"TSUN-KIT GOR gor," I began, workbook in hand. "How do I answer this question?"

It was one of those days again. When Mum and Dad came back late from work, and Auntie Ip picked me up from the schoolbus and brought me to the Ip's apartment instead of my own. Hardly the first time, and I knew the routine.

It was my last year of primary school. I'd already gotten into his secondary school, though that had been more coincidence than my own meddling—I wasn't clever enough for that at that point. I was twelve. He was fourteen.

It was one of those days I remembered clearly, even years later. There were a few moments like that in mind. Not all of them featured Orion, but a lot of them did. Though back then he was still Tsun-kit gor gor. Older brother Tsun-kit.

I'd stopped calling him that a while ago. Probably around the time we went to the UK, and it seemed strange to call him that when he was surrounded by all his friends and I was with mine. And we were older by then. Calling people gor gor was fine when you were a little kid, but by the time you were an adult, it was a term either used to refer to random males slightly older than you (when you were still fairly young, of course), or a term of endearment between couples. Or the most common, typical usage: to refer to your older brother related by blood.

He was none of those things.

I missed calling him that. Made me feel more... special, I supposed.

Everyone called him Orion. But only a few people got to call him Tsun-kit gor gor.

"What is it?" he asked, leaning over to grab the book. While Orion mostly worked in his bedroom, I tended to spend my hours at the living room dining table. My only chance of seeing him during those times were if he came out, during which he never lingered, or to seek him out.

The only good excuse for that was to ask questions. And I wasn't much of a liar. So when I did run into a question I didn't know how to do, I'd always jump at the chance.

"Maths," I pouted. "I can't figure out this angle. It makes no sense."

"Let me see." His eyes glossed over the question, and my eyes were glued to him, not the words on the paper. I didn't know how to answer the question. But the thing was, I probably would have known the answer if I'd spent a few more minutes on it.

I didn't want to.

"It's not difficult," he laughed. "Can I write on it?"

It took me a moment to react. "Yes. With a pencil."

"You just... need to find these two angles. Here and here." He marked two spots on the diagram. I blinked. I'd gotten one, I hadn't managed to find the answer to the other.

"How do I get this angle?" I asked, leaning forward to point at it. "I've been trying to figure it out, but..."

"It's an adjacent angle to this one. See? So these two are the same."

"But... why?"

He glanced up at me, clearly holding back a laugh. "Have you not memorised all the angle rules yet?"

"Of course I have!" I was flabbergasted. How dare he suggest I haven't? "I've just never understood adjacent angles for some reason."

Orion raised one brow. "Yeah. Sure. Sure. You see these lines here?"

"I know the logic behind it," I huffed, "but I just don't know why it's sometimes right when I do it and other times it's not."

He was clearly humoured now. "That just means you don't understand the concept, Yam-yuet."

Yes. In those days I was Yam-yuet, not Salome. Somewhere down the line all those names had changed, as we all grew up and began to refer to each other with our English names, as if we were donning new identities.

And shedding our old ones.

"But I do!" I complained, even though in my heart I knew I didn't. But he was talking to me. Talking to me and he didn't seem impatient or angry or annoyed, so why wouldn't I try to gain the most out of that opportunity?

I remember that afternoon vividly. Because Orion instructed me to sit down with him and he poured over a dozen questions with me until I finally understood everything I had ever been confused about. It had been... exciting. My heart had been pounding and barely a word of what he was saying got into my head half the time.

But it didn't matter in the end.

When my mum came to pick me up at six o'clock, I'd spent a whole hour and a half sitting with Orion, listening to him explain questions and pretending like I was paying attention (which I was trying to do) when really my concentration was too occupied by his face. By the way his brows scrunched up when he reached a question he realised he had to think about, when a smug smile crossed his face as he figured the answer out. His amused glance as I whined about a concept or a question, and his satisfaction when I finally figured it out by myself.

Even years later, I thought about that afternoon and smiled.

That was six years ago.

—

"HEADING OUT?"

I glanced up from my phone, meeting Orion's eyes. Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I waved the shopping bag in my hand. "Need to pick up some more groceries."

"More?" he asked, one brow raised.

"Went to town with Camille this morning, but I didn't want to carry back tons of vegetables and meat. And I want some apple juice."

"The best apple juice is in Mark and Spencer's," Orion frowned, "also, you should bring a jacket. It gets cold at night."

"It's five o'clock," I laughed, "and it's late August. Sky's not going to turn dark until like, nine. I'll be fine." But his concern was fairly understandable, I supposed. I wore a strapped tank top that I'd gotten at Hollister's, a pretty thing that my father had narrowed his eyes out when I'd first shown him. Not the kind of thing I dared to wear in Hong Kong without attracting a few heavy words from the older generation. "Where are you heading off to?"

"Upstairs—actually, you should come with me, meet Livia. The girl I told you and Camille about."

"Oh yeah. I was wondering about her. She's moving out with her boyfriend, right?"

"Yeah. Her boyfriend is white, but she's from Hong Kong too. Dean and I are pretty close with them, and they're chill to hang out with."

"I don't mind. I have time. What do you need to see her for?"

I was curious. I was curious about most girls in Orion's social circle, because back in those days at boarding school I hadn't seem him around many. He mostly hanged out with boys, and even back at primary school I rarely saw him talking to anybody of the opposite sex. Not that he avoided them or was terrified of them or anything, he just didn't seem to be close to anyone in particular.

Back then it had been comforting. Now it was just fascinating to note.

"Come along, come along." He motioned for me to get into the lift with him. "I'll go with you to the shop, actually. Morrison's or Tesco?"

"Morrison's," I told him. "They have more fresh stuff. I'm feeling like some mackerel."

"You inherited your mum's culinary expertise?"

A look at my Instagram from our days back at boarding school will give that question an affirmative. I'd posted endlessly the food I'd cooked up on weekends for me and my friends. But I'd already long established that Orion Ip Tsun-kit cared little about me and what I got up to in the past. He seemed a bit more interested now, but that was probably the effect of his and my parents forcing him into it. Though, to his credit, he didn't look to be vehemently against it or annoyed by the burden.

That was nice to note.

Truth was, I wasn't sure what I was meant to feel regarding him. Was I meant to be angry? Sad? Heartbroken? Was I meant to avoid him at all cost (my original plan that was failing miserably), or should I act like nothing had happened and stay friends with him while moving on?

Or should I try to win him over?

In response to his question, I gave a little one-shoulder shrug. "I like to cook."

I stepped into the lift behind him, watching as the doors closed. A moment later we'd arrived at the fourth floor, and the elevator doors opened again with a ding.

Orion swept his hands towards the door. "Ladies first."

With a little laugh I stepped out, waiting outside the lift for him to guide me to Livia Wong's apartment. It was 4A, and the door opened after a quick press of the buzzer.

"Orion!"

I took a quick, careful look at Livia's face. The typical dark brown hair and dark eyes of an East Asian, with fair skin and what looked like minimal makeup. Pleasing to the eye, but not the kind of beautiful that stopped me in my tracks. She looked fairly mature, and that was probably due to her long nose. Her eyes were fairly large, and they met mine.

"Let me guess," she murmured, narrowing her eyes. "You're... you're Salome!"

I blinked. "You know me?"

"Orion mentioned you a few days ago. Livia Wong, nice to meet you." The woman offered her hand and I took it.

"Salome Lam. Nice to meet you too."

"She's sweet," Livia told Orion with a grin. "Come on in, you two. Amphion's inside."

"I can't stay for too long," I told her. "I was going to go to Morrison's, but Orion told me I should come say hi."

"Oh, I'm glad you did! How are you settling in so far?"

"Really well," I replied with a smile. At her insistence, I took a seat on her sofa. A moment later, a brow-haired boy stepped out of one of the rooms. Grey eyes settled on me, and then Orion before his mouth curled into a smile.

"Orion, my man. This is?"

"Salome." I offered my hand. "I'm old schoolmates with Orion."

He shook it. "Amphion Calvert-Egerton. Nice to meet you."

"Old schoolmates?" Orion looked offended. "I've known you since you were like, five."

I pulled a face. "Yeah, but we're also old schoolmates."

Amphion observed us with one raised brow. "How old are you, Salome?"

"It's my first year of university. I'm eighteen."

Amphion shook his head in disbelief. "Youngster. Remember us when we were eighteen, Livia?"

Livia casted him a glare. "We don't mention that summer."

I furrowed my brow but said nothing. Livia turned to me, smile on her face again. "Anyways, Salome, if you ever need any help or anything like that, feel free to come upstairs and knock on my door. I'm moving soon, but not until next term, so I'm always willing to help here. Orion can give you my number."

"That would be really helpful, thank you," I told her, grinning. "Greatly appreciate it."

"Do you two want any drinks?" Amphion asked, leaning against the wall. "Orion, anything?"

He shook his head. "I'm just here for my hot glue gun back," he said. "Livia borrowed it a few days ago."

"Right here!" Livia grabbed the item in question from the dining table and Orion took it from her hand. "Been very useful."

Amphion looked confused. "What did you need a hot glue gun for?"

"One of the gems on my favourite rhinestone hairclips fell off," Livia explained. "Superglue wasn't doing the job for some reason, so I decided to try something else.

"Did it work?" I asked.

Livia nodded. "Worked great. It's back to how it used to be now, I'm very pleased."

Orion stood. "Well, I think Salome and I have to be off now. She wants to head to Morrison's, and I think I'll go with her. Could use some chips."

I scowled. "That's yit hei."

Livia nodded in sage agreement. "Very hot for your body."

Amphion looked confused. "What?"

Orion shot us a glare. "You're both acting like my mum."

"Well, she's a very smart person," I told him earnestly, "so that probably means we're right."

He hid his face in his hands and groaned. "My god. Salome, we're leaving."

"Well, I won't want to bother you two," I told Livia and Amphion as I stood. "I really need to get some food for tonight anyways."

Livia walked over, giving me a light pat on the shoulder. "You're a pretty one. You look a bit like my sister, you know. Her name's Pamela. You remind me of her for some reason."

Amphion raised one brow. "They don't look that alike. It's the vibe, I think. You both give that sort of clean kind of look."

"Clean?" I asked, amused.

"A very crisp kind of pretty," Orion interjected. All three of us turned to him. He shrugged nonchalantly. "My parents have always said it. None of the kind of exuberant or exaggerated beauty, but pretty in its most natural, cleanest form. They talk about you a lot."

There was a slight bit of disappointment at learning that the opinions were his parent's, not his. But still, I mustered a smile. "I'll thank Auntie and Uncle Ip for that nice comment."

"But yeah," Livia hummed, "Pamela looks kind of like that too. Amphion's right, your features aren't that alike."

But the conversation was more or less over by then. Both Orion and I stood and left Livia's apartment after saying goodbye. On the way to Morrison's, Orion stopped by his apartment to drop off the glue gun. Then, both of us headed on our way.

—

"ARE YOU NOT going to get fillets?" Orion asked, blinking nonplussed as I took a pack of whole mackerel and dumped it into my basket.

"Nope," I told him. "It's cheaper to buy it like this and it's not that difficult to remove all the organs and stuff for cooking. My mum taught me a few years ago."

"Damn." He sounded impressed. "You really are good at cooking."

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "You could come over to mine if you want to try my cooking someday." But I regretted it the moment the words left my mouth. Damn it. I'm trying to keep my distance.

Or am I?

But before I had any more time to dwell about that, he tilted his head thoughtfully. "I might just take you up on that offer. Actually, I could do tonight. I was going to get takeaway tonight, too lazy to cook myself."

"You cook?"

He snorted. "I've been here a couple of years, Salome. I don't live on pizzas and takeaway."

I shrugged. "You could."

"But I don't. I can make a few simple dishes. Rice with some steamed vegetables and a bit of fried meat, that kind of thing."

"I can steam this," I said, pointing at the mackerel. "What vegetables do you like? Oh, but it'll take a while to finish cooking everything, though. We might not be able to eat until seven thirty or eight."

"I'm fine with that," he told me. "I can bring some snacks from mine if you want. As repayment."

I hummed. "I'd say I deserve a bit more than that for preparing a whole meal."

He pulled a face. "Don't get greedy."

I looked at him, properly looked at him. All through this time, through these days, I'd always done my best to avoid direct eye contact with him. I'd steal a glance at him and look away, or meet his eye and stare elsewhere. But now, I properly studied him. This boy that dominated my childhood and adolescence, that still occupied such a large chunk of my heart now even though I'd tried so hard to forget him.

And I said, "Watch a movie with me this weekend? Camille and I saw an advertisement for it in town earlier, but she's not interested and I don't have anyone else to watch it with."

He considered it. "Which one?"

"The new DC one."

"Oh, that one! Yeah, I've been meaning to watch it sooner or later too. I don't mind. I'll get tickets and popcorn. What time are you free?"

"Both Saturday and Sunday," I confirmed. "But maybe not Sunday night. I have orientation the next day."

"Fair, fair. I'll see if I can get tickets for Saturday, then. Seems a decent repayment."

I grinned. But there was still a part of me that was uncertain whether or not it was a good idea. I stole a glance at him, and he was still grinning from ear to ear, the way he always did. Not a sign of any worry, not a sign of any suspicion about my feelings regarding him. About my request. About the way I acted around him.

That was good, right?

But sometimes I wish he had at least the slightest clue.

I wish I wasn't so good at hiding. I wish I didn't have so many years of experience pretending like he wasn't the only person who'd only ever existed in my heart.

Being around him so much was giving me the illusion that I had a chance. That I might be able to get him to look at me and feel something other than responsibility.

Some of the looks he'd given me made me grow even bolder. It wasn't quite admiration or love by any chance, but it wasn't the kind of look a boy gave a girl he considered his little sister. There was some acknowledgement there, that I'd grown up. That I wasn't a little kid anymore.

That meant something, right?

That had to mean something.

But at the same time, I couldn't tell. He was always so nice. So nice to everyone. So sweet. All the neighbours used to praise him when we were younger. All the teachers too. He was the star child, golden boy. I could never measure up.

If I hadn't been so in love with him, I might have hated him instead. That was funny to think of, wasn't it?

I cleared my throat, interrupting my own trail of thoughts. "So. Dinner. What else do you want?"

this took a little while bc i'm suffering from severe writer's block (IT'S BEEN SO LONG) so it took me SOOOO long to finish a single chapter. but here it is!!!