October 19, 2017

Why does happiness seem like that small flicker of a flame before it burns out? Ive always been told thst happiness goes away just like anger and sadness does, which is true, but it feel like sadness always seems to linger or stay. Probably because I'm always dwelling into it, even when I don't like being sad.

Something that I question is that, why is it that everything seems so bland and unemotional? Everything feels like a grey slate where there is nothing different and it's the same damn thing everyday. I wish to feel so much emotion that I could cry from happiness or something positive. I haven't yet in my life. The only tears that have been spilled have only been over in anger and sadness.

I wonder why I only get exileration from reading. The characters emotions mend with my nonexistant ones and I feel something for once, instead of indifference. When I read, emotions spew through my heart, making me happy and giddy. When I depart myself, I'm left with a grey world and a heavy heart. How can I be so happy 20 seconds ago, when now I'm sad or feel nearly nothing? I wish to feel life vividly with emotions and memories, but now, life feels like nearly nothing.

I don't understand myself.

Sorry for the depressing post.

-Dawn