The rest of the afternoon moved by achingly slowly.  The castle was settling into a more relaxed pace, as so many of the more experienced staff had promised.

There were only a handful of guests remaining.  Anya did not find a single opportunity to slip her potion to Lord Wildwood and she was growing increasingly anxious as the moments slipped away.  She did not want to do it, but because she had to she wanted to get it over with.  She just wanted to be done.

The day came to a close without a single opportunity to get anywhere near Wildwood.  She saw him only as he and Lady Theresa went into the dining room and she went to bed that night disappointed and relieved and worried.

* * * * *

The morning dawned unfittingly sunny and Anya dragged herself from the shelter of the blankets.  She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a little ball in the middle of her bed and hide from the world.  Instead, she dressed quickly and strode from the room.

Hanna was fussing around Lady Theresa's room when Anya arrived.  She turned when she heard Anya enter.

"Good morning, Anya," she said.  "We've got much to do today.  Lady Theresa and Lord Wildwood have planned their journey for tomorrow."

"Oh.  Are either of us going to be needed?"  She was going to lose her opportunity to slip the potion to Lord Wildwood, and she worried

Hanna shook her head.  "Lady Theresa told me that it was a short journey and we were to remain behind.  They are travelling lightly to Waldwick."

Anya nodded.  She needed to find an opportunity to do it before they left.

"Some of the items we have already packed need to be unpacked and repacked."

"Yes," Anya agreed.

The morning devolved into a torturous exercise in packing, and Anya's nerves felt as if they were stretched to the breaking point.  She needed time to plot and think, but instead Hanna had her hopping around the castle fetching various items and returning others and taking messages to Missus White.

But then everything was worth it.

A servant boy who Anya recognized but did not know brought a decanter of brandy to the room.  Hanna spoke with the boy.  "Lady Theresa asked for this to be brought here for Lord Wildwood," he explained.

"Very well," Hanna agreed.  "Just put it over on the sideboard."

Anya watched covertly as the boy took the bottle to the side and set it down before he left the room.

Hanna was rushing around.  "Anya, do you know where...  Oh, never mind.  I can't explain it.  I'll be right back," she said, as she rushed from the room.

Anya's breath caught in her throat.  She almost could not believe that it would be so easy.  Did they know what she was attempting?  Were they setting her up?

It did not matter.  With a quick glance around, Anya crossed the room.  She opened the glass bottle and the little vial from her pocket and without allowing herself to think about what she was about to do she poured it in.  She hoped that the alcohol in the bottle would improve the effects of the despair potion on the lord.

Anya swirled the bottle to mix the potion together and then set everything back as it had been.  She was back to folding linens when Hanna returned.

It was close to noon when Hanna and Anya finished packing for their lady.  Anya had dragged the work out as much as she could because she wanted to keep her eye on the decanter.  Finally, Anya had no more excuses to stay in Lady Theresa's sitting room and she was forced to abandon her post.  She did not want to look suspicious. 

Once again left with spare time, Anya began to worry.  What if Lady Theresa offered some of the brandy to someone else, or drank some herself?  The boy had said it was so that it was for Lord Wildwood, but what if he had been wrong?

Anya told herself that there was nothing that she could do about it now.  She had made her choice, for good or for ill.

Anya was in the library attempting to reassure herself that she had done the right thing when her agonizing was interrupted.

"Do you have time to learn defensive shielding now?" Jim asked.

It would be good to have something to take her mind off of everything.  "Yes, I do."

"We would be best to practice outside, I believe.  It's a beautiful day, probably one of the last before the rainy season."

Anya nodded.  Even if they were out in the woods, Sabin would have the sense to keep his distance if she was with someone.  "Let me get my cloak."

"I'll meet you outside," he said.

Anya ran to her room and threw on the lighter of her two cloaks.  She then quickly hurried outside, feeling rather lighter than she had.  She was actually looking forward to learning from Jim.

It was disturbing that she had become so seeped in all the darkness that she could barely identify anticipation any longer.  She wondered again if all her dark deeds were having an effect on her soul.

She recalled that being worried about the effect that plotting would have on her and realized that she had stopped worrying. 

Had she stopped worrying because there was no danger or because she had already been irrevocably altered?

Anya shook her head as she entered the bright sunlight.  Today was not the day to worry about that.  Hopefully her plan would work.  Lord Wildwood would be dead and then she could worry about managing her guilt after the twins were safe.

Jim was waiting for her and he smiled when he saw her.  She had not really paid attention before, but he was a full head taller than she was.  She could tell that he did not just study in a cabin in the woods; he had the physique of someone who did not live the pampered life of a lord.

Anya could not help but like him, even though she knew that it was dreadfully unwise.

Because Anya would leave.  There was no question of staying at Wildwood forever.  She had bigger things to worry about, and she did not want to stay and watch as Lady Theresa tried to pick up the broken pieces of her life.  It would be unbearably painful, even if they did not know Anya was responsible.

But it did not matter.  There was no turning back and she would have plenty of time for regrets once the deed was done.  For now she could pretend just to be a normal woman, just a simple servant learning a bit more magic.

"Let's head away from the castle just in case something goes awry," Jim suggested.

"That sounds promising," she said with more lightness than she could remember feeling.

He smiled wryly, and she felt an answering amusement bloom inside herself as she walked beside Jim.

"I know just the place.  There is a clearing just a couple of minutes through here," he indicated a trail.  Anya nodded.  She already knew her way around the woods quite well, but it did not make sense to parade that knowledge.

They arrived quickly at the spot.  It was a sunny little clearing lined with red heather shrubs. 

"Have you ever tried any shielding spells?" he asked.

"I haven't," she confirmed.

"But you are accomplished with your own branch of magic, so it should not be too difficult for you."

"I suppose."

"Do you know what I mean when I say feeling your magic?" he asked.

She nodded.

"What you want to do is take small threads of your power and weave them together around you, like a shell.  Can you do that, or do I need to explain?"

"I think I can," Anya said cautiously.  It had sounded a lot more complicated when she had read about shielding.  She felt for her magic and tried to do what he said.  "I think that it is done," she said.

"Can you flatten them until you are evenly covered?" he asked.

Anya concentrated, and did what he had suggested.  At least she hoped that she had.

"Have you done that?" he asked.

"I hope so."

"I'll cast a spell toward you to see if it worked.  Hold it steady now."

Anya squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated.

She felt a prickling feeling run over her.  She opened an eye.  "Did it work?" she asked, thinking that it hadn't.

"It was just a mild disguise spell," he explained, "And I'm afraid that your shield did not.  It's very important to make a complete seal.  Magic has negligible volume and density for our purposes, and even a tiny hole in your shield might let the magic through.  Perhaps concentrate on the area that is facing me."

Anya nodded and closed her eyes again.

Jim and Anya practiced for over an hour before Anya managed to make progress.  She once again opened her eyes and saw that Jim was grinning.

"You did it," he said.

"Really?"

"Really.  You look like yourself."

"I didn't know that it would be that difficult," she admitted.

Jim shook his head.  "Actually you learned quite quickly.  Some people take weeks to master it.  You are truly talented." 

Anya felt her cheeks heat up.  "You are too, as a teacher," she said.

She thought he would argue, but instead he simply said, "Thank you."

They tried the spell several more times and every time she was successful at repelling the spell.  Anya smiled, feeling a sense of accomplishment.  It was a nice change from the guilt, unease, and failure that was becoming her norm.

Anya could feel Jim's eyes on her, and she looked back towards him.  His dark gaze was serious and penetrating.  "I've never met anyone like you," he said in his steady tone.

Anya felt a flicker of pleasure at his words, before her guilt overwhelmed any positive feelings.  She was like no one he had ever met, but that was because she was a lying and deceitful coward.  She felt like crying.

He was still watching her.  "Are you well?" he wondered.

"I think I'm just tired," she lied.

"Let's go back," he suggested and she nodded.

As they walked, Jim spoke again.  "I'm going to head back to my home the day after tomorrow.  I've been helping Lord Wildwood with his business, but I need to tend to some things."

Anya was a bit disappointed to hear that he was leaving.  She knew that the feeling was selfish, but she did not seem to be capable of preventing it.  She was also being ridiculous, the less wizards around the better for her plans.

"I'll return in a few weeks.  Can I meet with you again?  Or rather, are there any more spells that you're interested in learning from me?" he asked.

"I would like to learn more," she heard herself say.  She was not supposed to be getting more entangled with these people that she was betraying.  It would only make things harder.

"What would you like to learn?"

"Anything," she said.  It was nice to feel something akin to happiness for even a few moments.

She hoped that would not be her downfall.

* * * * *