"I'm scared." That's a phrase I've been saying to myself a lot. When I say it the first thing that pops into my mind is my friends, I got 2, known both of them from a young age, although we got separated for a good 5 years, we've been friends for another 5. And I'm scared of losing them, I'm scared of being alone, and I kinda already am.

Don't get me wrong I still don't care if my classmates don't acknowledge my existence. Sure, I don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to be with the wrong people you know? That doesn't make it any less scary though. I have online friends as well... sort off... like I do but one: it's not the same. And two: my parents are fucking obsessed with making it hard for me to keep in contact with them. See? Getting lonelier! 

Now, are they doing it on purpose? I don't know. Does it make any difference? No, same results. Nick = lonely. And to make it worse, the pandemic made my only 2 friends that are not online, exactly that. Some type of online friends. Since we are not in school, we have no other way to talk other than online, so side effect! My parents are also making it hard to keep in contact with the only 2 IRL friends I got left! So exciting! Yaaaay! They are really good friends, they wouldn't just leave. But if I get out of this hell of a situation, they are both leaving to study outside the country. So there's no escape I guess... life sucks.