DEAN MET US outside the apartment complex, hands in pockets, leaning against a fence. He hadn't changed much either, straightening as he noted us walking towards him.

Dean's features were much harsher than Orion's. His hair was cut short in a buzzcut, his eyes were cold and a darker shade of brown, and his chin was quite prominent. His skin was darker and more tanned, which also made sense: Dean was a keen basketball player. Back in Arrington, he'd always been on the basketball court.

His eyes glossed over me and Camille. "Look who we have here."

"Hello Dean," I said politely. Camille waved.

"Long time no see," she greeted. "How's life, Dean?"

"Pretty decent," he admitted. "I'm liking it here. Last year before graduation."

"This guy wants to get back to Hong Kong as soon as humanly possible," Orion muttered, shaking his head.

"Wait," Camille narrowed her eyes. "Why are you two here so early anyways? You already have everything settled, why are you here a whole week early?"

"I had to move into a new place," Dean explained. "Orion decided to accompany me. We got here about two days ago."

"Oh," Camille frowned. "Why did you need to move?"

"My old apartment was shit but I couldn't find a better one." Dean scratched his neck. "Orion can attest to how shitty that place was."

"I swear, everything in that place was broken," Orion laughed. "The fridge, the bathroom, the sinks, everything was fucking broken down half the time. It's a miracle you lasted two years there, Dean."

"Well, I spent half of my time with you, so fair enough. The diner around the street, right?"

Camille nodded. "It looked pretty good."

"It is," Dean agreed. "Come on, let's get there before it starts getting packed."

It was late August, so the sun didn't set in the UK until around nine o'clock. It still looked bright as day at six o'clock as we walked down the street, chatting about our majors, the two boys rating the various shops we passed by. Redchester was a fairly large city. It was no Oxford or Cambridge and its small, cosy university village. Instead the university was located in various buildings littered around the city centre. In dead centre was Dearwood Square, a fairly decent-sized mall. Still, compared to the malls I was used to in Hong Kong, it was rather pathetic in comparison.

Only the malls in London really compared to the ones in Hong Kong, I'd realised in my past four years in the UK.

Despite Dean's worries, the diner was still mostly empty when we got ourselves a seat. Camille and I sat on one side, the two boys on the other. Orion sat right opposite me, and I edged uncomfortable backwards in my seat.

"How was Arrington last when you were there?" Orion asked, crossing his arms. He'd changed out of his clothes and now wore a black shirt with beige shorts. Dean was dressed similarly in a blue shirt, though he had cargo pants instead.

"Intact," I replied with a little snort.

"Intact?" Orion looked amused. "That's your only comment?"

"There's not much else to say about it," Camille muttered, wrinkling her nose. "I think it's pretty much the same as how you left it."

"What, did no teachers leave? What about the new kids?"

"All the new girls were really sweet. The boys..." Camille trailed off, shooting a glare at me. "It's better if you ask Salome about the girls."

I gave Camille an incredulous glance. "Why me?"

"Frances Choi?"

My eyes shut. For fuck's sake, Camille. Frances. My ex. My first and only boyfriend, who I briefly dated the first year after Orion had graduated, mistakenly thinking that it could help me move on. It hadn't, and I'd broken up with Frances soon afterwards. But he'd disliked me for it ever since. I don't think we shared a single conversation after the break up.

"Who's that?" Dean asked with a laugh.

"Her ex boyfriend," Camille huffed. "One of the new boys who went after you guys graduated. I still don't know what you saw in him."

"He was nice," I protested. He was a good guy. And despite our strained relationship after the breakup, I didn't hold it against him. I didn't give him a proper reason for breaking up, but he had to have guessed it. Who he thought I liked, I had no idea. But he must have guessed something.

"You dated someone?" Orion sounded surprised. I raised my head to look at him. His brows were creased. "Did your parents know?"

My eyes narrowed. "Of course they did."

"And they were fine with it?"

"We were at school the whole time. We literally couldn't even have done anything," I protested. "Besides, they trust me."

"You were what, sixteen?"

"Dude," Dean laughed, "it's pretty fucking normal. I dated someone when I was fifteen."

Camille's eyes widened. "You did?"

"Yeah." Dean shook his head, as if dismissing the memory. "Not at Arrington, though. She was still studying in Hong Kong."

Camille looked pensive, but I didn't have time to focus on that. Orion still looked quite disapproving. "What was this kid like?"

"We broke up two years ago." I said the words slowly, drawn out. "I really don't think you need to care about that."

"Your parents asked me to—"

"Fuck off," I snarled. "I don't need you or anyone else to look after me."

There was silence at the table for a moment, all three of them staring at me. I let my eyes close and sucked in a deep breath. More people were heading into the restaurant now, and all the tables around us were filled. I reached over to grab the menu. "Right. Let's order some food, shall we?"

Camille and Dean grabbed menus as well, murmuring their agreements, but Orion continued observing me with narrowed eyes.

In a softer, nicer tone, I said pointedly to him, "I'm not twelve anymore, Orion."

"You're still a kid, Salome."

"I'm eighteen. That's not a kid anymore. I can do what I want. You're absolved of any responsibilities my or your parents may have thrust upon you. I don't need you hovering over me and disapproving of every decision I make like a fucking Asian parent. Save that for your future kid."

Maybe being hostile towards him wasn't the best decision I'd ever made either. But at the same time, I couldn't think of much else to do. Maybe that would push him away. Make him think I was a horrible person, rude and selfish, keep him away from me for the foreseeable future.

But he didn't look angry. Just disappointed. "The world is more complicated than you think. I know I'm only two years older than you, but those two years can mean a lot."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically, "I hadn't realised." The words meant something else to me, of course it did. Two years I could never get across. But to him...

"I'm not kidding." He looked so earnest I wanted to put him out of his misery. But I didn't, because that would thrust me into jeopardy and I'd promised myself I wouldn't do that again. He'd get over it in a few minutes or a few hours, forgetting this argument ever even happened.

Thirteen years and I hadn't gotten over my feelings.

I didn't reply to him, instead turning my attention to the menu in my hand. The diner had a fairly typical menu, and I ordered a beef burger with fries. Camille did the same.

We fell into a quiet conversation about getting around the campus and the best haunts and hangouts that the students of Redchester frequented.

"We can bring you two around this weekend," Dean admitted. "There's time. We know all the good spots."

"He knows all the good spots," Orion interjected. "I don't go out that often." It didn't seem like a lie. He didn't look like the sort of person who'd spend his weekends out at a bar or a pub.

I frowned. "I'll worry about that stuff later. Where's the nearest supermarket?"

"There's a Morrison's about two streets away," Orion replied. "And a Tesco next to that. Mark and Spencer's is around twenty minutes walk from the apartment."

"That's handy," I muttered. "Good for grabbing groceries."

He nodded, and we were all quiet as we continued eating our food. This had been what I was scared of, though in this case I supposed it was quite good. I had very few common topics with Orion Ip. There was school. Hong Kong. Our parents. And that was basically it. I knew little about his interests and he knew even less about mine. For all the time I'd spent pining and crushing over him, my knowledge of his actual likes and hobbies remained... minimal.

"That's not the important question," Camille huffed. "Where's the nearest Chinese supermarket?"

Dean shook his head. "Quite far away, actually. It's in the city centre. Thirty minute walk, maybe. Take the bus if you need to go."

"There's a Japanese supermarket there too," Orion added. "That one is even bigger. I usually get stuff there instead."

"So everything's in town then." Camille pulled a face. "That's slightly annoying to get to."

"Where's your dorm?" Orion asked, frowning. "It can't be that far away."

"Fifteen minutes walk away from here," Camille replied. "Roseford House."

"Ah, Roseford." Dean wrinkled his nose. "I have a friend who lives there. Not the nicest house."

"I'll probably move out next term," Camille explained. "Just need to find a place."

"You can move into our complex," Orion murmured. "I have a friend who's moving out with her boyfriend next term. I can link you up with her, maybe."

"In your complex?" Camille asked, tilting her head.

Orion nodded.

Dean blinked. "Who?"

Orion glanced at him. "Livia, bro. She's moving out with Amphion next term, remember?"

"Oh yeah, shit. I forgot about that. Why, though? They're both graduating soon."

"Both are doing Masters from what I've heard, so they're staying at Redchester. They're rich-rich anyways, not like they need a job soon. They can probably not work a day in their lives and be fine."

Camille was just as confused as I was. "Who is this?"

"Livia Wong, she's a friend of ours. Also from Hong Kong," Dean explained. "She lives on the floor above you."

"If you need to find an apartment, you might be able to rent hers once she moves out," Orion offered. "I'll ask her about it for you if you want."

"That would be greatly appreciated," Camille replied with a grin. "Thank you so much." She turned to me, giving me a slight nudge. "We could become neighbours."

I spluttered out a laugh. "You already promised to spend ninety percent of your time at my apartment, I doubt it makes much of a difference, Camille."

She narrowed her eyes. "You're mocking me, I'm sure of it."

I nudged my chin at the boys. "Do you guys think I'm mocking her?"

Dean seemed entertained, leaning backwards. "I'm not sure what I'm meant to answer."

I raised one brow at Orion, awaiting his answer.

"Do not look at me," he warned. "I have no interest in what will surely be used against me in the future."

Camille nodded appreciatively. "You're a smart one, Orion."

"I've known her for too long. I know how her mind works."

No you fucking don't. I wrinkled my nose. "You really don't, Orion, you really don't."

"I've known you since we were kids," he pulled a face, "I basically watched you grow up."

"You don't know a lot about me," I replied coolly. "Camille here, though, she knows how my mind works."

"That might be one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me," Camille announced with a gasp, her hand flying to her chest. "Love you, Salome."

"Love you too, Cami," I laughed.

Dean shook his head. "I don't understand female friendship sometimes."

"How so?" I asked, blinking.

"You're all so... affectionate around each other."

I pinched Camille's cheeks. "When you have a best friend this adorable, how could you not be affectionate around her?"

Dean's gaze lingered on Camille for a moment before he turned to Orion. "If I ever did that to you..."

"I'll cut your hands off," Orion glowered.

"See?" Dean asked with a dramatic, exaggerated sigh. "The difference between male and female friendship. Ginormous, I tell you."

"Too bad for you," I told him. But in a way, I supposed he had a point. The way I'd seen my male friends acting around each other and the way my female friends treated each other was drastically different. Societal norms. If boys acted the same way as Camille and I did, people would have made ten thousand jokes about it being gay or whatnot by now. Boys simply weren't allowed to show the same level of affection towards their friends, or feelings in general.

But on the other hand, the consequences of letting girls reveal more emotions was that it would be used against them. Too emotional, too irrational, too held back by her feelings. It was a double-edged knife. It simply held everyone back in the end.

—

"HI MAMA." It was September, so there was a seven-hour difference between Hong Kong and England. At eight in the morning, it was around three o'clock back in Hong Kong.

My mum leaned towards her phone from her end of the screen. "Have you managed to move in?"

"Yes, ma." I carefully turned my phone around, showing her the cleaned up living room. "Camille came and helped me out."

"Have you seen Tsun-kit yet?"

"Yes," I told her. "I had dinner with him, Camille and one of his classmates yesterday."

"Good. Good. If you have any problems, go to him, yes? He lived there longer than you, he knows the area better. And he is a boy. Dangerous, you know, living in England by yourself. Your dad and I worry. It's better with Tsun-kit around."

"Ma, I've already studied here for years. I'll be fine. I'll survive."

"University is not the same as your old college. Back then you lived in dorms, have teachers watch over you all the time. None of that here. Be careful, okay? Stay safe. Don't go out alone in the evening. You and Camille both, be careful."

"I will, I will. Don't you worry." It wasn't surprising to hear my mother's worries. It was the same things she told me daily when I was studying at boarding school. It got annoying sometimes, but over the years I'd learnt to start gradually blocking it out. She was just worried about me. She got very irritating sometimes, but there was no point telling her to stop talking about it. She would just get mad at me and continue it.

"Ai," my mum sighed. "No point saying all of this, is there? I remember when you and Tsun-kit were still little kids. Auntie Ip always used to help me watch over you when I was out working."

In a quieter voice, I said, "Yes. I remember that. Many years ago."

Both of my parents had to work, but Auntie Ip was a housewife. Thus, I'd spent many afternoons at the Ip's apartment rather than my own, doing work. Back then I'd looked forward to it, because it meant I could be around Orion, even if he ignored me most of the time I was there. But the few times he did talk to me, I could almost always feel my heart exploding.

We stopped doing that when I got a bit older, when I could take care of myself at home. No point bothering Auntie Ip anymore, and even I didn't feel like it was proper to continue heading to the Ip's every chance I got.

"And now you're both off to university." Ma was silent for a moment. "Astonishing. I am old now too."

I pulled a face. "Stop saying that. You're not that old."

"In a few years you will come back and start to work!"

"I'll earn more money so you and Papa can enjoy life, Ma."

"Keep your money for yourself." Mum huffed, shaking her head. "We have enough for both of us. Worry about yourself first before worrying about us."

"Right. Sure."

"I'm serious. You don't need to. You hear me?"

"I know," I sighed, "I know. I just want to feel useful, you know."

"But we don't need it."

"I know."

Silence descended upon us for a moment. I stood up from my sofa. "I have to go out soon, Ma. Camille and I are going out to town to get some groceries. I need to get sauces from the Chinese supermarket."

"Rice too!"

"I'm ordering rice from Amazon. Can't be bothered to bring five kilograms of it back from town. We have to take the bus, it'll be annoying."

"Okay, okay. Call me when you have free time. Or don't. Get familiar with Redchester, yeah? It's not Arrington. Different cities, many different things. Redchester is bigger than Arrington. But stay safe."

"Don't worry about it."

"I know, I know. You have fun with Camille. Meet new friends! New people! Okay, I'll stop bothering you. Bye bye, Yam-yuet. I'll tell your father you called."

With a small grin, I ended the call and tossed my phone aside.

I'd lied to my mum, of course. Camille and I weren't heading out for another two hours. We were meeting at ten, since most of the shops in town didn't open until then anyways. I'd already checked the night before. I didn't think Camille could get up that early anyways.

But I just wanted some peace and quiet. And if I was talking with my ma, the conversation would eventually turn back to Orion one way or another. It wouldn't surprise me if she asked me to knock on his door while she was on call just so that she could say hi.

No.

The Salome who pined and pined was over. Long gone. Dead, Taylor Swift style.

I was eighteen, grown up, and a whole new woman.

Or at least, I hoped I would be.

hehehe i just wrote a very intense scene for this novel and i'm very pleased with myself yes it's 1 o'clock god save me