So yesterday, November 23 was my birthday, and it started off okay.... until noon.... my stepmom got mad because, I told her I have been trying to keep my room clean and my bathroom clean... but as she always says is if you were trying their would be improvement..... yet they don't see that there is improvement..... my room used to be really bad and everything would be all over the floor and under the bed my room didn't smell the best and I never picked up anything.... and now my room has barely anything on the floor, almost everything is put up and the only thing that is out is makeup on my dresser and papers on my  drawers under my TV, the floor is vacuumed and it looks clean..... apparently that's not clean..... and I don't know what to do because when I do get thing of my dresser drawers it's still not clean........ I don't think they understand that this is the cleanest my room has ever been and probably ever will be.....
My bathroom, I will a agree is not the best but I try my hardest to keep it clean.... I just forget about if mainly because I'm not in their all the time..... they call me lazy when I can't find a job, and am not sure what I can even do for my day...... I've applied to over 30 jobs and have only gotten 6 job interviews in the past 3 months......
All I can do is sit around..... and keep applying...... I tried staying off wattpad and I have even became less active on TikTok..... but apparently that doesn't work..... they also said I wasn't socializing enough... so I started talking to irl friends and doing things with them.... I can't physically go see them so that's not socializing enough, according to my parents..... I have tried almost everything I can but it doesn't seem to make them happy.....
After the argument with my step mom my counselor who was there during it, said don't let it ruin your day but.... that's all I could think about all day......
So for my birthday, I acted happy and fine even though the whole day, all I felt like was a failure and disappointment to my parents......
I act fine because if my stepmom heard me crying all day she would get mad and say I'm crying over nothing..... I want to get a stable job before I can move out but it's really hard..... especially when you can pass your fucking writing part of the drivers test and have to rely on someone to take them..... and when you have disabilities and barley and work history...... so over all
I had a really bad birthday...... not to mention that I feel like I've hurt all my friends on her by not being active for so long...... I just didn't have a good day..... and it sucks when I'm, supposed to be happy that I'm 19..... I really hated it.......