I watched the movie a week after I turned seventeen.

The sunlight shining through pink curtains, colouring the room pink. My best friend and I, not paying attention to the movie.
Laughing about nothing and everything.

But I tried guessing the plot twist; I was right.

I don't remember much about the movie. I don't remember much about everything.

I don't remember how you made me smile. I don't remember myself without my hand around my own throat. But the hand always felt like yours.

But somehow, I remember my earphones slipping out of my ears, trying to escape your hands as they came down on me, scarring my heart more than it did my body.

I remember feeling lost in translation in the language we were speaking, begging you to understand me. You were supposed to. I am the rotten fruit of the tree, that was you.

If I forget you will I finally be able to love you?
Or is it only love if I love you despite it?

But the despite is the bottom of a cliff, I need to jump off to get there. Will I still be alive then? Do I need to jump off to be alive?

I would rather hesitate, go 2 steps backwards, existing where I don't belong, existing without breathing at all, or breathing too much. There's never enough air.