I just idk... I've just been remembering things and thinking about.... things.... and idk... how to explain it but I feel that.... it's not you or anything you've done but.... I feel like.... well... like meant to have best friends who.... distance themselves from me.... and I mean it's not like I can make any of you who are my best friends open up..... I don't want to but.... I just.... I had a best friend and he basically was forced to distance himself from me and no I don't know him anymore.... I may not know you completely but I just don't want it to happen again.... I don't want to have my actually new best friends go and distance themselves so far that I barley know who they are truly.... my best friend was online and so if I'm gonna open up anything to anyone like I am right now I just want the to maybe open up to me as well.... and I don't want to force and I really don't want you to feel you hurt me or any of my other best have because I love you guys and you didn't do anything...... I just want you to know that even if you don't talk to me you're still my best friends to me and I want you guys to rant to vent to "yell" like type in all caps.... and don't think it's your fault because it's my fault that I feel this way and I'm stupid I do but after I lost my best friends I've just want that again.... someone that I tell everything to and someone that I can make feel better when they tell me things that upset them..... but I lost that and I can't force someone to be my best friend and open up so I'm sorry and don't feel bad like it's your fault because it's not.... I just want a best friend like my old best friends but that's impossible because on here I'm just talking to people online and wishing that at least one will be like my best friend who distanced themselves so far from me that I don't know them anymore but that's just a stupid wish and if any of you on here if I have truly called you a best friend and have opened up to you know that you are an impact on my life that makes me happy but sometimes it hurts to be shut out..... shut out by the ones you want to be there for.....

^^' just a bit of a stupid thing I cry over. It's no one's fault but my own. I love you guys.