I am scared. I fear the dark and the pain and my fate. My life seems to slowly be falling apart and I can do nothing but watch as my small circle of shelter falls apart block by block. I feel constantly alone, even among the people who used to know me best. My family, my friends, everyone seems so distant and I can't help but feel that it's all my fault.

I am a very insecure person and constantly feel like I need to have validation. I sometimes distance myself just a little bit just to see if anyone will come foe me. It's stupid and self-centered, I know, but my subconscious just won't give up. Something IS wrong with me and I can't control it.

I look into the eyes of my peers and struggle to read them, to find out what they see me as, but deep down I know the answer all too well. To them, I am nothing but an antisocial freak, a simple oddity. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I really am.

My friends grow more distant by the day. They grow closer while I am drifting away like a leaf in a pond. I can't really blame them, though. I am selfish and lazy and useless, while everyone else is kind and helpful and good. Even though I know this, I still don't want to leave them.