didn't affect me as bad as it did Col and Logan." My brother smiled weakly. "But you, in all your annoyingness, also made me a better person. You made all of us better people, and I hope that once I'm gone, that Emily is able to find comfort and support in you the same way I did."

Adam dropped his gaze to the couch, grasping it tightly. I reached back and rested my hand on his, to which he forced a smile and squeezed it.

"Collin. You were a little bit more my type." Jesse winked. "An ass, a hot head, but deep down you had a heart of gold, man. You have this. . . this charisma that radiates off you. You draw everyone in, but are crazy picky about who you actually let in. You understood the true meaning of brotherhood, that it didn't necessarily have to be blood. I know I was the one who offered you a second chance, a place to stay, but you taught me a lot too man, and I thank you for letting me in."

The right side of Collin's mouth curled up into a half smile hearing my brother's words and he slowly relaxed back against the beige cushion. I felt Logan tense beside me, knowing very well he'd be the next, and that my brother would have a lot more than just a few friendly words to say to him.

"Logan Daniels." Jesse straightened himself against the wall, pulling his legs to his chest. "This is going to be a little harder. I. . . you're my brother, man. When everything else in the world was shit, when everyone pushed me down, you stood by me, even if it meant you got dragged through the dirt with me. You gave me hope, you gave me a want, a will, outside of my sister, to want to live. I knew, no matter what, you had my back. But. . . but there is just some things you couldn't protect me from, man."

I felt my own eyes sting with tears, but Logan remained unphased by everything said.

"I know that even if I sit here and try to explain why I did this, why I decided to end it out here, that it won't make up for all the anger and bitterness that you will have toward me. You'll wonder what you could have done differently, and the truth is, brother, you couldn't have done anything. You and Em were my everything, the reason I stayed alive this long. But in reality, Logan, I'm not all there." He slapped a hand against the side of his head. "I get these sick, intrusive thoughts. I can't sit still. I can't breathe half the time because my thoughts are consuming every essence of my being. But I know you can get through this man. Just like you got through your addiction. I love you, brother, and I trust that once I'm gone you will ensure my little sister is okay."

I felt all three of eyes fall on me once my brother reached for the camera and held it between his hands, up close so we could see the agony pulsating in his eyes. Collin squeezed my shoulder in comfort from beside me, Logan touching my forearm with a nod, and Adam muttered words of encouragement from behind me.

"I'll start this off by answering the question that I'm sure is bothering you all, if you chose to stay, Emily." Jesse whispered. "I didn't tell you about the guys because I knew you'd never even give it a second thought if you knew they were there. But, Em, you're going to need them. I know that it sounds stupid, fantastical really, that I'd send my little sister into a house of three young males. But you need to keep in mind I know these guys, Emmy. And I knew that when the time came, that when news of my death found its way back to you, that you'd need comfort in a way Mom and Dad wouldn't be able to provide. "

"Each of them will find a way to comfort you in their own way, that is a promise. As for the reason I didn't tell the guys, it's much of the same reason, because I knew they'd downright refuse, especially Logan, as he knows you. But you, Emmy, you're the glue. You held our family together over and over. Every time Mom and Dad were about to break, when I was, you found a way to piece us back together again, even better than we had been before. I know you'll do the same for the guys. They will finally understand, with you there, all those times I tried to explain to them that we were family. That no matter what, we had each other's backs through everything. Please, Em, don't cry over me. Don't hurt over me. I will be happier, I will be at peace, this will end the twenty-two years of endless torment I've had within my own head. I love you, Emmy, more than I love anyone and anything else in this world, please never forget that."

I brought my hand to my mouth in hopes it'd keep my sobs contained, but it did no such thing. Logan sat up and hugged me to his chest, but continued to listen as intently as I did to the end of the video.

"I hope that you all will find the comfort in each other. I hope that one day you'll all understand that no matter what you could have said or did, it wouldn't have changed anything. I hope you all realize that you are extraordinarily amazing people, inside and out, and I thank God every day I had the chance to be a part of each one of your lives." Jesse started to rise to his feet, hands trembling so bad the video had begun to shake. "I once told Logan that I wish Emily had ended up with one of you guys just so I wouldn't have to worry about her. Well, now she has all three of you, though I'm sure Logan finally came to a very obvious realization recently in regards to his feelings for you, Emily."

A hint of a smile appeared on Logan's face, but it faded just as quickly as it appeared.

"Please live the life that I couldn't. Please live so beautifully that you have no regrets when its your time to go. Please love with no regrets, be so happy that you're negative emotions have no effect on you. I love you guys. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

To my relief, the video went black. There had been a small part of me that thought he recorded his suicide, despite Chip reassuring he didn't. As Adam walked around the couch to unplug the HDMI, I sat forward and caught his arm, standing in front of him. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest. He didn't hesitate to return the gesture, squeezing me a little harder. Collin joined us a couple seconds later, resting a comforting hand on his roommates shoulder and rubbing my back. Logan remained seated a little longer, but finally stood and kissed my temple, fingers lacing through mine.

As we stood in front of the TV, our hearts breaking in unison, I took what my brother had said to heart. This was a little family, I did find comfort in every single one of them in their own way, but together, we were unbreakable.

**

"So, my sister is having a cute little get together tomorrow afternoon." Collin said, setting the last of the dishes in the rack beside the sink. "None of my idiot brothers will be there. Just Crista, Alisha, and my Dad. Wanna join?"

I looked to Adam and Logan on the sofa in the living room, then back at Collin. "Is that really a great idea? I mean, I don't mind, but they kinda think I'm—"

"Not anymore." He cut me off, leaning back against the sink. "I cleared all that up. It'll just be my awesome, but incredibly annoying, little friend joining."

"I don't think I'm annoying." I muttered, but it was Logan who glanced our way for a second, as if he'd been eavesdropping, and responded.

"You are a little bit annoying sometimes."

I rolled my eyes and turned back to Collin with a smile. "Yeah, sure, I'll join you. Might finally be able to meet the famous Alisha."

He grinned, ruffling my hair on his way passed me. I smiled after him, then hit the lights and went to join the boys on the couch. They played for another forty-five minutes or so before Adam yawned.

"I think that's my cue to go get some sleep. I will see you two tomorrow."

Once he'd walked away, Logan switched his PlayStation to Netflix and put a movie on. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to try and figure out what it was called or about.

"How are you feeling?" I whispered, speaking directly to Logan for the first time all night.

"About the video?" He retorted.

I shrugged. "In general. I know your body has been through hell the last few weeks."

"I'm doing better." He breathed, averting his eyes from me and pretending to focus on the TV. "Still get them here and there, but they aren't nearly as strong. NA has given me some pretty good tips on how to cope too."

"That's great." I smiled. "I'm glad to see you back to your normal self again, Logan."

He nodded. "How about you? I know that video was a lot to take in. How are you feeling?"

"I'm actually handling it surprisingly well. I thought I'd be on the verge or in the midst of a mental breakdown by now."

"That's great." He mumbled.

I was about to continue the uncomfortable and awkward conversation, but was cut off by Collin walking into the kitchen.

"Your conversation is painfully awkward." He grumbled. "I'd rather have walked in on you two making out. Try doing that. Might be a good place to start."

Without another word he headed back down the hall and to his room, slamming his door extra hard to get the point that we were alone again across loud and clear.

Logan looked back at me with a smirk. "He's an idiot, don't listen to him."

"But he's right. Why the hell are we sitting here with horrifyingly boring small talk?"

"I. . . I don't really know what to talk about, and I'm not one to really be able to expression my feelings outright unless I'm drunk or high."

I closed the distance between us and kissed him softly. "Nobody said anything about having to speak."