I DIDN'T SEE him after that night. Which seemed impossible, since we were neighbours, but it could actually be done. For a whole week straight, I avoided the usual times I knew he left the house. He didn't text me either.

Maybe things were better off this way. Him and me, separate lives.

He had to have suspected something. What, I wasn't sure. But how many reasons were there for a girl to keep a hoodie a boy gave her years ago and wear it so regularly? Maybe if we'd always remained close friends it could still be somewhat explained. But with our kind of relationship?

He didn't seek me out. That was an answer of some kind.

So I didn't bother him either.

Instead, I thrust myself headfirst into schoolwork. I spent my days in the library instead of my own apartment, lowering chances of running into Orion at all. The few times I did see him, I merely gave him a nod before turning away.

Life went on.

"Look at this guy," Eileen gushed, shoving her phone into my face. We'd just left the library after a gruelling study session, and were now walking to a nearby restaurant. It was Douyin on her screen, the Chinese version of Tiktok. And it seemed like she was the doing the classical thing of looking at shuai ge videos on there—edits of handsome guys that the app was known for.

I let out a snort. "Get out of my face, girl." And when she did pull the phone a little further away, I studied the guy in the video, one brow raised. "I don't like his hair."

"But he looks so good."

"Eh, not my type."

Eileen grumbled. "No one is your type. I swear to god. Who is your type anyways? Jeremiah?"

"He's a bit too... yao. If you get what I mean? Doesn't he feel like a hulijing to you?" Camille might not get what I was getting at, since she didn't use much mainland media and wasn't familiar with the terms and memes, but Eileen certainly was.

She wrinkled her nose. "I kind of get that. It's not my type either. He's cute, though. So what is your type?"

"I like the clean type. Like, si wen, you know? Proper and careful and clean."

"Name like, some celebrities that really fit your beauty standard, then."

"Yang Yang," I said without hesitation. "That kind of face, you know?"

"If you're looking at boys and comparing them to Yang Yang, I hate to break this to you, but no one is ever going to meet your expectations. Yang Yang is one of the most handsome faces in the bloody Chinese film industry. Like, he can star in the most ridiculous show and half of us would still watch it just for his face."

I snickered. "That is the truth. But he's the kind of style I like."

Eileen tilted her head. "I kind of get that. Let me think, who fits that kind of vibe here? Do you like white guys? Or just Asians?"

"I don't discriminate."

"Okay. Some of the white guys fit that type, honestly, but I don't really know their names. There's this one guy in one of my classes... Never mind. Okay. Who else that we both know?"

I waited patiently for her answer.

"Oh! I know! Orion! He fits that vibe, doesn't he? The first time I met him I thought he looked like Yang Yang too. Like, not as handsome, but he's still handsome. Yang Yang is just a god that can never be beaten in terms of look."

I spluttered out a laugh. "I didn't know you were such a Yang Yang fangirl, Eileen."

"I'm not," she replied. "I just agree that he looks really hot."

"You're a Yang Yang fangirl."

"I'm really not. I'm more of a Dylan Wang simp."

"Oh god."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing wrong with me. He's really funny. It's just strange, thinking of you as a fangirl."

Eileen grinned. "Okay. But still. Orion is the only person who fits your description so far."

"He's basically my older brother."

"I can see that. He's really protective over you."

"Oh really?" My heart was oddly calm. "How could you tell that?"

Eileen shrugged, pulling her leather jacket tighter around herself as a gust of wind blew by. It was late October and the temperature was starting to decrease rapidly. "I ran into him a few days ago at a cafe. Said hi and he started asking if you were doing alright recently."

I narrowed my eyes. "Why'd he need to ask you? He literally lives across from me." He was avoiding me, the same way I was avoiding him. But then again he was asking my friends how I was doing? That was... strange.

His duty, I supposed. He needed to make sure I was alive and well despite everything.

"Excellent question," Eileen replied, shrugging. We crossed the street, and she continued, "are you guys arguing or something? He sounded kind of sad when he mentioned you."

"No," I immediately replied, perhaps a bit too quickly. "We just... haven't bumped into much recently. We've both been busy."

"I guess so," Eileen hummed. "Maybe talk to him sooner or later. You did say that he has to report to his parents and your parents about your wellbeing."

I let out a loud snort. "And why on earth would I do that? Let him suffer, I say."

"You don't like him watching over you?"

"He acts like my dad," I laughed, forcing myself to sound merry. "Who the fuck wants your dad to come out with you to university?"

"True," Eileen agreed with a nod. "Jere told us about what happened at the bar last week. Kind of funny."

I snickered. "Just ignore him. I'm pretty sure he still thinks I'm six."

"Is that when you met?"

"I was five. He was seven."

"That's... a long time," she admitted. "Qing mei zhu ma." Childhood friends.

"Yeah, that's us," I said with a sigh. "And there was lots of luck and coincidence in it too, you know? I ended up in the same primary school, secondary school, boarding school and then university with him. I'm neighbours with him in Hong Kong and I somehow ended up being neighbours with him here too."

"Yuan fen," Eileen said with a grin. Destiny. "You could write a book based off this. All that needs to happen for you two to fall in love, and we're set."

I blinked, taken aback for a moment, and then quickly begun, "Oh god, no, no, no. Absolutely not. He's like my brother."

"That's what they say in every childhood friends to lovers book," Eileen sighed. "It's so romantic, honestly. I'd love to see that happen before my very eyes. But whatever. You do you."

If only she knew. But I had no intention of sharing. Not today. Hopefully not ever, by the way things were going.

It was all falling apart, wasn't it? In a way this was how I'd guessed things would always go. But that it was all happening right in front of my eyes... it was still painful to witness.

Thirteen years of my life, damnit. It was not something that I could just get over with ease. There was nothing more painful than loving and not having. Or so the writers said.

We entered the restaurant, one of the few Chinese restaurants we'd both agreed were good in the area. It was Sichuanese restaurant, which meant my options were limited—my spice tolerance was quite low for a Chinese person. Which was normal, since I was from Hong Kong.

Eileen, though... While her family resided in Shanghai now, she'd told me that her family had originated from the Sichuan area. Which meant she was never satisfied without some spice in her food.

We'd already become familiar with the restaurant owner in the past two months, grinning and saying hello as we sat down. At the counter, the owner's tween daughter sat doing her homework, glancing up as we entered.

"How's university?" the owner asked in Mandarin, glancing at the two of us. "Enjoying life in Redchester?"

"If you ignore all the studying," Eileen laughed, "sure. But it is quite nice. And we have your food to make up for everything else, don't we?"

The owner beamed. "I'm glad to hear that. What do you two want today?"

"Uh, I'll have the pork with garlic, please. With rice."

"Suan ni bai rou. Okay. You?"

Eileen tilted her head. "Think I'll take the malatang. Spicy hotpot. You know me."

"Ah, of course, of course. We'll go make it now." She took the menus, sauntering off into the kitchen.

The restaurant was sparsely populated. A Chinese couple sat a few tables away, along with a few other students. No one I recognised.

"Damn, it's already late October," Eileen murmured. "A month and a half and we can head back home."

"Thank god for that, to be honest," I remarked. "I don't mind it here, but home is just different. Albeit, I'll have to live with my parents again, which is not as nice."

Eileen wrinkled her nose. "True. But everything else is nicer, you know?"

I nodded. "That's what I mean."

We both went quiet, flipping through our phones. I had a few messages from Camille and my parents that I quickly replied to. Nothing important. Camille wanted to head to mine for dinner that night again, though I told her I was most likely going to get pizza takeaway rather than anything else. I was too lazy to cook, and I was craving food from a pizzeria in town.

Babe dean just invited me out for dinner tomorrow lolol please come with me

I blinked, sending her a couple question marks. Since when was she close enough with Dean that the other boy would invite her out to dinner?

Why the hell is Dean inviting you out to dinner?

I DON'T KNOW DON'T ASK ME HE TEXTED ME AND I SAID IF IT WAS OKAY FOR ME TO INVITE YOU TOO AND HE SAID OKAY

Eileen's voice piped up. "What's wrong? What got you frowning like that?"

"Just Camille. Apparently Dean invited her out to dinner tomorrow and she wants me to tag along."

Eileen narrowed her eyes. "Why is Dean inviting her out to dinner in the first place?" Eileen wasn't close with Dean by any means, but she'd met him before and knew who he was.

"I have no idea," I remarked. "I'm asking her the exact thing right now. I mean, like... if something's going on there, it seems very awkward for me to tag along."

"Is it a date?"

"Why the fuck else is he suddenly inviting her out to dinner?"

"I mean, it doesn't have to be a date."

"Yeah, but it's just weird."

Camille had replied. He says you can come with. He suggests you come with, actually.

I repeated the content of the text to Eileen. Eileen's brows raised. "I think there's a plot here. I can smell it."

I stared at her blankly, and she shrugged. "Just go along. No harm there."

"Fine." To Camille, I texted, Has he decided a place or not. If no I want to go to that pizzeria. Then maybe I would cook tonight.

Camille's reply read, He says that's fine. He'll come pick us up six.

Very nice of him.

Ikr.

Our food had arrived by then, so both Eileen and I placed down our phones and started digging in. The sheer spiciness from Eileen's malatang was making my eyes water across the table. I blinked back a few tears.

"What's wrong?" Eileen asked with a laugh. "Too spicy?"

"It's hurting my eyes."

Eileen frowned. "It's not that spicy."

"I'm from Hong Kong, my friend. We cannot handle spice in Hong Kong. You know the meme, right? Little spicy in Guangdong is adding one single chilli into a river. Or pepper. This is... this is absolutely unbearable level of spicy for me."

Eileen scoffed. "Pathetic."

I let out a sigh. "I know, I know."

—

CAMILLE DIDN'T END up heading to mine that night. Instead, I bumped into Livia at the gym in our apartment complex. She took the cycling machine next to mine, offering me a grin.

"How's life?"

"Pretty good." I flashed a grin. "How's your life?"

"Very good," she replied, tucking a lock of stray hair behind her ear. "Anything particular?"

"Not really," I told her. "Anything particular for you?"

"My book's coming out in a few days. I'm really excited, you know? And the book's based off some of my own experiences, so... it's really personal."

"Oh my god, congratulations!" I hadn't known that Livia was an author. "Is this your debut? Or..."

"No, no. It's my sophomore book. You might have heard of my debut, though! Trouble Is I Can't Let Go?"

"Wait. You're Livvy Wong?" Of course she was. Why hadn't she seen the similarities in the game?

The grin on Livia's face had only grown. "Yep! That's me! You've read it?"

"It's one of my favourite books." She'd read it last year, shortly after it was published. The book was about unrequited love. A girl with a crush on a boy who she spent every summer with, and only the summer. The pure vibes of the book were immaculate, and the deepest parts of my heart had always related to the main character, Alexia, a bit too much.

"I wrote it the summer before uni. Alexia's based on myself, and Carter's based on Amphion."

"Wait, did you guys actually..."

"Yeah," Livia grinned. "The town is fictional, but Amphion and my family had a tradition of heading to Briarville every summer."

"Briarville... that's next to Bellington, isn't it?"

"Yep. I fictionalised a lot of it, and I didn't have a crush on Amphion since I was ten, but some of it is based on real life. Amphion's twin likes to bully me with passages from it."

"I love the book so much. In all honesty. I cannot believe you were the one who wrote it. This is incredible." I'd left cycling behind a little while ago, and now simply sat there in awe as Livia laughed besides me.

"When I started writing it, Amphion and I hadn't started dating yet. We'd had a falling out the year before, so at that point I was pretty crushed. Honestly, it was going to be a sad ending, with the two never seeing each other again as they went on with their life. But then, by the end of the summer, we got together, and you know what? It didn't seem right for Alexia and Carter to not get their happy ending too."

I nodded. "Honestly, if the book had ended with a sad ending, I'd probably have just lost it." I'd read it around the point of time when I'd given up on Orion. The ending had been so perfect that I'd allowed myself to imagine, for a day or two, what would happen if I got my happy ending with Orion too.

But at the end of it, it was a novel. And just because Livia got her happy ending didn't mean I'd get mine.

Livia frowned. "Are you okay?"

It was then when I realised I'd been zoning out for the past few seconds. Shaking my head, I let out a laugh. "No, no. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

A lot of people had been asking me that question these days. Was it that obvious, that I was bothered? I wish it wasn't. Because that led to questions. And that led to answers that I couldn't provide.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

Livia hummed, turning back to cycling. "I'll get you a signed copy of my next book if you want."

"It's Modern Fairytale, isn't it? I've seen some promotions. Hey, why do you never show your face on your writing account?"

"I'm still waiting for that. My family's fairly wealthy, so I don't want people to think I only got my books published because of that, you know? I never used any of my family connections for it. I think if Modern Fairytale achieves commercial success I might consider actually revealing my real name and stuff. Nothing exaggerated, but just... yeah."

"That sounds fair enough." Orion had told me that Livia's family was rich. I remembered it was something about porcelain or the like. Amphion was the truly rich one. His mother was Marion Hamilton, like the fashion label. I could only imagine having that much money.

Livia turned to me again. "I heard from Orion that your friend is looking for an apartment?"

"Yeah. Camille. You've met her."

Livia nodded. "The one with the curls. Tsang, right? Camille Tsang?"

"That's her."

"I'm moving out next term, and I can probably rent it to her if she wants to. I bought my apartment."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate the offer, but that's up to her and not me."

Livia nodded. "Tell you what, can you give me her number? I can contact her about it, maybe. Just in case she is interested. It's difficult to get good apartments around here, since there's so many students. If you're unlucky, you'll end up like Dean in his old shitty apartment."

"Was it that bad?"

"Ask him to show you photos sometimes. Amphion went once, apparently it's even worse than Dean describes it. The whole place is falling apart, probably built in the Victorian era or something."

"That's like, most buildings in England."

"Fair," Livia snorted, "but like, imagine if it was never renovated after that."

"What, is there arsenic in the walls?"

Livia blinked, freezing. "I should have probably asked him to check. Oh damn. I completely forgot about that."

"He's alive, so he's probably fine."

"Let's hope so!"

ik ik the updates are taking foreverrr but l6 is actually really busy? like it's not stressful but there's a lot more prep/homework and i have to be committed to clubs for uni + there's tests for every subject like every week istg it's driving me insane. so. i still need a bit of time to work it around my writing, and esp with three novels at once it's taking me quite a while. i'm somewhat putting this one first bc i want to finish one first to lessen the workload & this is the one closest to completion rn & i'm hoping this will be done in its entirety by november but! we'll see. i'll try to update this book as much as i can but it might be difficult sometimes esp when the work ramps up next month (we have tests at the beginning of november i think).

anyways some of the chinese celeb references here did not. age well. bc yang yang is now universally hated in china & while i still admire his face like. my god man. let your ego go for a moment pls. you're v handsome it's true but you don't gotta act like you're so sure of it and keep posing in the most random stuff.

so!!!!! bye!!!!