'Despite having to spend the night in the same bed as him, Logan refused to speak. His refusal to even say a word went right into the next morning. I could hear his sisters and Mom all in the kitchen screaming back and forth, obviously trying to ensure they had everything for the wedding tonight. I sat up, ready to leave the room when Logan's groggy voice stopped me.

"Where are you going?" He asked. It was the first thing he'd said to me in over twelve hours, and I almost didn't give him the satisfaction of answering.

"I need to talk to your sisters." I slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind me before he could protest. Yesenia and Jules greeted me upon walking in, but their mother looked at me with a remorseful expression.

"How's Logan?" Yessi asked what all three women wanted to know. "Mama didn't mean to upset him. But if you're a part of his life, it's necessary you know what you're getting yourself into."

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Logan hadn't followed me out. "I wouldn't know. He hasn't said anything to me all night. Completely shut me out."

"He does that." Jules said over her coffee cup. "He likes to run away and ice people out when he can't figure out his feelings."

"You said he almost overdosed? What do you mean almost?" I asked.

Jules set her cup down and nodded toward the chair opposite of her. Once I'd sat down, Mrs. Hernandez set a cup in front of me. "You know he was an addict, no?"

I nodded.

"Papa died early last year. Logan had already been using again, shooting up behind Papa's back. Once Papa passed from his heart issues, Logan started using heavily again. He was doing every drug imaginable, and he refused to speak to anyone. Jesse would call every other Saturday to let me know how he was doing, but it wasn't the same, you know?" She looked down, hand trembling. "He came home for a weekend, thanks to your brother. But the second night here I found him in his room with a needle in his arm and all color gone from his face. His pulse was slow, I couldn't wake him up. I was so scared, Emily. And I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, especially you, mija."

I stared blankly at her, my stomach churning. "I. . . did you guys know when he was using? Like, was there any signs to look for?"

"He was distant." Yessi piped in. "And moody, bipolar even. When he couldn't get his fix, he'd start getting really aggressive. I would have thought you'd know this, but it makes me happy you don't. That means he hasn't relapsed."

"Collin thinks he has." My voice was barely audible, my mind was still tying to process the new information.

Jules pressed her index and middle finger against her right temple. "Jesse passing must have devastated him. You too. But. . . I wouldn't be surprised if he'd turned back to it to cope. I just pray to Dios every day that he's okay. He looks healthy now, though, not skin and bones. He has a lot of muscle, that's a good sign."

"I'm scared." I admitted. "I lost Jesse and I. . . I don't know if I can lose him too."

Jules reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "All of us are, Emily. That's my baby brother. We just have to pray he understands that there are people who need him, who love him."

*

Yesenia, coming to the obvious conclusion I hadn't brought anything nice to wear to Jules' wedding, dug through Jules' closet once their mom and Julianna herself had taken off to go get their hair and makeup done.

"You're so skinny." Yessi laughed, "You're not giving me a lot to work with. I'll have to give you something from before Jules got boobs."

"Gee, thanks." I mumbled, embarrassed.

She pulled a blue dress from her sisters closet. "Oh no, mija, I'm not saying you don't have any, she just has a lot."

Once I'd slipped into the dress, Yesenia did my makeup and curled my my hair, which I'd never even attempted to try in my nineteen years of being alive.

"Okay," She said, spinning the chair I'd been sitting so I was facing her. "what's going on with you and my brother?"

"What?" I answered too quickly. "I don't—"

She smiled, amused. "Emily, come on. Are you very dense or are you just lying to yourself?"

"Well," she went on when I didn't respond. "I, for one see how my brother looks at you. It's funny too, cuz when we were kids I always thought you two would end up together. You remember when you were in seventh grade and we were at a party and playing Truth or Dare?"

I groaned upon hearing the memory, hiding my face behind my hands. She continued to laugh as she finished the story I already knew the end to.

"He was your first kiss, no?" She gave me a suggestive look. "Your brother was so mad."

"That's cause after puberty hit all of us, he'd beat Logan upside the head anytime he'd even look my way." I explained with a smile of my own. "But yeah, Logan was my first kiss. Not that it meant much, we were all kids."

She didn't look convinced. "My brother doesn't have a lot of girlfriends; you don't think that is weird?"

"He did in high school." I shrugged. "We. . . there wasn't any romantic feelings between us until. . . until after Jesse passed. Until I moved into the condo with the boys."

"So there is something there?" She frowned. "I don't know whether to tell you not to break his heart or go and beat him until he understands I'll kill him if he breaks yours."

I looked away, smoothing out a wrinkle in my dress. "I don't know if there's something there, Yessi. He's very bipolar. One minute he acts like he wants something, then next he's telling me to find comfort in Collin and Adam."

"He's broken, mija." She brushed my bangs out of my eyes. "He lost our Papa and then Jesse, and he's scared he'll lose you too. He thinks running away and ignoring his problems is the answer to everything."

I nodded, "Part of me just wishes I could go back to thinking of him as my brother's idiot best friend. Being attached to him, especially after hearing what you guys said, I'm afraid."

She helped me to my feet and squeezed both my shoulders. "He is a grown man now, Emily. He can make his own decisions, we both just have to pray to Dios, that they're the right ones."

**

"I'm not doing this." Logan huffed, starting to turn away from the beautiful ceremony about to start outside. "I can't walk her down the isle. That's what dad's are for and—"

"And you're not running away from this." I replied through my teeth. "She asked this of you and your Dad would love that you're doing this for her. So suck up your flight impulses and put your big boy pants on."

He glared down at me, but Jules approached from behind us, their mother trailing behind.

I threw my hands over my chest seeing her in the wedding dress. "You look stunning, Jules. Congratulations."

She blew me a kiss as Logan's mother gently grabbed my arm and led me outside before the music could start. We sat in a couple fold up chairs at the front, standing moments later when the infamous song began blasting.

Logan must have said something to Jules since we'd left, because she was laughing as they walked out, staring up at him with such a loving expression that it sent a wave of bitterness toward Jesse through me.

I would never have this. I would never have my brother to make me laugh to distract me from my nervousness. I wouldn't have him staring at me with such a protectiveness and love in his eyes that he'd destroy anyone that hurt me. I would never have him at my wedding, whether it was walking me down the isle or just being there to cheer me on and show his love from his seat. I wouldn't have any of it because he had been selfish and killed himself.

"I put my big boy pants on." Logan whispered once he was back in the seat beside me. I shoved him playfully, to which he responded to by stretching his arm behind me and pulling me against him. "Are you okay?"

I must have looked as shitty as I felt.

"Fine. Just thinking about Jesse." I muttered. He kissed the top of my head but didn't say anything. We watched the rest of the ceremony without my emotions getting the best of me, but as soon as the reception started, I couldn't say the same. Jules was giving a speech, thanking everyone, including her father, then finally turned to look in Logan's direction.

"Finally, I want to thank my little brother for being my best friend." I recoiled back into my seat. "We've been through a lot, hermano, but you have had my back through it all. I know you had your issues, and honestly I had my own, but you becoming part of our family was the best decision Mama and Papa could have made. Thank you for standing in for Papa tonight. Thank you for always making me smile. That you for being my brother, Logan. I love you."

Her speech was all it took for every single wall I'd built, every emotion I'd pushed down, every word of denial, to surface. I stood and ran out of the venue, not wanting to destroy Jules' night. I grasped on to the brick wall outside, feeling my entire body starting to ravage with sobs. One of the boys had told me when I first came, that the longer I kept my emotions in, the harder they'd hit when I finally broke.

I tried to catch my breath, but the more I tried the more I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't breath, the only thing that would escape me with sobs, and my vision was so blurred with tears I couldn't even get up and walk if I wanted to.

"Emmy." I felt the familiar touch of Logan's callused fingertips on my bare shoulder. "Hey, it's okay."

"It's not!" I managed to say through my sobs. "It's not okay."

He crouched down, looking as if someone had tied his hands behind his back as he stared down at the mess of a girl in front of him.

"Oh, mija." Yesenia was beside me now, her hand on my forearm. "Emily, it's okay."

I shook my head at the both of them. "It's not okay! Jesse is dead! He's fucking dead and he's not coming back."

Yesenia's eyes began to glisten with tears and she kicked off her heels, sitting on the cold concrete beside me. "Look at me, Emily."

I tried to turn my head away, but she grabbed my chin and forced my head back in her direction.

"I know it hurts, mija. I know you've been living in denial for a while, holding on to that little hope that it was all some sick joke and he'd walk through the door. I know because I felt the same way about my Papa." She tucked my hair behind my ears. "And I broke down just like this when I realized it was real, that my daddy was never going to tuck me in again, that my children would never get to meet my amazing father. That he'd never be able to walk me down the isle at my wedding. But you know what got me through it?"

Logan had hugged his legs against his chest and was watching his sister expectantly, as if he was waiting to hear her answer as well.

"I remembered that I still had my Mama, and Jules, and Logan, and my kids. They all needed me, they all loved Papa too, but he was gone." She wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Mija, you have so many people who love you. Your parents, Collin and Adam speak so highly of you whenever we talk to them. My brother here. And, mija, you have us. You have Mama, and Jules, and me. No matter what happens with my brother, you will always have us. You're my hermana, okay? And sisters never turn their backs on each other."

*

Once I'd cleaned up and we'd headed back to Logan's old house, I laid on the bed, still fully dressed, and stared up at the ceiling. Logan had went to shower, but even when he walked back in, I didn't budge.

"Em." He grasped my arm and pulled me so I was sitting upright. He hadn't bothered to put a shirt on and was wearing nothing more than a towel hanging loosely off his waist. "You need to change. That dress can't be comfortable."

"I'm fine." I mumbled, my eyes following him as he undid the straps on my heels and set them at the foot of the bed. It wasn't until his hand brushed my thigh that things started to escalate, and as they had that night at the gym, got the best of me.

I pushed myself from the bed and kissed him, burying my hand in his wet hair. He reached around me and unzipped my dress and discarded it on the ground beside me. I laid back, feeling his hands find my underwear, but everything stopped in that moment. Because my hand had found his forearm, and I one hundred percent didn't like what I felt. I jerked away, sitting upright and grabbing his arm. He tried to pull it from my grip, but gave up just as quickly. There were a few injection scars on his right arm, but when I grabbed his left, they were fresh.

"Logan." I buried my face in my hands. "Why?"

"You don't understand what it's like, Emily. You're not an addict." Was his answer.

I swallowed hard and headed for my duffel bag, finding a shirt I was pretty sure belonged to one of the boys, and a pair of pants.

"Emily, what are you doing?" Logan had climbed off the bed and was standing in front of me, desperation clear in his eyes. "Please don't do this."

"I can't, Logan." I whirled around on him. "I can't watch you kill yourself. I already lost my brother."

Once I was fully dressed I threw my duffel bag over my shoulder and grabbed my phone. I texted both Adam and Collin, feeling Logan approach. He tore the phone from my hands and stared down at me.

"You're seriously doing this? Where the hell are you going to go?"

"Home." I was over trying to contain my emotions, "Collin told me one of them would come get me if I felt something was off."

Logan's jaw clenched at the mention of his roommate. "Of course he did. Is that all he said to you?"

"He said he thought you were using again." I wiped at my cheeks with my shirt sleeve. "And I wanted to deny it. Then your mom said what she said, and I asked your sisters how you acted when you were using."

"Em, please." He tried to touch my cheek, but I dodged his hand and shook him off.

"No, Logan. No more of this shit." I looked him in the eyes. "I'm not Jesse. I'm not going to sit here and be an aid in your addiction. I'm not going to hold you and help you, not until you truly want to help yourself. Until then, fuck off, Logan."

He gaped at me, but didn't stop me when I stalked out of the room and shut the door behind me. Yesenia and Mrs. Hernandez were on the couch talking over a glass of wine, both looked up when I walked in.

There must have been something in my expression that hadn't been earlier, because I didn't even have to say anything for Yesenia to stand and touch a hand to her chest.

"No." She breathed. "No, no, he's not."

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand with an incoming call from Collin.

"Yes." I squeezed my eyes shut, "And I'm sorry, but I have to leave."