When the town mayor cuts the ribbon for some new store, it's supposed to symbolize a new start and joy at the fun this new place will bring. I wish I could cut our ribbon and let you be free. I wish I could stop being the way that I am, resistant to change and to any way you have tried to help. I hate that I just hurt you. That's all I do now. I make you worry, make you angry, make you mournful, make you wistful for the times we used to have... Why am I like this?

I said I was planning on cutting everyone off. That was no lie, I mean that. If you are a friend reading this, we are most likely going to talk less. If you are reading this, M, I can't say sorry enough but that sounds like an excuse in my ears too. I don't know if you want to try and fix things or if you want to stay away, or if you just want to use me to vent. That's perfectly fine with me, considering the shit I put you through. You say you're sorry but you don't need to. Everything you said when you were angry is true, I am a shitty person and have done horrible things. It would be best for you and everyone else to just stay away. I can see this and you can too... why do you keep coming back to be hurt again...?

People who only slightly know me see me as a good person. That makes me sad because either they will eventually find out how terrible I am or they will be pushed away by me before that happens.

Anywho, I'm just jumping all over. In summary: I'm a fucking idiot, I am forever sorry, and I miss spending all of my time with you.