Who was waiting for Delphi's revenge on Dumbledore?

———

Delphi really did take the twins' suggestion to heart, about staying with them. She could usually be found at their side throughout most of April and early May.
She worked with them in their pranking lab, she explored hogwarts at their sides, she helped them with homework and got them out of trouble.

Two strange things occurred during this time.
The first, was that Fred and George discovered that spending more time with the crazy blond did not ease their craving for her company. Now exploring Hogwarts, or pranking someone was no longer fun without her.
The second strange thing was something all three teens realised. The closer they got, the stronger their friendship and joy in each other's company, the more nervous and more reluctant any of them were to bring up wanting more.

It wasn't uncertainty exactly.
The twins were rarely subtle, it wasn't in their natures, and Delphi matched them in their love of hugs, warm greetings, regular compliments and affectionate teasing/flirting. Seriously, she'd kissed them on their birthday, it was fairly obvious she felt what they did.

It was hard to say what held any of them back.
Delphi's lingering fear of the future she knew too well perhaps. Her many secrets she couldn't allow herself to share.

Or maybe it was the polyamory side of things. Gender was a very fluid thing in a culture where a potion could change it overnight. But pairing was easily the most common form of romantic relationship, either through nature, culture or simplicity, polyamorous relationships weren't common and much scrutinised. Let alone a polyamorous grouping including two siblings.

Possibly the major thing holding back Fred from kissing Delphi senseless was a complete uncertainty about what this 'more' meant. What was a good relationship supposed to look like, what were they meant to do to make sure it was happy and lasted forever like they wanted? None of them had great examples of marital bliss to refer to, and their school fellows seemed to fluctuate between one night standers and offering their 'sweetums' a bouquet of roses every morning.

Most likely, all three factors were involved in keeping their companionship purely friendly. It just...wasn't the right time.
They, all three, needed to grow into themselves, before they actually tried at a romantic relationship they wanted to last.
Instead they turned their attention to easier things. Pranking the headmaster.

Dumbledore had had increasing drunken and clumsy episodes ever since Halloween, he'd actually fallen into the lake after the second task.
The Celestina Warbook prank (as it was dubbed), was actually a precursor to the main event with regards to the headmaster. That was, a singing beard. Well, a beard that sung songs composed by Peeves especially for the occasion.

The trick was a clever slip between grey areas.
Fred and George Weasley would be immediate suspects for any prank.
Spells of any kind could be nullified fairly easily by a range of counter magiks Dumbledore doubtless knew, but potions worked differently. Potions and Spells were a bit like sound and light, fundamentally different, and thus had to be treated differently.
Undoing spells required spellwork...undoing potions required antidotes. And potions were far more pernickety than spells. You needed to know everything about a potion's brewing process and components to have a hope of developing an antidote within months of starting.

This potion was completely original (thus with no known antidote), and Severus Snape would rather die than admit the greatest potion prodigy in the school - George Weasley - belonged in Gryffindor, let alone, shock horror, was a prankster. He along with Delphi would provide cover for the pair of them, and without a guilty party no information on the potion could be found. With that...Dumbledore would have a rude singing beard for, at the very least, the rest of the term.

In fact if he wanted to stop it...he'd have to shave off his beard. Even if he regrew it after with a spell, they'd know, and the way Delphi's eyes had darkened at the thought proved the knowledge was enough.

Getting the potion onto Dumbledore's beard was what required the most of their ingenuity.
They took advice from Lee on this one, his muggle wisdom of poison darts resulting in a rather entertaining afternoon of target practise with gelatinous potion. It ended with a singing Gryffindor tie and a desk which crooned swear words when touched. The latter would definitely be finding its way to Filches' office. The former would be saved for a rainy day.

Not ones to lie in wait, the twins ambushed Dumbledore on the moving stair cases the next afternoon, hidden in the shadow of a corridor two floors above with many escape routes. They'd been surprised when Delphi had insisted on being the one to do it, but had taken it in their strides, determined to at least be witnesses.

The man appeared to be paging through a book on Botswanan Musical Magic. Appropriate.
He made quite the picture, gliding down the stairs in his pale blue robes, half moon glasses glinting and mouth twisted in deep thought. The students moved out his way almost subconsciously, parting like the Red Sea and creating a circle of calm within the clamour of pre dinner chaos. He seemed almost serene.
The only serenity Fred and George Weasley tolerated was Lovegood branded.

Before they could tap her shoulder and encourage her, Delphi had already shot her dart. The small, nondescript silver dart made from pewter soared gracefully downward. And, just as they'd hoped, it nestled perfectly in Dumbledore's beard bypassing any personal wards the man undoubtedly had.

The trio mouthed the countdown silently, reluctantly moving away from view and down the corridor. As they strode away, they whispered 'one'. Not a moment later, a tenor most singers would kill for echoed around the stairwell, reaching them as they turned a corner, loud and clear.

"Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
a million volts went up its arse,
and turned its wool to nylon~"

George choked back a laugh, and that turned into a coughing fit. Fred patted his back absently, eyes focused on Delphi's bright smile. The song was a little too muggle for the pure bloods, but they were savvy enough to appreciate it.
"You ever going to tell us what Dumblekins did to earn your fury?" He asked casually as another song echoed down the corridor, along with the hysterical wheezing and laughter of hundreds of students. Fred wondered if Dumbledore had realised silencing charms didn't work on it yet.

"Little birdy flying high, dropping droppings from the sky
Angry farmer wipes his eye and thanks the lord that cows don't fly~"

Delphi hummed, "will you promise not to overreact too badly?"
George's coughing fit ceased and Fred could see him watching their- the girl sharply. "We can try?"
"And I can't really give you much context either." She added, glancing back the way they came nervously.
Fred tried to damp his frustration, "that's fine...you don't have to tell us."
"That day I commissioned you Fred," she took a deep breath, "I'd just come from Dumbledore's office...he...he used a surprise attack to forcibly legilimence me."
Fred froze. Albus Dumbledore...mind raped a minor? He mind raped...Delphi? Why the fuck were they giving him a singing beard when the man deserved time in Azkaban.
Sudden pain made him aware of his surroundings again, and Fred realised he'd clenched his fists so tightly his nails had broken skin.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a bucket of cheese
Jack came down with a smile on his face
And his trousers round his knees ~"

Delphi looked between them worriedly, though her face contorted a little a the latest parody. "Please calm down. You have to understand this...Dumbledore is fighting for the good of us all. It is his first priority, above anything else. But...he will do...he will do anything for the greater good of Wizarding Britain."
"Why exactly is mind raping you for the greater good of Wizarding Britain." George's voice was painfully controlled, so level you could play gobstones on it.
Fred could trace a slight flush high on Delphi's cheeks as she shook her head reluctantly, "that's the redacted context. Please would you two stop looking like you're going to challenge the defeater of Grindelwald to a duel?...Please?"
Fred's next breath was deep as he forcibly relaxed his body and tried not to puzzle over why Delphi was defending a man who invaded her mind without consent.

"It sounds very funny but it's really hot and runny~
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
It comes out your bum like a bullet from a gun~
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!"

The song was brilliant, but the shrill brogue of a furious Professor McGonigall was the cherry on top. "ALBUS! WHAT ON EARTH HAVE TO DONE TO YOUR BEARD! THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!"

Fred choked.
He looked at Delphi who seemed to be about to combust in her efforts not to laugh, and they simultaneously gave up trying. The next thing they were all on the floor, wheezing so hard Fred thought he might pass out. Delphi was practically draped over George as they both gasped for breath, looking much like they'd just had a steamy time in a broom closet - a thought that Fred immediately repressed like the true Englishman he was.
Sure Dumbledore was an evil bastard, and Delphi was still keeping secrets and too bloody perfect...but the chief Warlock of the Wizengamot had a beard singing a song about diarrhoea.

Presumably whilst they were in hysterics, the esteemed headmaster had explained the situation to his deputy, as the next distinguishable phrase to reach their ears, was the sharp furious battle cry, of: "WEASLEY TWINS! GET OUT HERE NOW!"

"Old mother Hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get the poor doggy a bone~
When she bent down,
The dog came around,
And he gave her a bone of his own!"

"We've got...to get...as far from here...as physically possible..." George gasped weakly, attempting to get to his feet and push Delphi onto hers.
The girl herself took a shaking breath and moved toward the nearest classroom. "Trust me boys?" She managed, her voice breathy after all the laughter.
Fred hummed, "more or less, crazy lady."
She offered her hands to them. They took one each, trying to think of anything but the touch as her mischievous eyes glinted. The blond backed into the door of the old runes classroom, pulling them after her as she pushed it open.
Except, there wasn't a Runes classroom behind the door, but an elegant study, with a mahogany desk and a sparsely stocked bookshelf.

"Uh.." said Fred intelligently.
Delphi giggled, closing the door behind them, then taking a breath, reopened it to show the top room of the astronomy tower. It was the furthest physically from the grand stairwell.
She pulled Fred and George through the door before either could examine Ravenclaw's room.
"Either of you got drink on you?" She asked casually to the dumbstruck twins as she closed the door. "I feel like a toast for a prank well done."

"Good idea!" Fred grinned, pulling some butter beer out of a secret expanded compartment in his bag. "Got these for the third task party next week but we can definitely have some a little early!"
George grinned back at him, but Delphi suddenly turned pale.
"Time flies when you're having fun..." she whispered, her voice jarringly melancholy.
"Delphi," George reached out to rub her shoulder, "you okay? You've gone paler than Ron goes when he sees a spider..."
Delphi grabbed a butter beer and gave them a fairly convincing smile, "just lost track of time is all, they're a sneaky bastard. Cheers?"
Fred grimaced at another subject change, but now wasn't the time to pick her up on it, he clinked his bottle with hers and George's and downed his beer. A prank very well done indeed.

———

They got away with the prank, mostly because Madame Sinestra walked in on them drinking only a few moments after they started, so they got in trouble for that...but it gave them a golden alibi for Dumbledore's beard.

After all, everyone knows you can't apparate in Hogwarts - it's in Hogwarts, a History.

Fred would regret not pushing Delphi for answers though. She hadn't been waiting for them in the Prank den when they'd gone the next day, the place dulled without her presence.
She had visited that afternoon but elected to revise, and the rest of that week followed in a similar fashion. She had withdrawn on them, and neither boy had any idea what to do about it. They'd have taken it as Ravenclaw bookishness but they knew her better than that. Something was wrong, and Fred was 80% sure it was to do with the third task.

———

Parody poems mentioned aren't my own, however I could not trace original authors either.