February 12 2018
7:02 pm

I have officially lost it. I've lost all hope and all inspiration in writing.

It's like, my mind's just blank when I want to write songs or poems... or stories at least. Nothing comes to my mind... just a fucking black hole. No words. No thoughts. Nothing.

And as a writer, that's one of the things that suck the most. It's so fucking annoying because if you're not writing something... anything, you begin to feel worthless, bored, untalented, all that shit.

It's a good thing that my non-existent therapist actually told me not to censor my thoughts... and then LOOPHOLE!!! I FOUND ONE. I shouldn't censor my thoughts, but instead of saying them out loud... I just write them here. One because if I say these out loud, people will think I'm officially crazy and two, I can do something a little bit productive.

This blankness started when we started not talking to each other hahahaha. Analyze the statement well, guys. I guess, when you really love someone and they become your inspiration... when they leave, a part of you leaves with them. Like... they took a part of you that was supposed to be yours but now, isn't. It most especially sucks too because I think, the part that left with her is the one that loved writing so much and lives to write and read words.

This sucks. This makes me depressed actually haha. But there's no better outlet other than punching the walls until my knuckles bleed, which will not turn out to be good for the walls or my hands.

My mind is blank. It goes blank whenever I try to do something creative. I feel blank... numb or something. I can barely feel anymore and I don't know if that's good or bad.