"There's one thing you need to understand about this world before you got out and live it, Em." Jesse breathed, squeezing my hands. "Most people out there won't give a shit about you. They would rather wallow in their own pity, in their "perfect" lives, in themselves, then try and allow their hearts to be open to caring for anyone outside of them."

"Not everyone is like that, Jess." I frowned, searching his green eyes for any sort of remorse for what he'd said. There was none.

"I said most, Em. Not all." He reminded. "I have had the luck of finding a few of those people who actually care, that have a heart, that see the world outside themselves. Those people are family, they are going to be the ones that hold you when you need them, not just run to you when they need you. They are going to be the ones that love you for you, not for something you posses or hate you for something you dislike. Those are the people you need to keep in your life in order to survive in this world."

I stared at him, tears in my eyes seeing how pained his expression was. "How will I know the difference?"

He smiled weakly. "Your heart will know, Em. Always, no matter what the situation, follow your heart and not your head."

**

I suppose Jesse's pep talk is what led me astray from my usual way back to the condo and heading for Logan's gym. I didn't have to go in all the way. I could slip in, see he was okay, then disappear back out the door as if I wasn't there to begin with. But the moment I walked through the large, cold door, my backpack hanging off my shoulder, I started to turn on my heel.

Jesse was in the midst of an argument with a short dark haired girl, who was only rocking back and forth on her feet with a flirtatious smile.

"Mm, yeah, okay, sexy." She patted his chest. "But I gotta go. See you soon."

She saluted him with a kiss on the cheek before heading in my direction. She raised a dark eyebrow as she approached, dark eyes raking me up and down, then shrugged and dipped outside before I got the chance to do the same.

Logan, having followed the girl to the door, caught sight of me and shut his eyes. "What the hell are you doing here, Emily?"

"I was just going to slip in and check on you then pop back out." I couldn't stop the snide comment that escaped me. "But it looks like you're doing great, so I'm sorry I did this."

He snorted. "Okay, Emily. You're the one that kicked me out."

"I kicked you out because I'm not going to watch you kill yourself, Logan!" I snapped. "You're high as a kite now, and you will be once it wears off. You're love for me, for your roommates, for Jesse, doesn't compare to the euphoric feeling of the drugs, does it?"

His lips pulled back in a snarl. "You are a drug too, Emily. I crave your touch, your voice, even your God Damn bitching, but no, it isn't as strong as the need I have for heroine."

"I lost Jesse." I said, feeling my hand clench into a fist at my side. "And Collin is convincing me if I leave you like this, leave you to keep shooting up, I'm going to lose you too. But I want to be selfish for once in my life, I want to hate you, I want to just protect my own sanity, Logan."

"But?" He breathed.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "But I can't. Because you knew Jesse as well as I did. Or maybe neither of us knew him at all, really. You are the only one who understands the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness I feel. And no matter how hard I try, I can't run away from it. One of his Squad buddies showed up a couple days ago, you know? He left a video camera with Jesse's suicide note on it, Logan."

He leaned forward, wrapping his hands tightly around the ropes. "Just go home, Em. Please."

"There's no part of you that wants to stop this?" I asked, "Probably not, right? Because now you get the best of both worlds. You get to shoot up and have any girl you want."

The moment his blue eyes shot to me, I knew it would have been in my best interest to turn around and leave. Instead, I straightened myself, bracing my mind and body for the blow that was about to come.

"She was my dealer's girl. She was just dropping it off." He said through his teeth.

"Didn't look that way to me." I retorted.

He finally broke himself away from the wrestling ring in the middle of the warehouse and started toward me. I didn't know what to expect, but I felt myself backing away the closer he got. The moment I felt my back slam into the door, I stood up, on guard.

"I don't know what its going to take for you to understand you need to get out of here, Emily." He spoke so softly that I actually lifted my head, suddenly aware of how close he was.

He looked older somehow, though it'd only been a couple weeks. He had let the stubble grow rather than shaving it, but it was his eyes, burning into me, that held an unspoken wisdom.

"Maybe. . . maybe just like hit me or something?" I suggested. "Maybe then I'd get it and steer clear and stop worrying about you."

He looked as if I'd just told him that Jesse had died all over again. His eyes, moments ago burning with fury, softened into a puddle of blue.

"Why would you even say something like that?" He whispered. I tried to move before he could close the gap between us, but unfortunately wasn't fast enough. "Do you think I'm capable of hurting you?"

I only stared at him as I responded. "I don't think you know what you're capable of when you're high, Logan."

He brushed his knuckle under my eye and shook his head. "I would kill anyone who raised a hand at you, Em. Including myself. I'm high right now, right?"

"I don't know." I let out another shaky breath. "I don't know, Logan."

"I'll call Collin." He spoke so quietly it was barely audible. "Have him come get you."

I reached out and touched my hand to his cheek. "Please, Logan. If you can, fight them. Fight them with everything in you."

*

Collin and Adam had ended up stuck in a gridlock and hadn't even been able to get home. I'd made myself comfortable against the door, and all my sleepless nights must have caught up, because I dozed off. I woke to the door shifting behind me, likely one or both of the boys here to pick me up. My eyes went to Logan a few feet away, looking as if he were asleep, but it was his open palm that caught me off guard. They had begun to turn a blue color, as if circulation had been cut off.

I lurched forward just as the door was thrown open behind me, an irritated looking Collin stepping through it.

"Logan?" I touched his face, my heart beginning to slam into my ribcage when I felt the coldness of his skin. "Logan!"

He didn't budge, his hand falling limply against the floor when I tried to pick it up. Collin immediately fell to his knees beside me and pressed his index and middle finger against Logan's throat, then his hand.

"There's barely a pulse." He said more to himself then me. "What happened, Emily?"

I shook my head, tears stinging my eyes as the panic grew. "I think it's an overdose, Collin. They say your pulse slows."

Collin grabbed Logan's face roughly in his hands and pried his eyelid open to look into his roommate's eyes. "Logan, man! Come on."

There wasn't even a hint of a response. Collin reached around and grabbed his phone from his back pocket. Within milliseconds he had 911 on the other line.

"Yes, I think my friend overdosed. Yes, mhmm, barely breathing, lips and nails are blue. Okay. Address—"

I could feel my entire body starting to tingle in the beginning stages of a panic attack, my mind still not fully grasping the reality of the situation.

"Em, hey." Collin kept two fingers pressed against Logan's wrist, then reached out to me with his other hand. "It's okay. He's going to be okay."

"What if he's not?" I shook my head. "What if they're too late, Collin? What if he's already gone?"

Realizing there wasn't much use in continuing to check his pulse, he moved to where I sat with my back against the wall and hugged me against his chest.

*

Collin drove to the hospital, parked the car, and sat there. I knew as well as he did that they wouldn't tell us anything regardless. Maybe he was still trying to process what we'd just witnessed as much as I was.

"You should go in." He whispered, staring ahead with a blank expression. "You're practically family, Emily. They'll probably tell you."

"No." I refused like a small child. "No, I don't want to be in there if. . . if. . . I can't watch his mom and sisters fall apart. I'll. . . I can't Collin."

He then slammed his open palm hard against the steering wheel, so hard it shook the car. Collin didn't look at me, back down at his hand, a very slight tremble in it. I watched his shoulders slouch forward as the weight of everything that just happened crushed him.

"Collin." His name caught in my throat. "Stop."

He looked over at me finally, wearing a look of helplessness. "I'm sorry, Em. I want to be supportive, I want to tell you he's going to be okay, but I can't. I can't."

"I can't lose him, Collin." I whimpered.

"Em, we need to go inside." He answered. "No matter the outcome of this, we need to be in there."

I leaned back in my seat, looking out the window. "No."

"Emily." He snapped now, anger dripping from my name. "Grow up and get out of the car."

Anyone else I would have slapped, but Collin was right. I was being a child. He pulled the keys from the ignition and grabbed my hand as soon as we were out. We walked to the ER in silence, my heart sinking when I saw Mrs. Hernandez sobbing into Yesenia's shoulder. Jules was leaning against the wall, tapping her foot anxiously. The Dr called Mrs. Hernandez a few minutes later. All three women rushed to the tall, masked man who spoke with his hands.

Collin wrapped one arm around me, clearly prepared for me to collapse upon seeing the reaction of the women in front of me.